DS7, ex DP and Doctor

[disturbiaaa]

I've posted elsewhere but am hoping for a bit more traffic here.

I have a DS7 with my ex DP. We've been separated 4 years and are pretty much no contact due to him being argumentative, accusatory and generally not very nice to me. DS7 lives with me but sees his Dad on a regular basis.

I've been told by our 'third party' person that ex DP has made an appointment for DS7 at the GP this week (mine and DS' GP, not my ex's). Ex seems to think DS7 has a huge eating problem and wants to do something about it. Other than eating slowly and preferring sweet things, I don't believe DS7 has a problem. DS7 has had numerous hospital check ups over the past 2 years for something else that ex DP doesn't attend. His weight etc is fine.

I spoke to the GP today to inform them that DS lives with me and doesn't appear to have an eating problem when at home (they should know the whole picture) but I won't get in the way of the appointment my ex has made. GP said I could attend if I wanted too.

I've told DS7 about the appointment (I don't believe it should be sprung on him which I know his Dad will do) and now he doesn't want to go to his Dad's unless I go to the appointment too.

My problem is that if I turn up for DS' appointment, my ex is going to hit the roof. It may seem like I am being controlling, but I really don't want my DS to have to go down this road when there is no need for it. Without going in to too much detail, I also know that my ex wants DS to live with him instead of me and there is usually an ulterior motive to things he does. I'm worried he is going to try and paint me as a bad mother (maybe not that extreme but...). He has on occasion refused to return him when supposed too and regularly tells DS he wants him to live with him.

Would you attend the appointment? I really don't know what to do for the best.

I'd let it go unless something more serious happens. The dr will likely be used to this sort of thing and laugh him out of the door (politely). What's his height-eight ratio? They will only care about the facts.

In my experience they try to wind you up - mine is stunned every time I just say, "Ok."

Have you thought about just letting him crack on and parent your shared DS the way he feels best?

I'd go to the appointment.

Have you thought about just letting him crack on and parent your shared DS the way he feels best?

So he can tell the court he took their son to the GP re eating disorder and fight for custody? Did you not read the OP?

Is your third party source reliable?
He must feel pretty strongly if he's taking him himself? Is it something he has ever brought up with you?

I'd let him take him and not go with them. The doctor isn't going to be fooled easily. Let you DS know to be honest to the doctor but it's hard to draw a balance in these situations and I think you're stepping over the live of controlling. Whatever ex is like to you, he still has equal rights to parent DS and if he thinks theres something wrong he should be able to take him to the doctors.

@Cherrysoup

Have you thought about just letting him crack on and parent your shared DS the way he feels best?

So he can tell the court he took their son to the GP re eating disorder and fight for custody? Did you not read the OP?

The alternative is that he goes to court and says his ex is preventing him accessing medical assistance for their childs suspected eating disorder. That looks alot worse on her.

Just to clarify - although DS definitely does not have an eating problem, I'm not trying to stop the appointment happening. DS7 is upset he is having to go (as he doesn't need too) and has said that he doesn't want to go to his Dad's unless I go to the appointment with him.

My ds is now over 18, when younger, he had several very severe intolerances to certain foods which my ex husband refused to believe and meant that ds needed adjustments with school dinner etc. Ex booked himself an appointment with my ds gp to 'prove' that I had it all wrong whilst shouting loudly about his parental responsibility. Slightly reverse to your situation but the GP met with ex, pointed out that they had no concerns and asked him why he would not believe me. Then they put a marker on Ds record to make it clear that ex was simply trying to cause problems. If you want to go to the appointment then go, your ex is unlikely to kick off in front of a gp and you then know exactly what has been said, your ex gets to list his 'concerns' and the GP gets to tell him to move on

Maybe he does have food/eating issues when he's with his dad, though.

Bottom line is, one parent feels that the lad has a medical issue. That parent wants to take their son to see a doctor.

In my opinion, the best thing the OP can do is give their son tons of reassurance about the appointment and let dad take him.

Do you claim benefits for ds? In a dispute over who should claim they ask who attends medical appointments. Could he be planning on putting in a counter claim?

I'd attend the appointment. If ex doesnt like it tough tits

Just message him and ask what time the appointment is and say you'll meet them there. If he's legit, he has no reason to deny you access to the appointment. If he's not, he might shit himself and cancel it.

Have you posted about this man manufacturing an eating disorder and bullying your son about it before?

I wouldn't let a controlling man's clearly false accusations of you being controlling prevent you from acting properly to protect your son.

Go to the appointment.

Could you arrange to go and wait outside? If your son needs you, he can then ask the GP to bring you in (speak to both of them in advance about this). That way you can intervene, without being accused of interfering.

Why have you posted again? You had lots of replies this morning.

@NextWinter I've posted this once before, a few days ago in a different category and only got a few replies so thought I'd try once again in a different category. I've not posted about this before other than that!

The thing is surely he can't actually make up an eating disorder?, because your child would have to be underweight or overweight.
Can't see how he would get very far if your son isnt either of those things.

@Pippa234 It's not so much an eating disorder in the sense of him being underweight or overweight. My ex is very controlling and will get angry with my DS if he hasn't completely cleared his plate. Ex takes this (plus the fact that he is a slow eater) to mean that DS has an eating 'problem'.

@user1174147897 No that wasn't me that posted about creating an eating disorder and then bullying their child!

I wouldn't stop a parent taking their dc to the GP when they are concerned about something, I can't see how that is a particularly dangerous thing. It's fine to disagree, the GP won't do much unless he has a reason to be concerned.

In honesty I'd just encourage your ds to go to his dad and see the GP appointment as a check up and nothing to worry about.

During lockdown its usually one parent per child allowed at appointments

You could insist that your ds goes to his normal contact - that should happen and you shouldn't allow a 7 year old to dictate the terms of that.

I'd be inclined to not attend with your ex, but to be available in the waiting room/car (what ever the GPs do covid wise!) in case GP wants to see you. And to ask that the GP afterwards makes you aware of what happened in the appointment. You may have to pay for his time writing it up.

disturbiaaa he sounds ridiculous then.
Hopefully the Dr will put him right that your son is fine.

I think it would be better if you let them go and didn't go with them. The GP will be impartial and professional in how they respond to ex's concerns without it becoming a conflict between you and ex and will see for themselves how he interacts with your ds. Reassure your child that the GP will just talk to him, ask some questions and maybe listen to his chest, feel his tummy, check his throat and take his weight and height etc...