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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To find many of the Mental Health champions, such as Bryony Gordon, actually not good for mental health!

146 replies

Sethy38 · 16/01/2021 11:43

It’s relentless....

Be kind to yourself
Say no
Self care
It’s ok to feel shit
Love yourself
Be yourself
The power of positive thinking
You go girl
You got this

And so on. And on.

I actually find it quite stressful! And then interjected with “sorry I didn’t post yesterday, I cried for four hours straight on my bedroom floor but I got through it and now I’m ok. And YOU WILL BE TOO”.

Having mini breakdowns aren’t really an option for single working parents.

There’s a heck of a lot to be said to be gritting your teeth, head down, ploughing on, but to so many of the Mental Health campaigners that approach is something to be scorned!

Anyone else a little Hmm by it all?

OP posts:
musicinspring1 · 16/01/2021 17:15

One of slight irritations with the celeb mental health brigade is that none of them are qualified mental health professionals in any way which slightly devalues the profession when they’re ‘spokespeople’ on media and bring out books , pod casts etc......
it takes quite a long time to qualify as a counsellor / mental health practitioner and I’m sure there are many out there who given the same platforms could offer excellent practical advice .....

sevencontinents · 16/01/2021 17:16

@sethy38
The fact you see breaking down as an 'option' is interesting. Someone in the midst of a mental health crisis does not choose to break down. It is literally an illness and they cannot stop the episode (in this case crying). Or if they can, it is because they have trunked to drink, drugs, eating etc to escape from it all. They cannot grit their teeth and carry on.
OR
if they have a chronic condition which they manage or are currently 'well ' from, they can grit their teeth which does not mean plastering on a smile (this doesn't work long term) but recognising negative thoughts and habits and dealing with them in tools learnt from therapy. They can only do so by ensuring that they keep themselves well - by sleeping, eating well, letting things out, managing stress. If they did not do those things, they would not be able to manage their experience and they would then relapse.

I speak from experience and hope that as time goes on people will learn to understand the daily experiences of people with mental health difficulties, , 'well' or not. Smile

SophieDahling · 16/01/2021 17:20

Fearne Cotton has built a new career on this sort of “it’s ok to feel shit” philosophy. A lot of vague, self-helpy, nebulous Instagram posts and aspirational quotes about self-care etc I get the feeling some of these people who set themselves up as experts on mental health are very damaged in some way and enjoy wallowing in introspection with others of a similar persuasion.

I sometimes wonder if we all wouldn’t be better off mentally if we looked outwards into the world and see what we can put into it rather than the constant inward focus, analysing our psyches and nourishing our selves over others. Just a thought.

As for Bryony Gordon, I can’t understand why she still gets so many column inches. The personal details she has revealed in her writing about her marriage and child is quite shocking. Either it’s all made up, or her husband is a saint. The woman is very unwell mentally and that’s just not someone I think we should be looking to for advice.

Edgeoftheledge · 16/01/2021 17:27

BG husband seems to be a very patient, forgiving man.Hmm

Jetatyeovilaerodrome · 16/01/2021 17:28

@YourWurstNightmare

Bryony participates in cancel culture and bullying other women, so no, she's not in any place to pretend to give a shit about the mental health of others.
Can you give examples, I haven't seen this?
megletthesecond · 16/01/2021 17:30

Yes to this "Having mini breakdowns aren’t really an option for single working parents.".

sevencontinents · 16/01/2021 17:31

I think this thread is a perfect example of how misunderstood mental health is. Even those who struggle themselves seem to misunderstand or delegitimise the different experiences of others.

We all respond to to different things, so why get the rage at what works for other people? Why not be pleased that actually we are not just shoved in an institution anymore and shunned by society?

Chalkcheese · 16/01/2021 17:32

@megletthesecond

Oh I have them. Only they have to last 4 mins not 4 hours because that's all the time I've got.

Original poster
Sethy38 · 16/01/2021 17:33

@megletthesecond

Yes to this "Having mini breakdowns aren’t really an option for single working parents.".
And those saying otherwise - I suspect - aren’t single parents

@sevencontinents are you? Otherwise you “speaking from experience” is irrelevant to me.

OP posts:
Original poster
Sethy38 · 16/01/2021 17:33

Still want to know what “cancel culture” is!

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stroopwafelgirl · 16/01/2021 17:34

To the poster above, there should be some sort of happy medium between institutionalisation and fuck-all provision. At the moment, there seems to just be a gaping hole for people to fall into. Unless you’re bad enough to be sectioned and require hospitalisation, the majority are left with a vaguely pitying expression from their doctor and a prescription for fluoxetine

sevencontinents · 16/01/2021 17:34

@chalkcheese
Having a breakdown is not a choice. The length of breakdown is not a choice. If it has been for you, then you have not experienced a breakdown.

Original poster
Sethy38 · 16/01/2021 17:35

@sevencontinents

* We all respond to to different things, so why get the rage at what works for other people? *

Precisely! My issue is that these celebs seem to think anything other than self care etc etc is BAD and unhealthy

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KathleenTurnerOverdrive · 16/01/2021 17:37

I get fucked off especially when Princes William and Harry, bleat on about the importance of talking about mental health conditions. I am quite happy to talk about my depression with my GP and close friends. Talking isn't the problem, I have effectively been parked on antidepressants for five years without access to counselling or any form of real treatment as unlike them, I am dependent on the NHS and I can't afford the best talking therapies money can buy. Unlike them. Clueless wankers.

sevencontinents · 16/01/2021 17:37

@sethy38
No I am not a single parent but why should that mean that my own experience of mental health struggle is irrelevant? I massively admire any single parent but your comment is really quite insulting.

Original poster
Sethy38 · 16/01/2021 17:37

I don’t think the 4 hours curler you crying on the floor could be described as a “breakdown” in the sense you’re thinking @sevencontinents?

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Lepetitpiggy · 16/01/2021 17:37

Oh bloody Bryony Gordon and her alcohol book. I tried very hard with it, but as someone who has been sober for 7 years, it seemed to me like self indulgent tosh. I didnt realise she was an expert on everything else.

Gufo · 16/01/2021 17:38

So toxic, and so privileged. How many people around the world wrestling with mental health problems can afford a hot bath or 'me time'. It's just an angle for the social media Likes.

We have a mental health first aider and of all the usual work stressy emails I receive, theirs give me the most rage!

Original poster
Sethy38 · 16/01/2021 17:39

[quote sevencontinents]@sethy38
No I am not a single parent but why should that mean that my own experience of mental health struggle is irrelevant? I massively admire any single parent but your comment is really quite insulting.[/quote]
Of course it doesn’t!

But it does mean that we are coming at this from very different angles.

So you empathising with a celeb who has a partner to pick up childcare when she is curled up crying for 4 hours is less surprising than say.... me and the many other single parents out there.

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sevencontinents · 16/01/2021 17:40

But sethy38 how on earth do you know what her experience is? She is clearly very unwell and there is so much judgement here and talk of 'choice'.

Lepetitpiggy · 16/01/2021 17:40

@stroopwafelgirl

Same as jack monroe in her “anti-poverty” campaigning. She talks so much and likes the media attention but in terms of actual, tangible results? Minimal. It’s the same with mental health. The time to talk/feed the children slogans are largely bollocks unless we vote for people who want to radically overhaul mental health provision and combat the infrastructural reasons for poverty. I’m sick of hearing the likes of Monroe and Gordon tell us about their experiences from a position of relative privilege. It’s fine at first - we need to get these issues out into the public domain and get the conversation going. But then you need to hand over your platform to people who can actually bring about change. Otherwise it’s just self-indulgent
Yes. I cannot abide JM
Original poster
Sethy38 · 16/01/2021 17:41

@sevencontinents

As you can see from these posts, a fair number feel the same way.

That there are different ways and yet we are made to feel like failing our mental health because we don’t hear to a spa for some me time

OP posts:
Original poster
Sethy38 · 16/01/2021 17:42

@sevencontinents

But sethy38 how on earth do you know what her experience is? She is clearly very unwell and there is so much judgement here and talk of 'choice'.
Do you know BG? Her “experience” has been detailed by her. A lot. A lot a lot.
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Edgeoftheledge · 16/01/2021 17:43

Not a Jack Monroe fan either

Turnedouttoes · 16/01/2021 17:45

Oh yes we also have several mental health first aiders at work whose emails full of platitudes and ideas for looking after each other Hmm I delete straight away.

Matt Haig is another one I cannot stand and has become so self-important