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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

About friends buying goods during covid?

918 replies

MozzchopsThirty · 22/01/2021 15:40

I've had covid for over a week now, been in with 3 dcs, 2 of whom have also tested positive

A few friends have said 'if you need anything just let me know' and I've asked for a few bits.

My friend bought me £6 worth of stuff and said 'the receipt is in the bag can you put it in my account'
My other friend called over last night and I asked if she could bring some crisps & popcorn and she also said it was about £4 the receipt is in the bag

I'm just wondering AIBU to think that dropping £4-£6 worth of shopping off I wouldn't ask for that back off a friend (and I'm not well off, single parent nhs worker)
If it was a £20 shop upwards that would be different

Maybe I'm wrong, AIBU?

OP posts:
Thiscantgoon · 22/01/2021 20:21

I've dropped of goodies or useful bits for unwell friends and wouldn't dream of asking for the money, but if it's specifically an arrangement for someone to go shopping for me, I'd expect to reimburse them.

That said, I wouldn't ask for the money if it was only a few quid and I'd offered to go for them, but then I wouldn't miss £10, it would be different for someone who would. I'd still be put out if they didn't at least offer though.

HorseOfPhillipMoss · 22/01/2021 20:25

Tricky, in your shoes I'd be very insistent about paying, although most of my friends would wave it away. If it was me doing the delivering I'd say don't worry about it up to about £20 , but I can afford to not worry about that amount of money. I definitely wouldn't expect people not to want to be paid back.

Bramblecrumble · 22/01/2021 20:26

I think this is a misunderstanding of the phrase 'if you need anything let me know" they mean delivery and you understood it as they wanted to buy you something. Reading these responses, you probably understand now that they are not beo unreasonable. Maybe next time say no thanks but appreciate the offer if it's really too much money and not the principal that you misunderstood...

nothingcanhurtmewithmyeyesshut · 22/01/2021 20:29

Bit weird to think you shouldn't have to pay them back. Unless its a regular mutual thing. I sometimes buy a drink or sandwich for a friend at work and don't expect the money but he just as often picks stuff up for me so it balances out.

Cam2020 · 22/01/2021 20:29

I would be happy to buy the stuff ad not expect the money back, but if. I were the recipient, I'd never expect someone else to pay.

Iminaglasscaseofemotion · 22/01/2021 20:30

Well I probably wouldn't ask for the money, but I would never expect my friends to buy stuff and drop it off and not give them the money. Infact it would never even cross my mind to think that they should do it for free.

Postnasaldrop · 22/01/2021 20:31

@raspberrysundaes
I’ve had periods of my life where I can’t afford it but have still given it even if it’s a detriment to me. This person is my friend and they are ill, why would I not?

Cuppaand2biscuits · 22/01/2021 20:32

I would never offer to pick something up and then ask for repayment.
If I was the person receiving I would of course offer to pay for it.
My mother in law is bonkers, she asked me to pick her up a loaf of bread this week and will insist on paying me back!

DfEisashambles · 22/01/2021 20:32

YANBU
I am generous and so are my friends, extremely!

Pinotwoman82 · 22/01/2021 20:33

I’d not ask for the money back and I have dropped shopping off for a friend which was about £10 and told her not to worry, however I am in a position to do this, and also are they dropping shopping off for other people? So £6 to you and £6 to others do soon mount up!

raspberrysundaes · 22/01/2021 20:34

[quote Postnasaldrop]@raspberrysundaes
I’ve had periods of my life where I can’t afford it but have still given it even if it’s a detriment to me. This person is my friend and they are ill, why would I not?[/quote]
But if I don't have £10 to give, I don't have it. That doesn't make me a bad person, nor does it mean I don't care about my friend. It just means I can't afford to give them £10.

raspberrysundaes · 22/01/2021 20:34

@DfEisashambles

YANBU I am generous and so are my friends, extremely!
Good for you Hmm

Not everyone has the luxury of being able to give £10 worth of food away to their friends at random.

UndertheCedartree · 22/01/2021 20:35

I think it's fair enough they ask for the money - they could well need it. Personally if it was me I'd drop round some groceries including treats for the DC. But you can't expect it. Luckily I'd stockpiled a lot of food so was useful when I had Covid. My DC's dad did drop fresh food round and didn't ask for the money. But you can't expect.

Catlover77 · 22/01/2021 20:37

You are not being unreasonable. Friends help each other out and buy treats if their friend is ill.

You have paid them your friends back and the posts on here are laying into you for no reason

RhubarbAndRoses · 22/01/2021 20:41

@MozzchopsThirty I don’t know what has got into mumsnetters today! So many people have been so unnecessarily harsh and nasty. Not just on this thread. Yanbu, if I had Covid and one of my friends dropped off £4 (or £6) worth of stuff I don’t think a single one of them would let me pay them back. Of course I’d offer but they’d never take it. If this thread was reversed and you were moaning that a friend hadn’t paid you back £4 you’d get absolutely roasted for being grabby. People are just full of shite today.

snappedandfartedintheheat · 22/01/2021 20:41

@namechangefail2020

Why should you get free stuff?
Clue might be in the reference to being an NHS worker... do you not remember all the reports last year from various businesses being pestered by CF NHS workers asking for free stuff (usually back office staff and not the real frontline workers).
Viviennemary · 22/01/2021 20:45

You are being a c.f. of the first degree.

HamAndButterSandwich · 22/01/2021 20:47

@snappedandfartedintheheat

Seriously? Surely you see the difference between businesses kindly offering free gifts and expecting to recieve free gifts? NHS workers didn't order food then act disgruntled when expected to pay for it.

MaeveDidIt · 22/01/2021 20:49

YANBU
I wouldn't leave you a receipt in the bag for such ridiculously small amounts. Isn't that what friends do/are for?
Presumably when you see them (one day) you will give them a bottle or whatever to say thank you.

Benjispruce2 · 22/01/2021 20:51

@RhubarbAndRoses it’s their prerogative to waive repayment. The Op is taking offence to paying for things she asked others to get for her. Very rudez

MintyMabel · 22/01/2021 20:54

You asked people to bring you stuff but don't think you should pay for it? I can't believe you'd be surprised to expect a bill.

shhsecretsquirrel · 22/01/2021 20:54

Wow, amazed by the reactions here, I'm with you, no way would I ask a friend for £4/£6 and I know without question none of mine would ask me either. Ok, maybe one but she's very literal

Marlena1 · 22/01/2021 20:55

OP I'm with you that is really scabby!!! Plus you're sick, they could've at least waited.

FourPillars · 22/01/2021 20:56

@Butterflyfluff

I agree with others that I wouldn’t take payment but I would expect the recipient to offer first

I’d bet the OP has form for not paying their way

I think the fact 2 ‘friends’ brought up the price of the goods and put the receipt in the bag probably means they’ve been burnt by the OP before

‘How much do I owe you?’ would literally be the first thing I said when I was passed the items so them having to say ‘the receipt is in the bag’ would be a response to that, not a prompt for payment

This! We don’t know the history with these friends and perhaps the receipt was put in with the shopping because based on previous incidences, they didn’t expect you to offer to pay?
RhubarbAndRoses · 22/01/2021 20:57

@Benjispruce2 of course it is! I’m not arguing that. Unless there is more of a backstory it is a bit odd. Would your close friends hand you a bill if they dropped off £4 worth of treats for you and your sick kids? There is probably more to this than has been said in the OP. I’ve given more to strangers and I’m very far from wealthy.

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