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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

About friends buying goods during covid?

918 replies

MozzchopsThirty · 22/01/2021 15:40

I've had covid for over a week now, been in with 3 dcs, 2 of whom have also tested positive

A few friends have said 'if you need anything just let me know' and I've asked for a few bits.

My friend bought me £6 worth of stuff and said 'the receipt is in the bag can you put it in my account'
My other friend called over last night and I asked if she could bring some crisps & popcorn and she also said it was about £4 the receipt is in the bag

I'm just wondering AIBU to think that dropping £4-£6 worth of shopping off I wouldn't ask for that back off a friend (and I'm not well off, single parent nhs worker)
If it was a £20 shop upwards that would be different

Maybe I'm wrong, AIBU?

OP posts:
Incrediblytired · 22/01/2021 20:58

Personally I wouldn’t ask to be paid back but I would always offer if I’d asked someone to get me something. Which to be fair is what you’ve said!

Itsnotlikethiswithotherpeople · 22/01/2021 21:02

I know what you meant OP. I also don’t ask for money for these types of favours as I figure with friends we all do each other minor favours and it evens out eventually. It’s just what friends do. I have always offered if someone does a favour for me and it’s been a mix of people accepting and not accepting the money. So I think in real life it’s probably dependent on how flush someone is feeling at that particular time, how close you are and their personality.

SeaShells31 · 22/01/2021 21:02

Tbf it’s January and 3 days before payday for me. I have about £30 in the bank after planning carefully for Christmas and trying not to spend too much on credit. I need to go out tomorrow to pick up some bits so do need that £30 so couldn’t really spare that £6 right now. Any other month personally wouldn’t usually be a problem so I’d probably let them off for £4-£6 however I would always offer and expect to pay it back if someone had went shopping for me.

Jeremyironseverything · 22/01/2021 21:04

My friends and I would let a few quid go. I can understand for people struggling but a few quid?

raspberrysundaes · 22/01/2021 21:05

@shhsecretsquirrel

Wow, amazed by the reactions here, I'm with you, no way would I ask a friend for £4/£6 and I know without question none of mine would ask me either. Ok, maybe one but she's very literal
What if you were spending £4-6 on multiple friends? Could you afford to give away £40-60 of your money? If not, when do you draw the line?

Once you've done it for free once, people expect it again (and again).

raspberrysundaes · 22/01/2021 21:06

@Jeremyironseverything

My friends and I would let a few quid go. I can understand for people struggling but a few quid?
What if it's not a one-off, though? If you're popping to the shops for multiple people, those few quid soon add up.
snappedandfartedintheheat · 22/01/2021 21:07

@hamandbuttersandwich - Seriously yourself? Of course I see the difference! I am pointing out the CF entitled attitude of some that play the NHS worker card - of course gifts and expecting free stuff are different things.

TheGreatWave · 22/01/2021 21:09

Last year I had suspected covid so obviously no one could go out, it was when delivery slots were very restricted so I put out a plea on FB for milk. I wouldn't have dreamt of not paying my friend back.

It would have been a bonus if they didn't ask for the money, but the kind thing was getting the shopping in the first place.

RowanAlong · 22/01/2021 21:14

If you’d been in with Covid feeling lousy, with 3 kids, I’d have waived the small shopping costs and bought you a bunch of flowers! You sure they were friends?!

Cadent · 22/01/2021 21:17

OP, not going to add to the pile on, promise.

But if it was me I would say 'oh don't worry it was only x amount'. Unless it was a weeks shop

It's clear that you generous with friends and are a bit taken aback that they aren't. The problem with telling people not to worry about the money because it's a few quid is that they quickly get used to being paid for, and then it becomes an expectation. I'm not saying this is you at all, but that's what we see on MN time and time again, someone makes a lovely gesture and the other person just expects it as their due.

BoofyBoo · 22/01/2021 21:19

I’m a bit surprised at the responses on here. I don’t get the impression the OP is suggesting she should get anything for free, just expressing slightly surprise they asked.
I wouldn’t expect to be paid back for such small amounts as a one off for a friend or even acquaintance. Of course if you’re asking regularly or they’re doing it for lots of people or have a to t budget themselves it’s different but then it’s not like the OP said she expected them to pay!
On the crisps and popcorn - if you’ve have Covid and your kids have then you probably deserve to get the odd treat.
Not sure why all the vitriolic responses! I think the friends have a right to ask for the money and since they’re asked the OP will presumably of them. But I personally wouldn’t ask as a one off, whatever goods the OP chose - just plain generosity, if you can afford it.

AnyTimeSoon · 22/01/2021 21:22

If you were my friend op I would drop by some treats and even a home cooked meal, I wouldn't ask you for the money . That's what friends do. Well the friends that I have. You're hardly asking for a full grocery shop.

lioncitygirl · 22/01/2021 21:22

Am i surprised they asked? No, why why you be? Perhaps that money they might need as well? I mean - would I ask? i suppose if i was stuck for money but was still helping a friend then of course i would... so If you isolate for a few weeks, however long, you ask friends to buy you food every few days etc - it all adds up - friend or no friend. I did a shop for a friend, i didnt put the receipt in, but she asked how much and transferred the money. She asked for the shop, so she paid.

Gwenhwyfar · 22/01/2021 21:26

" The problem with telling people not to worry about the money because it's a few quid is that they quickly get used to being paid for, and then it becomes an expectation. "

Well, I hope OP's not going to be self-isolating for ever. It's pretty obvious that this is a temporary thing.

userxx · 22/01/2021 21:27

@AnyTimeSoon

If you were my friend op I would drop by some treats and even a home cooked meal, I wouldn't ask you for the money . That's what friends do. Well the friends that I have. You're hardly asking for a full grocery shop.

Same. That's just not how we are with each other.

RedCyclamens · 22/01/2021 21:27

[quote MozzchopsThirty]@EggyPegg that's me exactly

I would just say 'oh forget it' or 'buy me a drink if we ever go out again'

I'd be embarrassed to say 'that's £4.40 you owe me'[/quote]
I agree with this too. While as OP said, I would definitely ask how much am I owed, however if it were me in the friends place, would nt hand over a bill of 4 quid. I would feel embarrassed too. However, also depends on the friend, as there are some people who like to take advantage of others. Hence it really is down to your relationship with your friend.

rosegoldwatcher · 22/01/2021 21:28

I have read all of your post OP but not the whole thread and so this has probably been said by PP.

The favour is that your friends have done your shopping for you.

Asking for reimbursement is, to most people, embarrassing/awkward; pointing out the presence of a receipt is their way of avoiding this.

Regardless of what you would do in a similar situation you need to be quiet now and just pay for your groceries. THEN you will feel fine about asking them to shop for you again.

MissMarpleDarling · 22/01/2021 21:32

Yanbu op I'm poor but wouldnt expect £6 and often haven't got that back from friends when we've been out and I've brought drinks or cake.

TomorrowIsAnotherDae · 22/01/2021 21:33

@FrostyChocolateMilkshake

Because you're a "single parent NHS worker" you're entitled to free stuff off your mates? What planet do you live on?! You should count yourself lucky you have some really lovely friends that are prepared to go out of their way to shop for you.
This! You cheeky fecker.
HidingFromDD · 22/01/2021 21:33

Most of my friends would have immediately asked how much and I've have said 'don't bother, happy to help'. There's a couple who wouldn't have offered, they're also the ones who insist we should 'split the bill' when they've ordered the most expensive thing on the menu. To them, I'd have said, receipt is in the bag. Depends which one you are...

rookiemere · 22/01/2021 21:34

Poor friends.

Go to the trouble of an extra shop visit and trip to drop off the purchases, and instead of OP having the warm fuzzies about friends being there for her, she's got the hump that they're asking to be paid back.

Ringsender2 · 22/01/2021 21:35

If I were doing the buying, I wouldn't be asking for the money. I would see it as a small gift to a friend in need.

If I were the requester/recipient... hmm.. I think I'd be expecting to pay.

Both scenarios usually end up in a humourous spat with my friends about who's not going to take money off the other.

Having said that, I would be taken aback by the mention of immediate payment into their account. It's more like a 'rounds' system for me, a kind of 'get you back next time', or pay you when I'm organised.

Also, if you're feeling crappy and isolated, I'm sure you were feeling it would be nice to be spoiled, and would have done that for friends if the situation was reversed.

So, you probably ABU to expect to not to pay, but YANBU to feel peeved either...

I hope you all feel better soon xx

UrAWizHarry · 22/01/2021 21:35

There have been times in my life when my food budget for the week hasn't been much more than the amount being discussed.

The fact is, you don't know people's circumstances and it's a dick move to judge people for not being able to afford handouts to ungrateful so-called friends.

Passthecake30 · 22/01/2021 21:37

In your case I would’ve offered but expected friends to say not to bother. If I had friends in the same position, I’d have brought them a few extra treats tbh. So I’m going to go with yanbu.

mswales · 22/01/2021 21:38

No I wouldn't ask a friend to pay me back £4 or £6 for anything I'd bought them. But yes I would insist on paying someone who did me that favour. So I am with you OP

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