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Original poster

Update on a caring for friends children.

149 replies

Updatemate · 22/01/2021 18:15

A while a go I posted about a friend of mine who was terminally ill and she had 2 young children, had lost her husband early last year very suddenly and it was questionable who would care for the children.

I wanted to update anyone who remembers. The thread was removed because a family member contacted me and asked it was.

Well sadly, she died just before Christmas and the children have remained with us for the time being. SS are involved by feel the children are best with us until something more formal can be arranged. The maternal grandparents are living in bfs house temporarily and visit us (the children) frequently (I'm not sure it is strictly 'allowed' under covid but SS feel it is beneficial). SS have ruled out the sister in Australia - based on her husbands lack of engagement with them. They have advised that if he were to be willing to engage or sister was to leave him they would reconsider, though there is a timeframe. But basically he doesn't want to take them on. We've zoomed with them and to be honest I'm relieved, he isn't very nice and I would worry about them all the way over there.

DH and I haven't decided if we are able to parent the children going forward, they are lovely and have slotted in to our family life really well but it is such a huge commitment with such wide reaching ramifications if we make the wrong decision. But they do feel very much 'ours'.

So not much of an update I'm afraid - but thank you to everyone who took time to respond to my original post, I really appreciated the advice.

OP posts:
FelicityPike · 22/01/2021 18:17

I remember.
Glad to hear all is well currently.
Thoughts are with you all over the loss of your friend.

RandomMess · 22/01/2021 18:18

I remember your thread.

Very sad that you have lost your bf and the children their Mum 😢

There is no rush to make a permanent position and at least with their DGP nearby you consider whether they would be able to provide respite care for them regularly or be their full time carers which should help rule things in or out.

Thanks
Chamomileteaplease · 22/01/2021 18:20

Goodness, what a huge situation for you all. I applaud your ability to take things slowly and to see how it can all pan out.

I wish you all the best Flowers.

Hankunamatata · 22/01/2021 18:23

Your brilliant op. Sounds like you have given the kids a lovely home at the time when they need it most.

Squashpocket · 22/01/2021 18:25

You're doing a wonderful thing OP Thanks

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 22/01/2021 18:27

I remember op- such a hard predicament: sounds like you have been an amazing friend and no matter what your final decision remember that! X

SummerHouse · 22/01/2021 18:28

Whatever happens you should be very proud of yourself and your family. What more could any parent wish for their children in their absence than someone to take them without question or condition and speak of them as "lovely". I am not religious but thank God for you.

Lockheart · 22/01/2021 18:29

I remember your other thread and you are doing a wonderful thing, but given that a family member asked for the previous thread to be removed do you not think it would be respectful to get this one taken down?

Original poster
Updatemate · 22/01/2021 18:32

@Lockheart

I remember your other thread and you are doing a wonderful thing, but given that a family member asked for the previous thread to be removed do you not think it would be respectful to get this one taken down?
I've already spoken with the family member, they are aware of this thread.
OP posts:
LouiseTrees · 22/01/2021 18:34

I remember the thread. Thanks for the update OP. You’re a hero.

triceratops12 · 22/01/2021 18:35

I remember your thread, I'm sorry for the loss of your friend and I admire your willingness with the children. Thank you for the update x

AlexaShutUp · 22/01/2021 18:36

You are a very good friend, OP. It must have given your friend great comfort to know that you were there for her kids. Whatever you decide is best going forward, at least you have been able to give them love and stability at this very difficult time.

HamAndButterSandwich · 22/01/2021 18:38

Oh my god OP those poor kids. Thank god you stepped up and they're with you. It's such a huge thing for you to have done especially at the moment and I'm sure being with you (even if you decide it's not forever) has made a massive difference in this horrible time for them.

BabbleBee · 22/01/2021 18:38

I remember the thread too.

Whatever happens long term, you’ve given those children stability in crisis which is amazing. I have a feeling the right solution will find you Flowers

Piffle11 · 22/01/2021 18:39

What a lovely thing you’re doing for your friend and her children.

Lindy2 · 22/01/2021 18:40

I'm so glad they have you.

YouBringLightInToADarkPlace · 22/01/2021 18:42

I'm sorry I don't remember your first post but how wonderful of you to have the children.
How old are they? And do you have any yourself?
What a hard situation for all of you.

Original poster
Updatemate · 22/01/2021 18:45

@YouBringLightInToADarkPlace

I'm sorry I don't remember your first post but how wonderful of you to have the children. How old are they? And do you have any yourself? What a hard situation for all of you.
They are (just) 5 and almost 3 and we have our own (just) 5 and nearly 2.
OP posts:
indecisivewoman81 · 22/01/2021 18:54

I'm sorry that you lost your best friend and the children lost their mother. What a tragic situation.

It sounds like you and your husband are lovely and I hope you decide in your hearts to keep them both. Families come in all shapes and sizes and it sounds like you are both doing brilliantly

YouBringLightInToADarkPlace · 22/01/2021 18:55

Oh my goodness, those are hard ages to have four of... I have two under 3's and it's nigh on impossible. hats off to you!
Can you access any financial support? Incredible if you could keep them with you but completely understandable if you didn't feel you could.

bloodywhitecat · 22/01/2021 18:57

I take my hat off to you, I am a foster parent and I know how hard it can be to step up to the plate in this situation. You have made a huge difference to the children's lives no matter what you decide to do in the long run.

ohfourfoxache · 22/01/2021 19:01

I’m so sorry to hear that your lovely friend has passed

You’re doing an amazing thing

Wishing you all peace x

Cagedbirdsinging · 22/01/2021 19:07

Heartfelt condolences , OP Flowers
It sounds like there is a huge amount of love in your house .

Changeismyname · 22/01/2021 19:07

I remember your thread. It reminded me of a family I knew with three children who took in their three nephews in similar circumstances (although the children were much older). I have always thought that it was an amazing thing that they did, and I think the same of what you are doing. Whatever you decide to do long term, you have given those children a family when they needed it most, and not doubt have had to deal with their grief and questions when you are also processing the deaths of your friends.

Weirdfan · 22/01/2021 19:17

So sorry for yours and the children's loss, heartbreaking for all of you Flowers It sounds like the children are in the best place at least for now and I hope you can find the right way forward for you all. I won't voice my hopes as it's no one else's place to comment but I'm glad the children have such wonderful people around them who are taking such care to do the right thing for them. You clearly have a lot of love in your heart OP, you'll find the right way I'm sure xx

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