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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Inappropriate friend or AIBU

142 replies

Whammyyammy · 20/01/2021 22:18

Long story short. I'm going through HRT and gone completely off sex. Loyal, loving understanding, but highly sexed husband.

My good friend of 20+ years, is single & divorced and not interested in a relationship, she knows my current situation.

Out of the blue(i know she's been drinking) she has texted and suggested that she could kill two birds with one stone and 'satisfy' my husband and her own needs, if you know what I mean.

I've not replied, and he wouldn't dream of it regardless of my opinion.
Aibu to take a huge offence, or is she being realistic? How do u move on from this

OP posts:
TheOneLeggedJockey · 21/01/2021 23:49

I’m trying to imagine my best friend doing this (N.B. 😂), so 40+ years of friendship, and would be totally and utterly out of character for her.

I would give her the benefit of the doubt. Sorry, but I just would. I’d be asking her if she was OK.

MacDuffsMuff · 21/01/2021 23:50

@DippingToes I should probably add that we are no longer friends. 😁

DippingToes · 21/01/2021 23:52

[quote MacDuffsMuff]@DippingToes I should probably add that we are no longer friends. 😁[/quote]
I would be either! Must have been horrible for you, though Thanks

littlepattilou · 22/01/2021 10:45

@CSIblonde

Drink can be a truth serum. I'd guess she's had a bit of a crush on the quiet for a while & the boozy text was leakage of that. I'd ignore & see what she follows with when sober. And , FWIW when I temped in legal ,the OW (or man) was so v v often the best friend. It was eye opening.
This. ^ The 'friend' of the OP definitely fancies her husband.

Re @MacDuffsMuff said (at 23.25 on 21 Jan,)

I had a joke text from a friend of 15 years when I was unwell for a few months. She said she could 'help out' keeping DH 'satisfied' while I was out of action.

We laughed our heads off about it and send her back a funny response and forgot all about it.

Then she tried to shove her hand down his shorts in our kitchen at a BBQ a few months later. Not such a joke after all.

This also ^

The 'friend' of the OP is not joking, and she does want to fuck the OP's husband. I would bin her off, she is no friend.

Also @Whammyyammy COME ON! Where are you? We wanna know if your 'friend' got back in touch, or if you spoke to her.

Takingontheflab · 22/01/2021 11:16

Whatever is going on for your friend is not good. You value her so you'll help, but her boundaries are compromised so I'd keep her away from your DH should she make more poor decisions and ruin your friendship irreversibly. Sounds like the drinking is out of hand big time.

ispepsiokay · 22/01/2021 11:23

Is she drinking alone? Is there any chance a friend could have sent the text thinking they were being funny?

HamAndButterSandwich · 22/01/2021 11:52

I wouldn't dump her over a stupid, drunken text. It is obviously a very stupid thing for her to say though.

gannett · 22/01/2021 12:27

She would have her ass kicked to the kerb, and be ghosted by me, before you say 'cheeky fucking bitch.'

20 years of friendship means nothing at all then? It can be erased just like that?

Glad I don't have "friends" like you. Are you this aggressive and hostile about everything in life?

NurseButtercup · 22/01/2021 12:33

My response would have been:
"Ok thanks, what day and time? Is your place ok?"

This will give her the opportunity to withdraw her suggestion...

moanieleminx · 22/01/2021 12:34

Wow...

I agree with PP, send her link to lovehoney!

We need an update!

seasideseas · 22/01/2021 12:35

Wow. I can't imagine what I'd do if my best friend texted me that. I just can't picture the shock but I wouldn't bin her for it! I love her too much but I'd be worried about her

MrsWhites · 22/01/2021 12:43

Wow, I can’t believe what I’ve just read. That’s no friend, not only does she value the opportunity to shag your husband more than your friendship but she’s implying that your husband isn’t satisfied in your marriage!

Men can and do survive without sex for a while! I hate the implication that you are in the wrong for not wanting sex, it’s not that you’ve just decided against it...having to take HRT obviously isn’t a walk in the park and clearly indicates a health reason behind your lack of sex drive. Your husband clearly understands and is supportive of this....your so called good friend, obviously not!

Boltonb · 22/01/2021 12:57

@gannett

She would have her ass kicked to the kerb, and be ghosted by me, before you say 'cheeky fucking bitch.'

20 years of friendship means nothing at all then? It can be erased just like that?

Glad I don't have "friends" like you. Are you this aggressive and hostile about everything in life?

I think you erase 20 years on friendship when you ask to fuck someone’s husband
Ivy455 · 22/01/2021 13:52

I would not be amused at all. I would not reply and see how she follows up. If she apologises, I would accept it but be a little wary in future. If she tries to pretend like it never happened I'd say something like "Look -friend's name", I really think we should talk about what you said the other night, I know you might have thought it was funny after a couple of drinks but it made me feel very uncomfortable. What was that all about?".

ooohbriefcase · 22/01/2021 19:18

@gannett I think a lot of people would get a bit hostile and aggressive at someone who essentially asked if they can fuck their husband. Friend or not. A friend wouldn't ask in the first place. When it comes to open relationships, threesums etc, a very sensible rule to have is no friends involved just strangers.

Sideorderofchips · 22/01/2021 19:21

I had a friend like this who used to 'joke' like this. They were sleeping together a year later.

dontgetmewrong · 28/01/2021 16:22

Can we have an update OP? Have you spoke to your friend?

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