Partner of 43 plays fortnite

[Iamnotaosureaboutthis123]

Ok so I’ve name changed just incase ..

For context , I am 32, DP is 43, he has a 9 year old boy from a previous relationship whom he plays Fortnite with online regularly (every other day or so ) We also have a 4 year old together.

In between playing with his son online , he will carry on playing with other boys online that are also 9 years old or in that age range . He will put his head phones on and talk to them and be on their team etc .

I mean I don’t have a problem with it at all, but from another parents prospective - would you have a problem if your DS/DD was online playing fortnite with a 42 year old stranger and talking to them through a microphone ?

My DP LOVES his PlayStation and video gaming.

My dp as online games. He plays with friends. He wouldn't be chatting to children he didn't know.
You can play without being in a group chat.

Me and my husband play fortnite with our friends and our son.

I’ve only ever played with the kids of our friends and with their permission - eg we might have one parent playing with another parent and the kids.

No way on earth would I be happy with with stranger playing with my kids online. That’s weird.

He’s not choosing to play with 9 year olds it’s just a popular game with that age.

I’ll add - because the language used may be inappropriate, it means that kids won’t maintain boundaries about talking to randoms online etc. Best to discourage it completely!!

You can turn the chat off and only chat to friends (but still play with strangers!)

@TrickorTreacle world of warcraft is still around and is still one of the most popular games around!

In fortnite, you queue up and it puts you in a group with ramdom people from around the world!

The other thing of course is that given fortnite is rated for 12 and up, and given online games are popular with adults it's not unreasonable to expect the onus to be on parents to ensure they are comfortable with their children's interactions. Giving young people unsupervised access to adult spaces is rather like sending them into a pub and being annoyed there are drunk people in there.

Not to say that any adult should be actively seeking out kids to play with but chat along the lines of 'shoot that guy' is pretty harmless.

It's weird - creepy, even - that he is playing Fortnite with other people's children.

An adult shouldn't be playing with strange children at all. And he shouldn't be playing Fortnite alone, only as a means to bond with his own child.

There is no issue with him playing video games for recreation, but he should be playing more adult games (GTA, Red Dead Redemption, sports games) - Fortnite is very much a game for pre-teens.

In essence, you are right to be concerned that he chooses to play with strangers' children.

If the 9 year olds are his son's friends, then I think he should make sure their parents are aware that he plays with them. They may think their kids are just playing with their friends, and not realise that one of them invites an adult into the mix.

If they're random people, then if their parents are happy with them playing with random people off the internet, that's their lookout.

@contrmary

It's weird - creepy, even - that he is playing Fortnite with other people's children.

An adult shouldn't be playing with strange children at all. And he shouldn't be playing Fortnite alone, only as a means to bond with his own child.

There is no issue with him playing video games for recreation, but he should be playing more adult games (GTA, Red Dead Redemption, sports games) - Fortnite is very much a game for pre-teens.

In essence, you are right to be concerned that he chooses to play with strangers' children.

A game with a pegi rating of 12 is for pre-teens, is it?

@contrmary

It's weird - creepy, even - that he is playing Fortnite with other people's children.

An adult shouldn't be playing with strange children at all. And he shouldn't be playing Fortnite alone, only as a means to bond with his own child.

There is no issue with him playing video games for recreation, but he should be playing more adult games (GTA, Red Dead Redemption, sports games) - Fortnite is very much a game for pre-teens.

In essence, you are right to be concerned that he chooses to play with strangers' children.

What crazy logic is this?

@contrmary

It's weird - creepy, even - that he is playing Fortnite with other people's children.

An adult shouldn't be playing with strange children at all. And he shouldn't be playing Fortnite alone, only as a means to bond with his own child.

There is no issue with him playing video games for recreation, but he should be playing more adult games (GTA, Red Dead Redemption, sports games) - Fortnite is very much a game for pre-teens.

In essence, you are right to be concerned that he chooses to play with strangers' children.

You realise in 2019 they had a fortnite world cup, throughout the year and then including the final tournament at the end of the year, the prize pool was 100million altogether split into different categories

So no fortnite is not just a kids game, just because its cartoony and alot of kids play it, adults can play it aswell

That is all sorts of wrong.

It is not about whether your DH would do anything untoward. It is about normalising behaviour which other adults could then use as an opening for grooming.

I had to read a friend the riot act about this one. She was part of an online crafting community, and one of their number was going through a tough time, so the others had a whip-round to buy her a cheer-up present. 14 year old member of group had no bank account, so my friend offered to meet her in a cafe in the local shopping centre!

I went ballistic - explained that it was not that she was likely to do anything wrong, or that I thought she was likely to do anything wrong, but that she was sending a message to this 14 year old that meeting a strange adult off the internet in a shopping centre was fine... And even worse, when that meeting went okay (because friend was perfectly decent and okay) the teen's barriers to online grooming would be still lower - "it's no big deal, I've done it before, everything's fine."

No, no, no, no - adults should not interact with children/teens online in this way.

I've just asked my 15 year old. He said there aren't many adults in Fortnite because it's for younger kids. He said it's not a big deal if they are as they are not really talking about personal stuff during the game.
He thinks the game is too young to play for him now.
Also he said most parents won't even know who their children are playing with most of the time. They all wear headphones. (Ups)

I've never played Fortnite, but I can't see the harm if it's game-related chat. When my son is old enough to play video games, I see it as our responsibility to monitor who he talks to and make sure he knows the dangers of talking to strangers/tells us immediately if he's concerned about something.
Partner and I only ever talk privately with friends, but one friend will happily (annoyingly!) add someone to the group if they're doing a mission as part of our team. Some of them have sounded quite young, but it's always been along the lines of "let me do this part since I know what I'm doing/don't run ahead or such and such will ambush you/can I do this role as I'm no good at such and such..." then they leave or are removed once it's done. Neither of us make friends or chat casually with anyone we don't know, regardless of age.

I play Fortnite sometimes on the Switch but I turn my mic off and mute other players.

It is weird to be talking to them over the headset.

I play fortnite with my son and he plays with his Dad and friends, but you do get linked with random people from anywhere and everywhere, adults and kids. I block all strangers who try to request my son but unless you only play solo matches you can't stop it from linking you to random people on certain games, not the same people every time though and you aren't permanently linked and can't see any info about each other other than your display name and outfit. My son only uses his mic when talking to me, his Dad or real life friends from school. Actually talking to them is a bit strange but it does on what they're saying and whether they're adding each other as friends - playing the game itself is not an issue. It's hard because some of the team games sort of require you to communicate with each other to be able to play.

Also @contrmary fortnite is fun even for adults!

@CaraDuneRedux

That is all sorts of wrong.

It is not about whether your DH would do anything untoward. It is about normalising behaviour which other adults could then use as an opening for grooming.

I had to read a friend the riot act about this one. She was part of an online crafting community, and one of their number was going through a tough time, so the others had a whip-round to buy her a cheer-up present. 14 year old member of group had no bank account, so my friend offered to meet her in a cafe in the local shopping centre!

I went ballistic - explained that it was not that she was likely to do anything wrong, or that I thought she was likely to do anything wrong, but that she was sending a message to this 14 year old that meeting a strange adult off the internet in a shopping centre was fine... And even worse, when that meeting went okay (because friend was perfectly decent and okay) the teen's barriers to online grooming would be still lower - "it's no big deal, I've done it before, everything's fine."

No, no, no, no - adults should not interact with children/teens online in this way.

And thats where your job as a parent comes in and you set your child's chat settings to only thier friends who you know.

Then all the othe people can play together but they can't talk to your kids

Nothing wrong with him playing fort nite but I think it’s a weird for him to play with 9 year olds. I bet they don’t want him playing tbh.

I play online games and we have discord and Whattsapp groups. We block any children that try to join. It’s not that there is any swearing or anything remotely inappropriate it’s just that we don’t wont to be in groups with random kids.

video gaming is fine in moderation. here it also seems like a really good way for this man to bond, and stay in touch, with his son.

but being mic'ed up, talking to very young children online, isn't great. I wouldn't allow my child to play with a strange adult, or even an adult I knew other than a family member.

I wouldn’t like it, and that is why my 12 and 9 year olds only have comms open when they’re playing with friends. Even DH has the same settings - people you don’t know is annoying!

Playing Fortnite I don’t have a problem with.

I wouldn't be with a man who played games to begin with, sorry.
He would be told to grow up, I'm afraid.
But as you accept this, YANBU about him playing with boys, I'd not have been happy about it with my lads and would contact Police, it's weird.

@GypsyLee What exactly do you expect the police to do?

It’s not right and he should not do this. As a pp said upthread it’s creating a situation for those 9 year olds that allows them to think gaming and chatting to unknown adults Is fine and risk free. It’s all very well to say it’s their parents responsibility but in this case it’s the op’s dp’s responsibility too.