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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

About friends buying goods during covid?

918 replies

MozzchopsThirty · 22/01/2021 15:40

I've had covid for over a week now, been in with 3 dcs, 2 of whom have also tested positive

A few friends have said 'if you need anything just let me know' and I've asked for a few bits.

My friend bought me £6 worth of stuff and said 'the receipt is in the bag can you put it in my account'
My other friend called over last night and I asked if she could bring some crisps & popcorn and she also said it was about £4 the receipt is in the bag

I'm just wondering AIBU to think that dropping £4-£6 worth of shopping off I wouldn't ask for that back off a friend (and I'm not well off, single parent nhs worker)
If it was a £20 shop upwards that would be different

Maybe I'm wrong, AIBU?

OP posts:
Lweji · 23/01/2021 12:46

@Sooverthemill

Only read your first post but FGS of course you should pay people back 'only £4K' adds up!
It certainly does. WinkGrin
HippoOnMyRoofEatingCake · 23/01/2021 12:48

The requester is rude not to immediately offer to pay.

The buyer is rude not to refuse the payment.

That's the way.

Yellowsub231 · 23/01/2021 12:51

As pp have said, I wouldn't expect someone to reimburse me for £5 or less shopping. I would expect them to have the manners to offer to pay so that I have a choice about whether to accept or refuse the money though. And if I was short of cash, and immediately asked for the money back, i wouldn't expect friend to moan about me behind my back, but instead to have some empathy for my situation.

Whoopsies · 23/01/2021 12:52

It's actually this exact thing that has put me off offering to pick things up for friends who are self isolating. I would love to be able to say I didn't matter, but I would need the money back 😔

NoWordForFluffy · 23/01/2021 12:54

@HippoOnMyRoofEatingCake

The requester is rude not to immediately offer to pay.

The buyer is rude not to refuse the payment.

That's the way.

Even if it meant the buyer couldn't then afford to eat or heat their house because of refusing the money?

Bonkers. And totally out of touch with what's going on in the country right now.

AlexisCarringtonColbyDexter · 23/01/2021 12:55

I mean who does that. So it’s not about them asking. It’s about you not offering

Exactly. I dont know why people keep blathering on about how they'd love to buy their friends shopping- so what? its the fact the OP DIDNT OFFER to pay which is rude as fck here. Its also immensely privileged to be in a position where you can buy other people's shopping without needing it back- those people would be wise to bear in mind that not everyone can afford this and if they are helping other people shop too, thats a lot of money they are shelling out for junk food "crisps and popcorn", not really essentials like bread and milk.....

DenisetheMenace · 23/01/2021 12:55

Yes YABU

Hesma · 23/01/2021 12:56

YABVU if they drop off a presentbtgars kbevthing but if you've asked them to get you shopping tgsrs a different matter entirely. Stop being grabby... the fact that you're a single parent or work for the NHS is irrelevant ... I'm a single parent on a low wage in a school and would fully expect to reimburse... I'd just be grateful someone shopped for me

truthisalie · 23/01/2021 12:59

Personally I wouldn't tell my friend about the receipt in the shopping bag and wouldn't even leave one unless specifically asked to do it. I don't think my friend would ask for the receipt either. She would ask how much did she owe me and I would say to forget about it and she would insist on paying for the shopping. Eventually I'd tell her to buy me coffee next time. She did ask me to buy a few things before and would give money for it. We are pretty flexible but we trust each other.
So maybe OP, you didn't word it out the way you wanted in your first post. Maybe your friends don't trust you or maybe they don't think anything they do is that unusual. Only you know your friends.

tigger001 · 23/01/2021 12:59

I would be embarrassed to have to ask/mention it being paid for.

If a friend of mine bought me anything and going out of their way to bring it to me, be it books for DD, pasta or a box of treats, i would just get the money to them, maybe with the delivery man who took them the flowers to say thank you !!! I would never expect them to have to ask.

You sound horrid.

Edel2019 · 23/01/2021 13:00

YANBU

Christ people are so stingy

UrAWizHarry · 23/01/2021 13:02

@HippoOnMyRoofEatingCake

The requester is rude not to immediately offer to pay.

The buyer is rude not to refuse the payment.

That's the way.

No, it's not rude to accept money that is owed to you. Many people will refuse a few pounds of course, but for others that is the food or heating budget for a day or a week.

What is rude is to expect people/friends to write off debt when you have no idea of their financial situations and they've been kind enough to go to a shop and drop things off. Amazon prime is a thing.

Itsokthanks · 23/01/2021 13:02

Of course you're being unreasonable. If I asked someone to go shopping for me I would automatically give them the money. I also wouldn't ask someone to go just for crisps and popcorn during a pandemic.

Russellbrandshair · 23/01/2021 13:02

Of course you should have offered to pay! Geez wtf is wrong with people?

A friend did you a favour by going out and buying you stuff and you’re now all pissy because you had to reimburse them? Wow. This takes stinginess and entitlement to a whole other level!

kowari · 23/01/2021 13:11

@Edel2019

YANBU

Christ people are so stingy

Depends on income, outgoings, whether it's a fiver of groceries each for four friends, even if it's essentials vs treat foods. A fiver for one person may be needed for their own groceries, another person may not mind paying up to £20 for a friend. Then if you are struggling yourself you may be willing to buy a friend £5 of essentials if they can't afford them, but not £5 of treats you can't even justify the cost of for your own family.
phoenixrosehere · 23/01/2021 13:31

As pp have said, I wouldn't expect someone to reimburse me for £5 or less shopping. I would expect them to have the manners to offer to pay so that I have a choice about whether to accept or refuse the money though. And if I was short of cash, and immediately asked for the money back, i wouldn't expect friend to moan about me behind my back, but instead to have some empathy for my situation.

This. I would think the first thing said out of the receiver’s mouth would be.. “Thank you so much, I really appreciate this, how much do I owe you?”

Ladylimpet · 23/01/2021 13:40

@Edel2019

YANBU

Christ people are so stingy

I know right.?..who would ask someone to buy things for them and not offer to reimburse? Very stingy.
Bluntness100 · 23/01/2021 13:46

@HippoOnMyRoofEatingCake

The requester is rude not to immediately offer to pay.

The buyer is rude not to refuse the payment.

That's the way.

Wow, check your privalege. To have no concept that some folks don’t have a fiver to spare.

I’d offer and I’d refuse, but I’d be pissed off is I went and got stuff for someone, dropped it off to them, and rhey didn’t offer to pay. In that instance depending on how I felt about them, or if they had previous for being a cheeky fucker, there’s a chance I’d also say the receipts in the bag so they couldn’t say “sorry I’ve no cash and can’t pay”

Which makes me wonder if the op has form for not paying her way and her friends know it, becayse who would do what she’s done. Not offer then get whingey because they asked, complaining she’d not.

So either these friends are skint, or the op has form for it. Becayse no one who could afford it would ask for the money unless said friend was known for trying to avoid paying.

CharlotteRose90 · 23/01/2021 13:49

If it was a necessity like bread, milk, yogurts or something then I’d do it for free. Crisps and popcorn etc I wouldn’t as I personally think that’s cheeky.

Russellbrandshair · 23/01/2021 13:50

So either these friends are skint, or the op has form for it. Becayse no one who could afford it would ask for the money unless said friend was known for trying to avoid paying

I’m beginning to wonder this too now. Maybe the OP has a history of avoiding paying for her round/ share and that’s why the receipt was mentioned. It makes sense in this context

Bluntness100 · 23/01/2021 13:56

@Russellbrandshair

So either these friends are skint, or the op has form for it. Becayse no one who could afford it would ask for the money unless said friend was known for trying to avoid paying

I’m beginning to wonder this too now. Maybe the OP has a history of avoiding paying for her round/ share and that’s why the receipt was mentioned. It makes sense in this context

Yes, becayse there is only two reasons both friends would ask

Either both are skint and can’t afford it, or the op has form for it.

It’s usually those who always have their hand out taking that shout the loudest about how they’d happily give.

rookiemere · 23/01/2021 13:58

@Russellbrandshair I would say there's previous. The fact that both friends did it is the telling bit here. Also if this happened to me once - which it wouldn't because I'd be offering the payment in my initial request - I'd make damn sure second time round that the first words to leave my lips were "Thank you so much for doing this - how much do I owe you ? ".

VillaMia · 23/01/2021 13:59

Hope you're feeling better....being ill looking after kids is tough. But YABU to expect your friends do your shopping for free!

Bluntness100 · 23/01/2021 14:18

The fact that both friends did it is the telling bit here

That’s what I’m thinking, the fact both did it indicates she’s THAT person.

Playnoh · 23/01/2021 14:21

I would never ask for £4 or £6 but maybe they are struggling.

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