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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

"What? You?!" Sneery Teen

360 replies

PyongyangKipperbang · 23/01/2021 22:25

He is 15 and literally NOTHING existed in the world until he heard of it, which I am sure he is not alone in.

He is into musical theatre. Goes on and on about various musicals he has found and likes. Ok, no problem there except he does it in a very sneery way as if I coudlnt possibly know about these things but I generally let it go.

When I was younger I planned to go into acting and part of my unofficial training when I was waiting to go to drama school was being trained in theatre production. There is a really good theatre nearish to me and I did some am-dram and got a lot of training in sound for stage productions and I really loved it. I decided that I would rather do sound than acting. Then life happened and I didnt go to school and blah blah but I did still do sound for am dram for a few years.

Last night I get "You probably wont have heard of it but there is this great musical called Blood Brothers which has great songs" and I said "yeah I know, they are good". "Oh you've heard of it?" and it just put my back up. So I said "Of course. Its been around for years and is very well known. I did the sound on it when it was on at X theatre about 20 years ago"

That was when I got "What? You?!" in an incredulous disbelieving sneery way. "You dont seem to me to be someone who could do that" And I got really annoyed and did shout that yes believe it or not I do actually know things, that I did have a life that didnt involve being a mother and to not look down his fucking nose at me. Oh and by the way, no he doesnt fucking know it all. I then asked him a few technical questions "do you know how to....." which he didnt and I could say "Well I do, so...." and he bogged off upstairs!

AIBU to think that sometimes it is justified to give them a smack round the earhole, because I have had the most incredible urge to do just that ever since.

OP posts:
PyongyangKipperbang · 24/01/2021 03:02

@BitOfFun

Pyon, I think you're right about the alpha male thing, btw- a close friend of mine had exactly the same issue. Fortunately, he grew out of it in a year or two, but she had to enlist his father's help. Is hs dad on the scene at all- could you talk to him?
He see's his father a lot but his father is Disney Dad. DS listens to Grandad who will cheerfully tell all the kids, in front of me, that mum doesnt know what she is talking about. I call ex FIL out and he ignores me.
OP posts:
PyongyangKipperbang · 24/01/2021 03:03

@Tippexy

Did you actually word it like that? And use that language? If so then it’s probably no surprise why he talks to you like that, or where he’s learned it from.
Yes I did, especially when someone calls me a fucking bitch, as he did.
OP posts:
BitOfFun · 24/01/2021 03:05

Any other adult males around who he respects? Older brother?

PyongyangKipperbang · 24/01/2021 03:05

@Monty27

I don't think you handled that well OP. You are after all the adult. It's not a competition.
Please expand on that.

He has made it a competition by trying to squash me flat, am I so U by not allowing me, the person who houses, clothes, feeds etc him to be treated so disrespectfully?

OP posts:
PyongyangKipperbang · 24/01/2021 03:06

And FYI we are sweary family. So the "usual" swear words are not offensive to us. If they are to you, then thats your issue.

OP posts:
PyongyangKipperbang · 24/01/2021 03:08

@BitOfFun

Any other adult males around who he respects? Older brother?
He does have his older brother but DS1 is everyones mate and wouldnt want to get involved in this. I wouldnt want him to. If I told eldest DS what had happened he would have a go at DS2 and things would improve for a couple of weeks but their relationship would suffer for a long time, so I dont want to do that.

Its not DS1's problem to deal with.

OP posts:
user1473878824 · 24/01/2021 03:08

Oh my god I knew EVERYTHING when I was his age. It’s disgusting how much I must have forgotten in the years since...

Absolutely nothing wrong with taking teenagers down a peg or two, but also don’t forget he’ll know everything about something else two minutes later.

Please ignore the people having a go, it’s ridiculous, he’s 15, not five. You’re not doing him a disservice. He’s being shitty because you’re his mum so he can. You’re allowed to talk back!

PyongyangKipperbang · 24/01/2021 03:09

So.....I can't just give him a thick ear?

Bugger

OP posts:
BitOfFun · 24/01/2021 03:09

Oh, and YANBU, if you are still wondering! I'm not sure if the swear jar posters have been through anything similar.

chocolateypeanuty · 24/01/2021 03:29

Yanbu op. Calling you a fucking bitch is not on and you had every right to put him in his place. I'd have told him go outside for a walk and not come back until he had an apology and a change of attitude.

GreenSlide · 24/01/2021 03:35

I am going to keep a rolled up magazine solely for the purpose of whacking DS with it if he ever dares talk down to me. You did just right OP. Zero tolerance of that shit from the start so that it doesn't escalate.

TomBradysLeftKneecap · 24/01/2021 03:39

So he really loves musical theatre and you really love musical theatre and it’s taken until he’s 15 and an over egged argument for you both to establish that fact?!!

Monty27 · 24/01/2021 03:44

OP I didn't mention sweary.
I thought you could have given a more gentle lesson about bragging.
It's not a good trait.

PyongyangKipperbang · 24/01/2021 03:45

@TomBradysLeftKneecap

So he really loves musical theatre and you really love musical theatre and it’s taken until he’s 15 and an over egged argument for you both to establish that fact?!!
No. As I said above, I am not a fan of MT I just love the technical side, the music I can take or leave (preferably, leave).
OP posts:
BitOfFun · 24/01/2021 03:48

Tell him you won't stand for it one day more? Wink

PhilCornwall1 · 24/01/2021 03:56

The phrase "get yourself a teenager while they still know everything" has been said a few times in our house.

I bet our parents thought the same too.

LunaNorth · 24/01/2021 04:03

My eldest is still a bit like it and he’s 22.

CalishataFolkart · 24/01/2021 04:08

In the time he’s been into MT have you told him that you were involved in theatre? Sorry if I’ve misinterpreted it but from his (shitty) reaction it sounds like it’s the first he’s heard about it. His attitude was appalling but you can’t blame him for being surprised if he had no idea. If he did know then when he “told” you about Blood Brothers it would have been totally reasonable for you to say, “Yes, of course I’ve heard of it. Not only has it been around for ages but as you’re well aware I’ve worked on sound in theatre in the past.”

I’m not excusing the sneering at all and it’s clearly not an isolated incident. Just on this one occasion it sounds like he didn’t have all the facts before he made the judgement.

LizFlowers · 24/01/2021 04:16

Merely the arrogance of youth. He'll outgrow it.

It's fairly unusual for boys to be interested in musical theatre, btw. Music yes, drama yes, opera maybe, but not dancing around wildly and singing in improbable situations. Your son has a niche interest.

GlendaSugarbeanIsJudgingYou · 24/01/2021 04:22

@BitOfFun

Tell him you won't stand for it one day more? Wink
I hate you.

Take your earworm back evil doer.

mathanxiety · 24/01/2021 04:29

YANBU.

How much does this insufferable young man do around the house?

My advice to you is to never, ever let him see you doing anything that remotely smacks of drudgery. Teach him to do anything you currently do for him that makes his life run smoothly.

user1473878824 · 24/01/2021 04:32

@PhilCornwall1

The phrase "get yourself a teenager while they still know everything" has been said a few times in our house.

I bet our parents thought the same too.

Don’t be ridiculous, what did they know?
PhilCornwall1 · 24/01/2021 04:36

Don’t be ridiculous, what did they know?

😀

Graphista · 24/01/2021 04:40

Well there's a bumper sticker/quote isn't there?

"Grab a teenager while they know everything"

My Dd is generally a lovely lass, but she is now in her first year of post school study and studying subjects:areas I am very knowledgeable and even qualified in (which she knows!) and is still trying to tel me black is white on occasion!

I'm just backing away from the conversation at times and saying "ok we'll leave it there for now..." then when she's calmed down she's apologetic.

On at least one occasion she "vented" to her bff from school who knows me very well (they were very close at school and her family only lived a few streets from us so the girls basically lived at one house or the other) who apparently promptly set her straight and told her to get over herself! Grin

It is quite amusing when she starts sentences "but you don't understand..." when she's discussing a piece of research I'm especially familiar with and she's just started reading! Grin

I remember reading one thread here ages ago where the ops son starting at uni did something similar in reference to a chapter in a textbook...that she'd written!

On music my dd is out of her time anyway, she's always preferred 80's and even some 70'e music to more modern stuff, I listen to a greater amount of modern music than she does. She is also a bit of a Luddite and would rather use a notepad and pen than a phone or tablet, I'm quite good on modern tech and she messages me "how do I do x on the phone?"

She uses a wall calendar, paper diary and wears an analogue watch, there's a running joke along her friends she's actually a time traveller from Victorian times!

I remember having a shocking sort of epiphany about older generations myself as a teen when I finally tumbled that not only mum (with me) but also both grans were pregnant when they got married. I well remember my mums mum (after recommending and watching with me a film with some rather raunchy scenes in!) saying to me laughing "younger generations always think they invented sex, desire...how do you think previous generations had all the babies they did?!" She was fab!

She also "outed" my mum for lying to me about her supposed angelic teen years when she overheard a conversation between us..."who are you trying to kid? I couldn't keep you in the house at night from you were 14! You coming home from a night out was dad and i's morning alarm!" Grin

I remember doing it to my dad when he tried patiently to explain to me that some of the amazing music I was listening to were cover versions of songs from his youth

Ohh yes, I had a few incidents like that! I remember singing along to various 80's hits and parents joining in singing next likes and me being like "how do you know the lyrics? It's just been released!" And them laughing and saying "aye right that's an auld song" and in one case they'd been at the first live performance of said song! I knew nothing!

Yanbu op, sometimes they need stark reminders that you are human and not "just mum"

tolerable · 24/01/2021 04:59

are you HIS mother?is it his fault you havent told him,both my kids are so talkative and enquiring theyve asked what life was like,personally...and when jesus was alive,during war-etc...calm the funk down. dont make him suffer or wear him like a weight...he cant be expected just to "know"