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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Child in the supermarket?

512 replies

Whipituntilitpeaks · 22/01/2021 08:51

Just curious, do you take your child/children with you when you go food shopping?
I’m currently a Sahm to my toddler Dd and always used go go early on a Monday morning, when barely anyone was there.
During the first lockdown, we stopped going and Dp would go on a Saturday morning.
Dp works Mon-Fri and often was there for hours queuing up etc, but back then he was the only one of us that went out (aside from walks in our field)
When it calmed down a little, I went back to doing it with my Dd, do you take yours?
For us, it helps dp as he obviously doesn’t mind at all, but after a long week at work, it’s not fun to do the big shop. It’s also some kind of normality in mine and DD’s life, but I’ve started to feel a bit worried about it. We’re not in the U.K. but cases are around the same number one more or less and some of my friends don’t take theirs into any shops
Aibu to still take her shopping or should dp or myself go alone on the weekend?

OP posts:
RestingPandaFace · 22/01/2021 11:24

I try and get deliveries if I can ut ai do take DS if not, he’s 4 but I put him in the trolley as he (mostly) fits?

Amber2019 · 22/01/2021 11:28

Same situation, I go at the weekend. He brings things in on the way home from work or I go to the local shop at 7am before he leaves for work. My kids a runner though so he wouldnt sit in the trolley and behave, if he did id probably take him for a change of scenery to get him out.

sundowners · 22/01/2021 11:30

Unless you are a single parent there is absolutely no excuse whatsoever to be lugging kids around shops right now. I've not bought mine with me for nearly a year now.

MyDcAreMarvel · 22/01/2021 11:31

It’s selfish to take her, shopping is not a day trip. You go at the weekend and leave dd with your dh.

LooneyLovefood · 22/01/2021 11:32

I’m sorry, but you might find once he starts school that he is, especially if you apply this thinking to all other public settings too. Has he been on a bus/train? To the library or a museum? Visited a cafe or restaurant?

Apologies if you’ve been doing all of the above, but I do fear for those preschoolers who have had no experience beyond parks and their own house for the past year.

@TempsPerdu How exactly is not visiting a shop for a year going to put my child at any disadvantage going forward? Sitting in a trolley being pushed around while I pick what we need and pay at the till isn’t exactly the greatest learning experience for a toddler - yes it can very much become a great chance for learning when he’s older but not right now. I’m an ex-teacher and have planned lots of learning through play activities into each day and I have no worries at all about DS’s development. He got moved up rooms at nursery early as he is developing so well in all areas despite not being in shops for a year so I think he’s ok.

In the last year we have kept DS as safe as we possibly can within the restrictions as and when they’ve changed. My DH is vulnerable and my DM and FIL are high risk so we’ve not done anything we haven’t felt was safe to minimise the risk of anyone catching the virus and dying.

DS has not yet been on a train or a bus as there’s been a pretty big reason not to for the past year but he knows what they are and enjoys waving at them when we’re walking. We don’t have a library nearby but he is surrounded by books at home and has language well advanced for his age so absolutely no concerns there for me. DS hasn’t visited a cafe or restaurant since the start of last year but then I’ve only done it once so who would he have gone with? When life returns to normal we will of course be opening up DS’s world back to the things he had before lockdown but for now we need to keep ourselves and our family safe.

You can have all the worries you like about my DS and others like him but I’m not worried at all. His development this year has been incredible and I put that down to so much 1-1 time with me and DH. Yes he has missed out on so much but I choose to look at what he’s gained.

LooneyLovefood · 22/01/2021 11:33

Bold fail there - top two paragraphs were @TempsPerdu's comments and should have been bold.

MyDcAreMarvel · 22/01/2021 11:33

@CostaDelCovid parents with the only childcare we have, shielding! I can't get deliveries and therefore I HAVE to take my DC!

Get off your judgie high horse!!!!*

The poster was talking to the op, who is not a single parent. It is unusual not to be able to get a single delivery through. Try looking a few weeks in advance and only go in person when you can’t get one.

Fufumuji · 22/01/2021 11:34

It's not selfish and there are plenty of excuses, not that anyone needs one.

For all of you that think that its not ok, what do you think is the actual problem? Do you even know?

Greenknees · 22/01/2021 11:39

I would just take her if the alternative is a busy Saturday shop. Wear your mask, sanitise both your hands (as in yours and DDs!).

I’m jealous of you having a 2.5 year old who sits quietly in a trolley for the whole of a big shop. Mine certainly wouldn’t!

MyDcAreMarvel · 22/01/2021 11:40

@Fufumuji the child could have Covid-19 and the parent does not. Child passes Covid-19 onto an elderly person - who then dies.
Or
Child contracts Covid-19 from supermarket parent does not . Child then passes Covid-19 on to another person either next week at the supermarket or elsewhere - that person dies.
That’s without talking into account the child passes Covid to A in the supermarket , A then passes Covid-19 onto B C D and E, B then passes It onto FGHI, and they pass it onto ....
Any extra people that leave their home is potential for Covid -19 to spread. That one Covid positive child can start a new chain of transmission.

Ponoka7 · 22/01/2021 11:40

@LooneyLovefood, surely as a teacher you recognise that not every home will provide the same enrichment and learning opportunities? Toddlers are constantly learning, a trip around a supermarket is a learning experience.

Very many children will be affected by not being put into social situations, I've seen it via my work and it was on that basis that Children Centres were started. It's been a worry of every years specialist, who you think you know better than, obviously. Many parents opt for childminders because they do everyday tasks/life skills with the toddlers in their care.

Just because your DS is fine doesn't mean all of his age group is.

I take my grandchildren shopping still.

Lweji · 22/01/2021 11:41

Toddlers are constantly learning, a trip around a supermarket is a learning experience.

But how is a toddler not going into a supermarket or a bus for a year going to impact their development?

Petitmum · 22/01/2021 11:44

In your situation, I would leave dd at home with dh and go by myself!

BarbaraofSeville · 22/01/2021 11:45

[quote MyDcAreMarvel]@Fufumuji the child could have Covid-19 and the parent does not. Child passes Covid-19 onto an elderly person - who then dies.
Or
Child contracts Covid-19 from supermarket parent does not . Child then passes Covid-19 on to another person either next week at the supermarket or elsewhere - that person dies.
That’s without talking into account the child passes Covid to A in the supermarket , A then passes Covid-19 onto B C D and E, B then passes It onto FGHI, and they pass it onto ....
Any extra people that leave their home is potential for Covid -19 to spread. That one Covid positive child can start a new chain of transmission.[/quote]
A toddler is not going to give covid to people several metres away in a supermarket, but not to the parent that they're in constant contact with for hours every day. If the child has it, their parent has it too.

Plus there's the 'busyness' factor. One adult shopping at the weekend will be in close contact with dozens of people. That's far less risky than two people being in distant contact with far fewer people, because the shop is almost empty.

WeAllHaveWings · 22/01/2021 11:45

What you are being asked to do at the supermarkets is clear, if at all possible (and it is easily possible for you) only one person should going on essential trips to the supermarket.

They are not asking you to assess the risk or make a decision, they have completed the risk assessment for their business, premises and staff, and whether you agree with it or not you follow what they ask or shop elsewhere.

If you want a change of scenery you can go while your dp spends quality time taking his child for walk so they have a change of scenery too.

hollyangel · 22/01/2021 11:46

@Lweji What do you suggest doing with our kids all day? I have no intention of limiting the few things my child can do.

They need to experience a little life. Is that not obvious?

We go to playgrounds, parks, into the town, into shops, we've been on trains and buses.

He's only 2 and I hate that he's had no exposure to other children in a Montessori setting. I'm also worried about his immune system as he hasn't had a cold or bug at all since way before March last year. So anywhere I can get him exposed to germs, I do it. It's a part of life. Staying at home for an whole year is not right.

HauntedPencil · 22/01/2021 11:46

Not now in the current climate - I'd started to again in the summer. People are scared and edgy and most of the supermarkets are one person

Obvs single parents have to etc but as I can leave mine home I will.

HibernatingTill2030 · 22/01/2021 11:46

In your situation, I would do it at the weekend, if possible walk there and have DP pick you up in the car (assuming you have one). It then gives you some peace/a walk too! Or, click and collect.

Basically any option that didn't involve taking a child into a supermarket unless you really have to. I know some people have no choices.

Ivy455 · 22/01/2021 11:52

I take my 2 and a half year old with me. We don't don't have a car so it's very useful using the pram to carry shopping back home. Plus she enjoys it. MN covid hysteria as usual I see.

Sweettea1 · 22/01/2021 11:52

Yes took her yesterday no choice. The shops are alot busier of a weekend so that would be a bigger risk to you all than going in week with dc.

NoSleepInTheHeat · 22/01/2021 11:55

As long as there is just one adult I would assume that they don't really have a choice to take the DC with them.
The problem is with groups of more than one adult (+ DCs or not), this shouldn't happen.
Wanting to both give your input on what is bought is not a valid reason, especially now with online shopping and smartphones, you can call someone from the supermarket to ask which brand they prefer, send photos of the one you want etc.
If your DH is clueless the solution is not to go shopping with him and increase risks for everybody, the solution is to work with him so he can learn to shop on its own.
If someone has to drive you either they can do your shopping for you or they can wait in the car.

TempsPerdu · 22/01/2021 11:56

@Lweji
@LooneyLovefood

Have you studied child development? Of course it’s not about travelling on a bus or visiting a shop specifically, but it is about early socialisation and a broad-brush understanding of how the wider world works - having a variety of different experiences in different settings prior to starting school.

There has long been an issue with children not being ‘school-ready’ when they start Reception. Prior to Covid screens and busy parents not talking to their children were often blamed for this; in particular there was a crisis in speech and language skills because both parents and children were spending more time on screens rather than interacting with each other.

Now, as I mentioned upthread, we have an additional issue, where (unless things change dramatically) much of the Early Years curriculum is built on the assumption that children will have had some basic early experiences of things like visiting shops, cafes and libraries, travelling on different modes of transport, that post-Covid they may well not have done.

So, if you’re teaching about number bonds or counting, you might do that in the context of supermarket shopping, or ordering in a cafe. You wouldn’t expect to have to explain what a supermarket was, or what you did there - that existing knowledge would be assumed.

It’s like when I had to teach a KS1 unit on ‘The Seaside’ to a class in an inner-city school where half the kids had never seen the sea. It was a hell of a lot harder from that starting point and the outcomes were ultimately worse than when I taught the same unit at a leafy suburban school a couple of years later, where the children were taken on regular day trips to the seaside and had summer holidays in Menorca. Essentially it’s what’s known as ‘cultural capital’.

There’s also the communication, language and socialisation angle - meeting people in a variety of different contexts, adapting your behaviour to fit the context, learning how to speak to a range of adults and respond with social niceties such as ‘good morning’ and ‘thank you’. Many preschoolers aren’t getting much of this at the moment, which will have a knock-on effect when they start school.

I have a 3-year-old DD myself and I’ve used every single opportunity I can over the last year to make sure she’s been exposed to as many settings and experiences as possible - where it’s been open and we’ve been allowed, we’ve been there. But I realise we’re lucky, and that lots of people are unable to do this for financial, time or medical reasons.

Anyway, that’s a bit of a ramble and I’m aware this is essentially a thread about taking children into supermarkets, but I hope it makes some sort of sense.

GrapefruitGin · 22/01/2021 11:57

Please don’t get a delivery unless you absolutely cannot leave your home. It’s not fair on those who are isolating/elderly/vulnerable etc and need the slots that you’re taking.

formerbabe · 22/01/2021 11:57

I take my dd. She's so incredibly miserable right now, she'd be even lower if she couldn't have a tiny scrap of normality.

LBunz · 22/01/2021 11:58

could your DP go on a Friday evening after work? We've found this the best time, about 6pm it's tea time for most people and fairly quiet compared to a saturday morning, then it frees him up so you can get a lie on a saturday morning Grin