To have lost all motivation for anything

[Pleidiolwyfimgwlad]

Is the endlessness of lockdown getting to anyone else? I seem to have lost all motivation for tidying the house, cooking, homeschooling, my job - all of it.

Me & the kids walk every day but that’s about it - it’s the relentlessness of it all that’s really getting to me I think. I just want to sit about eating toast & sleeping- I’d take to my bed if I didn’t have kids to look after.

I have quite a big job at a uni too and even the thought of it makes me feel depressed. It’s awful- I am fed up of my colleagues and they are lovely people so I feel bad.

Aibu to have just lost all mojo? I don’t think I am depressed- just OVER it all- I don’t even know what I need at the moment!

As someone else mentioned, l'm really worried l won't be able to cope when life does go back to some sort of normality. I'm not even sure l want to go back to all that rushing around like a maniac.

@MeOldBamboo , I just googled Acedia, sums up my feelings perfectly. Except bizarrely I'm feeling happy that such a word exists.

I'm running my own business into the ground because all the motivation of the last 16 years has just up and gone.

What's the bloody point, I employ staff so have to keep them all secure and happy, I have my own family have to keep them all fed and happy and I'm just bloody miserable and sick and tired of having any responsibility anymore.

I'm working on plans to merge, sell or fold the business, I'm really done, zero government support, no grants, no help just "borrow".

I'm sorry everyone is feeling like this, it's never ever hit me before in my life.

I felt like this earlier in the week. I have found focussing on things growing helps; signs of spring. I have a houseplant from last year that miraculously hasn't died (I normally kill everything) and watching it grow is weirdly satisfying. I think the hardest thing is not having an endpoint. I've been wondering whether I can plan stuff for September and its impossible to know, even this far in advance. for everyone struggling right now.

I had a really long crying binge yesterday, which I totally indulged and encouraged by putting on my weepiest songs and letting rip. Weirdly, I have woken up this morning feeling a tiny bit better. Just a tiny bit. I think I needed to let it out.

Would like to give you all a big bosomy hug, this relentless low level misery is just so energy sapping.

The flatness of emotion is the big thing for me.
I had 2 incidents this week which directly demonstrated the slow decline i have taken into nothingness / just existing.

I am still going out running and twice this week, I was totally drenched from cars going through flood like puddles. Big loop up waves that landed right on my head soaking me head to toe.

I realised that this was the first time in a very long time I had actually felt something near to excitement or ‘living’. It made me feel alive again. Like all my senses were actually engaged.

Wfh staring at a computer with endless video just doesn’t engage all your senses...touch, smell, barely sight as you are just staring at one thing, barely heading as again just one thing.

I think what I’m saying is I’ve got sensory under load. A deprivation of having to use my senses and it sends your whole system into a lethargy

I would have retired this year or last, but no point doing so just to sit at home with nowhere to go; might as well WFH and get paid.

If I were in my 30s/40s/even 50s, I'd think I had loads of time still for travelling, volunteering, 'bucket list' things, after we eventually return to normal. But I'm a bit scared I'll be too old to travel alone - or even I'll be dead - by then.

I'm watching the sand run through the hourglass and there's not much left in the top.

I couldn’t stop crying last night and now I just feel empty.

@lidoshuffle I'm in my 50s and feel huge empathy for you. The one thing that has made this easier is that I'm in the middle so to speak, so a rubbish period isn't the end of the world. It's teen DS and octogenarian DPs who have it worse as time and experiences more significant at start and end of life I think.

Hamsters that is a really interesting point about sensory underload. I guess that is also why I now get overloaded so quickly when anything changes as I’m used to, well, nothingness.

Yes, me too! I have been so fed up with myself. I forced myself today to get up, do a yoga video for 20 mins and am now on the sofa. I am going to try and force myself out in 20 mins for walk and then get on with jobs around the house. House is grim as I just cba.

Feeling really completely shattered today. Not so much for myself but for teen DS and young adult DD. Their education has been completely decimated. None of DS friends live nearby so he can;t meet them, but even if they did, DH is vulnerable, so we might not take the risk with the new variant.

I just feel like the young have absolutely nothing to look forward to.

All of the above. Still.

I’m exhausted, fed up and bored all at once. How is it even possible to be bored and not want to do anything at the same time?!

Fuck this shit!

I’ve found my tribe. I tried to talk to DH last night but he just tries to make me feel better and just talks at me and doesn’t give me space to just cry and feel crap.
I’ve so much to do and yet I can’t find it in me to be motivated to do anything until the very last minute when I HAVE to do it. I’m in bed. And can’t be bothered moving. Then feel shit for being lazy when I’ve so much to do. And it’s overwhelming and underwhelming all at the same time and I’m lost in my head because it’s just all so crap. I think I mostly fix things for family normally and this isn’t fixable. So I’m stuck.

@Isadora2007

I’ve found my tribe. I tried to talk to DH last night but he just tries to make me feel better and just talks at me and doesn’t give me space to just cry and feel crap. I’ve so much to do and yet I can’t find it in me to be motivated to do anything until the very last minute when I HAVE to do it. I’m in bed. And can’t be bothered moving. Then feel shit for being lazy when I’ve so much to do. And it’s overwhelming and underwhelming all at the same time and I’m lost in my head because it’s just all so crap. I think I mostly fix things for family normally and this isn’t fixable. So I’m stuck.

Yes! I am the fixer in my family and I can't fix this

MorrisZapp

I miss my friends so much but I cba to phone them. My closest friend texted me to say 'chat later?' and I thought oh god, do I have to?

I can't even be bothered speaking.

I can so relate to this

I'm the fixer, planner and organiser too. I cant be arsed any more as life is so incredibly small right now.

I'm going to book two more holidays one for August and one for October in the UK as we have holidays booked for April I think will be cancelled and I'm starting to get worried about the June one.

It's unlikely they will ALL go ahead. I need something to look forward to and focus on. They are just cheap budget holidays but a week in a shed would be amazing right now.

Sensory underload is a brilliant description

I’m also the fixer, Booker of holidays, obtainer of difficult tickets to all sorts of things, Booker of restaurants etc etc.
Now find it hard to wash dishes as often as I should !!!

Me too @HeronLanyon , and now there is so little I can fix.

The last time I was properly emotional- and what prompted the decision to start taking the St Johns Wort - was friend going on and on on Zoom call about how outward bound trip for DSs year is so important to their development and a real experience for them. It's in May so of course highly likely to be cancelled. I couldn't cope with the conversation and snapped at her to change the topic.

DS is an only so I feel these things are extra specially important to him, but there's sod all I can do about it and I feel I jinxed it by booking super cheap flights to Lisbon while he was doing it for DH and I, before super spready new variant arrived.

Ah, am amazed my thread is still going- sending love to all 💚

I had a proper meltdown on Thursday about it all - a sunny walk with my 13 year old DS did lift my mood a bit yesterday but the relentlessness is still there, amplified by a disgusting house and hormones today. Hooray.

Also, agree with the posts about being the ‘fixer’ too- that’s me- and I currently can’t be arsed to do anything at all

I had to check that it wasn't me that drunk posted here...
Completely with you... my area has been in lockdown since March with only a short break in July/August.... a few week in September etc were a little more flexible but couldn't leave the area....
I've been teaching from my house and supervising my sons schooling.... thankfully his school have been really good and are keeping the kids occupied most of the day...
But .... this time around, I've had enough and I'm exhausted.... workload is massive and I've lost interest but completely feel for my students so doing what I can for them... my motivation was lost some time in December and I can keep it together work but the rest of the time.... 😔

I’m in the middle of a breakdown, so overwhelmed! I actually handed in my notice this week, as all the pressure became too much, trying to balance my workload, and not being able to support my kid properly with their schoolwork. I’m now not sure if it was the sensible thing to do.

Oh dirty so sorry it’s all got too much. Is there any chance you can talk to your employer and withdraw your resignation ? Explain and so on.perhaps you needed some sick leave and or to take annual leave depending on circumstances. If you are a union member they may be able to support you in any rethink. Pretty sure many employers would prefer to have this happen than lose a member of staff with experience and have to go through recruiting etc. Think carefully though. If you can, talk the pros and cons through with friend/family to help you with best course. Support.