To find many of the Mental Health champions, such as Bryony Gordon, actually not good for mental health!

[Sethy38]

It’s relentless....

Be kind to yourself
Say no
Self care
It’s ok to feel shit
Love yourself
Be yourself
The power of positive thinking
You go girl
You got this

And so on. And on.

I actually find it quite stressful! And then interjected with “sorry I didn’t post yesterday, I cried for four hours straight on my bedroom floor but I got through it and now I’m ok. And YOU WILL BE TOO”.

Having mini breakdowns aren’t really an option for single working parents.

There’s a heck of a lot to be said to be gritting your teeth, head down, ploughing on, but to so many of the Mental Health campaigners that approach is something to be scorned!

Anyone else a little by it all?

[quote SebastianTheCrab]In her last "memoir" Gordon wrote about being licked out by a stranger in the grounds of a "country house" after a party while high while her husband was in their room with their infant daughter.

So no, I don't think I'll ever take anything she has to say about anything seriously. And it's not about the fact that it happened, which is one thing, but the fact she wrote about it (while, presumably sober) that means her judgment on everything is massively flawed.

[[https://www.telegraph.co.uk/women/life/bryony-gordon-point-ofmy-day-wasto-get-7pmso-could-drink/]][/quote]
I wonder whether BG considers how reading this may impact the MH of her daughter when she reaches an age to read the books.

Irrelevant probably. They key is to over share and prioritise yourself, isn’t it?

I've struggled with this in the past (feeling annoyed with mental health campaigners). I suppose it is a form of jealousy...the feeling they get all this attention and people telling them how brave they are etc. But I'm now of the opinion that they actually had worse experiences than the "teeth gritters", of which I count myself one. Low level PND where you do function is better than a psychotic breakdown and anxiety where you function as mother is a lot better than alcoholism where you clearly DONT.

I think being able to grit your teeth is because you do manage to live "imperfectly". You are happier for it.

It isn't a competition about who can be more mindful, it is about surviving motherhood relationships work in a PRACTICAL way and not getting carried away with shame/fear/pride/egoism to the extent it defeats your goals.

I often think the parable of Prodigal Son v interesting because the brother who stays at home feels so cross when the prodigal brother repents. But the prodigal brother has really suffered in the meantime, he didn't get off lightly.

Funny you should say that. We have mental health champions at work, and I have to be honest - I am a pretty resilient person who rarely gets "down", but the mental health champions make me want to smash them over the head with something heavy because their platitudes send me into a screaming frenzy! I have taken to deleting their uplifting emails on sight....

I don't know who BG is, so can't comment on her specifically, but I think that I disagree with what you're saying and the examples you give.

The self-care, indulge in a cry etc advice is there to help to you manage your stress levels, like a pressure valve. It may not be great for your kids to see you having a cry but if it means you can continue to be there and care for them then it's the best. 'soldiering on' without making any material change might work for some people. Others will become completely overwhelmed and commit suicide.

I think the message is that if you're struggling, be it depression, panic disorder, whatever, that's it's ok for you to seek support or show your distress without shame. Mental health first aiders are there to offer that support if required. They are not forced upon you and nothing is written in an 'accident book'.
It's great that the people on this thread know what helps them in their own distress -some people are yet to find ways to cope and I think that people being open about their own ways of managing, however diverse, can only be a good thing.

I think 20% validation/fluffy/self encouragement is SO important. Absolutely crucial. But then the 80% left has to be goal directed, problem focused wise action.
Cry for a bit, then get back up.

I'm a therapist and had severe ptsd so my opinion is basically truth

If Bryony Gordon had neglected or hit her child I think it would read differently, as it is she says the tipping point to CHANGE was when she lets a friend order drugs when her (Bryonys) child is asleep upstairs.

Basically she crossed the line from when she was just making herself unhappy to affecting others. Isn't that the reason to seek practical help...when you see your actions impact vulnerable others? Gritting your teeth wouldn't be enough in those circs. It would be like the Prodigal Son gritting his teeth and saying okay I had better just eat this pig food, it is all I deserve, I don't deserve any forgiveness or solutions.

I think a large proportion of what she posts is just bollocks for ‘likes’.

I do remember something though...struggling with new born and well-meaning baby yoga leader saying something trite about us making time for ourselves, and this feeling like the most patronising shit thing you could possibly say to someone struggling on practical level with a newborn. Suggest cake suggest telly suggest nil ironing housework but don't bleat about mindfulness and selfcare to a new mother!!!

@NoOneOwnsTheRainbow

Oh and the followers cannot stand anyone who recovers from mental illness. They get really nasty about it. I'd liken it to the way detransitioners are treated by specific groups.

I have seen this on some big MH pages on FB too.... there seems to be many who think that any MH diagnosis is a life long sentence and you are always ill, but if you try and tell them that is a load of crap and there is always a chance at recovery, you get told you were never ill to start with and don't understand about mental health. Lots of depression and anxiety, especially at the moment, is situational (and right now is justified tbh) and many people who have an episode of it get through it and carry on with their lives afterwards. More complex stuff like bipolar... if you find a medication regime that suits you and works then you can have long periods of being well.

@Lovestonap

* It may not be great for your kids to see you having a cry but if it means you can continue to be there and care for them then it's the best. *

I have no problem with the occasional cry in front of my children. Not at all.

But four hours curled up on the floor? Not an option for many. For most actually.

@Sethy38 so don't choose that as your option then. But don't judge people for sharing their own experiences. (Unless BG specifically said "everyone should spend 4 hours crying on the floor, it's the best way to manage poor mental health and I recommended it", as I said I don't know the full content).

"What would happen to my children if I broke down one day and cried for four hours ion my floor, as BG did the other day (but it’s ok because next day ok and we shouldn’t fight it when we just need to let it consume us apparently).

I don’t have the luxury of a highly supportive husband and one child and a large loving and emotionally supportive family.

And somehow the impression from these flag bearers (designer no doubt, definitely 100% organic) is that gritting teeth and ploughing on is ... unhealthy, bad, something to be avoided.

But you know what... I fly the flags for the plaster a smile on your face, grit your teeth, head down, and you know what... I suspect that in the long run it may be the approach that actually works. The approach of “no choice but to NOT succumb to the desire to curl for for four hours and cry”. Because as a single parent - I don’t have a supportive husband to ensure my children are well fed and cared for during them at period.

My irritation is that so many of the celeb mental health campaigners can just down tools and self-care, and they infer that by not doing so - you are failing yourself."

I have never interpreted their message like this, but fair enough if you have. That's the crux of it really though, isn't it? You may loathe it, but there are others out there who have been helped by it. Surely, if they help someone in this awful experience that is mental health difficulty, then we should accept their message as at least valid, even if it isn't for us. There is a huge spectrum of mental health difficulties out there and a similarly huge spectrum of human experiences and characteristics. Surely, different approaches work for different people...?

Interesting to hear from those that have benefited. So whilst don’t work for me, definitely work for some. And that is unquestionably a positive.

I never doubted though that some benefited. The thousands of likes and very fact they are a celeb indicates Ian most definitely the minority.

Thankfully not on this thread!

[quote Lovestonap]@Sethy38 so don't choose that as your option then. But don't judge people for sharing their own experiences. (Unless BG specifically said "everyone should spend 4 hours crying on the floor, it's the best way to manage poor mental health and I recommended it", as I said I don't know the full content).[/quote]
The point is... it isn’t an Option for me (and most!)

And so fact that I don’t find good for mental health is that I’m made to somehow feel as though I’m neglecting myself and that is a VERY BAD thing for my future mental health.

@xenobitch

But again, I think you over simplify the mental health experience and what being 'well' actually means. It is such a heterogeneous experience. Mental health difficulties are so varied that there are some people who go large periods of time being well but they are still very vulnerable to relapse and must look after themselves carefully in everyday life to avoid said relapse (manage stress even more carefully than others, eat well, exercise, protect their sleep). The possibility of relapse is honestly always there. I also think that the defensiveness you have experienced on MH boards, whilst not ideal is a symptom of these sufferers' experiences being misunderstood or invalidated in life generally. You can't see their illness, so they are constantly having to try to communicate it or defend it, even when apparently 'well.

I think the problem is that these platitudes are meant to tide you over until you get better because it was minor and/or situational, or until you get the real help. But there is no real help. So all this "talk to someone" "ask for help" shit is a bit of a kick in the teeth for people who have been talking to people (who don't ask again or disappear) or asking for help (when there is no help other than meds that don't work for everyone and counselling which has waiting lists that go on forever if you can't afford private treatment, and again might not help). I find this kind of thing helpful sometimes, and other times it gives me the rage. When what I actually need is an easier life and some proper support and not platitudes. Can't please everyone all of the time though!

I recently read Rock Bottom, it was a hard read because, as she openly says in the book - she is a fucking nightmare with extremely toxic behaviour and traits. Her husband must love her very very much.

As PPs have said, as much as I appreciate the movement to normalise having mental health issues and opening a space for discussion, I can’t help thinking OH FUCK OFF every time one of these mental health influencers posts about how they are taking time for themselves, when it’s impossible for most mums to get more than a 20 slot to piss and take a shower every day.

But the most galling one was BG posting from her holiday at a very exclusive and luxury holiday village (in Italy? I think) - I thought oh you know that looks fabulous for families, lemme check it out.... it was over €15,000 for ONE week.

That is not relatable.

I don’t expect her to go to Butlins and not to appreciate or enjoy her wealth but something about the contraction of the “we’re all the same inside, I am just like youuuuuuu” statements against a 15k grand holiday doesn’t work for me

I don't think it would annoy people if the help was out there though. It just feels like it's being paid lip service too not dealt with properly

Contradiction*

* But again, I think you over simplify the mental health experience and what being 'well' actually means. It is such a heterogeneous experience. *

My point exactly!!

Bryony participates in cancel culture and bullying other women, so no, she's not in any place to pretend to give a shit about the mental health of others.

It is completely heterogeneous

But the celeb mental health campaigners appear to think that the way forward for all is self care, platitudes, putting yourself first etc etc

And if you do anything else, then you are failing your mental health

@YourWurstNightmare

Bryony participates in cancel culture and bullying other women, so no, she's not in any place to pretend to give a shit about the mental health of others.

What’s cancel culture?

Yanbu. They piss me off. Taking all the time in the world to love myself or feel shit for a day or self care bubble baths will not do a thing to help with any of the daily struggles of living with severe mental health issues. It’s just another Instagram niche. And I don’t think any of these people raise awareness for mental health issues. If anything they make them seem less serious when they act like any of the stuff they do can help someone really struggling.

But the most galling one was BG posting from her holiday at a very exclusive and luxury holiday village (in Italy? I think) - I thought oh you know that looks fabulous for families, lemme check it out.... it was over €15,000 for ONE week.

And I remember that. And then a couple of posts later something along the lines of “sorry off grid for awhile but I’ve been struggling since back so took some time off to myself” and one of her at a spa with lots of hashtags... self care, my mental health comes first, we must come together on this