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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to think it’s ok to put kids (4 and 1) into kids club on a ski holiday

508 replies

Needallthesleep · 14/01/2021 13:21

Obviously not this year! Planning for the future.

DH and I love to ski, and given what a shocker this year has been for holidays (plus we have a newborn so not like we can go away anyway) we are planning an epic one next year.

It would be the first time going skiing with our kids, and are planning on putting the 4 year old into ski school and the 1 year old into kids club so we can ski.

For context we are looking at doing 14 nights in a very kid friendly hotel in France with childcare on site. We are planning a 2 week break so that we (and the children) can have some relaxed days together at the pool/sledging and me and DH still get a decent amount of time skiing.

MIL thinks that’s mean. And I am wracked with mum guilt about our plans now. Are my plans unreasonable?

OP posts:
NoIDontWatchLoveIsland · 14/01/2021 23:03

But part of that was the fact I worked FT and so if I did that, a holiday would not be a holiday for my child? It would still be daycare for the child. No real difference. Also I tended to want to have my children with me when on holiday because I wasn’t with them in the days normally due to working. So if you are a SAHM, then I can understand you doing it more than someone in my situation.

This is how I feel. Not many people on here "ripping a new one" about working FT (I do myself).

It's more about the odd conflict of saying you work FT not by choice due to necessity (but are willing to spend precious annual leave with children in childcare, where they spend presumably 46 weeks a year).

Horses for courses just many of genuinely love annual leave with kids and honestly do want to spend every minute of it with them. Even if we love skiing and can't wait until the kids are old enough to really enjoy it with us!

partyatthepalace · 14/01/2021 23:08

She’s jealous! (The mean old trout.)

Ignore - they’ll have a great time.

SkiWays · 14/01/2021 23:20

I don't think it's likely to be jealousy. The poll above is quite close so it's clearly not something everyone would be comfortable with doing.

Ohthatoldchestnut · 15/01/2021 01:00

I cannot wait to get back out on the slopes!
My parents used to leave us with my grandmother when they went skiing for a week and as each of us got to an age where we could start to ski, we'd go along. As the youngest, I was the last to join but I was happy with gran (they all bought me back snowglobes and Milka from their adventures so 3 and 4 year old me was pretty chuffed). Then when I did go from age 5, I was in ski school and didn't see the parents or siblings that much (which was fine by me tbh and I never resented my parents for it - they're people with their own lives as well as being awesome loving parents). It used to be all day then though. Loved it. Got to play in the snow with other kids and its a hell of a lot easier to learn to ski when you're little. Apparently I came home speaking French one year as I was the only English kid in the class. 1 does feel young but it's your baby and you know how robust they are/what their sensitivities are (and how comfortable you are leaving them with strangers). Maybe go with another similar family and take turns? Easier said than done I know! Good luck and hope you make it out there one way or other!

GoodnightKevin · 15/01/2021 06:38

Prepared to get roasted alive for this, but if you both usually work full time, the kids would probably like to spend quality time with you on holiday, rather than more childcare in a different country. A PP said that this would just be a holiday for you & DH with the kids tagging along, and I agree.

Timeturnerplease · 15/01/2021 07:04

The 1yo might really struggle - mine was used to childcare but when we went skiing in Feb 20 there’s no way she would have managed with strangers in a strange place. Now she’s 2 I think she’d cope much better, and can verbalise that she’s hungry/thirsty/ill etc.

Because I work full time, I’d probably still only put her in for a morning session though so we could have time together. Snow much better first thing too!

Anycrispsleft · 15/01/2021 07:12

We took our kids (twins) when they were 4 and 5 - we're in Germany, and while the kids were still in Kindergarten we could afford a cheeky little termtime holiday but now they're in school it's just too expensive, but they still talk about those holidays and how much fun they were! There seems to be a bit of an attitude that childcare is only acceptable if you're not going to be off enjoying yourself. I think childcare is acceptable if the kids are happy - doesn't matter what you're doing! There's not much point in going to a skiing holiday if you're not going to ski - doesn't have to be the whole day, ski school usually lasts to about 3, then you can all go to the pool or whatever. I'd give my right arm to be doing that this winter holiday (instead the local government has actually cancelled the school holiday so not only will we be stuck in the house, it'll actually be homeschool!)

Hardbackwriter · 15/01/2021 07:58

We took our kids (twins) when they were 4 and 5

Took me a while to work out you meant two different holidays and not that your twins are different ages!

SpiderinaWingMirror · 15/01/2021 08:09

Try it!
It's 2 weeks of your life. But decide Before you go what you will do if youngest or either don't settle.
A former boss of mine did these hols every year, avid skier. They practically divorced one year when a kid did not take to the nursery/ski school. Seem to remember her getting up and he had sneaked off, came back when the best of the day was gone!
So do it but agree beforehand.

HouseofBrieandBanter · 15/01/2021 08:20

Not great for the 1yr old

Aprilx · 15/01/2021 08:26

I don’t understand two working parents not wanting to maximise time with their children on holiday. Ski school sounds like it might be fun for the four year old, but sticking the one year old in a childcare all day and one you have not even vetted first is awful. Wait a few years until they can both go to ski school and do a shorter trip first time to see if they both take to it.

Minky37 · 15/01/2021 09:23

It’s childcare again for the DC whilst you Swan off and have a lovely time isn’t it? But childcare in an unfamiliar setting and country, with unfamiliar people speaking different languages and the baby wont understand why you are leaving them.
Sorry but I see it as selfish, as there are plenty of family holidays you can have which can include your children.

Cluas · 15/01/2021 09:27

It’s childcare again for the DC whilst you Swan off and have a lovely time isn’t it?

Most parents would be happier if they did a damn sight more 'swanning off'.

Almostslimjim · 15/01/2021 09:50

@Minky37

It’s childcare again for the DC whilst you Swan off and have a lovely time isn’t it? But childcare in an unfamiliar setting and country, with unfamiliar people speaking different languages and the baby wont understand why you are leaving them. Sorry but I see it as selfish, as there are plenty of family holidays you can have which can include your children.
I think it depends on the kid. In 2019 we went on holiday somewhere with a kids club, with no intention of sending DS (3 at the time). When I booked the holiday I wasn't even aware that there was a kids club. Everyday he saw the kids club kids having fun and was sad he couldn't go so I enquired and he did two mornings at the end of the week. He loved it! He still talks about it being the best bit of his holiday. I wouldn't hesitate to do it again, if DS wanted to. On that holiday we also had a baby (under 1) so still had a child with us at all times. If DS hadn't enjoyed it after the first morning, I wouldn't have hesitated to lose the money for the second morning. Both of my kids go to childcare whilst I work though and both are happy there as well, I've never had tears at drop off or anything, they are generally happy being left.
Almostslimjim · 15/01/2021 09:59

[quote Needallthesleep]@Almostslimjim the Panorama in Les Arcs.[/quote]
Merci!

CheetasOnFajitas · 15/01/2021 10:10

@Aprilx

I don’t understand two working parents not wanting to maximise time with their children on holiday. Ski school sounds like it might be fun for the four year old, but sticking the one year old in a childcare all day and one you have not even vetted first is awful. Wait a few years until they can both go to ski school and do a shorter trip first time to see if they both take to it.
Why is it difficult to understand that a couple might want to spend time together doing an activity that they enjoy? Great for you if the only thing that makes you happy is spending time with your children and you would always choose that above all else. For other people, it is perfect try possible to love your kids but want to spend some leisure time together doing something that doesn’t involve them. Skiing in particular great for both physical and mental health. In my view, as long as you choose the childcare carefully and of course don’t ignore any signs from the children that they are seriously unhappy, it is of substantially more benefit to them overall to have parents who are fulfilled and happy and modelling a good marriage. And there is still plenty of time both on the ski holiday and during other school/work holidays to spend time together. Just because you do different activities during the day doesn’t detract from the fact that the holiday is a big family adventure.

Or do you believe that couples should only do fun things together when their children are asleep? Or that parents must do all sports and leisure activity individually so that the children are always in the care of one of them?

CheetasOnFajitas · 15/01/2021 10:17

@Cluas

It’s childcare again for the DC whilst you Swan off and have a lovely time isn’t it?

Most parents would be happier if they did a damn sight more 'swanning off'.

Agree!
lcdododo · 15/01/2021 10:26

For me it all depends if your children are used to childcare prior to skiing.

If they've been going to different people since young, it won't be any different for them.

First time away from you? Hell no

capercaillie · 15/01/2021 10:27

We've been on skiing holidays since ours were small. I think 2 weeks is a long time especially if ski school doesn't go well. My youngest didn't get on with ski school - it can be hugely stressful for children, particularly young ones. We had private lessons one year which worked better - we were with friends so the childrne stayed together. We've also had some ski trips where we haven't sent them to ski school. I'd also think carefully about resort. Our experience is that Austrian and Norwegian ski schools/lessons better and our children preferred them to the ones we've been to in France. Austria is the only place where DD actually asked to go back to ski school. If you want to get the max skiing in, then a long weekend is the way to go.

Oooohbehave · 15/01/2021 10:33

I wouldn't go on a family holiday and put my kids into a club but skiing is a bit different for kids old enough to learn to ski, as they would be in ski school so for a 4 year old that's fine. Personally I'd hold off on a skiing holiday until they were both old enough to learn.

MsTSwift · 15/01/2021 11:21

My view as an internet random is:

Rather young to leave children in unfamiliar childcare setting. If they hate it and are upset your holiday is stuffed so it’s a risk anyway.

Skiiing is a fab holiday for older children. I would wait until they are old enough and go as a family then. My two now teens and believe me family holidays are finite. Even our friends most stroppy teens like skiing.

When they are this young I would leave them with granny or at home with familiar childcare and go as a couple sat - wed. They will get little out of this holiday at these ages.

bobbojobbo · 15/01/2021 11:26

Childcare abroad is often very different to U.K

Often much better

lewes2 · 15/01/2021 11:30

Go for it! I put my 3 in kids clubs in Greece at a watersports resort when they were little and they loved it. Even to the degree that the oldest one asked if he could have breakfast with the club instead of with us!

DisneyMillie · 15/01/2021 12:52

You know your children best and whether they’d enjoy it. I personally wouldn’t with a one year old - too unpredictable and too young in my personal opinion - but that’s because mine wouldn’t have liked it.

Having said that - since the age of about 5 my eldest dds number one request for a holiday is that it has a good kids club - it’s the highlight of her holiday! We haven’t tried the youngest in one yet because she’s shyer and wouldn’t want to go.

Maybe wait a couple of years for the ski holiday or go with the expectation it might be one of you skiing at a time

Evasmissingletter · 15/01/2021 12:55

I think 2 weeks is too long. Can you leave youngest with MIL and take oldest with you? He’s old enough to do ski school. Enjoy