Inappropriate friend or AIBU

[Whammyyammy]

Long story short. I'm going through HRT and gone completely off sex. Loyal, loving understanding, but highly sexed husband.

My good friend of 20+ years, is single & divorced and not interested in a relationship, she knows my current situation.

Out of the blue(i know she's been drinking) she has texted and suggested that she could kill two birds with one stone and 'satisfy' my husband and her own needs, if you know what I mean.

I've not replied, and he wouldn't dream of it regardless of my opinion.
Aibu to take a huge offence, or is she being realistic? How do u move on from this

@Hailtomyteeth

Are you sure they're not already fucking?

100% positive.

OP - she’s a really good friend but you’re not replying directly to her? Instead you are posting this in an open forum where it can be picked up as media filler?

This time give her the benefit of the doubt since you know she was drunk and like a pp said make out it was a hilarious joke that gave you both a good laugh. But if she suggests it again she needs some stern words.

Agree with this. But it would be one chance.

I would not trust this woman around my husband from now on.

So sorry, OP.

OP, it sounds like a poor attempt at a joke. Either that or a desperate cry. Perhaps she is lonely. I’m not excusing the message but you said she doesn’t usually drink but has been recently. It sounds like she may have issues going on perhaps. I also agree you don’t throw away a 20 year friendship for a drunk text. I do despair at the hip shooting that some people in her do!

Even if you save this friendship your relationship will never be the same. You are not going to like her when she is around your husband
I am really sorry what you are going through in your private life. ❤️

Have you said anything to DP?
You can’t end your friendship over this and it doesn’t sound like you want to as your worried about her. Maybe leave it see if you hear from her she may explain herself it’s a tough one

“Very funny - we both found that hilarious - but it’s a thanks but no thanks (he says you really aren’t his cup of tea regardless, sorry!). Afraid you’ll have to cast the net a little wider & ideally not in a sea of other people’s husbands 😂! Xx!”

Is what I’d go with ;)

You don’t end a 20 year friendship over a drunk text

Umm, if she asked to fuck my husband I absolutely can.

I think I'd maybe reply tomorrow saying
"Hi (friend)
I've got to be honest, I was pretty shocked by that message. I'm worried about you. Are you okay?"

@whatacarryon2018

I think I'd maybe reply tomorrow saying "Hi (friend) I've got to be honest, I was pretty shocked by that message. I'm worried about you. Are you okay?"

I like that response. And then take it from these depending on her reply. Nothing other than severe embarrassment and contrition would be acceptable.

I’m surprised so many posters think that text was written in a serious way.

I'd definitely expect her to be apologetic. It's not on.

If my friend text me this, I'd have gone round there out of concern.
Your friend is going through a rough time, with increased drinking, lonely, and texting you things like this. I'm sure it was really weird/shocking to receive, but can't you at least acknowledge her text instead of ignoring it and shaming her on mumsnet.

Have you ever had any reason to think she's attracted to him or is there any chemistry between them? Are they friends?

My immediate reaction is that it sounds like a very bad joke or that she's in a bad way mentally and its a cry for help.

But if you think there's any possibility that she was serious I think you should consider ending the friendship. If she's of sound mind and not having you on it suggests a total lack of empathy and terrible boundaries.

You don't "go through" HRT. HRT is a treatment to relieve the symptoms of menopause and often increases libido, not reduces it.

Delete this OP before the Daily Mail put it up.
I posted something personal once (Name changed!) and it got taken to the DM and made a relatively simply fixed issue unresolvable.

I would have just laughed and told her to put away the wine.

I can't imagine she was seriously expecting you to agree, or that it was in any way a serious suggestion.

@DippingToes

I would not trust this woman around my husband from now on.

So sorry, OP.

Why? Do you think she is going to jump on him and OP's husband won't be able to say no?

My initial reaction is WTF, but I agree you should be concerned for her as it sounds like very odd behaviour.

Or perhaps, this is, why she doesn't normally drink?

'You aren't his cup of tea regardless' wow, I definitely wouldn't reply with that as suggested up thread unless you want to completely kill her self esteem! She has obviously massively crossed a line but if it genuinely is out of character I would be erring on the side of concern more than anything. She sounds desperately lonely.

Surely it’s a joke, not that it’s funny but it’s got to be a joke

I would imagine she'll be mortified in the morning. I'd probably reply something like, "come on NAME that's taking it a bit far and you're not his type anyway" . She'll probably send an apology very soon anyway.

I can't believe people would end a friendship over this!

If you hear nothing and she acts all normal I'd just tell her tomorrow that you didn't like her comment and ask her not to do it again.

But if you think there's any possibility that she was serious I think you should consider ending the friendship

I refuse to end a friendship because my friend fancies my husband. I would have no friend left i assume they all fancy him cos he's gorgeous

The idea that just cos she potentially fancies your husband she can't be your friend is nonsense. You trust her and him. You're right to be more concerned about.your friend and hope to maintain the friendship.

Tell her to crack on. You can then settle down with a cuppa and a few custard creams.