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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Inappropriate friend or AIBU

142 replies

Whammyyammy · 20/01/2021 22:18

Long story short. I'm going through HRT and gone completely off sex. Loyal, loving understanding, but highly sexed husband.

My good friend of 20+ years, is single & divorced and not interested in a relationship, she knows my current situation.

Out of the blue(i know she's been drinking) she has texted and suggested that she could kill two birds with one stone and 'satisfy' my husband and her own needs, if you know what I mean.

I've not replied, and he wouldn't dream of it regardless of my opinion.
Aibu to take a huge offence, or is she being realistic? How do u move on from this

OP posts:
VetiverAndLavender · 20/01/2021 23:28

I believe I'd be saying goodbye to that particular "friend", either overtly or by distancing myself until she wasn't even a dot in my rearview mirror.

I'd not care that she'd been drinking, and I wouldn't put up with that even as a joke in poor taste. There are some things that I simply couldn't put up with, and that's one of them. It's not acceptable. (But I realise that not everyone feels the same way.)

Thisisworsethananticpated · 20/01/2021 23:29

I agree poor taste but I
Doubt she meant it !!!!

MrsGlitterSparklesHun · 20/01/2021 23:34

@PanamaPatty 😂😂

littlepattilou · 20/01/2021 23:36

@Whammyyammy

Yeah that would be it for me. Fuck this '20 year friendship.' This is seriously out of order. And it wasn't a 'joke' either. I have been drunk a number of times in the past, and have NEVER suggested to a friend that I fuck her husband.

Weird, gross, out-of-order, and horribly inappropriate.

Dealbreaker for me. She could fuck off, and I would be telling her this too, just before I blocked her, and then ghosted her.

She is no friend.

Josette77 · 20/01/2021 23:40

I think it was just a stupid joke.

Mothersruin1 · 20/01/2021 23:41

Haha this can’t be real! Do these things actually happen to people?!

FortunesFave · 20/01/2021 23:47

I bet she was drunk. She's probably attracted to him though and has thought about it...fantasised about it. With her inhibitions down, she thought "What the hell, I'll put it on the table"

Now you won't be able to look her in the eye though. I would not be her friend after this.

Mrgrinch · 20/01/2021 23:48

How incredibly bizzare. It will be interesting to see what she has to say tomorrow once the veil of alcohol had been lifted.

FortunesFave · 20/01/2021 23:49

@Mothersruin1

Haha this can’t be real! Do these things actually happen to people?!
Oh yes they really do!
Isisiris · 21/01/2021 00:05

Was she joking? Jokes can often get more and more inappropriate when someone's had drink.

I wouldn't be offended if she is the type to make such jokes-I'd just ignore and see if she grovels in the morning.

CrochetOrBust · 21/01/2021 00:07

I can actually see a certain logic to the proposition!

One thought process might have been “hmm, I’m worried that MrOP will start looking elsewhere for sex and have an affair, then OP will be sad. I don’t want MrOP for a relationship so won’t threaten their marriage so I’d be a safe person for him to have sex with and I’d quite like to scratch that itch myself.”

But although I can see that someone might think that, sending it is an entirely different matter and I’d be worried if it’s out of character.

Hotzenplotz · 21/01/2021 00:08

Awa an bite a shite!

FrankButchersDickieBow · 21/01/2021 00:08

Fake News

sadeyedladyofthelowlandsea · 21/01/2021 00:14

I cooled things off with a friend after she commented on ExP. She was having plumbing problems - NOT like that - and I said he could have a look to see if it was something that could be easily fixed or if she'd need a professional. Got a text from her that evening 'OOH! ExP in his toolbelt made me feel so flustered... I can see why you like him as your handyman, he can see to me any time ;-) ' I don't even remember what I said in reply, but very much backed off from that friendship. It actually felt offensive - and ExP is/was a right twat, and our relationship was pretty much on the rocks by then.

YANBU.

DFAMA · 21/01/2021 00:25

I would not reply, she is going to be mortified tomorrow

Hotzenplotz · 21/01/2021 02:40
  • bile
Shoxfordian · 21/01/2021 06:46

Send her a message like the one suggested earlier

Hey, was pretty surprised at your message last night, maybe you shouldn’t drink and text...

Give her a call though to see how she is

DippingToes · 21/01/2021 06:53

@U2HasTheEdge It crosses a line, massively and suggests her intentions aren't in the OP's interests.

I'd be very wary and disappointed that she would treat a marriage so flippantly. Nothing to do with not trusting the husband.

MyOtherProfile · 21/01/2021 06:53

Has she texted a mortified reply now she's sober?

Winterpaw · 21/01/2021 07:01

@Defiant

You don't "go through" HRT. HRT is a treatment to relieve the symptoms of menopause and often increases libido, not reduces it. Hmm
Exactly right! You go through the menopause, not HRT.

And OP would you even use the word "promiscuous" when discussing men? Hmm

If this is real I'd be concerned about my friend drinking & their self-esteem too.

OhCaptain · 21/01/2021 07:06

Going through HRT? How does that work then?

Ricebubbles2 · 21/01/2021 07:14

Joke or not
Alcohol or not I would never talk. about a best friends husband in such a way.
Messed up sense of humour if anything
Sort it in person not over text
Hrt or not completely seedy of her.

FTMF30 · 21/01/2021 07:16

I'm sure she'll be very embarrassed today now that the alcohol has worn off.

MaMaD1990 · 21/01/2021 07:19

I imagine she'll be feeling really silly and embarrassed when she wakes up today. I think your non-response speaks volumes and she'll know that she's stepped out of line. Perhaps when you message or talk to her you could say something like "your message really surprised me last night and I didn't know what to say. Ate you OK because you don't seem like yourself of late?". I'm not sure being confrontational is the best way to deal with this as she's just made a stupid remark. Obviously if it continues or escalates you'd need to take it more seriously.

jacks11 · 21/01/2021 07:30

Unless this was a joke- which would be in very poor taste- then it’s just weird. Sometimes jokes sound funnier in your head/when said than when written down in a text. If she had been drinking maybe she thought it sounded and did not think through how it would come across (crass, insensitive and downright odd). Not sure you can get past it. Perhaps if you were very sure it was a joke gone wrong, but otherwise no.