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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

About friends buying goods during covid?

918 replies

MozzchopsThirty · 22/01/2021 15:40

I've had covid for over a week now, been in with 3 dcs, 2 of whom have also tested positive

A few friends have said 'if you need anything just let me know' and I've asked for a few bits.

My friend bought me £6 worth of stuff and said 'the receipt is in the bag can you put it in my account'
My other friend called over last night and I asked if she could bring some crisps & popcorn and she also said it was about £4 the receipt is in the bag

I'm just wondering AIBU to think that dropping £4-£6 worth of shopping off I wouldn't ask for that back off a friend (and I'm not well off, single parent nhs worker)
If it was a £20 shop upwards that would be different

Maybe I'm wrong, AIBU?

OP posts:
Hotzenplotz · 22/01/2021 17:57

Cheeky git! (OP that is.) Pay for your own stuff.

AlexisCarringtonColbyDexter · 22/01/2021 17:57

@ZoeTurtle

They went to a shop in a pandemic to buy you a "few bits" of unnecessary snack food, and you think THEY should pay for it?

I really want to understand how people become so self-absorbed and selfish.

Seriously! what in the actual fuck?

PAY UP

minimonkey11 · 22/01/2021 17:58

I would (and have) bought bread and milk (and other things they asked for) for friends when they were isolating - and i added flowers, fizz and chocolates. I didn’t ask for money and wouldnt accept money. I would never ask for £6. YANBU.

clpsmum · 22/01/2021 17:58

Why would you not want to pay? I wouldn't ask my friends if I wasn't wanting g to pay tbh and if they said it didn't matter if insist or not ask them again

kowari · 22/01/2021 17:59

Surely, they'd be buying something for themselves as well. I wouldn't expect them to do a trip just for me even if it was bread and milk.
No, not surely. They may be doing their weekly shop and asking ahead of that, but if a friend needed essentials I'd go regardless if I was doing my shopping or not.

Crownofthorns · 22/01/2021 18:00

Are you kidding? What planet are you from? It doesn’t matter if you owe someone 20p, you should always pay them back unless they insist otherwise. I can’t believe anyone could be so entitled as to think others should buy them things for free.

BonnieDundee · 22/01/2021 18:01

I would hate if I was the person being bought the food and the buyer wouldn't tell me how much nor take payment. I'd feel as if I couldn't.ask them again

Fieldofyellowflowers · 22/01/2021 18:01

@Gwenhwyfar

The OP's friend was coming over to drop off books for her DD. OP asked if she could bring crisps and popcorn too. So for all we know, the friend had got all the shopping she needed for the next few days and hadn't been planning on going.

In OP's position, I would have offered to pay for the goods and not thought anything of it if they accepted my money.

wildraisins · 22/01/2021 18:01

Just because you wouldn't have asked for the money back, doesn't mean that you should expect your friends not to. You are imposing your own standards/ values on other people, but other people don't always think in the same way as you.

You have this "code" in your head that would not ask for money back from a friend unless it was over £20.

That's arbitrary, and some people don't feel the same, or don't share that "code". Some people won't accept anything at all from friends - they might be assuming that you don't want free shopping or that it might make you feel uncomfortable if you DON'T pay them back.

Tbh I just don't understand why people get into a flap about stuff like this. It's a small amount of money and it sounds like the money itself is neither here nor there to you. So just be led by whatever your friends want, surely?

Changemaname1 · 22/01/2021 18:03

If it was me buying I wouldn’t have asked for the money no however I don’t know their financial situations ( not read full thread )

But there’s no way that I would assume I wouldn’t be paying someone back the other way round . They’ve done you a favour

IrishCharm · 22/01/2021 18:03

I get exactly where you’re coming from @MozzchopsThirty - if a friend asked me to grab them some crisps/snacks on my way to them, especially if they’re poorly I’d know they’d offer me the money but I’d either tell them not to worry or they can buy the coffee when we’re out of this mess! It wouldn’t be a ‘thing’ and I’d probably be a bit taken aback like you have. I’d ALWAYS offer as I’m sure you would op but I’m guessing the issue is they didn’t give you the chance x

Givemeabreak88 · 22/01/2021 18:03

Wow this is cheeky to expect free stuff, though this reminds me off the time my mum printed some stuff out for me and after she asked me for the 40p back 😂 and no she’s no skint!

longdressed · 22/01/2021 18:05

You said you don't expect free stuff; yet you have posted saying you expect to not pay... I'm confused Confused

Jolie12345 · 22/01/2021 18:06

I think they are being reasonable to ask for the money if they want it back. But you’re not being totally unreasonable to expect that maybe they’d say don’t worry about it. I wouldn’t ask for the money back so I get where you’re coming from. I guess they were going to the shop anyway for you to ask for popcorn and crisps. You don’t sounds like the type of person who would put others at risk for those items

BoyTree · 22/01/2021 18:06

We are so weird about money in this country (assuming you're English, OP). I wouldn't ask for the money, even to the extent that I would leave myself out of pocket, because I find it awkward, but I truly admire those who do because there's something really refreshing about everyone knowing where they stand and not having to do that awkward 'no honestly, it' s fine' 'no, I insist!' bullshit that passes for politeness in these situations!

MaMaD1990 · 22/01/2021 18:06

I think posters calling you a CF have read that you haven't actually said you would expect the food for free, but the undertone seems to be there.

LynetteScavo · 22/01/2021 18:07

Usually if I was dropping something off to an ill friend I wouldn't ask for payment - but over the past year it's got so normal for friends and neighbours to shop for others who are isolating they can just not ask for payment. They could end up hundreds of pounds a month worse off with a pint of milk here and a some fruit there. And then people would stop helping each other out.

HettieMills · 22/01/2021 18:08

Maybe they need the money back. You say you're not well off as a single parent NHS worker (not sure what NHS worker has to do with anything) but you want these things so why wouldn't you pay for them? What if they do more than one delivery of items to you? It all adds up. Should they continue to pay?

IrishCharm · 22/01/2021 18:09

Sorry, I can’t edit my post but I don’t think taken aback is the right phrase I was looking for - I wouldn’t be taken aback that they wanted the money - that’s not the issue - I’d probably feel a bit funny if I hadn’t had chance to ask how much I owed them etc
If I asked and they said “oh £4.50, the receipts in the bag” then I wouldn’t really think anything of it
Sorry for the second post - I wish we could edit our posts on mn 😂

Iooselipssinkships · 22/01/2021 18:09

It's really annoying when someone starts a thread to ask if they're being unreasonable and when they're told yes YABU they argue that actually they're not

Backbee · 22/01/2021 18:11

If I was making a care package off of my own steam as a nice surprise then no, I would not ask for a penny. If someone asked me for specific things then yes I would expect money for them.

Lweji · 22/01/2021 18:11

When you asked for things, you should have said then that you'd pay them. Not after they got you the stuff.

I would probably have said not to worry if you had offered to pay at the outset, but would give you the receipt and ask for the money if you hadn't offered to start with.

The problem is that to start with and even in starting this thread you have shown that you expected the stuff for free. Otherwise you wouldn't be complaining about them.

ScrumpyBetty · 22/01/2021 18:12

If it was me dropping off a small amount of shopping to a friend I absolutely would not expect to be paid back, but I would know that my friends would likewise help me out in future or buy me a coffee next time we were out, and I would trust them.

It makes me wonder if you have form for expecting people to pay for you or not paying people back?

AndreaMartel · 22/01/2021 18:12

@MozzchopsThirty I'd be really surprised to be asked for the money. I'd wonder if my friends had fallen on particularly hard times financially. I would say with a couple we probably wouldn't even necessarily offer money to each other.

My mum had someone she barely knew get her a few bits, the lovely woman added some goodies to it and refused the money offered.

Isolating with DC...I would have definitely dropped off a few treats along with any more essential items requested.

Maybe I'm a cheeky fucker too.

Yokey · 22/01/2021 18:13

@BoyTree

We are so weird about money in this country (assuming you're English, OP). I wouldn't ask for the money, even to the extent that I would leave myself out of pocket, because I find it awkward, but I truly admire those who do because there's something really refreshing about everyone knowing where they stand and not having to do that awkward 'no honestly, it' s fine' 'no, I insist!' bullshit that passes for politeness in these situations!
I absolutely agree with this.

YABVVU, OP. You shouldn't have ever expected free shit.

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