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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

I already know I am, but it’s hurting me a lot

105 replies

Cash02 · 20/01/2021 18:51

Bit of back story, I have one sibling, a sister, she’s always been slim, a bit of picky eater.
Me on the other hand, on the bigger side, always up for a meal and apparently crawled after a steak at 5months old.
I was never more than a little chubby until I hit puberty, weirdly early, at 9 years old, I started gaining. Later to find out I had PCOS, and went on to develop and eating disorder.

She’s a very competitive and snarky sister but at 22 years old you’d think she would’ve lightened up a bit. She’s always made comments about my weight, what I’m eating etc. I can’t eat a thing without her giving me a nasty look.

However in 2019 I lost a lot of weight, about 4 stone, she hated this, always made a point to eat less than me and state how small she is.

But I had a baby last year, and have put on almost 2 stone, it’s obviously upset me, but she’s absolutely loving it.
Just 10 minutes ago, I was cooking my dinner, she comes into the kitchen and says ‘oh I wish I could have dinner but I had some pizza for Lunch, wouldn’t want to get fat.’
I said ‘you won’t get a medal for not eating, just have some dinner,’
She replies with ‘my reward will be not being fat,’ with a snarky look on her face.
Am I being sensitive? Or should I say something? I’ve never said anything once, I don’t like talking about my weight so if she brings it up I just ignore her and pretend I didn’t hear.

It may sound a bit trivial but this isn’t the only thing she does, but it would take forever to go into detail.

OP posts:
Terracottasaur · 20/01/2021 19:00

She sounds like a bitch to be honest. It’s on her, not you - she’s the one with a problem. You’re absolutely entitled to raise it with her if you’re comfortable doing so, but don’t worry if you’d rather not - you aren’t the asshole whisperer and it’s not your job to redeem her.

BrumBoo · 20/01/2021 19:01

If it were my sister, I'd reply 'being skinny isn't a replacement for a personality, I'd rather be a bit fat...' and let her work out what you mean.

Actually, truthfully, if it was my sister I'd just tell her to STFU, but there we go.

sadpapercourtesan · 20/01/2021 19:01

Don't rise to it. It's clearly an entrenched pattern of behaviour with her and it can only succeed if you do your part and engage! So don't. Just get on with doing your thing - she can be hungry, bitter and miserable on her own.

ElfAndSafetyInspector · 20/01/2021 19:03

She's being a dick and if thin is her best personality trait she's going to struggle with life.

Is she jealous of your baby?

ABitOfAShitShow · 20/01/2021 19:03

^^ Two good answers above.

You aren’t being unreasonable and it’s not trivial if it upsets you. She’s being an arse.

MrsTWH · 20/01/2021 19:03

There are worse things in life than being a bit fat...! Such as being mean and snarky.

MondayYogurt · 20/01/2021 19:03

Does she know you had an eating disorder?
It's very hurtful if so.

SingleHandSue · 20/01/2021 19:03

I don’t have a sister but if I did and she spoke to me like that I think I’d punch her in the face.

B33Fr33 · 20/01/2021 19:05

Chuckle and wave her away. If she can't bother you she won't even get that entertainment. She's miserable and wants everyone else to be.

beethecrackon24995 · 20/01/2021 19:06

She sounds vile. Sister or not I'd have little to do with her.

Crunchymum · 20/01/2021 19:06

Why do you live with her?

FOJN · 20/01/2021 19:07

Just ignore her comments. Happy, confident people do not behave this way but it's not your job to fix whatever her insecurities are. If she says she doesn't want to eat then just leave her to it.

Your worth as a human being has nothing to do with your weight.

HangOnToYourself · 20/01/2021 19:08

She sounds like an insecure little witch tbh

SamanthaJayne4 · 20/01/2021 19:11

I would be like BrumBoo! I have a slim sister and I am fat. She never mentions it or comments on what I eat, ever.

Cash02 · 20/01/2021 19:13

Thank you all for your replies! This is a long standing pattern, it’s been like this ever since we were very little.
She is truly just a bitch to be honest, she knows of my eating disorder as I went to CAHMS for it, and the family was told.
I live with her as she couldn’t afford her rent anymore and moved back in to my grandmothers house, where I live, as I care for her at the moment.
She’s very insecure and I try not to rise to it, but her coping mechanism seems to be being an ass!
She’s leaving to live out of London in a few months, I might try to grin and bare it until then, I don’t want to upset my grandmother at all, she’s very ill.
And trust me, I’ve thought of booting her in the face more than once.

OP posts:
unbotheredbutbewildered · 20/01/2021 19:13

@BrumBoo

If it were my sister, I'd reply 'being skinny isn't a replacement for a personality, I'd rather be a bit fat...' and let her work out what you mean.

Actually, truthfully, if it was my sister I'd just tell her to STFU, but there we go.

This ^

Tell her to fuck off.

Stovetopespresso · 20/01/2021 19:17

I have a larger sister who is at times insecure about her weight and would never dream of making her feel more uncomfortable. there's obviously some other issues here....

whatwedontknow · 20/01/2021 19:18

She is being deliberately nasty to you. In that situation I would have just replied OK, but she’s not going to stop so just tell her to fuck off.

Tal45 · 20/01/2021 19:18

I thikn you have to try and pity her, her self esteem is so low that all she has is how skinny she is to try to make herself feel better. Don't let her make you feel bad, her eating sounds like it's not healthy or normal x

Brefugee · 20/01/2021 19:20

Frankly? I'M in the just say "STFU" camp. But calmly and without emotion. Every time. As soon as she opens her mouth.
Also liked pp comment about it being better to have a personality.

Sceptimum · 20/01/2021 19:25

She's being awful. One very effective tool I found for ending entrenched negative snark was a good stare - every time they go off, just give them a long hard look without speaking to them and then walk away. It deprives them of the reward/reassurement of an argument, and puts the whole thing back on them. I've managed to get one particularly passive aggressive relative to stop her issue completely with this one, just over Christmas.

BlueGreenDreams · 20/01/2021 19:28

I'd be sorely tempted to say, "is that all you've got? Thinness and spite. Bit pathetic don't you think?".

You sound like the bigger person in spirit though so I doubt if she's worth the hassle.

Giraffey1 · 20/01/2021 19:29

I’d say jokingly, of just stop being an arse, and change the subject. Every time.

Giraffey1 · 20/01/2021 19:30

Oh ... not of ... bloody autocorrect!

BeigeFoodLover · 20/01/2021 19:31

‘Maybe if you ate a bit more you’d stop being so hangry and grow a personality.’