Kids and schools book choice of Mister Tom

[LiJo2015]

Ill keep this short as currently baby napped with 5 month old so typing one handed!

11 yo son currently readjng mister tom for school. Came down stairs yesterday and visibly shocked and a little shaken at the part about his abusive mums treatment of his new baby sibling.

No warning about this book came from the school. I have contacted the school to explain that although i wouldnt want storylines like this not to be covered but they can be distressing and would want the assurance that its being handled empathetically.

So

AINBU - if so, why

AIBU - if so, why

11 is not too young for most children.

My sons read this at school, I was aware of the story having watched the film. We sat and watched the film together so the boys new what was coming in the book. It is sad, but in reality life is sad sometimes.

When I look back at this passage, it's still one of the most harrowing I've ever read. I've read a lot of books, but this one about child neglect and abuse, which is so extreme as to leave a child locked in a cupboard with a baby to both starve, which results in a small boy holding his dead sister, is just shocking. It's shocking because it involves children and because it happens. Fantasy horrors etc never strike so much as they simply aren't real.

I think as adults, it hits us more too. We abhor the idea of this happening to a child or an adult doing this to a child. And it is a loss of innocence for our children when they read it and discover something dark about the world.

But at the same time it is written for children of around 10. And children take different things from it than adults do and they understand it on a level that is right for them too. My 8 year old reading it understood what had happened when we read it and talked about it. She agreed it was a horrible and wrong thing to happen...but I do t think it played any more on her mind then as a horrible thing that shouldn't happen, anymore than her brother stealing her sweets or other minor horrible things she could think of. And it's not quite spelled out in the passage what has happened, so children need to draw on what they already do know and understand, or what a teacher or parent might help them towards seeing to understand it at a different levels.

The world is full of horrors and one of parent and teachers roles is to show children, appropriately about these. I do think fiction is a good way to deal with many issues and it is right that children start to learn about the real world. Through fiction my DC have learned about prostituion, female genital mutilation, abuse, the holocaust, racism, genocide, bullying, depression, domestic violence.....Their lives and minds aren't darkened and spoiled by knowing about these things, but they are gradually growing up and able to think about and talk about the ideas in light of the story and the real world. Upper Primary onwards is a journey to adulthood and there's lots to learn and find out about.

I remember choking while reading that pipe scene. I was eating an apple and add just forgot to swallow, over and over. Ended up with a blockage at the back of the throat. Only time it ever happened; only time I read a book about child abuse as a child. I should have been supervised and I was too young. My mum sellotaped that part of the book afterwards.

It's definitely not a primary school book IMO.

@SachaStark

And yes, it’s a bloody brilliant book, as other posters have said!

So is “Back Home” by the same author, which is great for girls aged 12-16 if anybody wants a recommendation for their kids.

Love Back home. I read and re- read it so many times as a child. I'm hoping I can convince DD to read it. She really enjoyed Mister Tom when they did it for school last year in year 6.

And I am a massive advocate of building social awareness and empathy through reading.

Mine read thi in Y6 too.
I think it's pretty standard like BITSP.
Both very shocking books, appropriate for this age though.
Not sure why you'd need informing, let alone warned.

YABU.

Seriously at 11yo, most children are playing on quite violent video games. Most of them will have seen porn at least once. And yes they will be reading stuff that can be quite gory.

@CruellaDaVille

My sons read this at school, I was aware of the story having watched the film. We sat and watched the film together so the boys new what was coming in the book. It is sad, but in reality life is sad sometimes.

Interesting. For me a film is always hitting me harder than a book. So I would really porefer to read a disturbing book first before seeing a film as I know I will be more affected.

Also with a book, you can stop reading, turn pages and skip the 'horrible' bit if you want. (Done that many times as a child). Whereas you cant really with a film.

I absolutely loved Goodnight Mr Tom. Was one of my favourite books a that age. First read it in year 5. I don't think it is inappropriate at all.

I can remember reading Oliver Twist at school around the same age: that's a pretty shocking tale of child abuse and murder, with a terrifying chapter about Fagin's last night in the condemned cell before his execution.

Boy, by Roald Dahl, is a book often read by Primary aged children and also includes abuse and the death of a child (if you read the letter extracts).

I don't understand why you are asking the school forassurance that this is being handled empathetically? Do you seriously imagine that it won't be - or indeed that, if they really had no intention to deal with it empathetically, they would say so?

Both my children wept over this book and absolutely hated it, particularly my son. No history of child abuse. They also loathe Murpogo. Unfortunately books that are miserable, sad and upsetting seem to be valued more than a thrilling adventure story with God forbid a happy ending.

You have my sympathy OP.

It is worth teachers considering the appropriateness of sensitive themes for remote learning where opportunities to process the content are very different to normal. Especially abuse at the moment. Lockdown increases the triggers of abuse and removes escapism and the ability to reach out for support. Reading remotely at home might deny a chance for a child to make a disclosure that protects them in the long run.

It's not that the text is inappropriate in general.

I've never finished The Railway Children without tears since my dad died when I was a child. It's not that there's anything wrong with the text, just that Roberta's words at the end emotionally stab me every time. Probably a sign that they're very well written, but words can stir up a lot of pain.

My apologies for misleading you all, the part of Rusty was not modified to be a boy (as I had been informed).
As mentioned there was the version with Hayley Mills as mother to Rusty 1986.
Also in 2001 a feature film with Sarah Lancashire as mother was made. details:-
www.imdb.com/title/tt0298746/fullcredits
My informant has previously been reliable.

Sorry.

I first read this when I was 10 so year 6, and loved it. It's one of my favourite books and have reread it many times. The TV adaption was good too.

I second pp that children are more resilient than we often think.

I love red that book at that age. It's still one of my favourite books now. But don't watch the film because it's absolutely crap.

God forbid a happy ending.

Good night Mr Tom DOES have a happy ending!

I think when I was a child I didn't really focus on the abuse. It was just part of the story and that was that. But the ending is great.

My 10 year old has just read the boy in the striped pyjamas at school in y6. They all coped fine and as a 'treat' at the end of term they watched the movie

I don't see what the issue is tbh, it doesn't sound like there's any reason to believe they aren't handling it sensitively.

It’s an important book to read (one of my favourite ever books), and an appropriate age to read it, but I would not be happy to discover my 11 year old had been reading it on their own. Not every parent is going to know the story, even those who do will probably have forgotten the worst bits, and I think it would be appropriate for a message to go to parents to say that it’s being studied, that it is important but deals with difficult issues, and that they recommend children are not allowed to read ahead without support. I would hope that the school consider that many children will currently have more emotional strains than normal, and so a book like this needs to be handled with even more care than when in a classroom.

It is awful, I agree. At 11 I think they are too young to read about an abusive mother locking a young boy in a cupboard with his baby sister, who starves to death. There’s also a bit about how he’d tried to feed her, and it’s only later when he sees a woman breastfeeding that he realises he wasn’t able to feed her what she needed. The thought of a child having to go through that is hard enough for adults to cope with. It’s really extremely graphic and harrowing and I think it shouldn’t be given to children of that age without a sensitive discussion or a warning to parents so they are ready for questions.

I read it in primary school - and had actually read it before we read it as a class. I thought it was a really good book. I think I might have reread it as a teenager?

Now as a mother, I would hugely struggle to read it and the whole part with the baby sister massively upsets me just to think about.
I can’t do anything with baby / pregnancy loss though.
We see the book through our eyes but perhaps it’s easier for children as it seems more abstract?

@Hotcuppatea

This book should not be read at home without any support and explanation provided throughout by a qualified teacher

Say what? So this dangerous book shouldn't be read independently by children without support from a qualified teacher? Leave off.

You beat me to it - what a bizarre comment. Pretty much any kid that age is going to have a parent or guardian at home.