To breakdown lockdown for a funeral.

[Donewith2021]

Hi all, generally follow the rules pretty seriously here.

An elderly relative of mine has recently died. Not a direct relative as such but someone I feel I should go to the funeral if I was allowed within the 30max people. Assuming it’s still 30 and not less?!

Anyway, I am forward thinking here as the funeral hasn’t been fully arranged etc.

But say I was allowed to attend, feel I should if given the opportunity.. it’s likely my husband will be working and the children will be at home due to obvious reasons making it hard for me to attend. Husband has no leave left and it’s not a close enough relative for DH to warrant compassionate leave or anything.

Aibu to break the rules ask in laws to take care of them if it comes to it?!

They live pretty close and not elderly or vulnerable or anything.

We haven’t been seeing them due to lockdown but would it really be that bad for circumstances like this?!

I’m just preparing if I do get asked tbh! I don’t want to say yes and I came make it and I don’t want to say no if I could possibly go. It’s likely I will be asked as the relative doesn’t have much direct family left 😭

I’m hoping there may be a small chance it’ll land on a day or time DH is off but I doubt it!

From what I've seen in RL this year, I think people are trying to keep the congregations small for funerals anyway, where before families might have tried to 'bump' up the numbers (for want of a better phrase, sorry).

So it might not be an issue anyway- I do know two people who have done the streaming thing and didn't find it too awful

It sounds like you’ve decided to go anyway.

His work are assholes about having time off. Even when my own grandparent died recently (this guys family were there so you can kind a get why I feel like I should go) his work were funny about it!

Yabu

You breaking the rules to go to a funeral could lead to someone else requiring their own sooner than planned.

I don’t know if I’ll go. I want to but I know it isn’t easy right now! I’ve lost so many people in the last year (none of them due to covid) and I’m done with death and funerals!

@cherrypie111 I’m not stupid. I would wear a mask and social distance if I did go. I haven’t been out in 2 weeks other than walks. Got shipping delivered! Highly unlikely I have covid tbh.

[quote Donewith2021]@cherrypie111 I’m not stupid. I would wear a mask and social distance if I did go. I haven’t been out in 2 weeks other than walks. Got shipping delivered! Highly unlikely I have covid tbh.[/quote]
You're not stupid but want to break Covid rules? Bit of a contradiction.

It's not just you, you're also risking your in laws.

My in laws are very healthy and pretty young as said in op. They are more or a risk to us tbh! We follow the rules better than them.

As a pp said, it sounds like you've made up your mind anyway, railing against anyone who says it's probably not a good idea.

I think you're missing the point. It's not just you

To do it as safely as you possibly can you would need to self isolate for 10-14 days beforehand. So would your kids, your DH and you're In laws. You would all then need to isolate again after.

Exactly what rule would be broken? The op requires childcare for a child under 14 so why can she not have a childcare bubble? Attending funerals within the permitted numbers is allowed

I'm sorry for your loss. I also missed a grandparent's sibling funeral. It was one I ought to have gone to and I was conflicted and still feel so sad about it.
At the time the rules were clear and it made it easier, as I just couldn't attend (other country).

There were no relatives present at the funeral.

I'm crying as I write this, people have been through much worse and are suffering much more but it is still a sad situation.

If you asked I think that it would be technically ok to go but I think because we are having such a terrible few weeks and you are not a very close relative then right thing would be to not go if you are invited.

I'm sorry op but I wouldn't. I get it, really, I missed a funeral of a close relative myself and that caused me serious distress. But I'm CEV as is my dd so we haven't seen my family at all since March last year.
Everyone thinks they can break the rules once.....and well look where we are.

It was my DF’s funeral last month and just five people attended the funeral.

I wouldn’t do it because you could easily have an outbreak from the 30 people. Plus the lockdown is quite bad at the minute OP.

I went to my friend’s mum’s the other week. Stood outside the church and watched the stream on my phone and then went to the burial and stood at a distance. She lives overseas but her mum went to the funerals of both my parents when my friend wasn’t able to, and was a huge support. I had a chat with her from a distance after the burial ended. There was no way I wasn’t going.

Yes OP. I have missed 3 funerals this year thanks to lockdown rules and the numbers limit ( was 10 and 15) and honestly it's hurt so much I won't miss one ever again in my life. Funerals are so important for grief and moving on. I'm just stuck hanging on to mine, particularly for the first of the 3 relatives and it's incredibly damaging to my mood and relationships.

You can go and you would not be breaking any rules. You are allowed a childcare bubble (if you do not already have a support bubble) and you are allowed to attend a funeral providing the permitted number of attendees is not exceeded.
Go, or you will regret it forevermore

I’m turning this s**t off now.

People are losing their minds. Maybe going to a funeral in this case and breaking rules is wrong but I’ve lost family and friends in the last year (zero from covid itself). I’ve had the year from hell. You can’t blame me for wanting to attend a funeral of a man that holds a special part of my memory in childhood. He didn’t have any grandchildren himself. A sibling of my grandparent who also died recently.

I won’t go if asked. I’ll feel guilty for it but breaking the rules 1 time in the last 12 months really isn’t the cause of this pandemic and lockdown. It’s the group of 10 teenagers grouped together we seen earlier and the group of 5 mums and their children meeting up in the park earlier (seen it with my own eyes). It wasn’t a coincidence they were all there at the same time.

Thanks all! Won’t be back to this post again.

@ukmail

Very difficult but to be honest my view is that people need to just stop bending the rules. Lockdown is a farce at the moment because so many people think their circumstances are special and justify that.

Absolutely.

Sorry for your loss, OP.

for everyone who has had to miss funerals for loved ones.

A sibling of your grandparent is a great aunt or great uncle. They are your family.
Go!

Funerals are really restricted and are taking up to 6 weeks to bury your dead atm.
No singing hymns, straight in and out, no wake, no socialising after, just get in your cars and go.
Unless it was somebody close I wouldn't go tbh.
We had a close relative die before xmas and we kept it to immediate family only, so there were about 14 of us including the vicar.
You can only travel in the cars in households, so they may need to order several more than usual.
You can't enter the car whilst the driver is in and you have to sterilise hands and wear gloves.
Well we did.