About friends buying goods during covid?

[MozzchopsThirty]

I've had covid for over a week now, been in with 3 dcs, 2 of whom have also tested positive

A few friends have said 'if you need anything just let me know' and I've asked for a few bits.

My friend bought me £6 worth of stuff and said 'the receipt is in the bag can you put it in my account'
My other friend called over last night and I asked if she could bring some crisps & popcorn and she also said it was about £4 the receipt is in the bag

I'm just wondering AIBU to think that dropping £4-£6 worth of shopping off I wouldn't ask for that back off a friend (and I'm not well off, single parent nhs worker)
If it was a £20 shop upwards that would be different

Maybe I'm wrong, AIBU?

I'm really shocked by the majority of answers. I definitely wouldn't ask for the money if under £10-20 for a friend. And the only requests I've had from friends has been chocolate/sweets, that's the kind of thing people forget to stockpile and really miss when stuck in the house bored.

@Gwenhwyfar

" The problem with telling people not to worry about the money because it's a few quid is that they quickly get used to being paid for, and then it becomes an expectation. "

Well, I hope OP's not going to be self-isolating for ever. It's pretty obvious that this is a temporary thing.

I'm talking generally, the more you give, the more people expect.

@user686833

I'm really shocked by the majority of answers. I definitely wouldn't ask for the money if under £10-20 for a friend. And the only requests I've had from friends has been chocolate/sweets, that's the kind of thing people forget to stockpile and really miss when stuck in the house bored.

Then you're very fortunate that you can afford to do that.

Lots of people can't. And that doesn't make them bad people.

God - on the contrary, I'd put it in their account with an extra few quid to say thank you so much for getting it for me!

Op it's fine that they asked for the money back and you should offer to pay however I see your point that if it was you you wouldn't expect the money back

We're all different occasionally i could give friends treats but not all the time

Boundaries with friends need to be treated carefully to not cause upset

I have shopped for neighbours ( mostly older neighbours) and they are all very particular about paying for the shop. I’ve learnt it best to give the receipt- so we can sort the bills out accurately to avoid offence. It’s just easier all round. If I did not let them refund me they would not let me help next time, which might leave them without help when needed. On the other hand if I dropped food around as a gift to a poorly friend it might be me who got offended if they tried to pay me back! I think if you ask for specific shopping then yes expect to sort out the bill .

What is odd is that 2 separate friends have told the op that the receipt was in the bag.
Maybe they knew she had planned to go do the Canaries a few weeks ago also so playing the ‘single parent, NHS worker’ card is wearing a bit thin with them 🤷‍♀️

The op didn’t say she offered to pay. She’s out of order for putting her friends in the position of needing to ask for the money.

No I wouldn't ask a friend to pay me back £4 or £6 for anything I'd bought them. But yes I would insist on paying someone who did me that favour. So I am with you OP

But the OP didn't insist on paying and was surprised at the friends expecting payment - hence the post.

Read all the OPs post but not all the rest of the thread.

YABU. Your friends have done you a favour and you think they are being stingy. That’s not very nice. I know you have paid them back but imagine if they knew that you were thinking.

I’m well off and my friends are well off and we would pay in your situation. We will buy each other coffees and treats happily but W would pay for shopping.

I’ve bought shopping for a friend recently on a few occasions and when she’s forgotten to pay me I remind her. I’m not embarrassed and she isn’t embarrassed.

I think if you do this type of favour ‘properly’ then it makes it easier to ask for favours in future.

If you didn’t pay for this shopping would you be happy to ask them again? What if the next shop was £5 and what if the following shop was £5? Surely it just gets awkward remembering what favours you owe back. Saying something like ‘I’ll buy you a drink’ doesn’t work at the moment.

Basically you think they are being tight when it’s the person who OWES the money and doesn’t want to pay it back that’s tight.

The thing is, It might only be £4 or whatever but if your friend is also doing a £4-£6 shop for four other friends they could have easily spent £20. So if their other friends all expected not to pay back the money because it’s “only” £4/£6 they’ve ended up out of pocket while helping you out.
If I was picking anything up for a friend I would totally expect the to offer to transfer the money ASAP.

My friend is guardian to her dg. She is on universal credit, and struggles. But by god, she would never, ever not offer to pay, because that's just the kind of person she is. The fact you've come on mn to complain about it at sadly says a lot about you as a person.

I know some of my friends would do this amount of shop and might wave off my attempt at repayment (and vice versa).

BUT I def wouldn't expect it, and would in the first instance ask 'how much did you spend?'
So yes, YABU to expect someone else to pay.

Putting up my shield here in preparation to be flamed but I never ask for anything under a tenner back unless it’s as part of a group thing (so say everyone owes me something silly like £4.75 as part of a group present, for instance.) I generally find if I afford people that kindness I get it back and then some. Of course everyone’s situation is different but I certainly don’t think I’d be asking for £4 back off a friend for milk and bread whilst they’re in isolation. Though I would at least offer, never assume.

Ok, reading your responses..
I probably wouldn't ask for repayment.
But some people are a bit more direct then me.

They shouldn’t have to ask, after saying thank you, the next thing out of your mouth should be how much do I owe you?

Consider yourself lucky you have friends that would do this for you. Many people are isolating without people to do their shopping for the.

I'm thinking now that had I brought the stuff I absolutely wouldn't have expected the money for it, would however expect to be offered it, then I could feel generous about refusing it.
If however repayment wasn't offered, I can see me churlishly pointing out that the receipt was in the bag.

I wouldn't ask myself but your a CF for expecting freebies

I think there is a huge difference between offering food, and being asked to buy it

In our office, I might bring in crisps and share them round, no problem. But if I was going out to buy a sandwich and you asked me to buy you a packet of crisps, I'd expect you to pay

I think it's best to pay, or else you don't feel you can ask again

If it was a one off I wouldn't take any money from someone, if it was regularly then it would be different

Poor @MozzchopsThirty. Feel like I’m throwing myself under the bus here based on replies to this thread 😂 but I get where you are coming from and if I was dropping off small value goods for a friend I would say don’t worry about the money, but maybe I’m too generous!

I have learnt never to be surprised. A friend is an nhs consultant and her husband a partner in a big accounting firm. We shared a cab and she sent me her account details to transfer £4 to her account. Personally I don’t ask to be repaid if it’s under £5 but I always offer and pay promptly (and try hard to remember if it’s my turn if we’re taking turn about buying coffees etc). £4 here and there adds up, especially if you are a careful budgeter.

Of course you have to pay!!! They had to pay for the stuff and so should you.What a cheek!

Sorry you are ill but of course you pay. If you didn’t have covid you would pay. With the amount of people getting covid, if your friends got everyone free food they would struggle. When people have got us food in quarantine, we’ve done the opposite and actually given them more money than the shop cost/asked them to add on chocolates for their kids to the receipt etc.

I can afford to help my friends out in small ways like this if necessary but there were times when I just would not have been able to and that money would be my food money for the week, so its all relative.
People have different relationships with money for all sorts of reasons and for many people they live by a 'neither a borrower or a lender be' and other people think nothing of either. I dont think it means theyre not friends.