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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

About friends buying goods during covid?

918 replies

MozzchopsThirty · 22/01/2021 15:40

I've had covid for over a week now, been in with 3 dcs, 2 of whom have also tested positive

A few friends have said 'if you need anything just let me know' and I've asked for a few bits.

My friend bought me £6 worth of stuff and said 'the receipt is in the bag can you put it in my account'
My other friend called over last night and I asked if she could bring some crisps & popcorn and she also said it was about £4 the receipt is in the bag

I'm just wondering AIBU to think that dropping £4-£6 worth of shopping off I wouldn't ask for that back off a friend (and I'm not well off, single parent nhs worker)
If it was a £20 shop upwards that would be different

Maybe I'm wrong, AIBU?

OP posts:

Lipz · 22/01/2021 19:25

I'd never ask for that amount back, actually I'd be mortified asking for it. I'd just be happy I could help out and give a treat to you and the kids.

nimbuscloud · 22/01/2021 19:26

The op says she can't really afford her crisps and popcorn.

I don’t think she said that?

Justforphoto · 22/01/2021 19:26

Surely it should go "thank you and how much do I owe you" the fact you didn't instantly offer is the cf bit. It's incredibly rude to make them ask you to pay for your own shopping. Yes it would be nice if they then said oh don't worry about it but they can't do that if you don't offer in the first place.

SunshineCake · 22/01/2021 19:26

They put the receipt in the bag to tell you what you owed them to save any awkward what do I owe you? Or to tell you what money to organise for when you see them. Or how much to transfer once you got their bank details so you could work out when in the month you could afford to transfer it..

PretendImNotHere · 22/01/2021 19:28

YANBU.

Hope you feel better soon.

TheSockMonster · 22/01/2021 19:28

£4-6 is not a lot for most people. However, if they are offering to pick bits up for other friends too it could very soon add up to a lot. I always offer to do this for isolating friends as there are precious few home delivery slots available where I am. I text them all the day before to ask if there is anything they need. I have never once been in a situation where I’ve had to say the receipt is in the bag as they ALL ask whether I’d like bank transfer/cash/PayPal when they send me their lists. I do sometimes pop other treats in too, which of course I don’t ask them to pay for.

The act of friendship is in the thinking of you, offering to pick bits up for you, buying them and delivering them to you.

heyfrog · 22/01/2021 19:30

But I do shopping for quite a few friends (not all with COVID, obviously, but they are shielding : elderly). I thought that I was just being nice and yes I do expect people to pay me back as if I said to all of them that no, £5 doesn't matter, I'd be massively down over the month. Have you ever considered that maybe it's not just you that they are shopping for?

Catchingfire123 · 22/01/2021 19:31

I would pay and top up, if they went to the effort, petrol / time at minimum wage you actually owe them a lot more than just £4/6

Cosmos123 · 22/01/2021 19:32

You will get yourself a reputation of a CF if u is not careful.

Pixilicious · 22/01/2021 19:33

I absolutely wouldn’t expect friends to pay for anything less that a tenner but by the same token I would expect to pay them and would offer
I get where you’re coming from as I think a few quid between friends is nothing and would also be a bit in your situation

partyatthepalace · 22/01/2021 19:33

@MozzchopsThirty

I've had covid for over a week now, been in with 3 dcs, 2 of whom have also tested positive

A few friends have said 'if you need anything just let me know' and I've asked for a few bits.

Maybe I'm wrong, AIBU?

Well it depends on their financial situation, if they are hardish up then it’s fair enough.

If they were well off then yes it’s a bit fussy.

CandidaAlbicans2 · 22/01/2021 19:33

I'm just wondering AIBU to think that dropping £4-£6 worth of shopping off I wouldn't ask for that back off a friend (and I'm not well off, single parent nhs worker). If it was a £20 shop upwards that would be different

You've said you wouldn't expect payment if you'd bought for friends, which is generous of you, but I do think the default is that we should pay unless it's a gift. So if you ask for something, you pay (unless they insist that you son't) but if they bring something unprompted it's a gift and you don't. Maybe your friend has had issues with not being paid back in the past (not necessarily with you BTW) which is why she made a point of saying.

TH22 · 22/01/2021 19:34

I'm with you OP...sort of!
If it was my friend, I would happily drop some goodies for them and not expect money. What goes around comes around.
However, I also know I have some friends who would very much expect the money. I have friends who'd want 20p back that I'd borrowed (for example). That's fine, that's their prerogative, but I would never ask not expect for that back.

raspberrysundaes · 22/01/2021 19:35

@heidipi

Yeah I'm just imagining the thread that goes:

"My friend has covid, she's stuck at home with 3 DC, 2 of whom have also tested positive. I'm thinking of little ways to help, any ideas?"

And the replies, instead of the standard "do her a mini hamper with bits like something to read, some nice socks, chocolate, sweets for the kids etc" the replies are all "ask her if she needs anything, drop it off, make sure she pays up".

Hope you feel better soon OP, it's crap being ill and a bit of TLC goes a long way.

So, imagine a totally different situation?

Of course if you voluntarily make up a nice hamper for someone, you can't demand payment, but if someone asks to you to go out of your way to buy them food, then would you really do that for free? What if they ask 2, 3, or 4 times?

When does it go from being nice to being taken for a mug?

BrutusMcDogface · 22/01/2021 19:36

Of course yabu.

eaglejulesk · 22/01/2021 19:41

I wouldn't ask for money under £10. To be honest I'd probably put extra nice bits in the bag for you and little ones. I think most of my friends would do the same. It's a shame people aren't more thoughtful. Obviously we all offer to pay and have money waiting.

It's a shame people can't see that life for all is not the same as in their privileged little bubble. Not everyone is fortunate enough to be in a position to do this, be thankful you are.

The point here is what happens the next time the OP asks the same people to pick up a few bits and pieces, and the next - where is the line drawn where she actually pays?

MrsVogon · 22/01/2021 19:43

Cheeky fxxxxr! YABU.

Ilovenewyear · 22/01/2021 19:44

FWIW my friend needed some shopping when she was isolating. I brought the stuff on her list and added a couple of treats to go in the bag. She asked how much but I insisted I get it for her.
She had COVID, was isolating and worried about her child. The last thing I wanted her to do was go to the hassle of setting me up as a new recipient on online banking etc to transfer across a tenner.

BluntAndToThePoint80 · 22/01/2021 19:45

Personally, I have done this and bought things for a few friends who have asked for bank details to transfer money, but I just told them not to bother. It was less than £10 each time and I could afford it.

People have offered to get me stuff as we’re isolating (DH currently has Covid) but we don’t need anything. One did drop me off a small unsolicited care package (kids magazine and kinder egg for the kids and chocolate and an energy bar for me) anyway (not someone I’ve had to buy for). I offered to pay but was told it was fine.

I’d always offer to pay if someone did it for me. It’s up to them if they want/need me to. That’s unrelated to whether or not I ask for cash back from my friends. If it was a regular cheeky ducker I’d probably ask but most of my friends aren’t like that as we tend to buy each other (or our kids) odd bits if we’re together.

eaglejulesk · 22/01/2021 19:46

Sorry, that should have read "where is the line drawn where she actually thinks she should pay"

AnneLovesGilbert · 22/01/2021 19:46

@Ilovenewyear

FWIW my friend needed some shopping when she was isolating. I brought the stuff on her list and added a couple of treats to go in the bag. She asked how much but I insisted I get it for her. She had COVID, was isolating and worried about her child. The last thing I wanted her to do was go to the hassle of setting me up as a new recipient on online banking etc to transfer across a tenner.

Lucky for you and her that you could afford it. Do you want a medal for having spare cash?

SophieLeGiraffe · 22/01/2021 19:49

I’m VERY out of touch with MN because my face reading you “YABVVU” posts is like 😲
During first lockdown we had a support group of friends and acquaintances and one for my street. Whenever someone was going to the shop we’d ask if anyone needed something. Cash was always preferred and never taken. And yes sometimes it was for Maltesers not milk.
I don’t think the OP is being unreasonable at all but that’s because I would do the same as she expected for any friend or acquaintance who was in this situation.
I hope you feel better soon and the rest of isolation goes quickly.

eaglejulesk · 22/01/2021 19:52

Well done those of you who feel the need to boast about your generosity in these times when some people don't know how they are going to pay for their next meal. I do hope it makes you feel good.

Butterflyfluff · 22/01/2021 19:53

I agree with others that I wouldn’t take payment but I would expect the recipient to offer first

I’d bet the OP has form for not paying their way

I think the fact 2 ‘friends’ brought up the price of the goods and put the receipt in the bag probably means they’ve been burnt by the OP before

‘How much do I owe you?’ would literally be the first thing I said when I was passed the items so them having to say ‘the receipt is in the bag’ would be a response to that, not a prompt for payment

InFiveMins · 22/01/2021 19:54

FWIW I'd be mortified to ask for someone to pay me back £4 or £6 quid for some popcorn and crisps

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