Page 6 | To find many of the Mental Health champions, such as Bryony Gordon, actually not good for mental health!

Sethy38 · 2021-01-16T11:43:29+00:00

It’s relentless.... Be kind to yourself Say no Self care It’s ok to feel shit Love yourself Be yourself The power of positive thinking You go girl You got this And so on. And on. I actually find it quite stressful! And then interjected with “sorry I didn’t post yesterday, I cried for four hours straight on my bedroom floor but I got through it and now I’m ok. And YOU WILL BE TOO”. Having mini breakdowns aren’t really an option for single working parents. There’s a heck of a lot to be said to be gritting your teeth, head down, ploughing on, but to so many of the Mental Health campaigners ^that^ approach is something to be scorned! Anyone else a little [hmm] by it all?

EveryDayIsADuvetDay · 19/01/2021 02:55

Presumably SM posts of some kind? If they don't work for you, disengage.
Others may find them helpful - no one forces you to read this junk

sevencontinents · 19/01/2021 07:24

@umpteennamechanges

Okay...so I see what you mean but I also disagree.

It really depends how severe your issues are.

After gritting my teeth and carrying on for years (with a similar outlook to yours) I had a total psychiatric breakdown that involved staying in a psychiatric hospital for three months and being diagnosed with bipolar disorder.

There is no one size fits all approach.

Talking about grit and resilience would not really help people in my situation. I tried that. It worked until it didn't. And when it didn't work it was catastrophic.

So I guess that's why those of us who have been through that kind of level of breakdown want other people to know that grit and pushing on through isn't the answer.

Because we've been there and wish someone had told us that if we just carried on we were, eventually, going to break ourselves.

And yes, even single mothers have to take a break in these kind of circumstances....

You put that so well.

sevencontinents · 19/01/2021 07:29

@Umpteennamechanges I am with you!
BG's awful behaviour was a symptom of her illness and the drug and alcohol abuse was self medication for that. That is not excusing her behaviour but it's trying to understand it. And she knows it was awful - she is not defending it, just trying to explain it.
This thread is an example of how we still have a looooonnng way to go in terms of understanding mental illness as a society...

Noconceptofnormal · 19/01/2021 07:35

I get what you mean about Bryony Gordon, I feel that she is now just making money / fame from her own misery so has to perpetuate it. Because of coming out about her mental health she's gone from being a middling successful columnist to a famous / well known spokesperson who is now a figure head, knows the two princes, and gets invited to speak as someone with 'lived experience' of mental health.

Well the reality of most lived experience of mental health is not a successful, intelligent, attractive woman in a nice house in a leafy part of London with (as everyone says) a lovely husband.

The reality of people with severe mental health issues is poverty, homelessness, childhood trauma / abuse, prostitution, prison etc. But no one wants to see that on TV / social media, they want to see a palatable version of it where it looks like something that can be managed / overcome. The reality in many cases is that it isn't.

But yes, on a slightly more light hearted note, I wish I had had BG's luck when it comes to a husband, from what you gather he is pretty amazing to put up with what he does.

MayYouLiveInInterestingTimes · 19/01/2021 07:40

If they were any real kind of mental health champions, had any real interest in the welfare of people of any age, they would be looking into and campaigning against the real and practical problems that are causing the mess. Lack of opportunity, lack of asset-building opportunities, the consolidation of power and wealth into the hands of fewer and fewer people, the increasing totalitarian social control of those few people and their lackeys, low civil rights in employment and in practice in law unless you’re born rich, and let’s not forget the mindlessness of the celebrity movement.

As always these champions are just a few people who’ve figured out a way of making themselves rich and powerful. The mental health movement is in its entirety a method of distracting people from the very real problems we face and controlling the masses.

Sirzy · 19/01/2021 07:43

Not everyone has the option to grin and bear it and that isn’t healthy for a lot of people.

I spend half my life plastering on a happy face but sometimes I need to let my guard down and face how I am really feeling.

Hiding your emotions and struggles from your children doesn’t help anyone, we should be showing are children that it isn’t a sign of weakness to say “actually I’m really struggling here”

GalesThisMorning · 19/01/2021 07:48

I had really poor mental health in my teens and had 4 separate stints in a psychiatric hospital. Now at 40 most people I know would be shocked to hear that. I have very good mental health, excellent coping strategies and am very resilient.

This is down to luck, privilege in being able to access treatment early in my life, but also down to becoming a single mother at 22 and not being able to fall apart. I just didn't have that "permission" to collapse on the floor and cry for 6 hours because my baby was already crying, and who was left to take care of him?

It's not like that for everyone, I know that. I was very very lucky. But saying that you are only accountable to yourself is deeply unhelpful and for most of us untrue.

OrangeSlices998 · 19/01/2021 07:50

@Sethy38

Just read this from one of the celeb MH campaigners. One of the more prolific... just take time out, self-care etc campaigners

And literally all I thought was f*ck.off.

It was actually quite good for me MH!

Can you not read that and think it actually applies to people going through something different to you? He’s referring to (if I remember rightly) people who are or have been suicidal or having had suicidal thoughts as he did. He’s writing about having hope things might improve.

I don’t think for one minute he’s advocating for just reading his book to cure your suicidal ideation, but it’s something not often spoken about. And it helped him, so he’s trying to pay it forward.

Do I find the likes of BG helpful? Meh. I think some of what she shares, especially about recovery and exercise are really insightful and helpful.

Sheleg · 19/01/2021 08:24

Why should I (for example, if I started a blog) not be able to talk about some of the things I did which were unsavoury?

Because it's way too much information, which really doesn't need to be out in the public sphere. People share far too much these days. We've become a society of incontinents.

MaskingForIt · 19/01/2021 08:39

Not everyone has the option to grin and bear it and that isn’t healthy for a lot of people.

But equally, not everyone has the option to opt out of life and have a breakdown. Children have to be looked after, bills have to be paid be paid. Being able to opt out is a privilege and an indulgence many cannot afford.

Sirzy · 19/01/2021 09:09

@MaskingForIt

Not everyone has the option to grin and bear it and that isn’t healthy for a lot of people.

But equally, not everyone has the option to opt out of life and have a breakdown. Children have to be looked after, bills have to be paid be paid. Being able to opt out is a privilege and an indulgence many cannot afford.

Having a breakdown isn’t a choice!

umpteennamechanges · 19/01/2021 10:20

@MaskingForIt

Not everyone has the option to grin and bear it and that isn’t healthy for a lot of people.

But equally, not everyone has the option to opt out of life and have a breakdown. Children have to be looked after, bills have to be paid be paid. Being able to opt out is a privilege and an indulgence many cannot afford.

You know that plenty of people in the psychiatric hospital had children right?

In fact, the vast majority had children and responsible jobs...directors, teachers, etc with families.

A breakdown isn't a choice. It isn't an option.

I think this is a bizarre way of looking at it.

It's no more a 'choice' or 'option' than a brain aneurysm.

porcelaine · 19/01/2021 11:20

I agree, I see a lot of people in their early twenties making MH podcasts or instagram selfies about MH and it does seem somewhat ego driven. Scarlett Curtis, daughter of Emma freud and Richard Curtis (ergo highly privileged) springs to mind, she has in the past posted selfies of herself crying in the middle of a depression episode, and I found that quite strange tbh, that she got her phone camera out while in the depths of despair.
I have recently been going through one of the worst times of MH in my life, I've experienced issues with it since I was a young teen but I can honestly say its only as an early thirtysomething that I've realised MH isn't fixed by self care baths or cathartic crying, I have to take steps every single day to address it, including:

counselling, medication, reading self help articles and books, taking vitamins and eating enough/healthily, good sleep hygiene, fresh air and gentle exercise in the daytime, talking to friends and family, daily personal hygiene, making the bed and keeping the house clean wherever possible.

it's not glamorous at all, it's just every single day is slightly harder than it would be if I didnt have MH problems but its not something I choose to wallow in and I do firmly believe you can and should address those issues in a number of different ways. but they are often private acts. or at least not performative.

porcelaine · 19/01/2021 11:20

I would add that becoming a single parent has made the above even more important, and my child is my reason to keep fighting.

Original poster

Sethy38 · 19/01/2021 11:26

@MaskingForIt

I’m with you.

All those saying “having a breakdown” isn’t an option, I wonder whether any are single parents?

I would be interested in the percentage of those that have had a breakdown and are single parents. I suspect low. Very low.

I have no support network.

I have two young children who rely on me. For everything. Having a breakdown isn’t an option. Not unless i accept that my children will be removed from me as I would be unable to care for me. Never. Going. To. Happen.

OP posts:

Original poster

Sethy38 · 19/01/2021 11:27

@porcelaine!!!! Totally agree

SC is the cover girl for my entire OP

OP posts:

GrolliffetheDragon · 19/01/2021 11:43

But you know what... I fly the flags for the plaster a smile on your face, grit your teeth, head down, and you know what... I suspect that in the long run it may be the approach that actually works. The approach of “no choice but to NOT succumb to the desire to curl for for four hours and cry”.

Some people can only do that for so long though. When I was younger I tried pushing myself to carry on through some fairly major distress and ended up with physical health problems as well as mental health problems and self harming.

Sirzy · 19/01/2021 11:58

Having a breakdown is no more a choice than getting cancer is.

You don’t choose to have a breakdown. Are people really so naieve as to think it’s a choice?

Nettleskeins · 19/01/2021 14:02

I don't think it is a "choice" to have a breakdown. People with small dependent children and jobs that pay bills are hospitalised, and yes their children do suffer when they are looked after by people who themselves are suffering.
What is a choice, is to acknowledge there are ways to live a "better" life. Which might be all the things Porcelaine describes.

It is odd that we think sharing things with people who aren't, essentially, our friends would help us. That is not the real life support, that is celebrity culture. After all, celebrities are "performative".
Leaders, people in prominent positions, can talk from the heart about domestic violence, miscarriage, alcoholism in the family, bereavement; take for example Justin Welby. But it isn't in Real Time that they tweet or write about such matters, whereas Bryony's life is literally unfolding before your eyes...and that feels exhibitionist rather than therapeutic, almost as if her shame spills into a form of penitential exhibitionism.
The confessional is so important but it is a private place not a pulpit.

Tangledtresses · 19/01/2021 14:10

I was talking to my friend about this yesterday...... single parents we just bloody get on with it and actually it helps.

My latest peeve mh buzz is 'tell your truth' argghhhhhh
Then famous person posts endless instas about how fantastic she is

Thisisworsethananticpated · 20/01/2021 14:51

Being a single parent is a major incentive to get MH sorted
I don’t think it because I am better than a 29 something on Instagram
But we MUST
So now I’m a LP I throw everything at it
You name it ! I’ve done it !! Courses , therapy , drugs , gardening , walks etc etc
When I was depressed in my 20s I’d go out , get shit faced and pull someone unsuitable