AIBU to think it’s ok to put kids (4 and 1) into kids club on a ski holiday

[Needallthesleep]

Obviously not this year! Planning for the future.

DH and I love to ski, and given what a shocker this year has been for holidays (plus we have a newborn so not like we can go away anyway) we are planning an epic one next year.

It would be the first time going skiing with our kids, and are planning on putting the 4 year old into ski school and the 1 year old into kids club so we can ski.

For context we are looking at doing 14 nights in a very kid friendly hotel in France with childcare on site. We are planning a 2 week break so that we (and the children) can have some relaxed days together at the pool/sledging and me and DH still get a decent amount of time skiing.

MIL thinks that’s mean. And I am wracked with mum guilt about our plans now. Are my plans unreasonable?

My DCs loved it and keep asking to go back. They were 8 months and just 3 when we first went and DS remembers the first one. They got to know the nannies and one had DS his first two years and his fourth year - she was lovely.

If you can’t cope with putting your children’s needs first and picking a holiday that you will all enjoy then you really need to reflect a bit on what you were actually expecting from parenthood.

And maybe you need to accept that people raise children in different ways?

@SnailortheWhale there are very many jobs that don't let you cut hours. I previously had a very highly paid job that was full time, but had no option for part time. When I became a single mum I looked around a lot for part time, but in my field there's virtually nothing - and even if I moved fields, there were so few part time jobs and those that existed were so much lower paid that I'd struggle to cover childcare. I was made redundant post covid and am still trying find something flexible but can't easily. Maybe the civil service, but those jobs are lower paid and right now very competitive.

Just saying this, as suggesting that someone cuts hours is not practical for everyone.

If you can’t cope with putting your children’s needs first and picking a holiday that you will all enjoy then you really need to reflect a bit on what you were actually expecting from parenthood.

that must be one of the most twatish comment I read on MN.

and the most hypocritical too!

Also, I've done ski holidays with kids in clubs and they loved it. I did mornings for 5 days out of 7 with lunch club 3 of those days. My kids had fun with others and got tons of games and activities like baking, I got to ski with friends, and then we all had loads of time together from 12/1.30 until late. They were asking for more days! It is particularly good if the weather is bad, it snowed heavily one year and it was a blessing to give them a change of scenery and me some time to breathe.

All that said, I probably wouldn't do it with a 1 year old, my kids were 2.5+ (and my shyer middle dc not until nearly 4, as she didn't want to go) and think a grandparent is an ideal compromise if possible for younger children.

I have absolutely no issues with full time working parents OP.

But since you yourself imply you’re not happy about it (necessity rather than choice, you said) it seems a bit odd to choose a holiday where the kids are in childcare much of the day?

Me I’m a SAHM and that’s why I love a kid’s club

@peak2021

I cannot expect the 4 year old speaks much French? Remember that whilst your business will be welcomed, you are coming from a country that is very unpopular in Europe especially France. I'd be checking that there are English speaking instructors.

Ha ha do you have any idea how many thousands of non French speaking Brits go on holiday every year and learn to ski in Europe? All U.K. holiday companies guarantee English-speaking instructors.

We waited until both DC could go into ski school (youngest was 3y 4m for the first family ski trip) We were already paying for nursery in the UK and just couldn't justify paying again on holiday.

I get the desperation to ski but it's quite hard work with little ones. How about a 4 day break for just the two of you with the DC having a break at the grandparents.

It depends on your child. Obviously lots of DC merrily go off to kids clubs on holiday. My DC would cling to me and scream if I ever tried dropping the at the lively gym crèche for half an hour. You know your DC and if they'll enjoy being away from you.

I wouldn’t personally because I think 1 is too young to be put in kids club. But part of that was the fact I worked FT and so if I did that, a holiday would not be a holiday for my child? It would still be daycare for the child. No real difference. Also I tended to want to have my children with me when on holiday because I wasn’t with them in the days normally due to working. So if you are a SAHM, then I can understand you doing it more than someone in my situation.

My son would have HATED this. At 1 it took him weeks to settle with a new childcare setup.

But all kids are different.

Other child would have probably been ok.

I think 2 weeks would be far too long. One week maximum with the children or a short break for you and your DH instead perhaps. None of mine have liked kids clubs, although they were all absolutely fine at nursery and school, local clubs etc. They wanted to be with us when we were skiing, but our youngest was 5 the first time we took them. Very tiring! Enjoyable but we stay with family nearby so don't even ski every day. There would be tears, from me and then, if we did!

The children may settle into childcare just fine, but if they don’t settle, two weeks is going to feel like a long time. I would give it a try if you’re keen but book for 10 days.

OP just be ready for your kids to need you more than you think. (I say this as someone who has used ski childcare)

And- if you have to work full time- have you looked at the cost of 2 weeks skiing with 2 kids?! It really isn't cheap! I presume you're not planning to go in school holidays.

If you go with an established company, the childcare should be brilliant, and your 4 yr old will hopefully love it.

It is MUCH easier when they're bigger. Once the kids can ski (and carry their own skis) it's a brilliant family holiday.

I hadn't spotted it was for 2 weeks. I too would say try just one.

To me, I just imagine what it would be like as an adult to be dropped in an unfamiliar area/foreign country surrounded by strangers and not being able to understand them, talk to them, understand the concept of time or when or whether their parents would be coming back (I'm referring to a one year old and general communication problems at that age and am assuming that the staff would speak English). As an adult I would find it very worrying, so I assume that a small child would feel even worse. It's different once they can communicate and make their own choices, but at that age, they just don't get a say in the matter and there seems to be 'let them cry it out and then they will be fine' approach with childcare. But just because a child then stops crying, it doesn't mean that they aren't still very distressed, as many studies have shown. I would go with another family that you know do that the children can always be looked after by someone who they know and trust.

I can't imagine either of mine at 1 yr old being OK with being dropped off with a complete stranger in a strange place for long periods. They would have screamed the place down and been really miserable.
4yr old in ski school maybe ok but still a pretty big ask.

I think a family ski holiday would have to wait until they were older for me and until then

-You and DH go on adults ski hol for a shorter time and leave DC with in laws.
-You go but take shifts with the baby and don't get to ski together
-You take PIL along to mind them or maybe likeminded friends with small kids?

Holidays with small children are on the whole rather shit I think. Same old crap in a different place with added joy of them not liking the food and not sleeping.

I love an active sightseeing kind of holiday but quickly realised it's no fun with kids until at least school age and learned to enjoy Eurocamp and all inclusive beach hols.
Also would have died rather than go on holiday with family pre kids. Post kids it was the best thing ever as sometimes you could get a lie in/ dinner out or 5 mins peace.

My DC love kids clubs.

I've had many a brilliant holiday where the DC have had the time of their lives making new friends through kids clubs and have had much more fun than hanging out with their own parents who they see all the time at home.

When they're older sure
But a 1yr old isn't going to be making friends are they?

When it comes to skiing I have always taken the view that it is a family holiday for meals but apart from that everyone does their own thing (kids in baby/kids club learning to ski at their level, dh and I off skiing at our level (he likes a lot more serious off pistes than I do - I am not willing to hike for hours with skiis on my back). It is way to expensive a holiday to be pissing away days doing snow plough with children!!

It's a tough one to answer. Two of our 4 would have been completely fine with being left with strangers. Two if them would have taken months to settle and been distraught everytime we left them. Also to be very judgy I hated us both working full time when the kids were little. It's tough in them as it is. We managed to survive financially is both working part time for.a couple of years. But when full time I would have wanted to spend all that time with my DC rather than palm them off again in kids clubs. They will be moody teens refusing to see you in a decade or less with the four year old and you may rue the day.

Also my mother guilted me into not going the first year we considered it when the dcs were very young - I caved in and have regretted it ever since (because every time since it was a brilliant holiday for all). The only issue we now have is that the dcs insist on going to the same place still - 12 years later.

Loads of people do it OP , I think it depends on your outlook and your knowledge of your children. I would advise going for a company with British nannies and where the majority of the children are fluent English speakers though.
We didn't make this choice; I miss the DC when I am at work and like to spend my time with them on holiday. We started skiing holidays with a 5 and 6 year old and went at least once a year until covid ( 24 years) . Our third DC just had to join in ; back pack / sledge. It does mean it's a different ski holiday . Ours had private lessons , during which time we could ski together and then we would all 'ski' together until DC got tired at which point we would go to the skating rink,bowling, swimming or sledging to keep them going. Often at that point DH would ski alone for a while. For those first few years we would have parked close to the slopes so we're able to pile all the clobber in there easily and make our way back to the hotel. The DC would then have a nap and be able to stay up to enjoy dinner. Later on we had holidays with friends which made the groupings more adaptable and have stayed self catering and in more luxury hotels . It really depends on what suits your family I think. My DSis has also been every year with her three , mainly on chalet holidays in groups. Again this has meant that the DC had company and that the groupings were adaptable. They didn't use nurseries but did make use of half day ski school making sure that the DC were not alone in their groups.it worked for them.

Ski school is fantastic. Our 7 year old beginner was on red runs by day four! The 5 year old on blue runs. Both kids loved the experience. The 3 year old was offered private lessons as too young for ski school but wouldn't do it. It took two days to get him used to the nursery too. The staff was young and enthusiastic (New Zealand).

It depends on whether the youngest settles. You can find out the ratio of staff to children before you book. You may have to spend a day or two getting your youngest settled.
Great holiday. Hope it goes well.