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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Partner of 43 plays fortnite

112 replies

Iamnotaosureaboutthis123 · 19/01/2021 09:18

Ok so I’ve name changed just incase ..

For context , I am 32, DP is 43, he has a 9 year old boy from a previous relationship whom he plays Fortnite with online regularly (every other day or so ) We also have a 4 year old together.

In between playing with his son online , he will carry on playing with other boys online that are also 9 years old or in that age range . He will put his head phones on and talk to them and be on their team etc .

I mean I don’t have a problem with it at all, but from another parents prospective - would you have a problem if your DS/DD was online playing fortnite with a 42 year old stranger and talking to them through a microphone ?

My DP LOVES his PlayStation and video gaming.

OP posts:
Original poster
Iamnotaosureaboutthis123 · 19/01/2021 09:19

Sorry typo in 3rd paragraph he is 43 years old.

OP posts:
Summersun2020 · 19/01/2021 09:22

The playing fortnight wouldn’t bother me. The strange 9 years olds would. I’m not insinuating your DP is a creep OP, but like you I’d be worried what other parents will think.

Changemaname1 · 19/01/2021 09:26

So I play fortnite sometimes as do the dc and unless you go totally solo on games it kinda of throws u in with other gamers and can hear them on the mic . Personally I find it a bit weird being that it’s random kids I don’t know and so I just play solo games . As a parent i only let dc either play solo games or with their mates / brother so I know who they are talking too

Original poster
Iamnotaosureaboutthis123 · 19/01/2021 09:31

Ah ok I see, I have no idea about gaming , so just wondered really whether other parents might find it a bit strange. Thanks for the replies!

OP posts:
Terracottasaur · 19/01/2021 09:31

I wouldn’t like it, but I would see it as my responsibility to make sure my child wasn’t talking to strange men online rather than expecting men not to play.

DanielRicciardosSmile · 19/01/2021 09:32

Surely that's down to the other 9-year-olds' parents to control who their children play with (no open rooms etc)?

ParisJeTAime · 19/01/2021 09:34

I would find it weird and would not want my DC to play with him. But, that's on them really.

Would it put me off a dp or friend / acquaintance...yeah...a tiny bit. Not saying he's a creep or weirdo, but it does indicate a lack of judgement maybe?

Disclaimer: I am not, and have never been a gamer, despite being more of that gamer generation than your DP, so I may be being terribly ignorant here!

CoffeeRunner · 19/01/2021 09:53

It’s lovely that he plays with his son online (I assume while they are in different houses?) but yes I would initially think it a bit weird for an adult to be talking to random 9 year olds online.

That said if that’s how the game works then I guess it is just up to parents to ensure you make sure your own child isn’t having any inappropriate conversations. My 9 year old very occasionally plays Fortnite but only with her friend who is also 9.

Nanny0gg · 19/01/2021 09:54

I think, if I were the parent of one of those boys, he would be blocked.

My DGC play with kids they know and the social aspect is part of it, especially now. There is no way they would be playing with an unknown adult even if he were entirely above board.

MissMarpleDarling · 19/01/2021 09:59

I'd be very worried if my primary aged child was playing roblox and a 43 year old man was speaking to him. Why is he speaking to kids it makes him look like a peaodophile

MissMarpleDarling · 19/01/2021 10:02

Is it friends of his childs or randomers?! I'd assume he was grooming them if I was the parent. He can play and not talk you know.... odd he likes talking to random kids

LindaEllen · 19/01/2021 10:06

@MissMarpleDarling

I'd be very worried if my primary aged child was playing roblox and a 43 year old man was speaking to him. Why is he speaking to kids it makes him look like a peaodophile
No it bloody doesn't. What's wrong with you? You are aware that there's no age limit on gaming, right?

My DP plays games, and used to play Fortnite - with his son and nephews, but then moved onto other games.

You get matched with players, you don't know how old they are unless you ask. It's not that they're out there seeking kids, it's the luck of the draw.

There are lots and lots of adults who enjoy gaming, and why shouldn't they?

You can get abuse online from people of any age - there are always options to report them.

You should educate your child about online safety, never adding people as friends they don't know, never sharing real name/personal details etc.

But to suggest that someone is a pedophile because they play a game is absolutely ridiculous.

I play Animal Crossing and I'm on a massive Facebook group full of adults who play. A lot of them let their kids use their consoles, so we end up playing with kids too. Is anyone accusing us of being inappropriate? No.

MissBaskinIfYoureNasty · 19/01/2021 10:08

Can't really understand a grown adult wanting to talk to children they don't know online.. very weird. Playing a game is one thing but I wouldn't want to be chatting to kids.

Unanananana · 19/01/2021 10:09

My 10yr old DS plays Fortnite at his Dads (I don't allow it in our house) with no headset to avoid adults talking to him. You don't know anyones intentions on the internet. Sorry, but yes, your partners actions would be worrying to parents. He shouldn't be talking to little kids online that he doesn't know. But it is their responsibility to police their children.

ShinyGreenElephant · 19/01/2021 10:11

Its lovely that he plays with his son but its weird that he's playing with other kids. Does that not give him a clue its a child's game? There's plenty of games out there aimed at adults. Each to their own I suppose, and I'm probably biased as I really don't like gaming due to the effect its had on kids I've taught and my stepdaughter, but I would find this deeply unattractive and off-putting.

MissMarpleDarling · 19/01/2021 10:13

Yes playing games with your kids and relatives is lovely and playing a nice game with random kids is fine it's the speaking to them on the headset that would would make me think OMG and I would think he is what I said above sorry.

YougoFargo · 19/01/2021 10:17

Fortnite isn’t a kids game btw. It has a rating of 12 in Europe, so 9 year olds shouldn’t be playing without supervision really!

BlingLoving · 19/01/2021 10:20

When DS had fewer friends playing fortnite, if he wanted to play in teams he had to play with randoms. we allowed it on the basis that each person you "meet" is a once off. We had a blanket ban on ever accepting friend requests from any of these people. If your DP is just joining random games and is acting appropriately (eg no swearing etc) I'd be oaky. But if'e actively making friends and sending contact requests to the random children he's meeting in a game, I'd be very concerned.

NekoShiro · 19/01/2021 10:27

When I was roughly 11 I played an online game that was mostly adults and they were all very kind to me and helpful about how to play the game so I don't think it's weird at all. He not a creep and he's going to be seen by these kids as an adult who is respecting them and treating them as team members, surely it's better to have a responsible adult playing with a child than a 15 year old edge lord whose gonna trash talk a child just for being a child.

There was a thread yesterday about how a 10 year old was circle masterbating with two other young boys at sleepovers so I think people who are feeling 'weird' about an adult male talking and playing a videogame with children are naive, this isn't an adult playing this game and then getting children's contact details and then messaging them with the intent to groom them, this is like a 30 minute game and then queuing up again with new people.

Don't kids needs lots of positive adult encounters in their life to grow well mentally? 'it takes a village' and all that? Your husband just by talking to these kids and supporting them could be helping to grow their confidence.

Badtasteflump · 19/01/2021 10:28

I would be concerned for your partner. I'm sure as far as he's concerned he's just playing a game he enjoys, buy he's putting himself in a precarious position by chatting online to young children he doesn't know. What if something he said or did was taken the wrong way by one of the children and they told their parents, who then reported him? He seems naive at best, so I would be telling him that apart from when he's online with his son, he needs to find adults to play online with.

AryaStarkWolf · 19/01/2021 10:31

How does he end up playing with a bunch of 9 year olds only? Are they his son's friends that stay on after his son has left or what?

UrAWizHarry · 19/01/2021 10:41

Fortnite (and most/all online games) just throw you in with randoms. Unless the man is going out of his way to find out the ages of the people he is playing with, friending the 9 year olds and then only playing with them, YABU.

Godimabitch · 19/01/2021 10:42

I think playing with his kid is great. But I would find it wierd him playing with other kids. I think if he took his headset off so he wasn't talking to them it would be ok. But there is something a bit uncomfortable about a grown man chatting to a group of 9yos tbh.

TrickorTreacle · 19/01/2021 10:49

I'm not familiar with Fortnight, but is it anything like World of Warcraft? That was an online game back in the day, early 2000s. People would play in groups doing "dungeons" and we used microphones. The age range was 12 up to late 60s.

2021isarepeatof2020 · 19/01/2021 10:50

Nah I wouldn't be bothered. Gaming doesn't have a age limit and it's quite a good activity to get your brain working! Assuming he's talking to them about the game and nothing else of course.