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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

"What? You?!" Sneery Teen

360 replies

PyongyangKipperbang · 23/01/2021 22:25

He is 15 and literally NOTHING existed in the world until he heard of it, which I am sure he is not alone in.

He is into musical theatre. Goes on and on about various musicals he has found and likes. Ok, no problem there except he does it in a very sneery way as if I coudlnt possibly know about these things but I generally let it go.

When I was younger I planned to go into acting and part of my unofficial training when I was waiting to go to drama school was being trained in theatre production. There is a really good theatre nearish to me and I did some am-dram and got a lot of training in sound for stage productions and I really loved it. I decided that I would rather do sound than acting. Then life happened and I didnt go to school and blah blah but I did still do sound for am dram for a few years.

Last night I get "You probably wont have heard of it but there is this great musical called Blood Brothers which has great songs" and I said "yeah I know, they are good". "Oh you've heard of it?" and it just put my back up. So I said "Of course. Its been around for years and is very well known. I did the sound on it when it was on at X theatre about 20 years ago"

That was when I got "What? You?!" in an incredulous disbelieving sneery way. "You dont seem to me to be someone who could do that" And I got really annoyed and did shout that yes believe it or not I do actually know things, that I did have a life that didnt involve being a mother and to not look down his fucking nose at me. Oh and by the way, no he doesnt fucking know it all. I then asked him a few technical questions "do you know how to....." which he didnt and I could say "Well I do, so...." and he bogged off upstairs!

AIBU to think that sometimes it is justified to give them a smack round the earhole, because I have had the most incredible urge to do just that ever since.

OP posts:
Namenic · 24/01/2021 07:13

maybe just tell him he’s being rude and stop mansplaining. say there’s lots of points you could give him to research about the theatre if he is interested.

ChristOnAPeloton · 24/01/2021 07:27

Haha! My teens are (slightly) less sneery than yours, but I do recall an amusing incident a couple of years ago where there sat me and DP down to watch this hilarious new show they’d found on Netflix- and then sat there in stunned silence as me and DP rapped along with the opening credits word for word.

It was the Fresh Prince of Bel-Air 😂😂😂

Namenic · 24/01/2021 07:27

With alphas - unless they are doing something that is harmful, I find non confrontation helpful. If you show you are annoyed then they try and make it aggressive/competition.

If you just shrug you shoulders and say ‘ok, whatever Mr know-it-all’, or ‘you sure aren’t going to endear yourself to many people with all that mansplaining’, they can’t really get aggressive, if they do, just say - calm down, stop getting so stressy.

Also - be confident in yourself - you have brought them up, your daughter and eldest son are independent. Well done you. So what if you don’t know a lot x y z - your worth is not in what you know/experienced.

I grew up with several teenage brothers.

DipSwimSwoosh · 24/01/2021 07:32

Sounds perfectly reasonable to me.

PhilCornwall1 · 24/01/2021 07:38

It was the Fresh Prince of Bel-Air 😂😂😂

Oh god, now that's going to be in my ears all day!! 😄

Pundemmic · 24/01/2021 07:45

I think that teenagers have a huge need to be respected and to feel confident about stating their views. My teen who a month ago used to laugh at the idea of reading the news, was talking in earnest about the events on Capitol Hill and was also a little sneezy. I was really pleased that he’s really taking an interest in the news, so listened with real spect and an adult discussion was had. Even if you do know more on every subject, you don’t have to say that you know everything. He feels comfortable in this niche, it’s “his” thing, let him enjoy it. I am sure that in almost every other regard he feels powerless.

MyOtherProfile · 24/01/2021 07:47

In your shoes I'd try to de-escalate this by trying to have a companionable chat about this shared interest. It could be something that helps your relationship with him if you come alongside as an adult and show him stuff you've been involved with in a non competetive way.

I don't know why people reacted so much to him calling her a fucking bitch - that would go down very badly in our house but none of us use that language. Op has already said they're a sweaty family so aren't offended by the same words.

DonLewis · 24/01/2021 07:48

Oh, I know this.

Also have an almost 16yo ds. I am starting a PhD. What? You? Was exactly how it went. And then he went on to say, well, it's not a real subject is it? Ooooof. I lost my temper. I rarely do, but I did.

Remember when they were toddlers? They thought you knew everything and then, bam, one day, like a switch has flipped, you apparently know nothing

Normally it amuses me, but it didn't this time. It's annoying because he's such a lovely good kid but then occasionally the superiority just slaps you round the face like a wet fish.

FellowFlipFlop · 24/01/2021 07:48

You should just start singing one of the songs but get it wrong. He sounds insufferable

MissJeanLouise · 24/01/2021 07:49

It was especially fun when oldest DS was around 16 and became an overnight expert in how to parent his younger siblings. He spent several years not so patiently explaining everything we were doing ‘wrong’ and exactly how we should punish them for not behaving and thinking exactly as he would. Fortunately he has grown out of telling us now you can just see him thinking it 😆

Sethy38 · 24/01/2021 07:57

Utterly infuriating!!

However if you ride out this patch, you’ll both laugh about in a year or so!

Wilkolampshade · 24/01/2021 08:00

Morning OP, yes, he sounds exhausting. One of mine in particular was the same. It was a grim phase and they did need setting straight on a few things. Hope today goes better. Flowers

billybagpuss · 24/01/2021 08:03

Slightly in a different vein, I came home and found dd and her friend listening to my vinyl, they’d put a Kim Wilde single on a 33 setting. In their defence they had googled and worked out a 12” should go on 33 but then estimated the size of the single in cms. The look on their faces when I switched it to 45.

Flatcokeisnojoke · 24/01/2021 08:05

I would have laughed it off

Getting angry with someone does not make them respect you anyway

I have 2 teenage boys, the 15 yr old knows everything and often despairs at my cultural and political views (you’re such a centrist! As if that is a disgusting thing to be Grin)

The other day he told me how much he enjoyed Legally Blonde (he’s into drama and music) and I said I had tried to get him to watch that with me for years. He then remembered and was like “but it’s actually good”, I just said “I know”

I say “I know” quite a lot to him

I cut him a lot of slack though, it’s a shit time to be 15, he sees no friends due to Covid, can’t do his drama stuff, and the only people he can bounce off of are his boring parents and his brother

Maybe watch some MT stuff together?

DS introduced me to Bo Burnham and it was fun watching his shows together on Netflix

He also shows me other youtubers he likes, and I humour him and let him educate me on youth culture . Some of it is very funny

But yeah he still rolls his eyes at me a lot!

MiddleParking · 24/01/2021 08:07

I don’t know why some people are so convinced that he’ll grow out of it by himself if OP doesn’t come down hard on it. So very many men speak like this to women into adulthood. I’m sure most of us have worked with or dated them.

BoyTree · 24/01/2021 08:09

It's natural - if they were still as affordable as they were when they were tiny, you'd never want them to move out. As they get older, they gradually get more and more insufferable so that you can turf them out with a smile once they're old enough!

icelollycraving · 24/01/2021 08:10

A simple ‘calm down Andrew Lloyd Webber’ may suffice next time.

BoyTree · 24/01/2021 08:10

*adorable, although affordability also plays a part!

TripleHHH · 24/01/2021 08:14

This thread has reminded me how much of an arsehole I was when I was a teen. God, I thought I knew it all and my parents were so clueless. Cringe 😂

AStudyinPink · 24/01/2021 08:14

You sound a bit scared of him. Lots of posts minimising that. Is he ever physical?

Nowstrong · 24/01/2021 08:17

One of my Granddaughters does this, she's 10 (but thinks she's 16). Can't even imagine that I actually had a very good career too. I keep forgetting that I was born old.....

itsgettingweird · 24/01/2021 08:22

I've said "believe it or not I was 15/15/16 once" more times than I care to remember the past 2 years Grin

Ds is finally coming to terms with the fact I may in fact know something about being a teen and exams and study etc etc.

And certainly if he ever made out I couldn't possibly know something and insinuated I was useless I'd respond just how you did.

Mummyoflittledragon · 24/01/2021 08:23

My dd is 12. It’s definitely starting. She hates when I sing along to songs, especially when she’s just discovered them, wide eyed and how do I know that one. Oh because it was released, y’know before I was born....

LakieLady · 24/01/2021 08:26

Teenagers are so full of it. My DSS once tried to tell me and his dad that Tony Blair was the first ever Labour PM.

We were both around during the Wilson/Callaghan governments, and DSS had never heard of them, or Clement Attlee or Ramsay Macdonald. And he was doing GCSE history at the time.

As if a Tory PM would ever have set up the NHS ...

itsgettingweird · 24/01/2021 08:29

Fresh Prince of Bel Air reminds me of a conversation with my DN (8 at the time) one day.

He sang the whole theme tune (brilliantly!)

After he finished I complemented him and said "I love Fresh Prince"

He looked surprised and asked if I knew it and so I told him it was first on TV when I was about his age.

His response "I didn't realise it was that old"

I was 39 🤣🤣