Am I just being incredibly mean?

[Tiredandstressed9]

I’ve name changed for this one.

I am very stressed at work. I don’t stop. Never have time for breaks or lunch. Work well over my hours daily to get my tasks completed.

Anyway, I had a meeting with my manager this morning. One of my colleagues is going through a rough patch and she really is. Her mum has been diagnosed with breast cancer and will now start treatment. They have no idea how bad it is yet.

To support my colleague, my manager has reduced her work load, but given it to me.

I feel completely pissed off about it.

On the one hand, I really feel badly for this lady. On the other hand, the additional work will affect my time with my family and adds to my stress.

My chest feels like it’s being crushed and I feel sick with the stress and additional work.

There is no one else to share the additional workload. Just me and this lady. There is no ‘timeline’ for how long this will be expected of me.

Am I being spiteful even resenting this?
I feel terrible.

Not unreasonable at all. You need to speak to your manager or risk being burnt out and then getting signed off sick. I was in a similar position to you years ago and wish I had spoken up than muddling through, I ended up having a number of minor car crashes as I was so stressed and really wished I had done something about it. Good luck.

Your manager doesn't care how/if you can cope, for him dumping on you is problem solved. Go back and say you've thought about it and as you already work many unpaid extra hours an dno lunch respite you can't take the extra load on. Go higher up if he doesn't concur. It;s his problem not yours and he's looked for the easiest solution for him.

@Tiredandstressed9

Thank you everyone. I felt incredibly guilty even thinking it was unfair. I feel a bit better now.

I will speak to my manager after work today and explain that I cannot take on all of the extra.

As has been said, document the workload before meeting. Keep things professional, by which I mean, take all emotion out of it, don't get sidetracked into why this is happening, i.e discussion of what is happening in your colleague's life.

Draw up a plan with your manager as to what needs to be prioritised. After all, if one person could do all the work, there wouldn't be two roles there in the first place.

The manager needs to bring in a temp to help you.

It is not your colleague's fault you are understaffed.

It shouldn't be your problem though.

Stand your ground and tell your manager you can't manage any additional work.

It's perfectly okay to go back to him and say that you've had a think and realistically, what he is asking is not physically possible. As suggested above, have something READY in writing that breaks down your current workload and the hours necessary to achieve it.

As him WHEN he thinks you will be able to do this woman's workload on to of your own, what the overtime he has in mind is, and what tasks currently on YOUR desk should be move to HIS.

I probably wouldn't use language like "overwhelmed" etc - instead say things like "I am already above my full capacity AND JOB DESCRIPTION and working approx. 6 hours in excess of my contracted hours most weeks" or whatever. Explain that yes, you DO need to discuss a pay rise, but that a pay rise won't actually create more hours in the day for this woman's work on top of your own.

Also start actively looking elsewhere. Have a look on some job sites possibly even before you have this meeting so that you have a sense of what's out there and perhaps what you SHOULD be paid.

It's very sad that your colleague's mother is unwell, but it's not actually your problem to solve.

You're not being mean at all. You're at capacity, I can't understand how your manager thinks it's appropriate to dump another person's workload on you. If that were realistic, there would only be one of you employed in the first place. Of course you want to be supportive and flexible for your colleague, but this is extreme. Has she been signed off work? Is your manager usually reasonable or is this typical? Maybe she means do the bare essentials of each role and drop the rest, but if so it needs to be set out in a clear and realistic way.

What? Why did you tell you manager it was ok?

If it's too much work it's too much work. Speak to your manager about your workload, it's their job to sort resource not yours. Be honest about what you can take on, sounds like you have more work than you handle at the moment as it is

Your not being mean. You can’t take on the extra workload if you’re already stretched. If it were me I’d show willing and offer to do it for the short term (I.e a week) to give them time to sort out a plan. But make it very clear you can’t do the extra for longer then that. I also don’t really see why if your colleague can’t see or care for her mum it should have a long term impact on work.

a good manager would know if you are overworked/stressed with volume, etc. - but not everyone is perfect, or has perfect knowledge.
schedule a meeting to discuss workload / priorities / additional resources.

YANBU - you need to fight your corner. Just because one colleague has some personal issues, it doesn't mean you redistribute their work without discussing as a team. The exception would be if the colleague was off work completely in which case there is no choice but to redistribute.

I have to say, while I feel for someone whose parent has cancer, your colleague still has a job to do and should still be able to be productive. It would be different if it was her own health or that of a child where she had to be at all appointments. I appreciate she may be the main carer however. It does sound like you work in a nice workplace that takes these things into consideration, but there is also an element of the fact this is not the colleague herself that is sick and she needs to continue to meet her responsibilities.

I'd ask your manager for a conversation about your new workload, and approach it in a spirit of collaboration 'Hey manager, so sorry to hear about X's mum. I know we need to do what we can to help, so want to talk about how that will work. I'm already working on xyz and working xx hours a day in order to get that done. While I want to help, I can't realistically take anything more on - what tasks are a priority and what can we postpone until X is back working 100%?'

Please talk to your manager. If you're already working well over your hours just to complete your own work, you're already in an unreasonable position. they shouldn't be just piling on more.

@Godimabitch

Not acceptable. They need to take someone else on to do it. Is there a HR? You need to explain that as much as you're glad they're supporting your colleague you dont have time for your lunch as it is and always work more than your contracted hours, you dont have any more time to give them and they will push you to the point you're too ill to work from the stress.

This. You are not being spiteful just being realistic in terms of what you can manage.

It is not your fault that your colleague's mother has a serious illness which means that she has to take time off work to help her mother.

Your work need to take on someone else to do this, doesn't have to be long term could be short term.

YABU to not have already told your manager your were struggling - now it will look like you simply don't want the extra work, not that you were overwhelmed even before being given it.

Why do people not say anything, why do people just take more and more on until the crack under the strain? That helps no one and in most cases the bosses aren't doing this to make you ill they simply DON'T REALISE unless you tell them!! (Obviously there are bosses who are arseholes but I think they are the minority)

Working unpaid hours just gives bosses the excuse they need not to take on any extra staff. I'm happy to hear you're going to talk to your boss. You'll burn out yourself and he or she will have 2 absent staff if you keep going this way.

Hope it goes well.

And make sure it is documented, what can be let slide while other things are prioritised, so that it can be referred back to if necessary.

I would be pissed too! your manager needs to take on the loads

That is very poor form on your manager's part. I have divided work up between a team before (including myself) but you can't just dump a load more work on someone's plate without expecting them to crack. Take a look at the pressure performance curve.

Don't just say you cannot take on all of the extra. That suggests you will take on more than you have now, you need to be clear you cannot.
Say which parts of your job you will have to deprioritise (ie stop) in order to free up time to do the new work.
Or as a PP has said prioritise both your work and the new work to show what you can cover in the time available and what you cannot do. Show you have worked through it properly, but dont take on any more overall than you have now.

Has your manager taken on any of your colleague's workload or just palmed it all off on you?

This really isn’t anything to do with your colleague’s sad predicament, so put that to one side.

Unfortunately, it appears to be that you have a rubbish manager who is hoping you’ll just accept whatever’s piled on you and get on with it without making a fuss.

It’s time to stand up for yourself.

Start taking proper breaks for starters and leave on time. Unless they’re paying you a higher than ever age salary or overtime pay that covers the excess workload, stop trying to do everything.

Ask your manager to prioritise what they want you to do in the time available. If they won’t prioritise, tell them they need to find additional resources to complete the work.

Make it crystal clear to your boss that the time for change has come and that you’re not going to continue working for free.

YANBU. Not being able to take on the additional work doesn't equate to being unsupportive of your colleague. It's your Manager's (or someone higher up's) job to find an alternative solution.

Your manager should pick up the extra work, it’s what they are paid more for.

No it absolutely isn't on. You should go off sick with stress. It's an absolute nerve pressurising you in this unfair way.

This is ridiculous. You need to tell your manager that you already work longer hours to get the job done. Is your colleague her mum's only support? Is she going to be accompanying her to treatment? Is she dropping her hours? In which case they need to take on an extra member of staff and you can suggest heading up the team and dividing the work.

You are not unreasonable but this is your managers problem to sort, you need to speak to them about it.