DS7, ex DP and Doctor

[disturbiaaa]

I've posted elsewhere but am hoping for a bit more traffic here.

I have a DS7 with my ex DP. We've been separated 4 years and are pretty much no contact due to him being argumentative, accusatory and generally not very nice to me. DS7 lives with me but sees his Dad on a regular basis.

I've been told by our 'third party' person that ex DP has made an appointment for DS7 at the GP this week (mine and DS' GP, not my ex's). Ex seems to think DS7 has a huge eating problem and wants to do something about it. Other than eating slowly and preferring sweet things, I don't believe DS7 has a problem. DS7 has had numerous hospital check ups over the past 2 years for something else that ex DP doesn't attend. His weight etc is fine.

I spoke to the GP today to inform them that DS lives with me and doesn't appear to have an eating problem when at home (they should know the whole picture) but I won't get in the way of the appointment my ex has made. GP said I could attend if I wanted too.

I've told DS7 about the appointment (I don't believe it should be sprung on him which I know his Dad will do) and now he doesn't want to go to his Dad's unless I go to the appointment too.

My problem is that if I turn up for DS' appointment, my ex is going to hit the roof. It may seem like I am being controlling, but I really don't want my DS to have to go down this road when there is no need for it. Without going in to too much detail, I also know that my ex wants DS to live with him instead of me and there is usually an ulterior motive to things he does. I'm worried he is going to try and paint me as a bad mother (maybe not that extreme but...). He has on occasion refused to return him when supposed too and regularly tells DS he wants him to live with him.

Would you attend the appointment? I really don't know what to do for the best.

@Cherryhotchoc Despite being told by the GP that I was allowed to attend the appointment, the receptionist refused me entry to the surgery (the main doors are locked and they unlock to let you in), stating one parent per child. Ex looked like he was going to murder me when he spotted me. I rang the GP afterwards to get an update on what had happened - she said ex DP had insisted there was something wrong with DS but after he was weighed, height and blood pressure checked she told him that DS was a happy healthy little boy and she wouldn't be referring him for any further tests.

Great outcome op... You can confirm if necessary you tried to be there. Ex now knows he hasn't free rein to drag your ds into whatever game is is playing...

That’s something. Be interesting to hear what is fed back at handover. Was your son okay with you not being allowed in?

Feeling cross on your behalf that the receptionist over-ruled the doctor who invited you.

I suggest that you write to the gp confirming everything you said in your last post. First rule of the nhs:
If it isn't written down it never happened.
The gp will not have recorded anywhere that she told you that you could attend but the receptionist denied entry. The medical record will just say your son attended with father.
So get the complete story recorded now, and copy to the practice manager, keep a copy for your own records.

Hopefully your ds knows you tried to get in..
My ds had been diagnosed with something (lifelong but not life threatening), exh tried to tell the court there was no diagnosis.. He was against anything that would have meant intervention by anyone that might have questioned his parenting.. Like leaving 3 under 10 to go to the pub etc...

Your poor boy. Your ex sounds as crazy as mine. It's all about control. Hope your son is ok and this doesn't actually cause an eating disorder. Imagine being told at 7 if you don't eat you will be taken to hospital. Just crazy.

Great idea about writing to confirm what happened and what you were told.

Your ex is going to be so frustrated by this. It'll be interesting to hear his version of what the GP said.

I'll definitely get the notes typed up - thanks for the advice. My DS is due home today so I will have a chat with him about how he's feeling about it all, he's usually very honest with me.

My ex looked furious that I was turned up but I needed to show him that he can't continue to bully me or our DS!

Poor boy.

Ime confidence can grow from standing up to an ex.. I handed ex a new schedule once and he sat stunned and just took it!! Dunno who was more shocked! Once I started standing up for myself he stopped sending ridiculous texts...

As a GP if I felt there was a difficult relationship between the parents I would want to speak to them separately as I don't think parents contradicting each other in front of the children is good so in a way I think what happened was the best. Had I known about the portion size issue I would have asked for photos... often these fail to materialise which often suggests that there isn't a problem which the OP feels there isn't. Glad the outcome was as you hoped.

Photos are a really good idea @Musicaltheatremum.

Glad it worked out ok. It is obvious that he's causing eating issues at his house by the way he is handling this. In case this is going to rumble on I would go on to the government website, think its called eat well or something like that and research what portion sizes should be for your child. Most are to do with different parts of your hand, like palm size, fist size etc. Then buy a cheap diary and keep a record in it of what he eats. If you son sees it, or you tell him, just say it is so if his dad mentions it again you can show the doctor or whatever you want to say. Then you will be one step ahead. The fact he is a slow eater I don't think is an issue at all. And all kids go through phases of eating. I have heard at certain ages they have changes in taste to like more things. And then there is the 'have to try it 12 times before deciding you don't like something'. You could try hiding extra veg in sauces etc if you wanted. But fundamentally lots of kids grow at different rates and he is happy and healthy. Good luck sounds like you need it with him

@disturbiaaa go to the appointment, take notes and get diagnosis in writing. He won't blow up in front of GP because he will be playing his good cop role.

My friends ex was the same, he tried to manufacture health issues to assert control over the child and ex partner, booked numerous specialists to prove the child was ill when they weren't. The ex ended up looking completely unhinged when it got to court.

This is all about control.

He’s a parent just like you, with every right to take his son to the drs. I’d go to the appointment as your son wants you to, but I’m really not sure why you’ve got involved or why you told your son? Mountain out of a mole hill.

You have my sympathies. My exh was recently on a crusade to take our daughter to a doctor to 'check everything is ok' whilst being utterly unable to articulate what exactly his concern was. Like yours, my ex has an ulterior motive for EVERYTHING and is as honest and forthcoming as a used car salesman. He was pressuring me to make an appointment for her and, after I told him that wouldn't be happening, he has become strangely quiet on the matter. I'd love to know what his real reason is.

@disturbiaaa, your ex's reaction to you showing up did make me smile. Mine's reaction was a picture when I showed him the document HE had signed and was supposed to have read carefully, stating that he was responsible for 95% of a particular educational expense. He was shaking with rage that he had been outmaneuvered by my lawyer but could do nothing about it. Small victories from these controlling assholes...

@playnoh and similar posters, this is sadly not how controlling relationships work. These people do not operate from the same 'human decency' and 'putting your child's best interests first' perspectives as the rest of us.