About friends buying goods during covid?

[MozzchopsThirty]

I've had covid for over a week now, been in with 3 dcs, 2 of whom have also tested positive

A few friends have said 'if you need anything just let me know' and I've asked for a few bits.

My friend bought me £6 worth of stuff and said 'the receipt is in the bag can you put it in my account'
My other friend called over last night and I asked if she could bring some crisps & popcorn and she also said it was about £4 the receipt is in the bag

I'm just wondering AIBU to think that dropping £4-£6 worth of shopping off I wouldn't ask for that back off a friend (and I'm not well off, single parent nhs worker)
If it was a £20 shop upwards that would be different

Maybe I'm wrong, AIBU?

Totally unreasonable, self-entitled and grabby. If anything you should be giving them a bit extra or a little token to show your appreciation that they’re doing jobs for you when you’re not able to.

I have the utmost respect to all nhs staff, they’re worked their arse off during the pandemic at great personal risk to themselves and their families. However identifying yourself as an NHS worker and wearing that as a badge of honour to try and make out that you’re ENTITLED to things for free is just not on.

I can’t be bothered to read the thread but if I ask someone to get me something I expect to pay for it. And my income is low relative to most of my friends I also love it when people don’t start a dance and just ask for the cash. You are unreasonable.

Ergh my edit buggered up the grammar but I think you can follow what I mean!

The less good-hearted people get paid what they are owed, the less often they're going to help.
Even the ones who usually say "oh, don't worry about it"

Haven't read the full thread it's too long, but I would absolutely expect to pay if someone brought some shopping to me. I don't understand why anyone would think that someone else should pay for their stuff, that's SO odd. OP you say you're not well off, perhaps neither are they and even if they were, that's hardly the point.

I do have friends that I would say 'don't worry about it' to, but I know they would insist on paying anyway.

I think I get where you are coming from OP but the way you have asked it has got people connected to the CF behaviour of some people who ask you to get something for them and then don't pay and act offended that you would even expect the money.

If I understand you this situation has made you wonder about your values and and if others operate like you - ie you have an amount of money in mind that, even if a friend were to ask you for something you wouldn't ask for the money back as you imagine the friend will at some point repay it another way and you aren't that bothered if it doesn't happen. Your amount appears to be up to £10? So maybe your question is does anyone else have this approach or do most people keep things very boundaried?

I'm probably more at the £5 level - so if I was going to get a coffee for myself and someone said can you get me one, I wouldn't mind at all saying don't worry about the money. I would also not fight them if they insisted. I wouldn't though be offended if someone told me exactly what I owe them because I accept these are my values and I don't expect others to reciprocate.

I think I would offer and they might say no.

If you ask them to pick something up I would expect to pay for it.

I’ve picked up a few “bits” for friends before and they haven’t even asked or offered to pay it back , tbh I wouldn’t mind but it does annoy the hell out of me when people don’t even offer to pay the £ back , I suspect this may be the case here you asked for things to be picked up in the past and haven’t paid your friends back ?

I really can't understand this . back last March a NHS worker stood crying on national TV because she could get no shopping. After a nightshift . So most supermarkets were opening a hour earlier for NHS only . And most of you on here are pulling this poor NHS worker over the RACK for a couple of poxy quid . Hopefully the comments on here have opened her eyes . Hope she not looking after you when your admitted with covid SHAME ON YOU

OP, I get it.

Are these people you are surprised at?

In my world, for things like this, the normal way it goes is;

Could you get me x, y and z (basic or kid-related snacks / items)
Sure, here it Is
How much do I owe you?
Don't be silly, get well soon

If I got a receipt from friends where I was shocked by it, I'd think - "blimey - are they stressed or on hard times", or, "hmmm.. I'll remember that for future".

In my world, for things like this, the normal way it goes is;

Could you get me x, y and z (basic or kid-related snacks / items)
Sure, here it Is
How much do I owe you?
Don't be silly, get well soon

In the OP's world she does NOT say 'How much do I I owe you'.

She says 'thanks'.

THAT is the difference.

What difference does it make if she's an NHS worker or not?? You expect to pay for things you buy in a supermarket don't you? Even NHS workers? An NHS worker could be anyone from a cleaner through to a intensive care specialist and admin workers that never see a ward so not adult likely op would be treating you. Even if she was, it doesn't make me evil and ungrateful if I expect her to offer to pay for things she buys and any less grateful of her medical services. I expect my mechanic to pay for stuff too what does that make me?

YANBU. Of my friends asked me to pop into the shop for a few items abs it didn’t cost much I wouldn’t expect them to pay me back, they would offer, but I would decline. We are all that way with each other. I think so of the replies on here are absolutely shocking!

Hahaha I’m with you OP I think it’s odd if they’re close friends! Just remember it next time!

Of course you should pay.
I asked a friend to pick me up a few things when isolating. I paid for the shopping. She bought me a bunch of flowers and said the flowers are on me.
I also have offered and paid for neighbours / relatives shopping, they all pay me back. One in fact, rounds up to the next note but I know she has more spare cash than me and appreciates me getting things.

@Thismustbelove

In my world, for things like this, the normal way it goes is;

Could you get me x, y and z (basic or kid-related snacks / items)
Sure, here it Is
How much do I owe you?
Don't be silly, get well soon

In the OP's world she does NOT say 'How much do I I owe you'.

She says 'thanks'.

THAT is the difference.

I do agree that the dance goes 'how much?', 'don't be worry about it'.

I'm giving the OP the benefit of the doubt that the friends went straight to 'receipt in the bag' before she had a chance.

If the 'how much do I owe' is missing, it does invoke a different response.

Are those people who are siding with the OP honestly saying they think it’s fine to expect others to buy them stuff and to not even offer to pay?

No, that’s not what I’m saying, of course she should offer to pay, I think perhaps she might have been taken up the wrong way. In my friendship group We would never take money from each other for some items that cost a few quid.

A few weeks before xmas my husband had his 2nd (long awaited) heart procedure so I had to self isolate for next few weeks with him as vulnerable, and over 70 years of age. We did us a big supermarket shop in advance but had forgotten the big 2 week issue of the xmas + new year TV magazine. Phoned good fiend who dropped off into my porch. She said "no worries to pay her back". Knowing that she is far wealthier than us, then after once able to get out and about I put coins inside envelope and posted through her letterbox. Then no issues or hard feelings for the future of our friendship.

We all offer but always say no it doesn’t matter or forget about it

@axile234

I really can't understand this . back last March a NHS worker stood crying on national TV because she could get no shopping. After a nightshift . So most supermarkets were opening a hour earlier for NHS only . And most of you on here are pulling this poor NHS worker over the RACK for a couple of poxy quid . Hopefully the comments on here have opened her eyes . Hope she not looking after you when your admitted with covid SHAME ON YOU

Depends what she's doing as to if it's relevant to that. I know of three "NHS workers" who have literally nothing to do now the outpatient dept they do admin for is barely running. They haven't been near a covid ward in 10 months and, trust me, they are no angels! It's not a blanket GOOJFC ! There was no need to mention it in the OP!

I wouldn't have charged you and I think it's tight of them to have asked for the money back. They're your friends! I always treat my friends to little bits and bobs. Especially the ones who have had to self isolate.

Only on MN would it be considered tight to expect someone to pay you for items you had kindly offered to shop for out of the goodness of your heart

Worlds gone bloody mad

It's not a blanket GOOJFC ! There was no need to mention it in the OP!

Agreed. The fact that it was mentioned might be indicative of a certain level of entitlement. Otherwise, why bring it up at all? It has nothing to do with the question of whether or not her friends should have given her the receipt and asked for repayment.

Different people have different approaches to money, as well as different budgets. Someone can be a good friend and still expect to be paid back. The friends in the original post went out of their way to help. Surely that should could for something.

But don't know if this is relevant or not - But all NHS staff get 10% off their shopping at all of Morrison's supermarkets as know 2 friends - one who's a doctor's receptionists and other an agency care worker get this discount, and think it's common knowledge anyway. Plus NHS staff can get all the various freebies from the various companies, such as handcream etc. I am not promoting these places but highlighting the fact of others generosity at this difficult terrible time.