To dislike the casual use of ‘I have anxiety’

[Sallytheseal]

I’ve name changed for this as I’m sure I’ll get a pasting but I’ve noticed SO many threads where the OP will not do something / expect special treatment because ‘I have anxiety’ and that’s the end of the sentence.

Anxiety is a medical condition and it should be treated. It isn’t a reason to just avoid things that make you anxious. For context, I had a traumatic delivery with DC2 and developed debilitating panic attacks. I saw a therapist, had counselling for over 2 years, forced myself to build tolerance (my fear was any separation from DC and I had to build myself up to longer times). It was awful but necessary. DH also suffers from diagnosed anxiety. He has regular therapy and is medicated. He still gets anxious but isn’t part of being a responsible adult getting treatment? I fully understand that doesn’t happen straight away, I didn’t seek help till DC was 6 months and I’m all too familiar with the state of mental health provision but if you already have the awareness that you have anxiety, and that it’s affecting your behaviour, then at some point you need to seek help or at least acknowledge that you need to seek help.

I hate when posters write things like, ‘I can’t confront x, I have anxiety’. I think it belittles people with diagnosed anxiety, as if they are helpless/ unable to change. Also, if you don’t have diagnosed anxiety, it’s weird to use the name of a recognised mental health disorder to self diagnose. You can say ‘I feel anxious’ which doesn’t co-opt someone else’s genuine illness?

I’m honestly not trying to minimise anyone’s suffering but I also don’t think it’s right to misrepresent a mental health disorder.

The problem is ‘anxiety’ and ‘anxious’ are also just words to describe feelings. Everyone can feel anxiety. It’s not exclusive to those with a diagnosed illness. An ‘anxiety disorder’ is something else entirely. A normal person with good mental health can also say that something causes them anxiety. That is not offensive. I would also say a very large proportion of the world is feeling anxiety right now, it would be unusual not to be feeling it at this time. I say this as a person with a diagnosed anxiety disorder.

It is though in some ways. Not being allowed to leave your house, go to work, see family, friends, being at home alone with a newborn and no outside support, and so much more, DO contribute to bad mental health and depression. Have you never heard of situational depression? You should probably look into mental health more before commenting because these Lockdowns are genuinley harming people's state of mind, and that's not me saying wether I agree or disagree with them because I can't make the rules I'm not in charge and I'm not educated enough on how to deal with a worldwide pandemic. But assuming that people's mental health wong be affected is very naieve

@HopeClearwater

Yes. Same with ‘I’m not obeying all the lockdown rules because mental health’. ‘Mental health’ isn’t about whether you’re happy with your lot or not

Lthat was in response to this dunno why the reply option didn't work for me

I agree absolutely. It's becoming ridiculous. Who isn't anxious.

I agree with you OP. I have debilitating anxiety. I have had a diagnosis since I was 14 years old and been off and on medication. I have panic attacks to the point of passing out and have been hospitalised numerous times for them.

I have been belittled and shouted at by someone in a position of trust when I disclosed I had anxiety and their treatment of me was making it difficult for me to communicate with them, I was regressing into old habits and not leaving the house and became overwhelmed with day to day activities as they were using their position to abuse me and be quite vile. She triggered my PTSD as some similarities with her behaviour and abuse in my past. When I elected to use another professional to communicate on my behalf as I was in the process of changing her as my point of contact -she called me from a private number and hurled more abuse at me saying that anxiety is not a catch all to avoid all situations, and I don't come across as someone with anxiety or who would need additional support, that she did not believe me and would not be adhering to my request.

She is a vile person no doubt, but the overuse of the excuse of anxiety has a role to play in people not being taken seriously. I don't expect special treatment or to avoid dealing with life because of my anxiety but I appreciate accommodations that make it easier to navigate life and deal with things that would have been trickier to deal with on my own.

Would it have been any skin off her back to accommodate me: No, she still would have got responses and even more clear ones at that than me forcing myself and hurrying through everything to just get it to end or avoiding it completely until I can muster the strength and courage to deal with her

Springb0ks I have gone through periods of feeling very anxious, wherein I made steps to self-reflect, research, improve my physical health and remove myself from negative situations, which made me feel better. If I had instead decided that I had suddenly developed 'anxiety' and there was nothing I could do about it, I'm sure it would have got a lot worse.

It cuts both ways though. I was always utterly dismissive of the idea I had anxiety at a level that needed treating, until I finally took up a friends suggested to try CBT, and took up the therapists suggestion I see my GP, who took me through some questions, said I scored very highly and I am now on medication. The two treatments are really helping, and I wish I’d taken myself more seriously 20 years ago,

I disagree.
I've suffered from an anxiety disorder from 2012. I've never had a problem with anyone saying 'I have anxiety' - whether they're diagnosed with a disorder or just feeling anxious.

I get what you're saying. I feel a similar way about people describing themselves as 'totally OCD' (crap grammatical use aside!) However, I have been treated for anxiety a number of times, the earliest being when I was about nine. I haven't been on medication for a long time, but I still suffer from bouts of anxiety and just because I haven't sought a new diagnosis and treatment, doesn't mean that it isn't very real and very debilitating. And my anxiety isn't always ramped up to a hundred. Sometimes it's more low level and niggling, but it's anxiety all the same and negatively impacts my life, preventing me from doing things other people seem to manage very easily. Often, it is the anxiety itself which prevents me from seeking help.

I have to admit, though, I don't bang on about it, but usually find other terminology to explain why I can't do something. I guess that's because the word 'anxiety' has, as you suggest, become overused and can sound a bit lame, when really it's anything but.

YANBU OP . I have anxiety, OCD and PTSD .

In my worst state I was taking Buspirone, sertraline and 5mg of Valium every 6 hours and still trembling . My lecturer had to physically hold me up at one point because I’d been given so many drugs from GP . I’ve been picked up from the street by first aiders after collapsing with panic attacks . Have spent years, and years having therapy and meds and needing extra support. At the moment I’m just about functioning enough but can’t live independently . It’s hell on earth .

It's a throwaway, meaningless saying that basically means
''Be nice to me/Don't expect too much from me as ''I have anxiety''.

Panics are something we can all get from time to time..

I think Everyone can suffer from stress at times, but to announce ''I have anxiety'' constantly implies you expect special treatment, and can come across as tiny bit self indulgent.

Genuine distress caused by a divorce, serious illness or grief is fully understandable, however.

To be fair, I might say I have anxiety. Yes I have diagnosed anxiety and OCD but I don't always want to get into detail. So yes some people might be self diagnosing but some people minimise or don't elaborate.

Agree with you OP.

I have experienced feeling anxious all my life. After a number of traumatic events, and having PND, I suddenly found I "had anxiety" which led to phobia, suicidal thoughts and my life essentially pausing for a few months.

The anxious feeling I could overcome with willpower, egging on and deep breaths. The anxiety required medication, counselling and a plan which I hope will stop it ever affecting me again.

@beatingthefirstdaybacknerves

YANBU OP . I have anxiety, OCD and PTSD .

In my worst state I was taking Buspirone, sertraline and 5mg of Valium every 6 hours and still trembling . My lecturer had to physically hold me up at one point because I’d been given so many drugs from GP . I’ve been picked up from the street by first aiders after collapsing with panic attacks . Have spent years, and years having therapy and meds and needing extra support. At the moment I’m just about functioning enough but can’t live independently . It’s hell on earth .

Prince Valium and Ativan are ferociously addictive, and can cause real withdrawal symptoms that mimic a full on terrifying panic attack far worse than the anxiety they were originally prescribed for. Horrible things. G.P's are much more careful about freely prescribing them now, and rightly so.

In general I think there’s a lot of wet lettuces on Mumsnet who use anxiety as a catch all for why they won’t knock on a neighbours door, why they won’t answer the phone, why they might ponder phoning the police because an unknown male walked past their house.

I’m not anxious, I’ve never been anxious, and I suppose that comes off as unsympathetic. I do try and empathise. I think a lot of people use it on here so they don’t get a more robust (!) response; it’s often very evident when a person really does have strong anxiety and when they want sympathy and a handhold for an overly cautious decision they’ve made.

A close friend of mine didn’t leave the house for a year because of her anxiety. I recognise the signs in here when she’s stopped taking her meds and is spiralling.

What a rambling way of saying yes, I agree

oakleaffy it was hell right enough, was only two years ago sadly, GP in question didn’t give a shit what I was taking I think . Didn’t even question it, just told me to ring reception to order more .

My lecturer on the other hand was more concerned given I slurred my way through a discussion about whether I was really safe to be at uni ...

I’ve had them a few times since and can see why they’re so addictive, they’re awful drugs. They work, but they’re horrible . Your legs go like lead .

YANBU

May I add - a lot of posters complain of things affecting their mental health. But when you read on quite a few are just saying they feel sad or upset because something bad has happened or might happen.

It's quite appropriate to feel sad or worried in these situations; that's 'good' mental health if you like.

I think there is a mixture.

Two of my dc have diagnosed anxiety. One is very like me. I now recognise that when dm said about me that I was "highly strung" is what is recognised in that dc as anxiety.
The issue is that she has seen it as an unassailable reason not to try/do things they don't like. So if they didn't want to do a lesson/an exam/the washing up etc. they would say it was setting their anxiety off. School mostly let them. I knew that if I persuaded them to give something a try, and they said their anxiety was a problem, I would be asked within a few minutes to collect them.
That dc is in her late teens and in the last year has realised that they needs some resilience. They realised that they needs to find ways of coping otherwise they are going to struggle to do anything like hold down a job.
I can see them going through the difficult way of finding coping strategies which I went through 5 or more years earlier. And actually I think it was easier at that age. They're managing because when they puts their mind to something they're very determined, but they've had more than a decade of always getting out of anything they didn't want to do, and old habits die hard.

My other one has a much quieter anxiety. They may actually vomit, or freeze on the way in to something they don't like. Nothing can bribe them through and they can get very distressed beforehand. If you can get them in, then they will calm down very quickly, and then often be fine going back another time.
Most of the time no one outside would know they had anxiety. Their distress is saved for where no one can see them. If they do go into something that's causing them anxiety, they will cope. It's the getting them there is a problem. I have never heard them say they can't do anything because of their anxiety.

So anxiety can be a problem. It can stop people doing things. There are times when it really is something that irrationally stops someone from doing something. My second dc there used to get anxiety over dress up days at school. Even "wear blue for water charity" (when they'd normally wear blue!) types. They would end up vomiting some point between the night before and going into school. Not inducing it at all, simply just getting so worked up-even when it was something they wanted to do in some cases.

However for the first dc, there are times when they mistake a perfectly normal worry about something as their anxiety (eg exams) and it can be a shock to find that doesn't actually excuse them if they're used to not being made to ever face anxiety.

So no, it shouldn't be used as a get out of anything that ever makes you teeny bit worried. But yes, it is real and can be debilitating.

I totally agree OP.

Perhaps it would be clearer to state, "I get anxious." Everyone does, at some point, and at the time, it can be debilitating in the moment without being clinical anxiety. I think that in some cases, people are looking to describe what they are feeling in a way that others will somewhat understand.

I have mild social anxiety disorder. I have, in the past, been medicated for it, and have had treatment for it. It is still with me, daily. As I said, it is mild. I do fine in groups of 3-5 people that I know fairly well. Grocery shopping is a bit of hell for me, though.

Submitted before adding:

Trigger warnings. One approach [which I've used myself] to desensitising oneself to triggers is to expose oneself to them. So I disagree with the warnings as well.

I work in HR and am shocked by the number of employees who have ‘anxiety’ as soon as they are called up on anything, like bad behaviour and harassment.

Their distress is saved for where no one can see them. If they do go into something that's causing them anxiety, they will cope. It's the getting them there is a problem

Rhis is me to a tee. Getting there is the most difficult part. I will cope through if I do end up in a stressful situation and probably have calmed down and feel enormous pride and the end of it....but sometimes getting there especially during a bad episode is terrible. I collapsed and ended up in hospital before my final exam in uni during my post grad. When the school heard and found out my situation they offered me some accommodations for the exams which made the terrible years of forcing myself and suffering through feel so stupid. I always did well in school but I didn't do as well as I should have, because I didn't even know they had accommodations in place for someone like me.

I agree. For some the struggle is real, but at the moment it does seem to be "fashionable " to complain about high anxiety.. I am not as patient as I feal I should be. (My husband does struggle with anxiety issues and this has a knock on effect on him physically so I am not saying it can,t be a real struggle.)

Should have put a vote on this one OP - its interesting that some posters are saying they should be able to identify as having anxiety if they want to!

My DD17 has crippling anxiety, diagnosed and medicated, its stripped her young life away from her. I look back on my teenage years now as being some sort of idyll compared to what she's going through . She too says other kids at her school are constantly throwing around "I can't do x y or z I have anxiety!" and it makes her feel sick that they use it as a free pass to shitty behaviour or avoidance.