Am I just being incredibly mean?

[Tiredandstressed9]

I’ve name changed for this one.

I am very stressed at work. I don’t stop. Never have time for breaks or lunch. Work well over my hours daily to get my tasks completed.

Anyway, I had a meeting with my manager this morning. One of my colleagues is going through a rough patch and she really is. Her mum has been diagnosed with breast cancer and will now start treatment. They have no idea how bad it is yet.

To support my colleague, my manager has reduced her work load, but given it to me.

I feel completely pissed off about it.

On the one hand, I really feel badly for this lady. On the other hand, the additional work will affect my time with my family and adds to my stress.

My chest feels like it’s being crushed and I feel sick with the stress and additional work.

There is no one else to share the additional workload. Just me and this lady. There is no ‘timeline’ for how long this will be expected of me.

Am I being spiteful even resenting this?
I feel terrible.

OK, thanks again everyone.

I’ve pretty much said what people advised here. Not that I don’t want to help, but that we will need to prioritise the most important jobs. I’ve stressed that I won’t be able to fulfil the entire role realistically, when I already work through my breaks, so it is important to discuss which elements of my role they want to relieve me of for now (which will be none due to the nature of my job - still, it gets my point across).

I’ve listed everything I’m currently doing and the timetable I follow, so see where the additional tasks can feasibly fit in.

My email is fairly lengthy to say the least (for an email) and I suspect my manager will take their time getting back to me, but they’ll have to eventually. My husband thinks that they will have no choice but to reduce or withdraw what they have asked me to do...and I do feel bad for my colleague as no doubt it will all be given straight back to her.

This is one of those situations that's crap all round. You have more power than you think though. They will not want you going anywhere right now.

Definitely document that you are already doing extra hours and missing breaks. Stick that in an email to your line manager and keep a copy. Follow the suggestion of calmly asking what can give to accommodate the new tasks.

In my view, this situation might reasonably incur a bit of compassionate leave for your colleague. It's not a reason to offload work on an ongoing basis unless there's an accompanying reduction in hours which can then be resourced elsewhere. That's your manager's issue and not yours.

Well done - sounds perfect.

YANBU but you need to tell your Manager how it's going for you so they can make adjustments for you if you need them.

Go OP!

You’ve done the right thing. ♥️

This is insane - when my mum was diagnosed with terminal lung cancer it didn't cross my mind to ask for time off work unless I was visiting her. Your colleague is completely taking the piss and I am really shocked your manager is letting her!

You’re absolute right to email your manager as it’s not fair to dump more on you when you’re already over worked.

Some of the comments on this thread about the colleague are ridiculous though. My SIL is going through cancer treatment for the second time and a lot of us are finding it harder than before because we can’t support her in person this time. Not being able to do anything, not even give her a hug, is horrible and is taking a big toll on her Mum especially (she works in a school so has to stay away).

It’s not taking the piss to be struggling in that situation on top of all the other stresses atm

Well done OP.

You have children.

You are working without breaks which is illegal and is taking it's toll on you.

You have responsibilities at home to your family, which come before your job.

If they try and put a load on you that is as ridiculous as it sounds, they are forcing you out of your job.

You are going to have to stand up for yourself once and for all.

Do not be bullied into doing more than you can.

Take this opportunity to tell them that the lack of proper breaks is detrimental to your health.

Your boss is not doing her job.

Good luck hopefully they decide to do the right thing

Thought about this earlier OP, hope you had a good response

Nothing yet.
I think they’ll take their time getting back to me.
We’ll see.

Put your concerns in writing OP just in case you need it in the future

I'm going through something similar at work. Work has been taken off a colleague and given to me as she cant cope with the workload. I only work 30 hours a week and she is full time. I have expressed my concerns in email so there is something to fall back on when it goes pear shaped and also because the manager who instigated this arrangement is moving on. Good luck

@Tiredandstressed9 Did you hear anything back yet?

Poor you OP. I had a period like this and it was miserable. One thing I would say is that it can be a downward spiral. Bit stressed = harder to focus and find efficiencies, means you get more stressed and so on.

I agree with the advice you’ve had and hope you get a good outcome. It not a reasonable thing that’s been asked of you, and it’s good you have pushed back and also have a chance to make the point clearly on your current work load.

When you get the breathing space (if ever), try to have a think about if there are any innovations, improvements that could streamline what you do (personally and your whole team). Depends on the type of job you do though.

@crosspelican

Thanks for asking. I haven’t heard anything back yet, but I knew they’d take ages. I expect I’ll be spoken to on Monday or Tuesday.

I’ve had the worst week. I’ve been trying to plan two lots of work and I’m struggling to keep up.

I woke up with an excruciating headache this morning and took the day off. I could not face work. I did do stuff though... just trying to get caught up and organised...planning for next week.

I will check back in when I have news. I think they’ll probably relieve me of the duties, but the way they’ll do it will make me feel like an unsupportive colleague and not a team player. That’s the norm.

I will check back in when I have news. I think they’ll probably relieve me of the duties, but the way they’ll do it will make me feel like an unsupportive colleague and not a team player. That’s the norm.

Try not to fall for the guilt tripping. It's not much of a team effort if all the extra work falls to just you. Management have a job to do too in this and it's their failings that are putting your colleague and you in this position.

Atseholes. It's not you, it's them. Enjoy your weekend.

Don't take it on board, but see it for who they are.

Have zero loyalty to them OP.

This is who they are.

All they care about is that the work is done.

They really don't care at what cost to you.

Protect yourself.

I'm impressed you sent the email so quickly, OP. I'm a procrastinator, it would have taken me a 2-3 days to email them.

You absolutely the right thing, well done.

I’m a manager... so , after the team spread, the shortfall comes to me. Running home to avoid a call doesn’t cut it. You didn’t sign up to cover 2 jobs, that doesn’t make you unfeeling it makes you normal. If it was finite, 2 weeks, that’s ok ish but to volunteer you for the foreseeable for another 1/2 workload when you’re already full??? and make you feel shit because you can’t accept it ... you have a manager problem. Say no, if you accept anything make sure you have parameters. This is not your problem

I will check back in when I have news. I think they’ll probably relieve me of the duties, but the way they’ll do it will make me feel like an unsupportive colleague and not a team player. That’s the norm.

I know it might sound like a cliche, but nobody can make you feel anything. You choose how to feel. And believe me, I know exactly what you mean. But, go back and read the thread. You are not the problem here. You are already giving more than you should be.

This is not your problem. This is your manager's problem. Be prepared with your sweetest smile (via email) for whatever way the next step is outlined. Don't accept any guilt that is being put over onto you, or any crap about not being a team player.

I said it upthread but I'm saying it again, if you could carry both workloads, just like that, why would there be a need for two people to be employed in the first place.

@Lollypop701

I’m a manager... so , after the team spread, the shortfall comes to me. Running home to avoid a call doesn’t cut it. You didn’t sign up to cover 2 jobs, that doesn’t make you unfeeling it makes you normal. If it was finite, 2 weeks, that’s ok ish but to volunteer you for the foreseeable for another 1/2 workload when you’re already full??? and make you feel shit because you can’t accept it ... you have a manager problem. Say no, if you accept anything make sure you have parameters. This is not your problem

This. Absolutely.

Don't accept guilt.

Of course you aren’t.

Book a meeting w your manager. Make a note before of hours, responsibilities etc, and explain you’ve considered it and you’d love to help but you cannot take on any more and they will need to take on a temp.

She may tell you it is inposssible but it isn’t. She will have to talk to her superiors and it will get sorted. Don’t be a mug, you will break yourself.

Am confused why the colleague needs to be relieved of duties because her mum has cancer - she hasn’t even started treatment yet! I also think your colleague is taking the piss. Everyone has issues in their personal life. Work is work. Is your colleague expecting to be relieved of duties for the entire duration of her mother’s cancer battle?