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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Partner of 43 plays fortnite

112 replies

Iamnotaosureaboutthis123 · 19/01/2021 09:18

Ok so I’ve name changed just incase ..

For context , I am 32, DP is 43, he has a 9 year old boy from a previous relationship whom he plays Fortnite with online regularly (every other day or so ) We also have a 4 year old together.

In between playing with his son online , he will carry on playing with other boys online that are also 9 years old or in that age range . He will put his head phones on and talk to them and be on their team etc .

I mean I don’t have a problem with it at all, but from another parents prospective - would you have a problem if your DS/DD was online playing fortnite with a 42 year old stranger and talking to them through a microphone ?

My DP LOVES his PlayStation and video gaming.

OP posts:
UrAWizHarry · 19/01/2021 12:10

Exactly, we all know that once we reach 16 no of any sort is allowed.

Can you phone the police though, and report back on what they say on this issue? Could do with a laugh.

UrAWizHarry · 19/01/2021 12:10

*no fun.

hardboiledeggs · 19/01/2021 12:15

If my child was talking to a 43 year old man on a game I wouldn't be happy to be honest. That said it is different if he is playing at the same time with his Son. Lots of adults play these games, can he not play with instead?

Namechanged2021 · 19/01/2021 12:18

I think it's sweet that he plays fortnite with his son online. My partner is a bit of a gamer too, although he's never played fornite himself. Saying that though, I do find it a bit strange that he plays with other children that he doesn't know online. Have you spoken to him about it?

Littlewhitedove2 · 19/01/2021 12:20

Children should not be chatting to grown unknown men online and grown men should not be talking to unknown children. There are safeguarding issues in both directions

safariboot · 19/01/2021 12:25

Parents should not be letting their pre-teen children play random matchups with voice or text chat.

Adult gamers should not have to fear baseless persecution and witch hunts when they play random matchups.

UrAWizHarry · 19/01/2021 12:26

@safariboot

Parents should not be letting their pre-teen children play random matchups with voice or text chat.

Adult gamers should not have to fear baseless persecution and witch hunts when they play random matchups.

Exactly this.
frogsbreath · 19/01/2021 12:27

He needs to safeguard himself from inappropriate chat from children and the questions that might be raised by their parents who don't supervise.

He shouldn't use the headset when playing with people he's randomly placed with.

Gaming is fine, you know he's not a risk to anyone either, you can see the risk is all on him at the moment as children are not reliable when recounting discussions.

steppemum · 19/01/2021 12:28

@Godimabitch

I think playing with his kid is great. But I would find it wierd him playing with other kids. I think if he took his headset off so he wasn't talking to them it would be ok. But there is something a bit uncomfortable about a grown man chatting to a group of 9yos tbh.
exactly this
BumbleBiscuit · 19/01/2021 12:28

Gaming is ageless. People of all ages can have a mutual love of games and communicate about this without it being weird.

Ponoka7 · 19/01/2021 12:35

The gaming is fine. Both me and my adult DD play online, sometimes after playing with my granddaughter. The talking should stop though.

Coulddowithanap · 19/01/2021 12:35

Surely it's the parents responsibility to make sure their child isn't chatting to random strangers on the Internet/game.

I play call of duty and only speak on it when I'm playing with people I know. Otherwise I play with everyone muted. Of course when you chat to people you work better as a team so higher chance of winning but I just don't like chatting to random people.

roarfeckingroarr · 19/01/2021 12:37

All of it is a bit weird. Adults playing kids games especially.

RedskyBynight · 19/01/2021 12:40

If he's playing online with whoever is there, then he will inevitably end up playing with children sometimes. No 9 year old should be playing online in an open game without supervision. The onus is on their parents to ensure that they are safe online, not on other adults to protect strange children. How does he even know they are 9? If the children are telling him, then they clearly are not safe to be playing online games.

UserMcNewName · 19/01/2021 12:44

The games target market skews young but isn't exclusively young. I'm aware of this and my 11 year old has limits in place that account for this.

He is likely just being a dad to them all. It's up to parents to know what their kids are playing and with who.

Notnt · 19/01/2021 12:44

[quote luxxlisbon]@GypsyLee What exactly do you expect the police to do?[/quote]
I was thinking this too, probably just advise the poster not to waste police time, I'd guess.

Givemeabreak88 · 19/01/2021 12:46

I’m not familiar with fornight either as my son was never really that interested but he plays roblox and I have made him aware that not everyone on there is a child or who they seem, he didn’t understand why adults would play it, I play with my kids sometimes on there (usually because I’m pestered to) but we all play together I wouldn’t play it alone without them and I certainly wouldn’t talk to other children that aren’t mine. It would come across as creepy and I would personally be alarmed by this. I wouldn’t have a problem with him playing it but it’s the talking to kids that would bother me but I don’t really know the game so don’t know if that’s essential to the game?

Givemeabreak88 · 19/01/2021 12:47

Obviously not talking to kids being essential but communicating with the other players?

UrAWizHarry · 19/01/2021 12:47

@frogsbreath

He needs to safeguard himself from inappropriate chat from children and the questions that might be raised by their parents who don't supervise.

He shouldn't use the headset when playing with people he's randomly placed with.

Gaming is fine, you know he's not a risk to anyone either, you can see the risk is all on him at the moment as children are not reliable when recounting discussions.

Some games by their nature encourage people talking and being social. Fortnite is one of them.Adults are perfectly entitled to play these games and shock talk whilst doing so.

Strictly speaking, under 12's should not be playing it. Realistically, under 12's should not be playing it unsupervised and/or with randoms.

CakeRequired · 19/01/2021 12:48

@Changemaname1

So I play fortnite sometimes as do the dc and unless you go totally solo on games it kinda of throws u in with other gamers and can hear them on the mic . Personally I find it a bit weird being that it’s random kids I don’t know and so I just play solo games . As a parent i only let dc either play solo games or with their mates / brother so I know who they are talking too
This. If you're wanting to play teams, but don't have specific people to play with, it just assigns you randoms. Unfortunately that can sometimes be screaming kids, people who don't speak English (that's fun when trying to coordinate) etc.

My partner plays apex now, not fortnite, but it's the same thing. If his friends aren't online, he'll play team games and if it's kids that are annoying him, he just mutes them or quits, usually quits to be honest as he gets fed up. Grin He did once get put into a game with two kids who were clearly friends and arguing with each other constantly, and then by the end because he had helped them learn a bit more and do well they wanted to keep him as part of their team. He said no of course, bit of a shame because it was so funny. Grin

CakeRequired · 19/01/2021 12:51

@roarfeckingroarr

All of it is a bit weird. Adults playing kids games especially.
Classic answer from someone who knows nothing. Go back to your knitting Doris. Grin

These games aren't for kids only, they are for adults as well. They hold tournaments for these games to win money, and you can actually make a great career out of making games or even playing them. Lots of money to be earned, it makes far more than other entertainment industries.

Givemeabreak88 · 19/01/2021 12:53

But even talking to 12 year olds is weird so doesn’t really matter if they are 9 or 12 both still weird!

RedskyBynight · 19/01/2021 12:53

[quote luxxlisbon]@GypsyLee What exactly do you expect the police to do?[/quote]
I would hope the police would point out that if she was worried about adults talking to her children during online games, then perhaps her children should be supervised/only playing with people they knew.

Adults can't be expected to stay out of spaces that are made available for teens/adults just because younger children are there.

UrAWizHarry · 19/01/2021 12:56

@Givemeabreak88

But even talking to 12 year olds is weird so doesn’t really matter if they are 9 or 12 both still weird!
Adults talking to 12 year olds is weird, is it?

Better tell that to my neighbours kid who I will happily talk to if I see him over the fence. Oh no, the scary lady next door is asking how a 12 year is finding being out of school again.

Givemeabreak88 · 19/01/2021 12:58

Oh come on talking you your neighbours kid is not the same as talking to strange children online 🤣 can’t believe you made that comparison 😅