About friends buying goods during covid?

[MozzchopsThirty]

I've had covid for over a week now, been in with 3 dcs, 2 of whom have also tested positive

A few friends have said 'if you need anything just let me know' and I've asked for a few bits.

My friend bought me £6 worth of stuff and said 'the receipt is in the bag can you put it in my account'
My other friend called over last night and I asked if she could bring some crisps & popcorn and she also said it was about £4 the receipt is in the bag

I'm just wondering AIBU to think that dropping £4-£6 worth of shopping off I wouldn't ask for that back off a friend (and I'm not well off, single parent nhs worker)
If it was a £20 shop upwards that would be different

Maybe I'm wrong, AIBU?

YABVU

Would you be able to afford £6 and £4 worth of shopping if they were ill? No, because you're a single Mum and an NHS worker.

Be grateful that you work for the NHS and have a secure job and friends who are prepared to do shopping for you. Don't take things for granted.

Op who wanted to go on holiday during a pandemic, but is actually skint and thinks her friends should buy her stuff.

I would probably always give people the option to pay so that they felt they could ask if they really needed something. If I was treating it as a 'gift' rather than just some bloody groceries they might feel like they couldn't ask iyswim.

If I really wanted to help out/do something nice to show them I cared, I would throw something naice and let them know THAT was a gift.

@Anotherlovelybitofsquirrel I'm glad I'm not the only one who's spotted this lol

Yeah your being unreasonable, I mean personally I’m the person who’ll say here you go don’t worry about it etc. But if the person doesn’t offer to pay me back I’ll be asking for it as that’s massively cheeky.

That’s incredibly unreasonable of you.

Tbf, I'd probably have waited for you to ask how much you owed but, presuming they were just quickly dropping the things off because you are isolating, I'd have mentioned the receipt was in the bag too.

I would probably not ask for the money if I did that for friends, but if I asked someone to buy a few things for me I certainly wouldn't expect them not to ask for the money to be reimbursed, BUT, there is a difference there, and I certainly wouldn't come on MN to complain about how mean my friends were!!!!

I do see what you're saying OP if I took it for friends I would say no it doesn't matter & mean it but on the other hand if friend brought it for me I would insist on giving her the money so 🤷🏻‍♀️

All those who wouldn't ask for payment though, have you been in this situation a lot? I think in Covid mutual support groups a new etiquette has arisen where non awkward payment requests are made. Because it's actually quite a big deal being responsible for ensuring an isolating family has everything they need. It isn't a one off favour dropping round flowers and a magazine type of thing you might normally do when someone's poorly. Be clear in your boundaries and start as you mean to go on or it just gets awkward all round.

I wouldn’t ask but I absolutely would expect the friend to offer. Occasionally a friend and I get stuff on each other’s supermarket delivery and we always offer, or say, ‘I’ll get you some stuff on my next order.’ It’s very cheeky to expect not to be asked.

RE, the “is this a joke???” type replies..... In many countries it would be considered super weird to ask a close friend for £5. Which is basically all the OP is getting at. Nothing to with wealth either. I lived in China for many years and got so used to the way of spending there that I was super taken aback when a close friend from back home asked me one time for £10 petrol money, and on a different occasion another friend didn’t pay for my someone’s club entry.... Because Id become so accustomed to the other way of doing things. No such thing as normal - only agreed upon intergroup and intercultural norms. Basically OP is neither right or wrong - she simply has a conflict of values/behaviour with her friends in this respect.

Yabu and cheeky indeed.

I'd rather pay them back even if it was just £4. That way I would feel I could ask again.

How entitled are you ??

I wouldn't ask for money under £10. To be honest I'd probably put extra nice bits in the bag for you and little ones. I think most of my friends would do the same. It's a shame people aren't more thoughtful. Obviously we all offer to pay and have money waiting.

I lived in China for many years and got so used to the way of spending there that I was super taken aback when a close friend from back home asked me one time for £10 petrol money, and on a different occasion another friend didn’t pay for my someone’s club entry

Well as the op works for the NHS then I'm going to hazard a guess that she's in the UK. And generally in the UK people do get that we need to at least offer to pay what we owe.

Yeah I'm just imagining the thread that goes:

"My friend has covid, she's stuck at home with 3 DC, 2 of whom have also tested positive. I'm thinking of little ways to help, any ideas?"

And the replies, instead of the standard "do her a mini hamper with bits like something to read, some nice socks, chocolate, sweets for the kids etc" the replies are all "ask her if she needs anything, drop it off, make sure she pays up".

Hope you feel better soon OP, it's crap being ill and a bit of TLC goes a long way.

It's a shame people aren't more thoughtful

The op says she can't really afford her crisps and popcorn. Why assume that her friends can. It's not about being thoughtful. Some people genuinely cannot afford to sub other people. Especially at the moment.

I wouldn’t ask friends to pay me back for £4-£6 of groceries I’d picked up because they were unwell. However I would expect them to have offered to pay me back and would always Immediately offer to pay others back in this situation.

If I had asked someone to get me some shopping I wouldn't dream of not offering to pay for it.

TBH - if it was a loaf of bread or a pint of milk or a bar of chocolate, I'd probably say "No bother - don't worry about it", but anything more I would expect to be paid back.

£4-£6 I probably wouldn't of asked for but, why has your work and relationship status come in to it? If you weren't ill would you of got these items yourself and still of spent £4-£6 on it, maybe more?

Lots of people have been severely impacted financially.

I'm usually very generous with things like this but at the moment I would need to ask for the money back as we can't even afford all of our bills at the moment!

I wouldn't ask my friends to pay if I took round stuff for them, but I would definitely offer to pay if someone did it for me...

As it's specific stuff you've requested, it's fair enough they expect you to pay. It's not like they randomly turned up with a bag of food and presented you their bill for it.