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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

About friends buying goods during covid?

918 replies

MozzchopsThirty · 22/01/2021 15:40

I've had covid for over a week now, been in with 3 dcs, 2 of whom have also tested positive

A few friends have said 'if you need anything just let me know' and I've asked for a few bits.

My friend bought me £6 worth of stuff and said 'the receipt is in the bag can you put it in my account'
My other friend called over last night and I asked if she could bring some crisps & popcorn and she also said it was about £4 the receipt is in the bag

I'm just wondering AIBU to think that dropping £4-£6 worth of shopping off I wouldn't ask for that back off a friend (and I'm not well off, single parent nhs worker)
If it was a £20 shop upwards that would be different

Maybe I'm wrong, AIBU?

OP posts:
squeekums · 23/01/2021 04:11

Bloody hell
Just pay them back, you asked, you pay. Hell, id have just made it a rounded up number at 10 and given them that for each drop off, to me that's the normal way cos they did me a favor
They didn't just leave a gift on your doorstep

Furries · 23/01/2021 04:13

Just reread properly, and realised you were wanting treats/snacks. I mean I’m all for getting as much fun as we can squeeze out of this, but if you’re asking for those items only then you are BU. You’re not asking for anything that you “need’ for you and your dc. You’re asking them to buy you treats. In that case, you definitely pay up without question.

alwayscrashinginthesamecar1 · 23/01/2021 04:14

Blimey. If one of my mates was ill I'd happily drop them off a bag of shopping for no charge, and would probably throw in a bottle of wine and bunch of flowers as well. I know they would do the same for me. I'd always offer to pay but would be a bit surprised if it was accepted.

Furries · 23/01/2021 04:22

FML, am now up to page 4 - and realising that the advice of not posting until reading everything is so often right. I thought just doing OP posts was ok, but definitely need to read everything in context.

Lemmeout · 23/01/2021 04:25

Yabu I have friends you I asked “do you need anything?” I go get it, drop it round, no intention or offer of the money. I won’t ask again. It is rude to think people will be giving you free shopping.

shamalidacdak · 23/01/2021 04:30

You need richer friends

whoamongstus · 23/01/2021 04:32

I'm skint and I wouldn't ask for £4-6 back... I don't know what the dramatic replies are about! If my friend was going to the shop and bought me a can of Diet Coke, she wouldn't ask me for the quid. And I wouldn't in return... Anything under a tenner is fair game in most of my friendships, it all evens out eventually!

Having said that, if I was too skint to do that without definitely having the money back but I still wanted to help out, asking for it back obviously makes sense, so I don't think your friends are being tight.

But I don't get the classic Mumsnet pile on of YABU YOU'RE SO RUDE as though nobody in the history of the world has subbed their mate a fiver 😂

I imagine there's a lot of people in here like my old housemate who would ask if you wanted the serving of chilli they had going begging then ask you for 87p because that was the price per serving he'd worked out.

blackcat86 · 23/01/2021 04:34

I think it speaks volumes about you that instead of ordering things yourself or asking your friends for essentials when they offer, you would happily have them put themselves at risk to go to the shop for you for one or two treat bits. No wonder you have covid!!! You are putting your friends at risk and expecting a freebie for the privilege. Just wow! I also hope you are not expecting them to have any contact with you, touch a front door you've touched etc. My friend was attacked by her DH and removed from the house where she had 2 young children. I spoke to my boss, rearranged my work day and went round (between lockdowns plus I am her baby under 1 bubble) asking her if she needed anything. She did. She had no break, milk or butter which were locked in a room she couldn't access. She offered me money at the time and I brushed it off because she had other things going on. She still paid me back though when things had settled down and would have happily paid me back there and then.

Dasher789 · 23/01/2021 04:46

I am astounded at these responses.

If a friend said to me that they could not leave the house as they had covid/another illness and could I drop them in a few bits amounting to £4/6 I would not hesitate to do so and would not even thinking about asking for money back?! I believe that if the situation was reversed, they would do the same?!

Unless the friend is hard up, had to travel a distance to get to you or you are constantly asking for things, I think its very tight.

That being said, you have been asked, so you must return the money however ridiculous you think it is...

Catsup · 23/01/2021 04:53

Meh, at the end of the day if you wanted it you should have been prepared to pay for it tbh. And yes I'm fully well that you're up in arms because 'of course you are willing to pay' (but yet seem a bit affronted they clearly assumed you would). I'd also guess the offers were made based more upon do you need milk, bread, cereal, tinned stuff, toilet roll to tide you and the kids over until you sort an online shop. Not just basically a list of non essential sweets and crap that they'll have to drive over to yours to drop off. It puts me in mind of my DM telling the tale of my DF and 3 friends going around the local houses many moons ago to walk out dragging sledges to bring back essentials for folk snowed in. She said they were a bit 🙄 when presented with lists for posh chocs and alcohol by some folk 😂

NSt21 · 23/01/2021 04:55

CF

Nonameslob · 23/01/2021 05:25

I wouldn't expect my friends to pay me for getting them shopping but we often pay for stuff for each other so it evens out in the end. We always offer out of politeness, I think it is rude not to offer. There is one in our close group who doesn't and seems to take more than give and it has caused bad feeling and we have asked for her to pay us back at times.
I wouldn't begrudge buying you a few treats in with essentials but I wouldn't ask someone to go out at the moment just for treats as I'd feel it was an unnecessary trip.

MsTSwift · 23/01/2021 05:35

I didn’t ask for payment but friend insisted. I accepted as didn’t want her to feel beholden to me and then reluctant to ask again if she needed any thing else (two shops of £15 ish quid).

Throwntothewolves · 23/01/2021 06:01

Dasher789 that's fine the first time, but what if they asked again, and again but didn't offer payment. At what point would you think they were a CF?

kavalkada · 23/01/2021 06:04

Depends on the circumstances. For me, 4 and 6 pounds is a lot of money and if I had to give them away that means my children would have to live without something that week, something essential like milk and bread. I'm aware there are people who are much more better off than I am and they wouldn't even notice that amount, but I would.

And also it depends on the friend. I have friends who I wouldn't mind buying some treats and not charging them if I could afford it, but there are some where I'll always give them the check. Those are friends who never have wallet with them and always expect you to pay. Those are usually small amounts like tea, coffee, magazine, cake but they soon add up. I don't know what's the dynamics between OP and her friends so it is hard to tell.

But in general, if I ask a friend to get me something from the shop, I always pay in full.

Nicolastuffedone · 23/01/2021 06:20

I would pay my friend back, why wouldn’t you? I’d pay because I wouldn’t feel I could ask them again.

Smiledwiththerisingsun · 23/01/2021 06:57

I wouldn't ask a sick friend for that much money either OP.
Hope you get well soon Flowers

kowari · 23/01/2021 07:35

[quote Postnasaldrop]@raspberrysundaes
I’ve had periods of my life where I can’t afford it but have still given it even if it’s a detriment to me. This person is my friend and they are ill, why would I not?[/quote]
Would you do it even if your child then had to go without?

WeAreHalfWayThere · 23/01/2021 07:52

You should absolutely expect to pay. If they decide to say you don't need to that us down to them.

WeAreHalfWayThere · 23/01/2021 07:54

Particularly as you have asked for these items. It would be different if they had just dropped around with a bag of snacks

justanotherneighinparadise · 23/01/2021 07:54

I’ve done similar for a friend and no I haven’t asked for the money for it.

DaisyHeadMaisy · 23/01/2021 08:08

I would be embarrassed to ask for that amount back but at the moment I would have to because money is short this month (laptop used for homeschool broke, as did the printer, now DH's car needs work). Even if your friends don't have financial concerns you don't know about, if they fetch something from the shop for you, you pay them back!

Also I can absolutely understand why you want popcorn and crisps, but some people are very anxious about going to the shop right now and it's quite a big favour to ask someone to go to the shop and risk transmission and time off work themselves all for a couple of items of junk food. I have only been buying items like that for myself when I have needed to do a big shop. You need to appreciate your friends more!

caroline161 · 23/01/2021 08:22

Yes I'd have totally paid and made it up to a tenner to say thanks. Then if I was in that situation again I know I can ask them again

vonny63 · 23/01/2021 08:53

A few treats for a friend that stuck at home with covid. Its a rubbish time, so a small price to lift your spirits.

No, I would not expect the money back. But then I can afford it, as can most of my friends. But if I was the one asking, I would have transferred the money in advance

SmilingHappyBeaver · 23/01/2021 08:59

If I needed friends to shop for me, and they refused to accept money for the cost of the items, i'd be mortified... it would be so awkward and i'd feel that I couldn't ask them again.

The ONLY scenario in which I'd expect not to pay would be if they brought a gift (i.e. something I hadn't asked them for).

How much money you have is irrelevant, it's about basic morals/courtesy of not being a CF.

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