Kids and schools book choice of Mister Tom

[LiJo2015]

Ill keep this short as currently baby napped with 5 month old so typing one handed!

11 yo son currently readjng mister tom for school. Came down stairs yesterday and visibly shocked and a little shaken at the part about his abusive mums treatment of his new baby sibling.

No warning about this book came from the school. I have contacted the school to explain that although i wouldnt want storylines like this not to be covered but they can be distressing and would want the assurance that its being handled empathetically.

So

AINBU - if so, why

AIBU - if so, why

@overtherainbow88

Are you saying it should only be taught at school and not read at home? Best tell Amazon to take it off sale then. After all, we don't want the children upset and sad.

I taught this book in Year 6 in a school with lots of DV situations.

We handled it with extreme care. Discussed it, were sensitive, pre-warned, reassured. But equally children would privately comment to me they loved it. We talked about things we could never directly talk about. Made it clear this is wrong but that there is help and hope. Many children in these situations have no idea it isn't ok.

It is similar to Jacqueline Wilson books - shocking to adults but as children we didn't blink reading them and loved the insight into what goes on for some people (or the mirror of our own lives and comfort we weren't alone).

Hotcuppatea

This book should not be read at home without any support and explanation provided throughout by a qualified teacher

Say what? So this dangerous book shouldn't be read independently by children without support from a qualified teacher? Leave off.

Yes, that made me raise an eyebrow.

Surely with any school book there should be "support and explanation from a qualified teacher" or a good TA or similar.

Presumably the point about giving a book with potentially distressing themes to be read at home is that the parents can also provide support and explanation.

I used to belong to a reading group. One of the members had a son at boarding school (aged about 13, iirc) who'd been given the book "Junk" (will have to look up the author) which is meant for YAs but is pretty hard hitting about drugs. Also includes scenes where the teens first take drugs and really enjoy it.
She nominated it as one of our monthly books to get our feedback.
We all thought it should have been either given to them at an older age or given as a holiday to read at home and discussed with parents.

Meant to add we also looked at 'the hen house boy' (true news story' and I found that much more upsetting than GMT.

"Junk" by Melvin Burgess - of course!

@LiJo2015 Your update makes sense. Its totally understanding why this topic would remind you of very difficult feelings. Take care

I read it in year six and loved it. I remember finding that part upsetting though. The film is fantastic too- I wonder if watching that together might help?

DS is year 7 and reading the boy in the striped pyjamas. He's not easily frightened but actually he did have a nightmare last night for the first time in a very long time. Reading this has made me wonder if the two could be connected actually.

I think it is a brilliant book, and 11 seems an ok age to me. A lot of good literature has uncomfortable parts to read. A book like that seems a good way to open up discussions about some of the bad things that happen in life, which dc do need to know about.

@OverTheRainbow88

"This book should not be read at home without any support and explanation provided throughout by a qualified teacher"

Oh good grief.

Yes there will always be parents who don't have the skill or will to explain such a book to their children.

There will also be a lot of parents who are not only capable of helping their children understand such a book they will be eminently more capable of supporting their own child than any teacher, no matter how qualified they are.

@Hotcuppatea

Its not about not wanting kids upset. Its not about wanting to sheltering kids. Its about ensuring topics like this are discussed sensitively.

YABU. If the school sent out letters about everything they might cover that could be upsetting, they wouldn't be able to just get on and teach. I don't remember this being a thing when I was at school, the idea that the school would run everything past parents and be in constant dialogue with individual parents as if the teachers are hired nannies instead of education professionals with 30 children to think of (which is not something in getting from the OP but from other threads on MN and some people I know).

I admit I have not read this book, but also as a parent I don't think it would occur to me to question a well-regarded children's classic being on the syllabus, or to question how it would be taught. It's my job ultimately to teach resilience and critical thinking and the ways of the world.

@Hotcuppatea

And thankyou 🌷

Children are often a lot more resilient than we give them credit for

This is a cliche that needs to be retired.

Hmm, I have just read the plot summary on Wikipedia and it is a bit hair-raising actually! Quite a lot of trauma! I'd still overall be one to trust the school, but I regret unleashing my rant about "parents these days" without fully understanding the situation here. And I'm sorry OP for the things this has triggered for you

My 12 year old was reading Of Mice and Men as a set text. This involves a learning disabled man who is viewed very sympathetically, who kills animals, accosts one young girl and then kills another ( we understand unintentionally). The girl who dies is not given a name, is said by other characters to be jailbait and similar terms. A dog is also killed "offstage", by another character (the dog gets more sympathy than the girl, from the characters in the book).

There is mention of brothels and implicitly of lynchings.

I was surprised.

I think it is probably fine for most children. I did object when my DD's teacher started to read "The boy in the striped Pajamas" to her class in year 5 - the teacher hadn't actually finished reading it herself and had gone on other's recommendations. My DD would have found it distressing. My DD was also given "Goodnight Mr Tom" by her Aunt who had been a primary teacher (DD was 10) fortunately she didn't read it.
If in year 6 then I think the teacher needs to handle it carefully - and I probably wouldn't choose it now as with lockdown you can't scaffold around the traumatic bit.
I used to teach Science at secondary and we were always cautious that some material could be triggering. (One teacher had three students faint watching a video about Heart surgery, and there wasn't even any gory bits just people discussing the difference it had made to their lives.)

My DC was a fluent reader and read their at about 8. She read a few pages each evening to myself or DH, as was our usual pattern at bedtime.
I loved the story but I remember finding the part described as very shocking...to me as an adult and for her as a reader. We talked about it and she did understand what had happened and was very matter of fact about it and not distressed....perhaps because she was quite young and the enormity of it didn’t fully hit her.

I’m of the view that books like this are really important for children and they learn loads from fiction. My DC currently read lots of you g adult fiction which has some extremely dark themes ...but they are learning a lot from them.

In Primary, it might not be a bad idea for the teacher to send a 2 line email home to say the book coming home has some distressing themes. The thing is, most literature has distressing themes and people have different tolerance for this or are upset by different things, so you almost might end up doing it for every book beyond age 7 or 8.

In the end, I think we have to accept that books are chosen for the age group and careful thought has been given to which to include. Mister Tom has been taught to Yr6 for many many years, with exactly the same content. It continues to delight and shock children and their parents.

I am happy for schools to choose the literature which is studied and the films/TV which might be shown.

@jamesfailedmarshmallows the baby is not stillborn, she dies in the cupboard with Will because she starves to death. When they're found, the baby's body has started to decompose, but Will has not yet realised she's dead. He blames himself for her death for a long time. It's tough stuff. A perceptive child will also correctly infer that the baby was conceived through prostitution, which may well be a new concept for a 10 year old.

I'm not one of those saying the book shouldn't be read in Year 6 - it's amazing and I think it should be - but I do think a mention to parents is probably sensible.

I agree OP that it's really important if they are doing a book with these topics that the teacher has an action plan for covering it sensitively - there could well be children in the class who have experienced DV themselves, or know someone who has.

I also think that 11 is a good age to be introduced to some of these topics and that reading it in a book is a good way to do that, because it detaches it from their own lives and makes it safer to explore it.

So as long as it's handled well I think that schools should continue to study these texts.

Oh and I used to read Alex Ryder books to my son - one starts off with Alex chasing some drug dealers. This to me having a hurried conversation to try to explain about drugs a bit to my 9 year old (it wasn't a conversation I expected to need to have yet with him.)

It is an appropriate book for Y6. Yes, we will read things that are unpleasant to hear about. It is part of life to know these things happen and you just need to talk to him about it. What would you like the school to do?

God help me I was reading Stephen King at 12! I do wonder how people keep their children so sheltered. That's not a criticism...it's a genuine question.

I read it about his age, and absolutely loved it, one of my favourites. But yes, it is a shocking and upsetting topic and I think it's important that the school are handling it correctly.

Also had this read to me in year 5/6 at school (1990ish?). Loved it then and love it now. I think the film is more graphic than the book in many ways but I’ve also watched that with my own DC.

I remember reading Goodnight Mr Tom under my own speed in what is now Y5 in the late 80s. It was upsetting because I'd never experienced or been in contact with anything like that. I was only reading it because I was a year ahead in reading age and my parents let me read what I want without vetting it first. I read Carrie's War about the same time.

Although upsetting I think the purpose of reading is not only to entertain but to inform. I read plenty of books on subjects that I was too shy to ask about from my parents.