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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Inappropriate friend or AIBU

142 replies

Whammyyammy · 20/01/2021 22:18

Long story short. I'm going through HRT and gone completely off sex. Loyal, loving understanding, but highly sexed husband.

My good friend of 20+ years, is single & divorced and not interested in a relationship, she knows my current situation.

Out of the blue(i know she's been drinking) she has texted and suggested that she could kill two birds with one stone and 'satisfy' my husband and her own needs, if you know what I mean.

I've not replied, and he wouldn't dream of it regardless of my opinion.
Aibu to take a huge offence, or is she being realistic? How do u move on from this

OP posts:
BeyondFrustrated · 21/01/2021 15:07

Drink often brings the truth to the surface.

You’ve been confiding in her and she’s been thinking about your “poor” oversexed husband.

Folklore9074 · 21/01/2021 15:28

You don't HAVE to be offended just because lots of women would be. It might not be a solution for your situation but if you are good friends just tell her why its a firm no. She probably feels embarrassed having woken up hungover, seen you have read her message and not replied.

littlepattilou · 21/01/2021 18:32

@Floomobal

Jesus. So if you’re lonely, it’s totally reasonable to text your friend and ask to fuck their husband?

I wouldn’t give a shit how long we’d been friends, I’d be telling her that it was really fucking inappropriate.

I don’t think I’d view her in the same way ever again, and the friendship would probably die out, especially during Covid and social distancing

This. I am gobsmacked that a few posters on here are making out this is OK, it was just a drunken mistake, yada yada.

Fuck that.

Even if she IS lonely, as has been said by some others here; why the fuck is her first thought to text her friend to ask if she can fuck her husband?!

She would have her ass kicked to the kerb, and be ghosted by me, before you say 'cheeky fucking bitch.'

As usual there is a few 'cool girls' who would be sooooooooo OK with their friend clearly fancying their husband and wanting to fuck him. Meanwhile, in the real world, NO-ONE would be OK with this.

Yes really! Hmm

@Whammyyammy Have you heard from your 'friend' yet?

MaMaD1990 · 21/01/2021 18:34

Did you ever message back OP?

Thefeep · 21/01/2021 18:57

Yanbu sex is only one part of a marriage! My DH wouldn’t dream of going elsewhere for sex despite the shitty menopause years where it’s practically non existent. I don’t think I’d ever talk to her again, that’s going too far !

1FootInTheRave · 21/01/2021 19:07

I have a rather crude sense of humour and never ever would send something about a mates husband.

I wouldn't be impressed by this at all.

Misshapencha0s · 21/01/2021 19:11

Floomobal
Jesus. So if you’re lonely, it’s totally reasonable to text your friend and ask to fuck their husband?

😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

Stompythedinosaur · 21/01/2021 19:13

I'd reply with something like "I'm really shocked that you'd consider sleeping with my partner. That would feel like a huge betrayal." Then leave the ball in her court.

I think that fact that she's thinking about this shows she might not be as much of a friend as you think!

Summersun2020 · 21/01/2021 19:16

I don’t know if I would be as understanding as a lot of the people in this thread unfortunately.
Completely inappropriate and obviously something she’s considered but only had the balls to mention after a skinful. Would not be impressed.

fireplaceburning · 21/01/2021 19:32

I'd have presumed a joke! Poor taste but something when drunk she thought was funny!!

Whatflavourjellybabyisnice · 21/01/2021 19:32

Do you think it was somebody else that sent that message but on her phone?

littlepattilou · 21/01/2021 19:36

@Whatflavourjellybabyisnice

Do you think it was somebody else that sent that message but on her phone?
That never happens.

That's an excuse someone uses to try and backpedal on what they've said.

BlueThistles · 21/01/2021 19:42

@Summersun2020

I don’t know if I would be as understanding as a lot of the people in this thread unfortunately. Completely inappropriate and obviously something she’s considered but only had the balls to mention after a skinful. Would not be impressed.

Agreed 🌺

briebuiltthiscity · 21/01/2021 19:52

Wtf - are sure she wasn’t joking? People think weird things are funny after they’ve had a few

billy1966 · 21/01/2021 19:59

Honestly, of a really good friend of many years that had been drinking, I would think it's a drunken joke.

An embarrassing one...

WineApping is not a good idea.

I absolutely would give her the benefit of the doubt.

Your silence should send her a message.

I wouldn't text her.

Allow her last message to hang.

I hope it works out for you.
Not nice, but I bet it's only a drunken joke.
Flowers

Hawkins001 · 21/01/2021 21:54

With all due respect, people do have open relationships and are also swingers, it's no longer the relationships of the Victorian era.

Mittens030869 · 21/01/2021 21:59

** Summersun2020
I don’t know if I would be as understanding as a lot of the people in this thread unfortunately.
Completely inappropriate and obviously something she’s considered but only had the balls to mention after a skinful. Would not be impressed.**

I have to say I agree. It would be difficult to see a friend the same light again if she said something like that.

Mittens030869 · 21/01/2021 22:03

@Hawkins001Yes some couples do have an open relationship. But that isn’t relevant, as the OP hasn’t said anything to indicate that this is the case.

Hawkins001 · 21/01/2021 22:05

[quote Mittens030869]@Hawkins001Yes some couples do have an open relationship. But that isn’t relevant, as the OP hasn’t said anything to indicate that this is the case.[/quote]
True, but her friend may have those perspectives.

Mittens030869 · 21/01/2021 22:30

She's a friend of long-standing, though, so surely she would know her better than that? The OP says they're close and have been through a lot together, so that's quite an unrealistic interpretation, I would have thought?

Opensesame1 · 21/01/2021 22:45

So for me this really depends on context...

If you had conversations with her previously about low sex drive and horny husband and then she texts out of the blue with a proposition.. it's inappropriate and incredibly insensitive and probably a hugely ill judged drunken mistake..

However, if you were texting while she was drinking and having conversations about low sex drive/horny husband and she mentioned it then I would assume it was a joke (incredibly poor taste all the same) coming from a possibly dark humoured place if she isn't doing too well..

Either way I wouldn't react too quickly or reach for the pitchfork. I hope you get it resolved OP..

Rogmc · 21/01/2021 23:05

Sounds like a joke that hasn't hit the mark...

MacDuffsMuff · 21/01/2021 23:25

I had a joke text from a friend of 15 years when I was unwell for a few months. She said she could 'help out' keeping DH 'satisfied' while I was out of action.

We laughed our heads off about it and send her back a funny response and forgot all about it.

Then she tried to shove her hand down his shorts in our kitchen at a BBQ a few months later. Not such a joke after all.

CSIblonde · 21/01/2021 23:29

Drink can be a truth serum. I'd guess she's had a bit of a crush on the quiet for a while & the boozy text was leakage of that. I'd ignore & see what she follows with when sober. And , FWIW when I temped in legal ,the OW (or man) was so v v often the best friend. It was eye opening.

DippingToes · 21/01/2021 23:46

@MacDuffsMuff

I had a joke text from a friend of 15 years when I was unwell for a few months. She said she could 'help out' keeping DH 'satisfied' while I was out of action.

We laughed our heads off about it and send her back a funny response and forgot all about it.

Then she tried to shove her hand down his shorts in our kitchen at a BBQ a few months later. Not such a joke after all.

That's awful. And exactly how I would see the OP's scenario going.

Where IS the OP, anyway?