To take a 3 year old to the Ritz at 17:30?

[PreschoolattheRitz]

We've been invited by grandparents at the end of April.

@MaskingForIt

Does it have to be The Ritz? You could have a more family-friendly but still quite posh afternoon tea at Fortnum and Mason or Liberty.

I see The Ritz has a 3.30 slot. Would that work better?

I'm honestly just incredibly nervous about the whole thing.

15:30 would be loads better timing wise but what about if he's in a bad/excitable/belligerent mood that day!! I would haaaate for him to cause a scene

It’s not really a place for children.

I think you need to get over “I would hate him to cause a scene” and instead have lots of ways of coping if things don’t go to plan. If you don’t surely you are going to miss out on huge parts of life? It’s a shame travel is so difficult now because really it would help you to travel a bit and see how other cultures manage children/childhood. The UK (and to my mind France) are markedly odd about including children. Go further east and you find children in almost every restaurant and activity and nobody dies. As someone else said it’s just like tea in a cafe. It’s fine not to go but an invitation to tea isn’t thoughtless or awful for a preschooler, it’s very commonplace.

@PreschoolattheRitz

Why would OP be consulted? In the immortal MN phrase, it’s an invitation, not a summons. An invitation has been made to tea at the Ritz, OP feels it would be more pain than pleasure so she politely declines it. Job done.

It's not an invite when it causes drama when declined. Which this will.

It’s invitation, not invite - which is a verb. So it causes drama? So what? It’s your husband’s family, he deals with the drama when he declines the invitation on behalf of your child. Your job is arranging a babysitter so you and he can go. It’s not hard.

We took my two year old this year, was great

15:30 would be loads better timing wise but what about if he's in a bad/excitable/belligerent mood that day!! I would haaaate for him to cause a scene

To be honest, it’s no skin off your nose if he does play up - that’s on the people who invited him to be there. Go, and you can always leave if he is a bugger.

Or, if your husband is so keen, suggest he takes him by himself while you have a nice quiet afternoon at home. Bet he won’t be so keen then!

@Aab1234

Overthinking. In reality it’s effectively a cafe full of middle class people feigning to be posh. Think of it as a cafe and that is the right frame of mind. Just go.

But they use the word "Ladeez" Which gives me a visceral feeling of revolt and nausea. I might be liable to suddenly vomit and spoil their chintz. Your DS, on the other hand, will be fine, until you rightly inculcate in him the horrific nature that is Tea at the Ritz. OP, what were you thinking when you chose your DH? Did you not consider the destructive gene pool you were perpetuating?

Yes I would have with ex in-laws because they all pitch in to entertain small children and pay attention to them because they want them there and that's the most important thing to them so the grand children never get a chance to get out of control.

My own parents - no way because they huff and puff and eye roll at perfectly normal small child behaviour and I would be on edge.

Husband is not keen!

Thanks to PP who pointed out my AWFUL grammar

Many years ago I took my mother for afternoon tea at Andrew Nutter's restaurant in Rochdale. She was really looking forward to it.

It was spoilt by a toddler running round screaming and shouting, her mum and grandmother looked on fondly.

My daughter god love her, we went for a lovely afternoon tea, posh hotel for a relatives birthday, all dressed up and my DD was doing so well (she has ASD) so huge for her to be out, she was looking forward to it as we had discussed it, shown pictures, prepped her etc, sat down and she she gulped down a glass or juice followed by cake which left her entire body in about 30 seconds all over the pristine white linen table cloth, massive meltdown, the whole place was silent, I apologised, cleaned her face up, asked my relatives to be moved, we went and had chips by the river.

Gave them all something to talk about, kids are unpredictable, you think you know them and then they surprise you. Be the day your kid learns to shout fuck really loud or pull out the biggest bogey yet.

I'd love to take my 3-year-old for tea at the Ritz, but I don't think the waiting staff or other guests would love it! He'd want to get up and run around, or he'd start loudly singing one of his favourite songs, or he'd be trying to play the 'drums' on all the fancy crockery.

Very cute/entertaining when you're his adoring parents, the polar opposite for strangers!

We go every year with my gran and gt. aunt. Have done since I can remember. My DS is now 6 and hasn't missed a year (apart from 2020) we go late November and usually earlier in the day in all fairness, for their birthday, I think it's 3/3.30. Never had an issue, we just take things to keep him entertained and let face it, it's usually full of oldies and most of which seem to enjoy seeing young children. I don't personally see the big deal.

DD would have been fine at that age. DS on the other hand would have been a nightmare. At that age he was hiding under the table, running about and making loud and irreverent comments - so glad he's gown out of it.

I'd have actually had to tie him to the seat and potentially gag him.... which I think would have been frowned upon by the other diners

Well ultimately OP your choices are:

-tell the GPs that it won’t work.

-go anyway but be braced for it not working and one of you being prepared watch DS chasing the pigeons in Green Park while everyone else is enjoying their tea and then wrestle him home when he’s overtired.

Only you know which of those options is less horrific in terms of your relationship with the GPs.

Is it better to say “it’s a lovely idea but I don’t think DS would be able to sit quietly at that time of day, perhaps we can plan it for when he is a bit older?”

Or is it better to say “DS might find it a bit challenging but we’ll give it a go, we can take him outside if he is noisy”. Are they going to tsk and tut and blame you if you go and DS isn’t being angelic?

No, my dc wouldn't have enjoyed it.
Their grandparents would have been more thoughtful and found a child-friendly place to have a drink and food.

OP i would take my just turned 4yo to the Ritz. I've always taken her to fancy places (I do check that they are happy with it first). I do think that 5.30 isn't a great time though. Could you move a bit earlier? And be ready with crayons, puzzles etc to keep her happy.

@PreschoolattheRitz

*For one occasion you'd make it work. Nap during the afternoon. Light lunch etc.

Yeah. Because it's easy to FORCE a person to go to sleep in the afternoon when they don't want to...!

*I don't understand parents incapable of deviating from a schedule and catering to a slightly different timescale.

You don't understand why I would want to travel back from central London at 8pm with an overtired toddler?

*We have managed afternoon tea with all of the children in our family in our family at many venues.

Good for you.

*I imagine that the 530 slot is due to the lack of availability at other times.

Then another date could have been booked. There's nothing special about the end of April.

*You sound ungrateful. I'd have thought that after this last year, having this to. Look forward to would be lovely!

Maybe I am ungrateful but the point is, this wouldn't be a treat for me or my husband. It was just be stressful.*

So you would never do anything for the greater good of others?
As for an alternative date, it would probably be months later and I assume that this is organised as its been a crap year and to have a nice occasion. Loses its point if its not until August!
Likewise, do you not think that most parents do and have ensured their child maps prior to an event or occasion?
This sort of parenting is ridiculous and ott imo.

Let's hope that when it's YOUR parents and family arranging a late afternoon or evening event that you decline for that too.

I see what you're saying, but it would ruin everyone's time, not just mine and husband's

I would usually take my 3 places but I agree this is a stretch too far and frustrating that it’s been booked with no consideration. Have you declined yet......

I must also add in here that I will be going through another round of IVF in the next month or two, so this could clash with an appointment anyway.

I wonder how many of the people who are telling the OP that she’s being unreasonable have ever actually been to the ritz with a 3 year old or who have been there while someone else’s 3 year old acts like, you know, a 3 year old...

If I remember rightly tea at the ritz is around £70 per person, definitely more than £50. It’s one thing putting up with someone else’s kids complaining at Pizza Hut or even the local pub, even your own kids. It’s quite another when you have paid triple figures for a family to go somewhere with a nice atmosphere and either your or someone else’s toddler is behaving like a toddler.

And a toddler doesn’t have to be having a full on tantrum for a place to not be suitable for them.

Right, having looked at their site the prices start from £53 per person. But the wording about how trying their 18 different tea’s and a fine selection of freshly cut sandwiches, with scones and clotted cream and preserves.... come on. Do people really think it’s the kind of experience which a 3 year old is going to get something from?

I’ve always fancied going somewhere for afternoon tea but looking through that lot it’s so bloody pretentious.

I took 3 8 year olds, a 4 year old and infant twins for a birthday afternoon tea at claridges once. It was brilliant. They had special children’s menus and the waiters took all the kids for a tour of the kitchen and they came back with fistfuls of cake and candy floss and little paper chefs hats. There was a special children’s menu and lots of other kids there. They put us in a table in the corner, when the babies got fussy an adult took them outside. Afternoon tea is a family occasion IMO, it’s not dinner.

On reflection, it's a very kind offer. I'm worried about there being frostiness when we decline as there has been in the past.

Knowing my specific child, my anxiety about certain things, the timing, the venue and my husbands feelings on it all it's just a huge no for us. Not least because he hasn't been out to eat for nearly a year except one time.

We used to take him out a lot, a lot a lot, but recently obviously not. I don't think the Ritz is the place to start.

I don't feel I'm being ungrateful, just frustrated that we have to be the bad guys and decline.