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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

About friends buying goods during covid?

918 replies

MozzchopsThirty · 22/01/2021 15:40

I've had covid for over a week now, been in with 3 dcs, 2 of whom have also tested positive

A few friends have said 'if you need anything just let me know' and I've asked for a few bits.

My friend bought me £6 worth of stuff and said 'the receipt is in the bag can you put it in my account'
My other friend called over last night and I asked if she could bring some crisps & popcorn and she also said it was about £4 the receipt is in the bag

I'm just wondering AIBU to think that dropping £4-£6 worth of shopping off I wouldn't ask for that back off a friend (and I'm not well off, single parent nhs worker)
If it was a £20 shop upwards that would be different

Maybe I'm wrong, AIBU?

OP posts:
khg1 · 22/01/2021 16:25

I'd have insisted on paying. I'd feel grateful that a friend had run an errand for me and feel it was the least I could do, otherwise I'd be embarrassed to ask again. Not because £4 is a large sum of money to me or my friends, but due to the principle.

NoWordForFluffy · 22/01/2021 16:25

YABVU.

I think Covid must've addled your brain, or do you regularly expect your friends to fund your food?

Weird.

RaininSummer · 22/01/2021 16:26

People can be embarrassed to ask for money back but you should most definitely pay them back. That way there is no ill feeling and people won't mind doing it again.

MarkRuffaloCrumble · 22/01/2021 16:26

Your friends (and everyone on here!) are tight AF.

I’d never expect someone to pay me back for £4-6 of groceries, no matter how inessential they are deemed. I’ve bought stuff for friends just because I was popping to the shop during the first lockdown, when food supply was less reliable, and they’ve done the same for me. None of us asked for the money back. We all offered it of course, but the kind thing to do is reciprocate when you get the chance.

If you’re not the type to offer, or they don’t think you’d offer, maybe that’s why they didn’t? Or they’re like these lot and think it’s worth pissing off a poorly friend for a fiver!

FreshFancyFrogglette · 22/01/2021 16:26

Cremeeggthief - exactly what i was thinking, Id love to be able to do that for a friend! but atm id only be able to do it if they transfferred first! card being declined. Its miserable being poor, would have no problem going and getting the stuff, but for them to think i was tight because id need the money for it is a bit shit.

saoirse31 · 22/01/2021 16:27

What an ungrateful attitude op...

AudHvamm · 22/01/2021 16:27

I would happily do this for a friend
As you say OP, for a full shop I would expect to be paid but for a few treats like this I wouldn’t. Mental and physical health are so interlinked that i’d want to so things to lift my friends mood if they were ill and isolating.
Bread and roses after all.

dudsville · 22/01/2021 16:28

Hey Op, you're getting a tough time here. There's clear and then there's a pile on. You've done well to keep to the high road, so I will share with you my dull story of chicken pox. I contacted this as an adult, very severely, in bed with a fever for a week, struggling still significantly the 2nd week and on the road to recovery in week 3. It was sudden and I lived alone so I was grateful for the help from friends bringing food by. I'll never forget though one interaction in the 3rd week. A friend was coming by to bring food (I was mobile but still horribly scabbed up and would have frightened people!) And I asked of she could add a bottle of wine to the shop. She didn't want to as I'd been so ill! I understood it, but thought it was odd. Anyway she brought the wine but gave me such a serious cautionary look, I'll never forget it!

Whoopsmahoot · 22/01/2021 16:28

Of course you pay. They have taken the time out of their day to travel to the shops, maybe by car or bus at their expense, go round the shops and drop it off at your door steps. And you want it for free. Stop being a martyr cos you have COVID. Cough up.

Scarby9 · 22/01/2021 16:29

If a friend decided of their own volition to make you a casserole or bake you a cake and beought it over, then said 'The receipt's in the bag', that would be unreasonable.

But if you ask for shopping and someone buys it, why wouldn't you expect to pay? They offered to go and collect what you asked for and to deliver it to your door, not to pay for your purchases.

Randomrebel · 22/01/2021 16:30

I would have just dropped it off for you without asking for payment but depends on their circs and how many other people they are also shopping for.

A friend of mine was doing M&S shopping which isn’t cheap for her mum two of her mums friends and an elderly auntie plus anyone who had covid. Yet you would have to run after her to give her any money and I doubt she would give anyone her bank details either.

kowari · 22/01/2021 16:32

YABU. I'd have only asked if I needed essentials, foods that don't attract VAT, milk, bread, fruit, veg, eggs and so on. If I needed essentials I would add in a treat if we wanted one, but wouldn't ask a friend to go to the shop just for treat foods Confused. £4 is half an hour wages for some, I would always expect to pay it back.

LibrariesGiveUsPower45321 · 22/01/2021 16:33

You asked your friends to put themselves at risk for popcorn and crisps? YABU.

Expecting not to pay them back YABU.

Being an nhs worker or even single mother has nothing to do with it. You don’t know their finances.

LaceyBetty · 22/01/2021 16:33

I would have dropped it off and not asked for payment because (very fortunately) I am not skint at the moment, but are their financial situations any better than yours? I would never in a million years not expect to pay my friends back!!

AliceinBunniland · 22/01/2021 16:33

I understand what you mean and in some cases I might have got these things and said "no it's fine". Depends on who it was, how much etc, but it does sound like you asked two different friends to buy you things and expected not to have to pay for them.

You also don't know what their circumstances are. They could have been getting shopping for a few people and it would add up if they had to pay for it all!

Kazzyhoward · 22/01/2021 16:33

Of course you need to pay them for things you've asked them to get for you. Why would you think not?

NecklessMumster · 22/01/2021 16:34

YANBU, I wouldn't give someone my bank details to pay me for a £4 bill. These are your friends and you've got covid. I would offer to pay but I would secretly be a bit Hmm if they let me. Depends on your relationship with your friends I suppose.

BernieSandersMittens · 22/01/2021 16:34

@MozzchopsThirty

'Of course you should pay'

That's not the point of the thread, I absolutely would offer and pay (which I have done)

My point is I wouldn't ask for £4 from a friend, for anything, a drink, a taxi, popcorn
That's what being a friend is about but obvs I'm in the minority

You are making it sound like people aren't good friends if they need it just want the money back. I've friends who wouldn't have £6 and £4 bits to spare.

The fact you have friend kind enough and willing to go pick you up treats and bits and bibs when you ask shows they are a good friend. You not needing or wanting the back and gifting food doesn't make them a bad person.

Personally I wouldn't ask someone to bring me bits of treats, that doesn't make you a bad person for doing so. Most of my family are on low incomes and have increased costs with kids off school, £6 is a small amount to you, it's not many others and as you've learnt. If I was put in a position where I had to ask for it or made to feel like I'm doing something wrong I'm not wanting to pay for you food after going out of my way you too, I'd just say no to going for you anymore.

I have a cousin dropping bits of to shielding family and she has done since the start of all this, she'll post in the group chat saying she's going to Asda does anyone need anything, or say she's going to pay her newspaper bill if anyone wants anything picking up while she's out, over the last year she's really helped me and off the top of my head it'll have been about £30 over four trips for me, it's always small bits and bobs but it adds up, I love her to bits for it and she's never had to ask because I, and everyone else offers the money before she even goes.

In our family chat this week the things I've seen people ask her to pick up she'd be £30 down. Not only do they transfer her the money before hand, they give her extra to buy her kids treats and we all chipped in at Xmas to buy her something special for herself.

Nobody expects those who are sick to live on bread and pasta but when you're asking people to go shopping for you they are already being a good mate doing it, a good mate wouldn't think it's odd that they don't want, or can't afford to be out of pocket to help you.

I hope you and your family recover quickly and that you aren't suffering too much.

LagunaBubbles · 22/01/2021 16:35

I'd be embarrassed to say 'that's £4.40 you owe me

Why? That might not be a large sum to you and a few others on this thread but I frequently have £10 to last me for days until pay day, if I didn't get half of that back I would struggle.

Original poster
MozzchopsThirty · 22/01/2021 16:35

Where did I say my shopping should be free???
Or I'm entitled to a free shop????
Or I haven't taken my friends financial situation into account????

Dear god for a bunch on women to call another woman a 'cheeky fucker' several times on a hardly terrible thread, that says a lot about you!!!

I have paid, I didn't expect anything for free, but I wouldn't have asked if things were the other way round
That was the point of the thread, would you ask for £4????

I guess most of you would, and I wouldn't
But there is no need to keep repeating cheeky fucker, which I am not.

OP posts:
LibrariesGiveUsPower45321 · 22/01/2021 16:36

But for what it’s worth if a friend asked for £4 worth of milk and asked for my bank details I’d tell them not to bother.

I did go out and get £25 worth of stuff for a friend in first lockdown who obviously expected not to pay. That wound me up. Especially as I’m on a low income and they aren’t.

LonginesPrime · 22/01/2021 16:36

The favour was doing the shopping, not buying it for you.

Sure, you might not have asked for the money back but if someone's offered to get you some shopping while you're isolating, chances are they've been doing the same for other people in a similar position, and people shielding, etc. It highly unlikely that you're in a unique position.

All these little favours mount up, and not everyone can afford an extra £4 or £6 here or there without batting an eyelid - that's not what they offered you.

LibrariesGiveUsPower45321 · 22/01/2021 16:37

In response to your latest post OP I think you worded your initial message badly.

chocatoo · 22/01/2021 16:38

If someone was shopping for me I would offer to pay whatever the cost but if I was the one doing the shopping I doubt that I'd ask a friend to pay for less than £5 and possibly more. I tend to work on the 'it'll all balance out in the end' principle with friends but if I start to feel someone is taking advantage I stop.

Nicknacky · 22/01/2021 16:39

But you are surprised at your friends asking the money so that is exactly the same thing as expecting it for free.....

And no, I wouldn’t have taken the cash off you but it didn’t matter what any of us on here would do.

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