About friends buying goods during covid?

[MozzchopsThirty]

I've had covid for over a week now, been in with 3 dcs, 2 of whom have also tested positive

A few friends have said 'if you need anything just let me know' and I've asked for a few bits.

My friend bought me £6 worth of stuff and said 'the receipt is in the bag can you put it in my account'
My other friend called over last night and I asked if she could bring some crisps & popcorn and she also said it was about £4 the receipt is in the bag

I'm just wondering AIBU to think that dropping £4-£6 worth of shopping off I wouldn't ask for that back off a friend (and I'm not well off, single parent nhs worker)
If it was a £20 shop upwards that would be different

Maybe I'm wrong, AIBU?

@Ilovenewyear

FWIW my friend needed some shopping when she was isolating. I brought the stuff on her list and added a couple of treats to go in the bag. She asked how much but I insisted I get it for her. She had COVID, was isolating and worried about her child. The last thing I wanted her to do was go to the hassle of setting me up as a new recipient on online banking etc to transfer across a tenner.

Good for you, but not everyone can afford to do that.

* OP- At no point have I said I expect shopping for free. *

Also OP- I'm just wondering AIBU to think that dropping £4-£6 worth of shopping off I wouldn't ask for that back off a friend

You don't have to say those exact words but the meaning is the same

@InFiveMins

FWIW I'd be mortified to ask for someone to pay me back £4 or £6 quid for some popcorn and crisps

Then maybe take a step back and realise how lucky you are to be able to afford to give your money away. Lots of people can't afford to buy other people food.

It's really sad that your friends have gone out of their way to help you, and you are pissed off that they won't buy you treats for film night for free.

I would let your friends know how you feel and give them the chance to be friends with someone nice.

I’ve offered to pick things up for people self isolating

Whilst I don’t expect them to survive on bread and water, I’ve picked up essentially either a big shop or bread/milk etc. What I wouldn’t expect is to be sent off specifically to the supermarket to only pick up what are snacks to watch a film with. I suspect your friends might not have either - hence why they asked for the money to try and discourage that

@eaglejulesk

Well done those of you who feel the need to boast about your generosity in these times when some people don't know how they are going to pay for their next meal. I do hope it makes you feel good.

Yes absolutely - some people are struggling, so no-one should do anyone a favour...

I think it’s a bit weird to ask for £4, but then maybe it’s because I have £4 to spare.

I would bring treats to a friend with COVID and not expect the money.

OP, it might be that both friends are short is cash this month.

Yes absolutely - some people are struggling, so no-one should do anyone a favour...

It's not the act, it's the self-righteous bragging about it.

If you're a good friend, I might do it once - but I wouldn't offer again. You should at least offer, even if a good friend then says, "Oh it was only £4, don't worry!"
Maybe other friends have taken advantage in the past, and they're keen not to set the precedent.

@raspberrysundaes how is it a 'totally different' situation? OP is ill at home with 3 DC, friends have said 'if you need anything just let me know' . That's - erm - the same situation...

[quote heidipi]@raspberrysundaes how is it a 'totally different' situation? OP is ill at home with 3 DC, friends have said 'if you need anything just let me know' . That's - erm - the same situation... [/quote]
That's not the same as voluntarily going round with a hamper without being asked!

That's them offering, OP accepting and them being given a shopping list!

Yes absolutely - some people are struggling, so no-one should do anyone a favour... confused

Not at all.

But if you can afford to do it, maybe have the self-awareness to realise that not everyone is as lucky as you are.

I agree with PPs that there’s a difference between someone choosing to get you a few bits and turning up with them and you giving them a list of what you want. I’d be very happy to help a friend out who was stuck but I would also do the same and say “the receipt’s in the bag so you know what you owe me” if I was concerned about money or being asked to shop again for them. Especially if they’re the sort who will forget or assume they don’t need to bother paying it back. It may only be £6 but what if that friend asks me to shop a few more time and it ends up being ‘just’ £4-6 but on five or six occasions? It would get harder to ask for it back later if it’s an amount that starts totting up and you’re really going to need it. Better to be clear up front.

It’s also true how often financial miscommunications can harbour fall outs between friends so it seems wise to keep things tidy by just keeping things square. I’m always very eager to pay people what I owe them however small the amount or equal our finances because then they don’t have to feel awkward asking or chasing it up or resentful or used in some way. If they really don’t want to be paid back then they’ll say so but at least we’re clear!

You don’t know their financial situation and it would be presumptuous to call in a favour and expect them to foot the bill for the favour they’re doing. Your choice to not worry about £6 but YABU to expect people to have the same view.

I remember being in the position of paying up front for a B&B room for a friend. It was £25 (long time ago, I was about 19 I think!). She was much better off than me so I think it didn’t cross her mind that it was the sort of sum I’d really miss. I didn’t ask, thought she’d give it back spontaneously but it wasn’t forthcoming. In the end I asked lightly, nothing, then I said I really actually need it back. She got really shitty with me “being a bad friend and going on about it”. I should have just been upfront!

So you recognise your not well off but think your friends are cheeky or weird or out of order whichever it is for asking when they could be in the same position and not rolling in it and need the money back. There probably thinking you might need a few of these trips while in isolation and it might add up

£4, £40 it makes no difference you owe them the money back. I can't believe you actually think they are strange for asking you to pay for the shopping. When they handed the shopping over, the first thing you should have said is 'Thanks how much do I owe you?' The fact they had to tell you and you hadn't asked is very telling. Unreal.

In the not too distant past I literally wouldn't have been able to afford to pay for a friend's snacks. I could now but would expect at least the offer of payment.

You ABU Op.

And as a NHS worker you are currently enjoying a relatively high level of job security compared with much of the population.

Maybe it's a little awkward that they came right out immediately and told you how much you owed without giving you a chance to ask, but then again, possibly they thought that was the best way to make it clear that they expect to be paid and didn't want it to be forgotten. Maybe they were worried you'd just assume it was a gift, if they didn't speak up right away.

I think it's a little strange to be upset that they didn't refuse to let you pay for the food you requested. They did you a favour to shop and bring it to you. It would be different if they'd dropped of unrequested "get well" parcel of treats and then expected you to pay them for it, but this is more like a business transaction, in my estimation. You asked, they provided, and of course you should have expected to pay them.

Only you know the circumstances of those friends (or you’re likely to have some idea), but there’s no way I would ask my friends for anything up to probably £10 of shopping, and would therefore feel a bit like you if they expected it.
It’s tricky, we don’t know others situation at the moment but I’d feel a little hurt with the difference in what I’d do for others and what they would do for me.
We quite often text our neighbours and offer to get essentials if we are popping to the shop and they do the same in return, and we never accept money off each other so it all works out even in the end.
But then everyone’s different, my married friends still pay each other back for things to the penny so whatever works!

Not well off, has no issue asking for holiday advice.

Of course you pay. You asked them to purchase items for you. It would be different if you asked for a couple of dishwasher tablets or washing capsules to tide you over which they could easily grab from their own house.
Bare in mind you have no idea of your friend's real finances, some people go pay pack to pay pack and the popcorn and drinks for you mean their kids do without.

May I also point out that some of us are doing these little “four quid” jobs for quite a lot of people at the moment so it adds up!

YANBU the nature of friendship is that you help each other out in need without expecting something back

Also depends on the nature of your friendship. Friends of mine do not ask me to pay them back for things that cost up to £10.

YABU, I always give people money for any shopping they do for me.

@Postnasaldrop

YANBU the nature of friendship is that you help each other out in need without expecting something back

Also depends on the nature of your friendship. Friends of mine do not ask me to pay them back for things that cost up to £10.

What if you can't afford to sub people £10? Does it make you a shit friend?

I can see various sides to this- no, I personally wouldn't expect a friend to payme back and if I knew that a friend was on the same income level as me, we'd let that amount go. But if my next door neighbour (that I don't know very well) said they didn't want the money for the shopping, I wouldn't ask them again to get stuff. Paying what you owe leaves a clean slate & doesn't breed resentment or awkwardness.