About friends buying goods during covid?

[MozzchopsThirty]

I've had covid for over a week now, been in with 3 dcs, 2 of whom have also tested positive

A few friends have said 'if you need anything just let me know' and I've asked for a few bits.

My friend bought me £6 worth of stuff and said 'the receipt is in the bag can you put it in my account'
My other friend called over last night and I asked if she could bring some crisps & popcorn and she also said it was about £4 the receipt is in the bag

I'm just wondering AIBU to think that dropping £4-£6 worth of shopping off I wouldn't ask for that back off a friend (and I'm not well off, single parent nhs worker)
If it was a £20 shop upwards that would be different

Maybe I'm wrong, AIBU?

If you’ve asked for it you should defo pay, different if they brought the stuff off thier own backs.

05FindHungrySamurai

NHS workers are working hard at the moment but they’re not particularly
hard up -

Aren't we? I am a cleaner for NHS. We don't get a lot and I'm part time..I'm skint. NHS doesn't just consist of doctors and nurses and high up admin staff

Op op you're a cheeky funked. Your mates going out of their way to get your shopping and you expect to have it for free!

I think rookiemere has it..if my mates offer to give me the money then I have the choice to refuse..if they don't offer I think to myself they aren't grateful for favour and just a cheeky fucker

Also I've had times when I'm down to my last 4 quid and if a mate had done that to me or had that attitude I'd be fuming
.

I wouldn’t have dreamt of asking you for the money
But clearly everyone on here thinks differently!
At worst I would have said, just do the same for me when I need it!

Horses for courses

I agree with you OP! My friend was SI before Xmas and I took her some things she needed worth about £10/£15 and no way would I of asked for the money. She offered. I refused

I know she would of done the same for me x

Sorry you asked they get it for you. You ate it and you should pay for it.

I wouldn't ask for the money, or accept it if offered. However, I would offer if I had requested the shopping. Not everyone has spare cash.

I think these differences in approaches with money can stem from early family approaches...in my family in situations like this (with other friends as well as family) none of us would ever ask for or expect money, so I would certainly never ask for or expect payment for what I brought over in a situation like this, especially as things tend to even out over time with exchange favours.

If I ask someone to buy me something I’ll always offer them the money, even if only 50p. If they choose not to accept it then fair enough, but that’s their choice not mine.

It’s incredibly rude and cheeky to ask someone to help you out by buying something, and then think you shouldn’t have to pay for it.

@nimbuscloud

What is odd is that 2 separate friends have told the op that the receipt was in the bag. Maybe they knew she had planned to go do the Canaries a few weeks ago also so playing the ‘single parent, NHS worker’ card is wearing a bit thin with them 🤷‍♀️

I wondered if I was the only one who remembered this. Not forgetting that one of the 3 DCs is a grown adult and that there is a partner in the wings (who OP blamed for passing Covid onto her). Could he not go to the shop as he's past his isolation period? Or, I dunno, living in a big city, perhaps OP could have made us of the multitudes of delivery services available and paid them upfront directly?

@jelly79

I agree with you OP! My friend was SI before Xmas and I took her some things she needed worth about £10/£15 and no way would I of asked for the money. She offered. I refused

I know she would of done the same for me x

But that’s completely different! Your friend offered you the money and you refused. The OP thinks she shouldn’t have to offer the money in the first place, which is unbelievably rude.

Are you normally the sort who wouldn't offer to compensate them?

I have a good friend who I love dearly but he is a tight bugger and will happily sit there and let everyone else pay for stuff indefinitely with no offers to put his hand in his pocket. I've learned my lesson with him so these days I always make it very clear that he needs to pay me for things, and chase him on it - even if it is just a few quid here and there.

I understand your point OP. I too would say "don't worry about it" in relation to a one-off £4 shop for a sick friend.

I'm actually really surprised by all these comments (especially the ones with nasty name-calling). If my friend was sick and couldn't get out of the house, I would take them a little care package to try to cheer them up (chocolates, flowers, pizza, magazines, puzzle books) and pick up anything else they might like.

Hope you feel better soon OP. Sending virtual 💐🍫🍕

I think the trouble is, what happens next time she gets you a few things? Do you not pay then? Or the next time?

Easier for all concerned if you just pay then you know where you stand.

to be honest I'm a bit like this... Me and my friends just don't sweat it because we do stuff like this regularly when we see each other (pre pandemic obvs) and money never changes hands. During the pandemic though if I've asked for a delivery I transfer the money immediately without a conversation. Probably because it really isn't tit for tat atm

My friend’s DC has been in hospital, and I dropped some treats on her doorstep the other day - chocolate, gin in a tin, crisps, a bunch of daffodils. She offered to pay and I said absolutely no way. If she had asked me to get these things then yes, I would ultimately expect her to pay me back when things were a bit more settled.

I understand your point OP. I too would say "don't worry about it" in relation to a one-off £4 shop for a sick friend.

As would most people, provided that:

A. They were financially comfortable enough to let it slide. Times are hard for significantly more people now compared to pre-pandemic. Your mates may not be in the same position as they were when you saw them last. I know we’re speaking of amounts under £10, but see below.

B. They haven’t been mugged off before. All those £10s spend on nice gestures here and there add up - you can end up overextending yourself or being taken advantage of, which would logically lead to you asking for reimbursement in the future

I’ve done 4 lots of Covid shopping:
£25 shop for self isolated friend who sent a list - friend paid me by bank transfer
Gift for friend isolating - didn’t ask for payment
Bag of carrots - requested by friend after I’d offered (49p - on off purchase didn’t offer to pay, but I’m not asking. Has since said no to offers as her DH can now shop)
Friend with long Covid - have only bought a loaf and have agreed she’ll do a bank transfer when the shopping goes over £5. I know she won’t feel able to ask if she can’t repay; I know I’ll also resent it if she freeloads - this plan works for both of us.
Answer - if you ask, you pay, regardless of amount.

My friends and me must be very different to the majority on this thread.
I would never ask for money for dropping a few bits round, nor would my friends.
As for the popcorn, I have stuff like that at home. I would happily drop some round to my friend and her child to have while watching a film. Not everything involves a trip to the shop.
Hope you are ok OP

Ybvu, surely you would ask straight away how much you owe them without even waiting for them to tell you...

If I could afford it I wouldn't ask.
I think if you are not well / isolating it's really nice if someone is able to treat you.
Hope things are better soon for you OP

@PyongyangKipperbang

I'm the same. I hate asking favours of people. And in a situation like OP's where I would probably have to ask more than once, I'd probably have to starve if the person refused to take the money the first time. I just wouldn't feel able to ask again.

So I am your close friend, close enough that you can ask me this favour and I say "Please let me treat you, you are going through a tough time and I would like to as its about the only useful thing I can do to help.....but dont expect it when you are up an about again! (said in a jokey way obv)" would you really not ask me again?

Or would you treat me to a little bit of something in return when you were able to get up an about?

Most people in a position to do that for me are not super close friends. They're neighbours or casual friends. You need people who are very local to you if you're going to ask for shopping.

My best friend and I do turn and turn about for stuff like this, so we know we'll always end up even, and we're comfortable enough financially not to have to worry bout it too much. But as I said, to be helpful people have to be very local. For obvious reasons and also because we're not supposed to be travelling out of our local area.

So no, I don't have anyone who could help me out when I run out of milk and bread, who I would feel comfortable enough about them paying for my shopping for me to ask them again.

Neighbours whose child has cancer have been shielding for a long time. People regularly buy things for them. They never expect charity. They pay everyone back promptly and people are happy to continue helping them as a result.
Money is the route of all evil, as you are demonstrating. Don't be that 'friend', just pay them back without fuss

@MozzchopsThirty

I have paid, I just wouldn't accept or ask if it was me but hey we're all different

Bit how many friends can you afford to do that for? You said if it was£20 or so .. so if your I'll friends average shopping comes to £10 or £15, after how many friends would you have to stop offering? Maybe they were planning on asking you again before confinement ends. So that's pretentiously £15 each time that they shouldn't ask for. Meanwhile you've got £60 of shipping because they should be too embarrassed to ask.

I wouldn't ask but then again I don't have a lot of friends. Only a couple of really good friends and if they needed anything, I would no way ask any money from them. These good friends were there for me for everything and one example is when I was in hospital after giving birth, my friend text me to say she wanted to see me and baby and asked if I needed anything. I asked her if she could get me those disposable maternity pants and pads and she came with a bag full of them. The pads my DH got weren't resistant. She came in with a massive baby hamper and my pads and I asked how much, she took the receipt out the bag and threw it into the bin and told me not to ask and I'm being pathetic. So with friends like this, no way would I expect them to pay me for a bag of popcorn and fizzy drink. This whole thing depends on your friendship level.

@MozzchopsThirty

I've had covid for over a week now, been in with 3 dcs, 2 of whom have also tested positive

A few friends have said 'if you need anything just let me know' and I've asked for a few bits.

My friend bought me £6 worth of stuff and said 'the receipt is in the bag can you put it in my account'
My other friend called over last night and I asked if she could bring some crisps & popcorn and she also said it was about £4 the receipt is in the bag

I'm just wondering AIBU to think that dropping £4-£6 worth of shopping off I wouldn't ask for that back off a friend (and I'm not well off, single parent nhs worker)
If it was a £20 shop upwards that would be different

Maybe I'm wrong, AIBU?

For context, I’ve only read the OP’s posts, haven’t read all the responses, but I think I get the general gist!

OP - from your posts you are obviously frustrated. I imagine you’ve had a number of CF responses. If so, I kind of agree. But I also get where you’re coming from (with regards to helping out a friend with smallish amounts of money).

They might also be helping other people that you don’t know about. All those small amounts can add up. So it’s not them being mean or uncaring, but most people’s financial situations are uneasy at the moment.

In normal times, as a one off for just you, I’d say you’re maybe NBU as I’d happily do this for a friend and not expect payment. Today, 10 months after first lockdown, I’ll say YABU as everyone needs to keep on top of their finances etc. Your sentiment of helping a friend is ok and thoughtful in normal times. But these aren’t normal times.