AIBU or is Dsis?

[Gonewireless]

DF passed recently & his house is empty. I am doing all the probate/IHT paperwork as Dsis says she doesn’t ‘do forms’. Just before the schools were due back in Jan, I sent a text & asked if Ds (Yr11) and I could stay in his house 2 nights a week. I explained that Ds had a meltdown due to lockdown/GCSE uncertainty and particularly the 2 hr journey to school which means he hasn’t much time for HW and he’s exhausted (coped until recently). DF’s house is exactly half way and would half his journey. Hotels not an option as closed.. She didn’t respond. Asked again, still no response.

Ds would need internet for HW if we stayed and Dh said just put it in as takes time to arrange and schools would be back after Xmas. Then lockdown happened but the broadband had been ordered and went live last week. I put the box in and sent Dsis a text with the password so she can use it when she’s there, also for her mobile with wifi calling as no mobile signal. I said that obviously I was paying for the connection myself. She sent a text back and was really annoyed and said I had wasted my money and she doesn’t want Ds and I staying there.

Is she BU or am I?

She has always been highly unreasonable which is why I am treading so carefully here as I know what I'm going to face if I'm not careful.

Her Dh was behaving like a bully this week. Honestly, I had such a stressful work week, I thought I was going to crack with all the pressure from that and from him.

you dont have to ask her permission to do anything contact solicitor straight away

there probably is a will and shes trying to stop you finding it

also tell her dh its none of his business and you dont be discussing anything with him

Why is it that you’re doing all the work and running round, yet she acts like she’s the one in charge?

Hi Gonewireless, sorry to hear you've lost your dad and that your sister is a being a shameless twat.

I think as Executor it is very much down to you to make sure any possibility of a will is followed up on. I don't have much legal knowledge but I think there is potential that if your dad DID leave the house to charity and they find out the, the pain will be all yours and not your sister. Obviously, she will blame you as Executor.

One of my SILs is like your sister. Didn't have any time for my FIL until he died then she was around like a shot. Claimed there was no will so equal shares (even though he hadn't left a lot) I went around for the final clear out and was taking things like pictures down. Took his calendar off the back of his door and behind that was a plastic wallet with a copy of will in.! The other daughter's contacted the solicitor FIL had used and found a very different story. Seems FIL had been given at least two copies.

Good luck. Please check with local solicitors if only for your own peace of mind and to prove you did try all avenues.

Has all the correspondence been done via text or email? That is the sensible thing so you have a paper trail, but if it was my sister I was dealing with, and she wasn't responding to texts I would be lifting the phone and calling her as well

Good luck with your solicitor calls. I too think it sounds very suspicious. And it really goes to highlight the importance of 1. Having a will and 2. Telling people you have one and where it is.

If you find a solicitor with the will you can always lie.

'Guess what sis. X solicitors phoned me up yesterday. They had seen the death notice in the paper / heard from funeral directors / another client that DF had passed away and had thought it strange we hadn't been in contact as they hold a will for him.'

Dsis rarely answers her phone. There were loads of messages via WhatsApp. Unfortunately, I got a new phone over Xmas and thought that when I downloaded the app on my new phone, all of the old messages would have been automatically saved. The old phone hasn't got any of the old messages (not that I can find anyway). I'm not great with tech stuff so didn't think I'd need to save all the old messages.

I had a similar problem. Ring around all the local solicitors and find out if he has a will first. You should have done that first. Secondly give the paperwork to a solicitor to deal with. You dont have the time right now to do it, and it keeps everything neutral.

@Gonewireless

She doesn't want me to contact any local solicitors. She says he could have left everything to an animal charity. He did love animals.

That is a massive red flag. She doesn't want you to contact solicitors? Then it sounds very much as if she has something to fear, or knows something that you don't. And it's unlikely to be animals benefitting from any will that might exist.

The most unreasonable thing is that you've made DS do a 2 hour journey to school for so long. Of course he didn't tell you about it - he presumably thought he had no choice but to put up with it; but surely it's self evident that he would find it exhausting? Most adults would refuse to put up with this commute, but you thought it was fine for a teenager ...

OP sorry for your loss and that your sister is being twattish.
In WhatsApp you can arrange for automatic backup in the settings

Try this?

www.nationalwillregister.co.uk/

Resky you are absolutely right. I feel absolutely terrible about it. I kept asking him if everything was OK and he said it was fine and he quite liked the quiet time on the journey to play on his phone. I suggested other schools closer to home or going back to the old one as the bullies had probably moved on to someone else. It was really stupid of me to not consider that he wasn't being honest. When he had the meltdown, he said it was only in the last few months that things became hard but I expect he was trying to make feel better.

Is the national will register voluntary? If so, it shouldn't be.

I'd never heard of that so thanks for the link. I'll ring round tomorrow and if no joy, I'll pay to check the register.

I'm very sorry for you loss. Being executor for someone is the absolute last service you can do for someone. It's a great person service and it carries a significant legal responsibility to ensue their estate is distributed according to their wishes (if there is a valid will) or if not will, according to the laws of intestacy.

Your sister may not be making things easy for you. It is however really, really important that you get yourself properly informed of those responsibilities. This is not just between the two of you, it is a legal responsibility. If you get it wrong, you are personally responsible, not just to the value of the estate.

For example, if you just divided the estate between you and then a charity did pop up with a valid will claiming they were due to inherit, it would be up to you to ensure the estate was distributed according to the valid will and potentially cover their legal costs too.

I'm really sorry to open up such scary possibilities. I completely agree with other posters that of course you need to ring around solicitors. There are rules about what you need to do. It's not complicated, just admin but it really does need to be done properly. You don't need a lawyer unless it gets complication but you do need to be able to demonstrate that you have followed the rules not just tried to keep you sister on side.

A good resource to guide you

https://www.thegazette.co.uk/wills-and-probate/what-to-do-when-someone-dies-executor-duties

https://www.gov.uk/applying-for-probate

All the very best, it's a lovely thing to do for your beloved parent.

OP your sister sounds like she is making things deliberately difficult for you. Definitely ring round the local solicitors. If there is no will and you agree to oat market price for the house I can't see why she would want to stop this. Other than she is a cold hearted bitch. In that case ask one if the local solicitors if she can stop you as it sounds crazy that she could.

• pay market price

Reading your posts made me very uncomfortable for you - my family has been in a situation with a very obstructive member as well, and things were very high drama for a while.

You really need a solicitor to help you, even though you're trying to save money. I wouldn't trust your sister either, in all honesty - maybe there was a will, maybe she found it and "lost" it. I don't know why she doesn't want you at the house, but there'll be a reason behind it, and it won't be good for you.

I truly hope you can get a reasonably quick closure to this episode, and I'm sorry for your loss of your father

@katmarie

You don't need her permission to check with local solicitors for a will. As his next of kin, you have as much right to check as she has to say no. Likewise using the house, you don't need her permission, you own it just as much as she does. As for her DH harrassing you about getting it done, I would be firm with him that you will do what you can to a timescale that works for you. And to be frank it's none of his business anyway.

It seems like you're letting your sister call all of the shots on this, when you have just as much right and responsibility when it comes to your fathers estate as she does. She's shirking all the responsibility and trampling all over your rights. Why are you letting her do that?

All of the above.

You asked her about the broadband and staying there - she couldn't be arsed to respond.

You have every right to stay in the house - it's half yours (unless a will turns up that says different).

Just go stay there when you need to, and let her go crackers. - she's just being a cowbag.

Don't let her DH rush you - tell him he isn't happy with the timescale you are comfortable with, then he can do all the running about himself.

I wonder if they want to rush it through because they know something you don't, and are frightened that a copy of a Will will surface saying they don't get as much as 50% (maybe nothing). Even if your dad has left it all to the Cats' Home (unlikely), that's what should be done with it.

As well as phoning local solicitors, check which solicitor he used for any other business, like buying the house or if your DM had a will. Perhaps ask any friends he talked to often if they reccomended a solicitor at any point. We used a solicitor half way across the county when we bought a house, and would use them again for anything else, he's more likely to have used one he's familiar with.
Maybe check any address books he had too, in case he's written their number in.

@ThumbWitchesAbroad

Reading your posts made me very uncomfortable for you - my family has been in a situation with a very obstructive member as well, and things were very high drama for a while.

You really need a solicitor to help you, even though you're trying to save money. I wouldn't trust your sister either, in all honesty - maybe there was a will, maybe she found it and "lost" it. I don't know why she doesn't want you at the house, but there'll be a reason behind it, and it won't be good for you.

I truly hope you can get a reasonably quick closure to this episode, and I'm sorry for your loss of your father

Agree.

If your Dad had left a will, wouldn't he have left a copy with you or at least told you where it was when he forst did it?

If you wish to buy her out-can she prevent it?

I think there is a will and your sister has found it and doesn't like how your dad has decided to leave his estate.
We had something like this a relative found the will of a family member that had passed away, they hid the will and removed some items from the property. These items had been left to certain family members.
They insisted that solicitors weren't used as it would cost a lot of money. Relatives started to get suspicious about stuff so decided to contact the solicitor that the deceased family member had used for something else previously, turns out they had a copy of the will. It barely included the family member that hid the will. It was a huge mess.
Please seek advice before doing anything else OP.

I am so invested in this now. It would make my day to find out that you found a will and the house was left to you. Your sister sounds absolutely awful.