AIBU to think it’s ok to put kids (4 and 1) into kids club on a ski holiday

[Needallthesleep]

Obviously not this year! Planning for the future.

DH and I love to ski, and given what a shocker this year has been for holidays (plus we have a newborn so not like we can go away anyway) we are planning an epic one next year.

It would be the first time going skiing with our kids, and are planning on putting the 4 year old into ski school and the 1 year old into kids club so we can ski.

For context we are looking at doing 14 nights in a very kid friendly hotel in France with childcare on site. We are planning a 2 week break so that we (and the children) can have some relaxed days together at the pool/sledging and me and DH still get a decent amount of time skiing.

MIL thinks that’s mean. And I am wracked with mum guilt about our plans now. Are my plans unreasonable?

Childcare abroad is often very different to U.K. so as long as you research what you are getting and are happy to accept that, and your children are happy to be left with strangers without needing a settling in period longer than the holiday, it’s something that can work for some families.

Yes, I would now with my 3yo DS.

Not sure about the tiny one, though. We tried a hotel creche at 11 months (very good reviews, was just for a couple of hours) and DS wasn't having it and the staff had to come and fetch us to collect him, he was so miserable. We didn't try it again.

Now DS is at nursery, runs off happily to play with his friends and I have to remind him to hug me goodbye . It's me staring forlornly after him, not vice versa. He loves making new friends and runs confidently into a crowd of children in a way I can't imagine having done at his age (I was a shy child and very shy toddler).

It does depend on personality. I imagine a shy or clingy child would hate the kid's club and I can't imagine having fun on holiday if I knew my child wasn't enjoying themselves to. I'd also take DS out if he asked to stay with us instead and didn't want to go.

Well it's not really a family holiday is it? I wouldn't do it especially with a 1 year old but obviously up to you.

I mean you could, but I wouldn't. If they were older, say 5 and 7, then I'd feel more comfortable as they would be able to communicate their happiness and get (hopefully), enjoyment out the skiing, new friends and have fun. A baby is a different ball game - they would obviously rather be with you than a stranger. I'd leave the kids at home with grandparents and go for a long weekend or wait a few years.

Obviously MIL has never been to a ski resort with kids.

The obvious solution is to take her along on holiday. Instead of the kids having a wonderful time on skis with other kids, they can spend their time indoors in a hotel room with Granny. Bribe them with a fiver for anyone who can show Granny a projectile vomit or poo in pants.

Depends on the children, but mine would have hated any firm of kids club. Would it be feasible for you and DH to take it in turns to have ski holidays with friends, and the children stay at home with the other parent?

Yes. As a child I went skiing every year and was in kids clubs and ski school from the age of 18months. I have nothing but good memories of skiing holidays (and the kids clubs on summer holidays, also often in France on those big campsites).

We used to do a week of ski school and then some family days of skiing all together. It meant that me and my younger siblings all got to ski at an appropriate level for our age/abilities and could make friends.

Enjoy your holiday!

You know your kids!

If they are miserable and spend half the day crying there, of course YABU.

If they really enjoy the clubs, then go for it.

I think YABU to make fixed plans and be unwilling to make changes once you are there. Even if your kids are in childcare full time at home, it will be a different setting. As long as you are opened to change and happy to keep them with you if they prefer it, it's a holiday.

Holidays are fantastic with kids as long as you don't try to replicate adult only holidays and plan around the kids.

We have put our little kids in kids club for a couple of hours. We didn’t do anything as energetic as skiing! Just relaxed. We all had the best holiday because we had so much more patience and energy for the kids due to having had a break. Go for it!

Christ if you can afford it do it!!!

For me it would depend on two things:-

1. The balance of skiing as a couple vs time as a family
2. Whether this is your only family holiday of the year

I'm all for parents having time away from their kids, but it needs to be (for me) balanced with family time. If this was the only family holiday, then we wouldn't do as you are planning, or lf we did, it would the odd day here or there in amongst the time we would spend together.

If you are planning on taking another holiday that would be more beneficial to the kids, then fair enough. I'd even go one better and leave the kids with someone they know and love and do 4 nights away skiing.

But I wouldn't do exactly as you are suggesting, no.

My kids are 4 & 1 too.

There are obviously people who do it or such clubs would not exist.

But I put my kids in childcare for 46 of the 52 weeks of the year. I think the least I owe them on the 6 I actually have with them is to actually dedicate that time to them. Not to mention I miss them when I'm working, I look forward to holidays with them.

It's different when you have older kids who absolutely don't want to hang out with you, but your 1 year old is hardly going to have time to bond with some kids club workers on holiday are they? So in fact they might well just be scared and upset, not much of a holiday for them is it.

I have a 1 year old and wouldn't do this. He's not walking or talking and still puts everything in his mouth. You need to bear in mind that a kids club is not the same as a nursery and is unlikely to have the same staffing ratios/baby safe toys.

I'd wait a year or two personally.

It really depends on your DC - my DS will be 4 this summer, and I wouldn't dream of putting him in ski school every day for 2 weeks, he'd be heartbroken as he's quite shy and prefers being together as a family. If your DC is the type to settle anywhere though, it should be fine.

I'd be a bit wary about the 1 year old though - as he or she is still a newborn you have no idea whether they'll be clingy later on or suffering from separation anxiety. If they are, it would be really cruel to leave them. You also need to check out the creche before leaving your DC there, European standards vary massively, country to country and hotel to hotel, and it might not be a very nurturing or caring environment.

So to sum up - it might be ok, but I wouldn't bank on it - and it's a very expensive mistake to make if it doesn't work out.

You're a woman after my own heart!

I always make sure that every holiday we go on has a crèche and a kids club and a babysitting service. I am with my kids 52 weeks a year where they have everything constantly sorted for them!! For the 4 weeks a year we get away, I need a break, not them! I spend time with them on holiday, naturally, but I live for the crèche and kids club so my DH and I can actually have a break!

2 weeks skiing sounds just wonderful, we have something similar booked in March 2022 with both ours going to the kids club from 8:30-3:30!

I think it's fine as long as you're flexible to the idea that they might not like it and you would then have to take them out and change your plans.

I don't think a teenager working in a hotel crèche would provide the level of care I'd want for my non-verbal toddler. Happy changes, naps, etc? No way.

I reckon you would be better off going sat - wed and leaving kids with granny. Then you get some real headspace and ski time without dragging kids through airport / transfers etc being unsettled. Your way is kind of worst of both worlds.

I go on a mums ski trip for this time period and it’s long enough to have a proper getaway but not too long that you feel guilty.

When our two a baby and toddler we spent the price of a family holiday on 3 nights at a posh hotel an hour away. We got a lovely break and the dc happy.

In a few years they will be old enough to ski it’s a lovely holiday for older children and teens but tinies get nothing out of it.

@IncludeWomenInTheSequel

I don't think a teenager working in a hotel crèche would provide the level of care I'd want for my non-verbal toddler. Happy changes, naps, etc? No way.

Depends on the place. When we used a kids club (Not a ski resort) they had UK qualified nursery nurses. I definitely checked this kind of detail out and imagine the OP would too.

1yo will love holiday club - loads of other toddlers to play with.

Do you know any one year olds? children dont really play properly with other children until more like 2.5/3. At 1 it's more important that they are with a single trusted caregiver with whom they can form a bond. It's why the key worker system is required in the UK.

Will the 1yo be used to being in childcare? If not then it's very risky.

We went on a cruise when DS was

No, I couldn't. We have taken our kids abroad since they were infants. They love kids club now but until they were 2/3 I was unable to leave them with strangers at a kids club.

They can't tell you if they're not happy or anything happens. Just leave them with MIL and go for a shorter trip

YANBU. What on earth is wrong with wanting some fun adult time and a break from the kids? You don't stop being a person when you have kids and become a robot mum whose sole job is to look after the kids 24/7 and have no me time. Put them into the childcare facilities. And have fun!

I wouldn't.Surely the idea of a family holiday is to spend time together?

Yes of course, but with a ski holiday like this, the adults get to go skiing in the morning and then they can all have lunch & spend time together in the afternoons e.g. sledging, going to indoor pool (if there is one) or just playing around in the snow or having a nap

It definitely does not need to be all day every day, this way you get the perfect balance! (IMO)