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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

About friends buying goods during covid?

918 replies

MozzchopsThirty · 22/01/2021 15:40

I've had covid for over a week now, been in with 3 dcs, 2 of whom have also tested positive

A few friends have said 'if you need anything just let me know' and I've asked for a few bits.

My friend bought me £6 worth of stuff and said 'the receipt is in the bag can you put it in my account'
My other friend called over last night and I asked if she could bring some crisps & popcorn and she also said it was about £4 the receipt is in the bag

I'm just wondering AIBU to think that dropping £4-£6 worth of shopping off I wouldn't ask for that back off a friend (and I'm not well off, single parent nhs worker)
If it was a £20 shop upwards that would be different

Maybe I'm wrong, AIBU?

OP posts:
luxxlisbon · 22/01/2021 17:01

I personally wouldn't ask for the money but someone isn't wrong to do so. It's pretty unreasonable for you to actually be annoyed at someone wanting you to pay for your shopping when they have gone to the hassle of going out to buy it and dropping it over.

raspberrysundaes · 22/01/2021 17:02

@ItCouldBeBunnies

If a friend of mine was home sick with covid or anything else then I'd gladly drop off anything to make them feel better, including popcorn. I wouldn't ask for or expect the money back. They might offer and I'd refuse. If it was a full shop then yes but not a few quid. Maybe your friends really can't spare £4, it's just not what I would do.
But if they end up doing it for multiple people, that £4 here and there will soon add up.

If I wanted to give someone a gift, I would, but if someone asked me to pick up some food for them, I would 100% expect to be paid back!

AramintaLee · 22/01/2021 17:02

Yeah OP, I agree you are being unreasonable. If it was just one person bringing you something and it was a one off and only £4 then yeah I can see they might br like "this one is on me"... but if you have multiple people bringing you things, that adds up. If they all let you have it at no cost, that really adds up. It's not like right now you can be like "I'll get you a coffee when we next go out" because that could be ages from now. I think you're being a tad precious.

I hope you get well soon though Smile

Iknowwhatudidlastsummer · 22/01/2021 17:03

@MozzchopsThirty

Where did I say my shopping should be free??? Or I'm entitled to a free shop???? Or I haven't taken my friends financial situation into account????

Dear god for a bunch on women to call another woman a 'cheeky fucker' several times on a hardly terrible thread, that says a lot about you!!!

I have paid, I didn't expect anything for free, but I wouldn't have asked if things were the other way round
That was the point of the thread, would you ask for £4????

I guess most of you would, and I wouldn't
But there is no need to keep repeating cheeky fucker, which I am not.

MozzchopsThirty

I have paid, I didn't expect anything for free
clearly you did, or you wouldn't have started this thread.

Did you friend add some items to her shopping, or did they had to go specifically to buy your crips and popcorn?

I think most people I know might have just give you the pack of popcorn UNLESS the person is a well known CF. You might want to go back and think HOW you asked, and if your friends offered to help, not be a free snack delivery service, which you really could have done without for another day or so.

SunshineCake · 22/01/2021 17:05

YABU

Don't ask for stuff if you can't afford to pay for it or don't want to pay.

I bought some shopping for a neighbour. Was about £13. I didn't care whether she paid me back or not as I can afford to cover it and with certain things going on it isn't top of my priority list. Having said that, when a different neighbour bought my shopping I was quick to pay her back and rounded up.

PolytheneHam · 22/01/2021 17:07

Of course you should pay. When we had covid I gave friends extra for fuel and effort. They didn't ask for anything, but I wouldn't dream of letting someone else pay for my shopping. I too am a low-paid NHS worker.

Daphnise · 22/01/2021 17:07

Do you normally expect others to pay for things you buy?

It would put me off getting anything for you- do you tell them at the point of request that you won't be paying?

I think not!

captainprincess · 22/01/2021 17:09

I think this is probably the most ridiculous post I have ever read on here, and there have been a lot of them!
So you don't you think you should pay for your own shopping, why am earth not? Where does it end, you get 5 people to bring you shopping an before you know it you've got £30 worth of free food!
Is that your plan?
It's not like they have brought you a gift, you specifically asked for what you wanted and they brought it.
I assume you are the kind of person who orders a large amount in a restaurant and makes everyone spit the bill, so they are subsiding your meal.....

SpongeBobJudgeyPants · 22/01/2021 17:10

@MarkRuffaloCrumble

Your friends (and everyone on here!) are tight AF.

I’d never expect someone to pay me back for £4-6 of groceries, no matter how inessential they are deemed. I’ve bought stuff for friends just because I was popping to the shop during the first lockdown, when food supply was less reliable, and they’ve done the same for me. None of us asked for the money back. We all offered it of course, but the kind thing to do is reciprocate when you get the chance.

If you’re not the type to offer, or they don’t think you’d offer, maybe that’s why they didn’t? Or they’re like these lot and think it’s worth pissing off a poorly friend for a fiver!

Do you not actually read threads? Do you know the financial circumstances of everyone on this thread? No, thought not. Hmm
BadedasBubbles · 22/01/2021 17:10

YANBU Mozzchops. Goodness me. Isn’t friendship all about helping, sharing and returning favours. I realise times are hard but whatever next. Invoicing guests for tea and biscuits and charging them to use your wifi?

JoggingNovice · 22/01/2021 17:11

I don't think it is even a question of how much it was or who can afford what.
I've found that, although somewhat counter-intuitive, the polite thing to do as the buyer is to ask for the money (albeit just by putting the receipt in the bag, rather than out loud).
That way there's no awkwardness next time.
When I've been a receiver and the bringer has refused to accept payment then I've felt really bad asking them to get me any bits again.
And the receiver doesn't then feel they can only ask for cheap stuff instead of the expensive chocolate covered biscuits they really fancy.

But I must admit before me and my mates discovered this, it did feel really odd asking them to pay back e.g. 30p for a bag of carrots

Helloyouthere · 22/01/2021 17:11

They did you a favour. You should expect to pay them back.

Theyve taken there time, walked or driven to your house. You should pay them for the items.

Hope your not feeling too rough with covid Flowers

Sh05 · 22/01/2021 17:12

The pounds soon add up and if your friends have been doing similar for other friends/ family then maybe that's why they made it clear to you that they expected to be paid.
I probably wouldn't ask if it was a few quid as a one off but if I found myself doing similar for a few people then Id just leave the receipt in the bag and tell them to forward the money to me.
That being said I picked up some veg for my best friend a few weeks ago because she said they'd not had any in when she went shopping, it was just over 50p and I obviously didn't expect to be paid. She still sent her DD to post the money through my letter box!

Letseatgrandma · 22/01/2021 17:13

You’ve asked people to get you things. They have very kindly been to the shop for you to get you the things and then left the receipt in the bag to let you know how much it was.

I cannot imagine why anyone could make an AIBU out of this!?

MsTSwift · 22/01/2021 17:15

Tricky - my friend and her family have Covid so have been getting them some groceries I wasn’t going to ask for payment but they insisted. I felt abit tight somehow sending them my payment details (money not an issue for either of us)

Anjo2011 · 22/01/2021 17:18

Of course you should pay. Otherwise next time you won’t have any offers of help.

luxxlisbon · 22/01/2021 17:19

How it it tight for the friend to expect to be repaid but it isn't tight to not even offer to pay when you have specifically asked someone to go to the shop and buy you food?

iailwfsaidc · 22/01/2021 17:21

WTF?
YABVVVU
I see what point you are making - that you wouldn't ask for the 4-6 quid back and would just say "Oh, it doesn't matter, buy me a drink the next time we're out" or whatever. It's not a lot of money between friends etcetc.
BUT in case you haven't noticed a lot of people's finances are in dire straits because of job losses, furlough (not getting full pay) or self-employment and having FUCK ALL money.
You may not have a load of money either but as an NHS worker you've probably got one of the more secure jobs at the moment and are not in imminent danger of being laid off.

I'm the sort of person who would normally say to a friend in the circumstances you are describing "Doesn't matter. Have the popcorn and crisps on me" but at the moment I simply couldn't afford to spend 6 quid on goodies for you because I can't fucking afford my own fucking food.

Wake up and see what is going around you.

Also, have you regularly expected stuff from your friends and not paid your share because that could be another factor at play here?

Vargas · 22/01/2021 17:21

I wouldn't have asked for the money for anything under a tenner, but I don't think they are wrong to do so. If they didn't accept it then I would make a mental note and try to do something for them next time, buy a coffee/drink, drop off a bottle of wine etc...

Thingybobbyboo · 22/01/2021 17:21

I would get a friend £4-6 worth of shopping (whether essentials or treats) and wouldn’t expect them to hand over the cash. Especially if they were ill and looking after unwell children.

Financially little things tend to balance in my friendships, like drinks coffees etc. I think there are social contexts where expecting the £4 is not normal. YANB totally U. Or not as U as PPs suggest!

Emmylou292 · 22/01/2021 17:22

I would never dream of expecting them to fund the shopping bill, however small the amount.
I think it's odd that you expected them to buy it for you.
It's kind of them to deliver it.

MagnoliaBeige · 22/01/2021 17:23

You keep saying you don’t expect anything for free but as you seem surprised your friends asked to be reimbursed, you can’t blame people for thinking you did have that expectation.

FWIW, I wouldn’t have asked you to pay me back, I’d consider it a treat for a poorly friend. But I wouldn’t raise an eyebrow if my friend expected to be paid back for stuff I’d asked them to get for me.

ZippedyDooDa · 22/01/2021 17:24

YABVVVU. Of course you should repay your friends the amount that the food cost. Why on earth wouldn't you?

Lorieandrews · 22/01/2021 17:24

Ha. If it was me and they told me it was £4. I’d give them £10. For their time and whatnot. But I’m weird like that

YABU. Without a doubt

HamAndButterSandwich · 22/01/2021 17:26

The reason you're getting hard time OP is that you sound a little ungrateful. They've gone out of their way to do you a favour and your spending time thinking about the fact they asked to be repayed.

Personally I would never ask my friend to pick something like crisps or popcorn up since it's so unnecessary. I'd only ask for essentials if I really had to. (You can buy crisps off amazon anyway).

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