Kids and schools book choice of Mister Tom

[LiJo2015]

Ill keep this short as currently baby napped with 5 month old so typing one handed!

11 yo son currently readjng mister tom for school. Came down stairs yesterday and visibly shocked and a little shaken at the part about his abusive mums treatment of his new baby sibling.

No warning about this book came from the school. I have contacted the school to explain that although i wouldnt want storylines like this not to be covered but they can be distressing and would want the assurance that its being handled empathetically.

So

AINBU - if so, why

AIBU - if so, why

We did that in year 5! It was a traumatic read at the time, but I learnt a lot from it. Definitely left a lasting impression.

Oh, and was infinitely more upset by GMT than HG.

I think you are being unreasonable (I read it as a young adult approx 18) but although it's traumatic and it could upset a younger person I think it's good for them to realise that these things happen and it's good to be upset by them.

I think the important things to stress to your son are yes, this can happen, but it's rare, but the most important thing is if something bad happens then it can be overcome and you can heal with time, love and caring.

@SachaStark

And yes, it’s a bloody brilliant book, as other posters have said!

So is “Back Home” by the same author, which is great for girls aged 12-16 if anybody wants a recommendation for their kids.

Back home is an amazing book!

I agree that with remote learning, things are a bit different at the moment and the support that might have been available in school might not be so easily deliverable just now.

Teachers are adapting their curriculums to reflect this and altering the order of topics taught.

GMT does need sensitive teaching of those difficult passages. That has always been true and as long as it is still being appreciated it is fine.

I can see there could be concern that it’s not so easy to spot how children are responding when online.

Perhaps the Q isn’t so much about GMT being taught but the issue of teaching sensitive information remotely.

@MusicalTrifleMonkey

Loads of young persons and teenage books deal with very hard hitting subjects. They will get more serious than this.

It’s a good thing, it allows children to explore a range of subjects and teaches them a broad range of issues.

I understand it may be triggering for you, but it might be a good opportunity for children to discuss in the classroom and highlight issues for them.

Excellent points.

“Personally I find it much more upsetting than The Hunger Games, though I'm not saying everyone would agree.”

Definitely this. I think it’s because HG is dystopian. GMT is a lot more gritty and real. And a mother locking her baby and young son in a cupboard and letting the baby starve to death in her sons arms is just so harrowing.

I remember doing that when I was at secondary school. Not sure there were any warnings then either

I never understand why kids have to read sad books at school. Life is hard enough as it is

How do you learn how to deal with the sadnesses of life if you never get to discuss them? I think I might have been put off reading if everything I read was upbeat and happy - it wouldn't reflect life. If you leave it to children to read things only with parents outside of schooling, then some will just never read anything, and others will not have parents who are interested in talking about what they're reading.

I first read it in what is now year 6; it had only been published a year or two before. I had already read the Diary of Anne Frank and other things with difficult themes, so I don't remember being too upset by it. There were probably some in class who did get more upset, but life is difficult.

(They can't change Rusty to a boy - the main thing I remember from Back Home is the contrast in attitudes to starting periods.)

YABU. It is a very sad story and quite shocking, but standard text for that age group.

It’s historical fiction, and you can’t shield them from things like that forever. It is very sad, but probably one of my favourite books from childhood, and gives an honest portrayal of many children’s lives.

I read it at that age, and many times afterwards. My 11 year old nephew is also reading it at school now.

You’re far better trying to protect your child from the worse horrors lurking on smart phones and the internet.

It’s a very beautiful book but has awfully depressing aspects. I remember the film more than the book and in the film the baby starves I think when she leaves them under the stairs? Has he got to that bit?

If he’s very sensitive it might be a good idea to read the London chapters together and open a discussion about how he feels.

Spoiler alert but Zach also dies when he goes home to see his mum and dad in London I think their house is bombed. It has a lovely ending though.

It's written in a way that is appropriate for a child this age. I read that book at about 10 and remember understanding the sadness of that section, I was able to cope with the traumatic/distressing element of it.

Back Home was my favourite book as a child. I must’ve reread it a hundred times! Such a wonderful book, as is Mister Tom.

I remember reading Goodnight Mr Tom at about 10 and finding that bit upsetting but I can't say it occurred to me to discuss with a parent or teacher. It just was what it was. I suppose had we been doing it at school and there was discussion of the issues, it might have hit home a bit harder actually. Not sure if that's good or bad, though I certainly agree that any child reader should be able to talk about if they want.

I love Back Home and found Beattie dying much, much more horrible, especially the bit where Rusty realises that she had known she was going to die. It was the first time I understood that death and illness could be like that, anticipated, and perhaps accepted, not just the not-waking-up one morning like my elderly relatives had been thus far.

Asking for reassurance of how the school responds to any child being upset, perhaps because of previous DV or abuse that even a parent may be unaware of, is perfectly reasonable.

Worth remembering that a lot of the historic abuse cases that have come to light have not been where the abuse is by a parent.

Carrie’s war is another book of a similar theme. A little girl and her brother get evacuated to live with shop owner and his sister.

The silver sword too is fantastic. Three polish siblings are separated from their parents and meet up with a street boy in WW2 and try to evade the nazis and reunite as a family.

War Horse I bawled my eyes out . Mister Tom, was an amazing book.. To be honest I am a big reader so was always ahead of the game when books came home, we read them together.

I remember this being a class book in year 6 (4th year juniors then) and Carries war, and Fireweed is another WW2 book (my teacher then was a child through the blitz in London and would tell us personal stories too)

Also remember Anne Franks father on blue Peter and my dm bought me her diary, I would have been 8 or 9. - it's fine to have serious books

I do think this is a very, very graphic description of child neglect leading to death, and there needs to more discussion about how appropriate it is for children especially when children are already under great stress.

That said, it's a wonderful book.

I read this in Y7, loved it and binge read the whole thing the day it was assigned. Very upsetting and sad read, but I was capable of handling that.

I read this at school at his age and do remember being quite disturbed by it. I've never really understood why it's seen as a primary school classic - at 12/13 kids would still enjoy it but be much better able to process the challenging emotions it generates. And I wasn't a sensitive child.

Plus if a kid DOES come from an abuse/neglect background, at that age they'll find it more distressing than a slightly older child.

It is a beautiful book though.

I second The Silver Sword, it's beautiful!

I think you are overreacting, yes. I am not a teacher but at eleven your son is approaching puberty and will soon be exposed to more challenging themes in all areas of his life. We can’t shield our kids from unpleasantries forever,
and being able to talk these through sensitively with teachers and with you will help him to understand and process his feelings.

GMT is one of my favourite childhood novels, I was taught it at school aged 10. Will’s mother is very mentally unwell when he goes back to live with her, with the suggestion that she is experiencing paranoia and religious delusions. I know a child is unlikely to understand this (I didn’t at 10) but as this likely explains the neglect of the baby, perhaps you or your son’s teacher could explain that Tom’s mum was unable to care for the baby as she was very ill herself.

Many of the book’s themes are very challenging I agree. I would want reassurance from the teacher that they are being adequately addressed and explained as part of the coursework.