I already know I am, but it’s hurting me a lot

[Cash02]

Bit of back story, I have one sibling, a sister, she’s always been slim, a bit of picky eater.
Me on the other hand, on the bigger side, always up for a meal and apparently crawled after a steak at 5months old.
I was never more than a little chubby until I hit puberty, weirdly early, at 9 years old, I started gaining. Later to find out I had PCOS, and went on to develop and eating disorder.

She’s a very competitive and snarky sister but at 22 years old you’d think she would’ve lightened up a bit. She’s always made comments about my weight, what I’m eating etc. I can’t eat a thing without her giving me a nasty look.

However in 2019 I lost a lot of weight, about 4 stone, she hated this, always made a point to eat less than me and state how small she is.

But I had a baby last year, and have put on almost 2 stone, it’s obviously upset me, but she’s absolutely loving it.
Just 10 minutes ago, I was cooking my dinner, she comes into the kitchen and says ‘oh I wish I could have dinner but I had some pizza for Lunch, wouldn’t want to get fat.’
I said ‘you won’t get a medal for not eating, just have some dinner,’
She replies with ‘my reward will be not being fat,’ with a snarky look on her face.
Am I being sensitive? Or should I say something? I’ve never said anything once, I don’t like talking about my weight so if she brings it up I just ignore her and pretend I didn’t hear.

It may sound a bit trivial but this isn’t the only thing she does, but it would take forever to go into detail.

She's a cow. I was a chubby child and then a fat adult. When I was 25 I lost 4.5 stone and my sister was my champion. She would go for a run with me and always encourage me. We are not very close by the way, complete opposites in character and would not be friends if we weren't sisters. That being said she was proud of me. When I was losing weight she had a leather jacket that I really liked and I wanted to get myself one once I had lost enough weight to look good in it. She gave me hers when I hit my target weight. I have since ballooned again after having two children and am now expecting third and last. I know she will encourage me and root for me as good sisters do once I have had the baby.

Yanbu to be upset.

It sounds like the issue is with her tbh like she is scared of gaining weight . Ignore her , easy to say I know but it honestly sounds like her issue not yours

Sounds like she has an eating disorder (or at least disordered eating) as well. It must be so awful though. I remember when my sister was very slim but hourglass and I've always been a bit more rectangular and it felt so painful.

Her comments are out of order and beyond reasonable though. I'd be telling her to stop being such a bitch next time she does it.

Or else repeat the mantra to her every time she does it: "under eating is not desirable but unhealthy and a sign of unhappiness. If you'd like to talk to me about your eating issues I'm happy to engage". Ad infinitum.

@Cash02

I’m not more successful than her at all. She’s in university, about to move to do her masters. I’m just an 18 year old with a baby, although she’s always been jealous of my boyfriend haha. I produce music and make okay money, which is something she’s never really liked me doing, but she is more successful than me in terms of her education etc. I’ve been a bit jealous of her over the years because of that, but I’ve kept that to myself, I wouldn’t ever be horrible to her.

I avoid the confrontation because I don’t want my family getting annoyed at me to put it bluntly, I remember once I told my school about my parents addictions and they called social services...oh lord you’d think Id stuck a literal knife in all their backs.
It sounds sad but once my grandmother passes I think I’ll avoid them all for good.

Ooh, I recognise this pattern. She's done everything "right" and believes that this means she deserves to be the happiest - she's thin, she's going to university, about to do a masters, presumably thinking about A Career after that - and yet she's miserable. You've done everything "wrong" - weight, having a baby at 18, a job that doesn't depend on a degree and yet you are happier and more successful than she is, and the one your grandmother depends on for care, and she resents it.

This is her issue. I think avoiding them in the future is a sensible strategy.

I think you should cut her some slack, she’s quite obviously a miserable bitch because she’s starving and hangry - the poor little thing!

If I was you I would make loads of noise whilst eating my dinner to demonstrate how delicious it is and comments like gosh you don’t know what you are missing!

Also you are being unreasonable for calling yourself fat. You aren’t fat, it isn’t something that defines you. You have fat, just like everyone has fat, in different amounts. The amount of fat a person holds is not what makes them who they are as a person, please don’t label yourself anything unless it is something that boosts you.

As @Tal45 said *I think you have to try and pity her, her self esteem is so low that all she has is how skinny she is to try to make herself feel better.

I would it point this out to her as a response, in a kind way. Her food is her control point, because she believes everything else is not under her control. This is where her energy goes. But she should not be competing with you, making you feel bad; her attitude towards you seems just horrible but she is trying to get a response, bad or good. Give her one in a kind way

She’s jealous of you OP. She reeks of insecurity and the only thing she can pick on is your weight.

Assuming you’re in a relationship? I would expect that she has had a few mean comments said to her about weight, she looks at you with a baby, a home, loved for who you are and she can’t stand it.

To make herself feel better she drags you down. This is her issue not yours. Don’t engage, don’t placate.

‘I ate pizza at lunch’
‘How lovely’

‘This top is a size 6’
‘It’s a lovely colour’

‘I’d hate to be fat’
‘Good for you’

‘Nothing tastes as good as being thin’
‘You’ve told us before’

If you remove your response you will find she will try and pick at something else to get at her. Distance yourself from her op, she sounds toxic.

She sounds like an absolute turd. I’m sorry OP. Be kind to yourself, you’ve given birth to a child! Don’t concentrate on weight loose, just concentrate on moving your body for 30mins a day and eating healthy 80% of the time.

Don’t let her grind you down

YANBU - she sounds awful!

This really is on her, not on you. Something is wrong with her that makes her want to hurt you. That's sad for her, but shouldn't affect you.

OP you need to find the way through this that works for YOU.

Confront her, don't confront her, ignore the comments, walk away, paint your point, express your sympathy that she is so sad/unhappy. Whatever works for you.

"It sounds sad but once my grandmother passes I think I’ll avoid them all for good." That does sound sad really, but also it sounds the most healthy thing for you to do.

Just look out for you and your baby.

XXXX

She sounds horrible. Why are you even living in the same house. She's doing nothing for your self esteem.

Sounds like a nasty little narc to me. Please know that she is probably very insecure and shallow.. would you rather be lovely you and have a few pounds of mummy weight you can easily lose or a skinny little cow who gets thrills out of upsetting people-her sister of all. Dont rise to it shes the one with the problem not you she could be bored and want to get a reaction out of you

oi sis play another tune love you sound like a broken record....just saying! I get you think i am fat ok..you tell me enough...then turn your back...

@MrsTWH

There are worse things in life than being a bit fat...! Such as being mean and snarky.

This 🌝😀

@Cash02 She’s jealous of you.
There’s never any reason to try to put someone else down unless you think that person is somehow ‘better’ than you. That people like you more than her. That you get more attention.

You are loved.
She doesn’t even like herself.

@laraa91

She is not a nice person and its time you call her out on her horrible attitude.

'Leslie I notice you always remark on (my weight) and it makes me feel comfortable. How would you feel if I remarked on (something she is sensitive about - theres got to be something) all the time'

Far too nice and reasonable.

I’d go for something more like “well there’s worse things in life than carrying a bit of extra weight - I could be a miserable nasty bitch like you. God, that must be awful’

Ten years ago I would’ve been awkward and tried to ‘nice’ my way around it. Not now. Tell your sister to fuck off, she sounds like an absolute cow.

Your reward for being slightly heavier than you would like is a beautiful baby. Tell her to do one you have much more important things to focus on than her vile comments

She sound like an absolute cow tbh.

I told my mum the other day that I was on an online dating website. Her response was 'do you have to put your weight or dress size on, just so that any men you get chatting to know in advance of meeting up..."

She's 81 and has always been overweight herself.

Try to ignore your sister, I know it's hard but some people just like to stick the knife in at any opportunity.

That's so sad and messed up.

if I were in your shoes I'd say ''we seem to have a competitive relationship around controlling our weight and as both our weights fluctuate that is hard for both of us. I'm in your corner whether you're slim or fat and I hope you love me the same whether I'm fat or slim. Can we not do this any more? This competition ''who is the thinnest''. Can we both withdraw from that competition?.

And then see how she responds to that.

My mum is like this. Over the years I've grown very tired of it all and lost my patience. I've made comments like "yes, yes, I know, I'm a disgusting fat pig and you are a tiny skinny doll. Very good" or "yes, I have put weight on, perhaps if you put a few pounds on it will fill out those dreadful wrinkles you've got?"

I am aware that this makes me a bitch but honestly, after years of my mum being so nasty about my weight, I don't care.

She sounds like a miserable bitch who's displacing all her issues on to you. The best thing you can do is completely ignore her and focus on being happy. All she wants is to drag you down with her.

I'd just tell her to fuck off.

Short and sweet

“I’d rather be fat than a cunt.”

Too much?

I get a similar sort of thing from a “friend” My husband doesn’t like it but won’t say anything. Next time she does it I’m going to call her out on it in front of everyone.