AIBU to not hide it from his family?

[bun2021sept]

So me and my childs father are having another, wasn't planned and we were not in an official relationship at the time of conception (long story, we were stupid over the christmas period when he came to see our child).
Since we found out he's gone off the rails, sleeping with an escort he met on tinder (not just sleeping but spending days at their flat, going missing and turning his phone off). He missed out on our childs birthday a few days ago because he was there. So as you can imagine I'm quite annoyed over that although I have to say in his personal life.

He's begging me to not tell any of his family that I'm pregnant as they will 'disown him' and 'hate him'. He says that he wants nothing to do with our eldest child anymore either as he cannot trust me as I'm not having an abortion. Any advice on what I should do next? I have his family on fb so I think he expect me to hide them from seeing my posts about the newcomer, AIBU if I don't keep it a secret from them? I feel I have nothing to hide but I'm also worried that I'm acting ignorant and petty.

Terrible luck to get pregnant when only having sex once AND using a condom. Are you at all worried that if you announce the pregnancy that he might deny that it could be his?

At any rate, since you are keeping the baby, YANBU to announce it at some point. However, I do think it is really his place to tell his family. So my advice is to give him a deadline.

1. Tell him you will be announcing the pregnancy on a certain date, like 1st of March. You know start of second trimester as is traditional.
2. He should really tell his family privately before then, but even if he does not, you will be announcing and including them on this date.
3. If they are upset of shocked, you will tell them that he has known since now in January and it was his choice not to tell them.

And the reason why you want to go ahead with the pregnancy is ???? I think you have bigger things to think about than the “ pregnancy announcement “

Some men aren't even worth the twisted effort you seem to be making. HE DOESN'T CARE. Move on hun, seems like you are having this child out of spite.. not a great start.

This is a staggeringly depressing post. Poor children :(

@bun2021sept I'm sorry that you've had a contraceptive failure, I'd just carry on as normal, you have plenty of time to think about how to announce your pregnancy or birth.
I'm also very sorry to see that the judgmental cunts are out in force on this thread.

You’ve done nothing wrong and shouldn’t hide anything. It’s up to him what he does. Go after him for CMS the rest is up to him.

You have to start putting your children's interests first and not this useless man's interests. He is a man who would actually use not seeing his child as a way to get what he wants. Does that not tell you something about what kind of man he is? He is not a good father and cares more about himself than your children. Your children needs you to be the person who makes them a priority. Is it in your unborn child's interests to have family on her father's side? How will your unborn child feel if she grows up and finds she has been kept a secret and missed out on family relations because her father cared only about what they thought about him? If your older child has contact with them, then of course the youngest should too. Start making the decisions about what will happen based only on what is right for your children and not to try to please this pathetic excuse for a man.

How old are you both?

Who are all these escorts who are allowing them to say in their homes?

Are you sure he's not a pimp?

Just carry on as you intended. I wouldn't purposely contact them to tell them but I also wouldn't lie if they asked me.

Good luck going forward.

Do his parents family see your eldest ? If you have a good relationship with his family ,and they support you and visit your child and spend time with your child ,then I would say ,when you have a bump and they ask who the dad is I would be honest
If they do not have a good relationship with you and your child ,I would do absolutely nothing except prepare for being a single parent of 2 children ..you will be fine ,you have d9ne already ,you can do it again .

OP you need an STD test first thing tomorrow!

Honestly I would be thinking long and hard about whether having another child with this man is the best thing for you and your existing child right now.

Best of luck

@sweeneytoddsrazor

I rather think that's the least of your worries. Are you prepared for single parenthood with 2 DC, have you considered the effect on your older DC?

Please do consider your options. You are still in the very early stages of pregnancy.

I'm so sorry you are in this predicament and your ex sounds like an arse.

You've found out very early!

@DimidDavilby

You've found out very early!

Especially since she had no reason to think she was pregnant...

Why on earth would you want to do a pregnancy announcement given the circumstances? Why not just tell the people that matter to you directly?

I would be spending this early stage thinking about whether I’d want to continue a pregnancy with a man like that.

Make whatever choice is right for you re the pregnancy. Announcements are a long way off, I'd say file that under Think About It Later.
And don't sleep with him again. He's a total twat

If you're planning on having this baby, then be prepared to be a single parent of two children. Your partner sounds like a complete and utter knob.

You must be what, like 4/5 weeks pregnant? Why are you thinking about telling the world before you're even past the miscarraige risk period? Harsh but.. You've literally just missed your period.

Is this for real ?!! Everything about this twerp is WRONG, he wants to go NC with the child you already have , yet you want to make an announcement on FB ! Think very very carefully what your next move is . How much is he paying this / these escorts if he is staying at their flats ?? Very bizarre.

So many things wrong here. I think you may be overwhelmed and focusing on the wrong things. Take him out of the equation completely and think about your next steps.

@Notimeforaname

He's begging me to not tell any of his family that I'm pregnant as they will 'disown him' and 'hate him'. He says that he wants nothing to do with our eldest child anymore either as he cannot trust me as I'm not having an abortion. Any advice on what I should do next?

I would tell his family all of this.

I would tell anyone willing to listen.

I would squeal to everyone that he is trying to control and manipulate you by isolating you and threatening you.

So you do the opposite.
You tell everyone what he is doing and saying.

I would, too.

Why the hell should he be able to just wash his hands of the children he has been responsible for creating?

He's a skunk!

Kick up a stink!

Do you work, op?

Yes never mind practicalities like being a single parent to two dc with a useless woman hating father during a global pandemic and massive recession, just focus on the facebook drama