School have just highlighted how unemployable I am...

[grannyinapram]

Failed at the most basic task today- I couldn't figure out Video calls so now my little boy missed out on his first school lesson. It reduced me to tears.
I'm going to need to find a job in a few years and this just highlighted how behind i am compared to most. I can use mumsnet and kind of email. That's it.
I don't even get word anymore because I only know the old word from when I was at school.
I did an online course a few years ago and you had to go through the website to submit your work and use email and I used to cry every month because no matter how many times DH showed me I JUST DONT GET IT. I hate this, I feel so behind but I literally can't remember how to do 'simple' tasks. I even had to have phonecards from universal credit when we signed on for a bit at the start of lockdown.
I'm in my mid 20s.
Why don't I get it?
Been a sahm for 8 years now. I'm at least 8 years behind.

how do people just know how it works? oh god I'm crying again...

oh I suppose wibu to set the family laptop on fire?

It seems like you have a bit of a mental block going on here - lots of people have had to quickly figure out software and apps they're not familiar with during covid, and yes it's frustrating, but it's odd for a capable adult not to be able to do it at all. But nobody "just knows" how to do these things. Even the most confident person wasn't born using a computer!

There are lots and lots of great guides on youtube that start very basic - I use complicated software in some of my lessons and most students prefer to work it out for themselves by watching videos on their phones as they go along rather than by me teaching it from the front of the class.

You probably need to spend some time practicing without the stress of a deadline.

Be brave and have a go!

Take a deep breath. You’ve just had a bit of a hiccup. I think with “techy” stuff, some people get it in their heads that they’re no good at it or going to get it wrong, from the start and it makes them tense before they even begin. Do you ever get the chance to use video calling/uploading stuff on your own time, just for fun? You need to play around with it when there’s no pressure on you, then it will become more natural and you won’t be so nervous. 😉

Are you sure there isn't something else going on, dyslexia or something similar? I don't know much about it but it seems strange for someone who is mid 20s to struggle so much.

It's a shame about Covid, some areas used to do free computer access courses.

Have you looked on youtube for how to? There's loads from the basics to the advanced.

Vision2Learn also do courses and depending on your household circumstances are free. When things have gone wrong my end, the staff have been extremely supportive.

Start small and build on it.
You can MN so you do have some skills!Nobody 'knows' everyone has to start somewhere ( no IT classes when I was at school and we didn't have email at work until I was late 20's)
Try writing yourself step by step notes.
Or another online course. Things might be more straightforward than when you did it last time.
Google garage used to run some good ones.
Once life is up and running. Do a community run course which is tutor lead.
Good luck.

Seriously I wouldn’t worry. Once you are using them they are easy. I used to be the worlds worst with tech until I had to use it on a daily basis, I’m quite good now!

Please don't be so hard on yourself. I use computers for work every day, and I find parts challenging!

In the future then you could think about doing a course to build your skills, but for now you could contact school and see if someone is able to take you through things step by step.

How about a pen pal to help you gain confidence with emailing?

I'm fully employed and employable and I still find video lessons a nightmare. Judging by the comments and queries from other parents, this is not unusual.

Don't be afraid to contact the school (or another parent) and say you need a hand to get up and running. Once you get through the teething pains it gets easier.

Btw one of the reasons I HATE wfh is that I have to sort out all the techy things myself. When I'm in the office someone else does it. Many of us don't love this stuff

The only way I can describe it is like this
imagine being taken into a forest with a cabin in the middle. The next day you are asked to go back to the cabin from the starting point... but the whole forest is just trees- all the same nothing distinctive, no landmarks, just trees.
it feels like that- i get completely lost. I have only recently got a mobile phone, hate anything like that. Although I do like mumsnet, but mumsnet is just reading.
DH gets frustrated with me- so I tend to outsource the tech stuff to him. But this isn't helping.

And watching videos- i watched a video this morning on video calls and it literally did not help. How do you follow it when it looks different on my computer?

Just arghhh

Are you scared of messing up the system? I have found many people are scared of doing something wrong when using IT. It’s actually very hard to mess up a system as you have to go in at a deeper level.

Some people are more visual learners so agree with trying you tube rather than reading a wall of text.

Hi op it just takes a bit of practice. I agree it can be daunting. When you doing it few times it be easier.

Can DH sit with you in the evening or whenever is easier like quiet time when you can just relax and have a go with him talking you through it?
Being a SAHM does knock your confidence, I remember having quiet panics years ago when dd started school and i got a job with tech that our college didn't use. I was embarrassed asking but nobody is born knowing it.
I m 52 now and had to ask ds 32 how to set up our new TV. He was joking around about how I m from the 80s so I said well I taught you to use a plate and cutlery and go to the loo.
Ask DH for a few lessons and tell yourself you can do this, even write it down step by step if it helps.
Good luck.

It's just the pressure of having to do it at a certain time, not something fundamentally different about you.

Other people might look capable, but a lot of us use google for things you feel you should know, you can google "how to do x in Teams," "how to do y in zoom," etc. This should take you to youtube videos. The number of views should re-assure you that you are very much not alone.

Do you have two devices, like an iPad and computer? I would try calling between rooms, to get it to work, or asking a patient family member to help. As for school, ask the other parents - or just one that seems really nice (and capable). Good luck, it's just one lesson.

How long has it been since you used a computer regularly?

First you have to understand that very few people were taught to use a computer. They pick it up as they go. There is a logic, and computers are meant to be intuitive, but you do have to learn a general 'logic' so that you can make the educated guesses you need to use the computer properly.

The good news is that it is almost 100% certain that you can learn these things too.

Use your family laptop every day. You could try writing a diary on it. First day could just focus on turning on the laptop and opening Word. It doesn't matter how many times it takes your DH to show you how to open Word - one day you will remember. Then aim to get a few sentences down (about literally anything - what are you having for dinner?). Don't worry about formatting or making it look 'right'. Once you have the hang of this, learn to save the file. Then progress to opening a file. Have your DH sit down with you and explain what you have to do, but don't let him do it for you.

It can be so frustrating to not get something that is supposed to be easy - I have been there! You have to persevere as it will come for you.

For your child's schooling - ask DH to set it up. If you're using Teams then you can probably log into the meeting hours ahead of the teacher officially starting it, and it will just tick over. No one will notice or mind.

If you're not working, your local Adult education centre will offer free online training (they did pre-Covid anyway).

They also offer Microsoft Office course for free so you can brush up on Word (it really hasn't changed much in terms of the basics).

You can read and write, you're really lucky OP, so focus on the positives and start to learn! My mother in law struggles with English but she is having video calls with people around the world, so it's totally possible to learn!

@WaltzingBetty

You probably need to spend some time practicing without the stress of a deadline.

Be brave and have a go!

Actually this is probably true. Any time I try to do computer stuff it is because I HAVE to. and there is always a deadline.

I honestly would rather do anything else !

It sounds like you work yourself up when you don't get something at first and that's it. I know someone who does that and it causes them to take extra long on tasks or even abandon them and push them onto someone else. She IS capable of doing them, if she doesn't work herself up.

Lots of us aren't really techy, but tbh I've never cried of I couldn't work something up. I got angry, yeah, but that doesn't help either. You need to find techniques to calm yourself down. When you are calmer it appears easier.

I absolutely agree with @WaltzingBetty about practicing without deadline. I have to do that. Everyone, as far as I know has to do that. You might not get it at first. Fine. Calm fown and do it again and again. Once you gain tech confidence, it will get easier.

Remember that no one fell from the sky just naturally knowing how to do tables in Excel🤷🏻 It's all about learning and learning. Our council was doing basic IT skills course, have a look if yours does it after lockdown

@Ahorsecalledseptember

Seriously I wouldn’t worry. Once you are using them they are easy. I used to be the worlds worst with tech until I had to use it on a daily basis, I’m quite good now!

This gives me hope, thank you 😊

I know they'll currently be on hold, but does your local college do a Computer For Beginners type course? I know they're mainly aimed at older people, but I'm sure that would benefit you.

Any new system takes time to get used to. If you're not using it daily, you forget. I am currently relearning some aspects of Excel I was taught years ago but haven't used since for a new job. I write step by step instructions (eg click on button top right, with books on, then type....). I would suggest writing down some notes to follow, then if you forget, you can just look them up. A refresher course might be useful for you though, to give you confidence. I have a file full of how to do things, as do many of my colleagues.

One of the things that might help - don't Google (or search) for 'video calls'. Be very specific, type into Google, e.g. "How do I make a Zoom video call?" or "How do I make a Teams video call" or "How do I join [if someone else has set it up] Teams video call on Internet Explorer". If you can be specific as possible about whether you are using a laptop, or a tablet, or a phone (and if a phone, is it Samsung, or iPhone etc.) then you are more likely to find instructions that are relevant to you.

Something else I found useful when learning how to use computers was writing each step down in a notebook, e.g. file > open > click on file name, etc. Could this help? Then you've given - to use your analogy - a little trail of breadcrumbs to lead you back to the cabin.

Could you think of something you'd like to do for yourself - a virtual scrapbook of your kids' life, a recipe index, something for a hobby, and then spend time working out how to do it on a computer? That way there'd be no pressure or deadlines and you'd have something nice to look forward to.

Also, Google is your friend here. No matter how apparently simple, someone will have asked how to do it and someone else will have answered.

Good luck!