To dislike the casual use of ‘I have anxiety’

[Sallytheseal]

I’ve name changed for this as I’m sure I’ll get a pasting but I’ve noticed SO many threads where the OP will not do something / expect special treatment because ‘I have anxiety’ and that’s the end of the sentence.

Anxiety is a medical condition and it should be treated. It isn’t a reason to just avoid things that make you anxious. For context, I had a traumatic delivery with DC2 and developed debilitating panic attacks. I saw a therapist, had counselling for over 2 years, forced myself to build tolerance (my fear was any separation from DC and I had to build myself up to longer times). It was awful but necessary. DH also suffers from diagnosed anxiety. He has regular therapy and is medicated. He still gets anxious but isn’t part of being a responsible adult getting treatment? I fully understand that doesn’t happen straight away, I didn’t seek help till DC was 6 months and I’m all too familiar with the state of mental health provision but if you already have the awareness that you have anxiety, and that it’s affecting your behaviour, then at some point you need to seek help or at least acknowledge that you need to seek help.

I hate when posters write things like, ‘I can’t confront x, I have anxiety’. I think it belittles people with diagnosed anxiety, as if they are helpless/ unable to change. Also, if you don’t have diagnosed anxiety, it’s weird to use the name of a recognised mental health disorder to self diagnose. You can say ‘I feel anxious’ which doesn’t co-opt someone else’s genuine illness?

I’m honestly not trying to minimise anyone’s suffering but I also don’t think it’s right to misrepresent a mental health disorder.

I have a diagnosed anxiety disorder, similar to yours OP. I sought help, I worked hard to improve and made massive progress.

But there are still things I choose to avoid. I can’t visit certain places, some subject matters make me want to throw up and I can’t always watch certain scenes in films. An offhand conversation during a meeting this week threw me off course for days. I’m massively better than I was and have coping mechanisms in place but I think it’s too simplistic to say you hate it when people say ‘I can’t do xyz because I have anxiety’. Sometimes, that is actually the case.

I don’t want to share my medical history with everyone. I’ve had my diagnosis minimised many times and keep it to myself for the most part. Sometimes, ‘I have anxiety’ is all I am able to say in order to keep myself grounded and I don’t need to prove it by announcing a diagnosis.

I do agree that the term is used frequently but I think you just have to accept it as someone communicating they find something difficult. You don’t always know the full story.

I kind of agree, kind of don't. It's definitely true that some people have a habit of labelling quirks or normal situational emotions as mental disorders. (Someone saying they're "sooo adhd" because they can't focus on one exam is my biggest pet peeve). But your take on people who can't confront certain situations might be a bit too based on your own experiences?

Mental health treatment is a process. Maybe the person really isn't ready to confront a certain situation yet, because they're building up to it? Perhaps they're not currently able to access treatment and are in survival mode? Or it could be that they can normally handle a certain situation with a support network, but if they're alone it's completely insurmountable?

Just my thoughts on it.

I understand why people feel like this but I worry it means people won't take my actual diagnosed anxiety seriously

YANBU and it’s funny because I was thinking to myself the other day how so many more people on MN say they have anxiety compared to people I know IRL. You’ve nailed it OP, it’s because the people I know are sometimes anxious or nervous but do not suffer from anxiety disorder, and the same for many people on MN too.

Their distress is saved for where no one can see them. If they do go into something that's causing them anxiety, they will cope. It's the getting them there is a problem
I'd love to keep mine for where no one can see it! There are times when it leaks out into all too public, humiliating panic.

I’m not sure. There’s been an explosion in awareness definitely, and people using the term lightly. Lots of posts on social media which are attention-seeking in my opinion. Lots of people who seem fine and have never acted as if they have anxiety, but you never really know what is going on in someone’s head.

I have anxiety, though I’ve never said it out loud to anyone. I’ve felt like this since I was a child. I don’t think it needs to be an actual diagnosed condition, people can and do live with crushing anxiety without ever seeking help. I blame myself for things, I have obsessive thoughts, I spend days and weeks worrying about quite minor things other people can just brush off. I mean a small error at work and I fall apart, my whole week not being able to function, a lump in my throat, a feeling of impending doom. I get so down, I’m snappy, I don’t want to do anything but dwell. It is truly debilitating.

Yet I’ve only been to a GP about it once and got medication and counselling when I really felt I genuinely couldn’t go on. I felt stuck I was getting to the point where I was obsessive about checking things at work, but only when my heart was pounding, I was breathless and my hands and arms were tingling did I make an appointment. I don’t know if one course of CBT and some antidepressants qualifies me as having a ‘diagnosis’ of anxiety but I don’t need a diagnosis to know what I have.

Also I don’t think I use it as an excuse not to do things but there are things I feel genuinely incapable of because of anxiety (driving, doing a management level job, training people at work to name a couple). I would never tell anybody in real life why. People can have avoidant personalities, it’s not always an excuse.

wow that was long

YANBU to be irritated by people using the expression "I have anxiety" to mean "I get nervous in situations where everyone is nervous".

YABU to suggest people with anxiety should constantly confront their anxieties. It's a slow process, one which unless you know the depths of someone's soul and mental health, you will not see the vast majority of. It's a condition that is not always curable or manageable.

I agree with you. It's a phrase that gets bandied around constantly now esp by "celebs" and "influencers".
I do "have anxiety" (the irony!) and it has debilitated my life since a child. Mine is specifically around social things and a lot of day to day life, and timings of things among some other things. I see people online write about their anxiety and I cannot believe (although am aware it comes in many forms) that these people have genuine anxiety when they're there putting their whole lives online and posting stuff about themselves constantly, photos etc, specially when they say the type of anxiety they have all I can think is if that was the case and it was that severe, you could not possibly be doing what you do as a job (in the case of celebrity's and influencers etc).

I see people online write about their anxiety and I cannot believe (although am aware it comes in many forms) that these people have genuine anxiety when they're there putting their whole lives online and posting stuff about themselves constantly, photos etc, specially when they say the type of anxiety they have all I can think is if that was the case and it was that severe, you could not possibly be doing what you do as a job (in the case of celebrity's and influencers etc).

Similar to how people with low self esteem show off on social media, or depressed people are often seen as the friendliest / happiest. It's can sometimes be a facade, you don't know what people are going through behind the scenes of Instagram filters.

I've had anxiety of one form of another since childhood, diagnosed in 2008 with clinical depression. Diagnosed properly with GAD, agoraphobia and social anxiety in 2015.
I hate feeling breathless when I go shopping.
I hate not being able to function in crowds.
I hate feeling like tall shelves are closing in.
I hate not being able to do stuff that people class as normal.
I go out once a day to a small shop, otherwise I would never see anyone. I've been doing this for 9 years.
I've done cbt.
When I'm feeling crap I avoid everywhere like the plague.
How am I supposed "to get better" when my local mental health service is not fit for purpose.
I generally say that my head is fucked, because it is.

I also disagree. I had boughts of terrible anxiety- yes undiagnosed but I had seen the GP many times just hadn't been labelled. It was totally debilitating and a daily struggle. In hindsight it was definitely anxiety but I was fobbed off by my Gp with some crap CBT and I muddled through the worst years. Good for you if you eventually got the right care but alot don't.

Hmm not sure!

It really depends on the specific anxiety disorder that you are diagnosed with and whether it can improve with treatment. Also 'anxiety' in itself is not a diagnostic term- you can be diagnosed with Generalised Anxiety Disorder (which I guess is what most people having when describing it), Panic Disorder, Agoraphobia, Body Dysmorphic Disorder, Specific Phobia, OCD, PTSD etc.

Some anxiety disorders including Obsessive Compulsive Disorder and Post-traumatic Stress Disorder tend to run a chronic (long-term) course and although they can improve with treatment, for some people they affect them through their entire lives, regardless of therapy, meds etc.

You can have treatment resistant disorders, which do not significantly improve with treatment etc. These can definitely impact significantly on people's behaviours and cause avoidance of situations to the extent that someone's life can be ruined by them.

On the other using non-specific, non-diagnosed, not clinically significant and untreated anxiety as an excuse not to do something is probably not a great thing to do unless you are seeking treatment for it.

• have, not having

** and 'on the other hand'

I have a friend who insists she has OCD and uses it as an excuse to be a controlling bully, oh I can't help it I have OCD, she's self diagnosed and doesn't have a clue how OCD can be so debilitating and horribly knackering, it's just downplaying what is a terrible frightening mental illness.

• My personal experience is 10+ years of therapy and several weeks of in-patient treatment and a significant disorder, which seems to sprout new heads every time I cut one off!

It’s a cop out for most people, That and unspecific mental health issues. It’s a lack of resilience and laziness.

A friend of mine said the same thing recently - he's not a mumsnetter so I guess anxiety is said a lot everywhere at the moment! I've noticed it too but mostly online. Anxiety seems to be the thing that most people claim to have right now. I think it used to be that a lot of people said they had depression, and now the go-to is anxiety. Like a buzz word.

All humans get anxious from time to time, some more than others, but when it seems like 90% of the population "have anxiety" then anxiety as a condition doesn't really exist because it's just normal. I think we need a word for people with proper dehabiliating anxiety to kind of separate it out.

I know that when I was in a controlling and abusive relationship, something was very wrong with me. I don't know if it could be classed as an anxiety disorder, I never saw a doctor, but I suspect it was something like that. I would stare into space and lose hours of the day without realising it. I forgot to eat and had little appetite so I lost weight and was under 6 stone at my worst. A lot of my hair fell out and overall I was a really jumpy and "anxious" mess. It was obviously a reaction to the circumstances I was living in, but it was very severe compared to times in my life when I've just felt nervous or worried. Definitely not the same as feeling anxious at the thought of a big interview or some kind of confrontation or something. I just think we need different words to try and make the distinction, because otherwise it's kind meaningless.

lalafafa what nonsense! Lack of resilience lol!

I read the first 5 posts- then cut to the end to stand on my own soapbox! 😂

Today, I had this very conversation. I'm a HCP (of 40 years) so, obviously am about to get a pasting for therefore being 'vile' and 'disgusting'; but I am sick to the back teeth of so many young women aged14/15 to 30 who are frankly, pathetic.

Today, my consultant admitted he, in taking many other factors into consideration, selects more men than women to undergo a particular diagnostic test, a quite simple, non-invasive (beyond a cannula) - test, and 20 minutes of their lives, a sorting 'real/needs treatment' from 'luckily, not this potentially bad thing, so we can carry on with other therapies' test; because he, and the service, needs throughput. Not sobbing, panic-attack-y, 'anxious' women. Who, in this particular environment, just hold us up, waste time -time that a better-selected candidate could have used, to everyone's benefit.

Sure, those sobbing, panicked, anxiety-ridden women ( a CANNULA? note, a full written explanation was sent to you!) will get seen, along the line (if they don't DNA for the fifth time), but my inner 21 year old wants to shriek 'Get a grip!' Has no one, ever, suggested, persuaded, coerced you into doing anything that makes you a bit uncomfortable? Like sit a Maths GCSE? Hey, answered a phone to an unknown number! Hell, opened your front door to an unexpected caller! (Amazon)

Catch a Eurail train into the Belgian night?...

I am genuinely taken aback at how the term 'anxiety' has been hijacked to mean 'Hey, I might have to dig a little bit deeper, here, hoik my big girl pants up, and get on with this'- but, because I'm feeling a little bit challenged, I won't.

Because I have 'anxiety'.

Debilitating*! And many other typos there.

It's not that I think things like depression and anxiety don't exist. I know they do. Even if what I hadn't wasn't anxiety, I know it's a real thing. I just think they're overused, and used incorrectly a lot of the time by people who are either looking for attention, or who want a get out of jail free card.

but I am sick to the back teeth of so many young women aged14/15 to 30 who are frankly, pathetic.

Jesus, I hope you're chatting shit about being an HCP. How horrible.

@Miljea a lot of that was complete gibberish.