Getting on the bus for one stop?

[Givemeabreak88]

My children are at school atm because they have autism and a ehcp so they are allowed a school place. The school is just over a mile and we walk there, it can take a bit longer due the my daughter especially as she struggles with the walk and can be very slow, refuse to walk, that kind of thing. This morning we were running abit late and the journey takes about 25 mins walking. Anyway part way through the journey there is a bus we can get, it’s only one stop but it’s quite a long stop and it’s from the top of a steep hill to the bottom. If you are in London you will know it’s been raining heavily today so as we were walking we were obviously all getting soaked, so I checked my phone and saw there was a bus due in 2 minutes and we were right by the bus stop. So I decided we would wait under the shelter and get the bus. We got onto the bus and the driver quite rudely said “You get on the bus every day to go one stop!” And started laughing, I do not get on it everyday, this was the second morning we had got on it! And they have only been back a week so I thought that was an odd comment because before going back we hadn’t got on it at all. Now he wasn’t doing it as a joke it was really rude and I felt embarrassed, like I was being called lazy? now I can tell when someone is being friendly and joking before anyone says that, he absolutely wasn’t it was said in an aggressive tone. I was quite taken back and commented on the fact it was raining heavily but he shook just his head. I ended up getting off.

Aibu to get the bus one stop? My daughter is very slow to walk and that one stop is a 10/15 minute walk with her. I didn’t realise getting on the bus for one stop was a problem which as I said I wouldn’t normally do anyway it was only because of the rain.

Comefromaway

I’m the type that thinks of all the things I would have said after it happened but wasn’t quick enough at the time, I wasn’t really expecting it tbh it is unusual to see the same drivers so I wasn’t actually expecting anyone had been monitoring

@Givemeabreak88

You're a star getting 4 kids to school every day, let alone when one has SN.

As someone else said, it's a bus ride, not a party, it doesn't matter whether he's unwelcoming or not (obviously nicer if he is!!). But it's your right to use public transport if it's running - especially to access 'essential' things, such as medical appointments, work, essential shopping and school

Whether it's one stop or 10, use the bus when you feel you need to (4 kids, DD's SEN & pissing rain I'd feel the need to).

I do understand the driver feel scared and irritated if he feels people are unnecessarily putting him at risk (and, like many, he probably can't afford to give his job up if he's not happy) so whilst he was very rude to comment, I can kind of understand him snapping. 4 kids getting on the bus, fir a short distance, probably does seem pointless to him & you placing him at unnecessary risk... but it's just another reminder that we don't know what's going on with other people when they're doing things that seem selfish or irresponsible.

My cousin is a bus driver. He's mid 50's and he's getting very fed up of people not wearing masks, and lots of young lads arsing about on the bus often with a few cans. It seems like it's a way to meet up with mates, but the bus company won't do Jack shit about it and despite being well able to 'sort them out' if he had to, he knows he'd be the one 'in trouble'. So all he can is try to ignore it.

But YOU do what's best for you & your kids! Get the bus to & from school with them if it makes the difference between DD coping & not. Or you coping or not.

I would get the kids that are able, to wear masks though.

Take care of yourself in all of this 💐

This thread is crazy!
I can picture from your OP how he said it.
The bus driver doesn't know anything about your family's physical or mental health and shouldn't have commented.
Likewise the people who are saying you shouldn't have got off the bus, who are they to judge?
I have anxiety and depending on whether it was a good or bad day, I might have told him where to go, or I might have got off the bus and cried all day about it!
I'd be complaining to the bus company. He's in a customer service role and should be reminded of the effect his shitty comments could have on people.

Agree with Worra, if you stop using the bus you are cutting your nose off to spite your face, who cares what a random bus driver thinks, the school run with 4 kids in January is grim, do whatever makes it easier!

WitchesBritches Thank you I do understand but what I find is these drives never comment on those types only the women on their own, like someone else said he wouldn’t have said it to a dad getting his kids to school, I’m certain of that.

ArseWipesLemonade
Thank you that’s how I felt it really knocked me tbh, other days when I’m feeling more confident I might have said something back but I was so caught of guard, then I could feel people’s eyes on me. I felt like he was trying to embarrass me to even say I get it every day so that the people on the bus think the same. I felt a bit like a shaming thing.

I often get on buses for one or two stops - my disability causes my feet to blister when I walk so even being on a bus for a short time can help me a lot on a journey.

He sounds like the sort of person who will call you lazy if you use the lift to go up or down one floor.

I know it's hurtful OP as I've had those sort of comments myself but don't make things harder for yourself by feeling self conscious. For me the pain of walking on bleeding blistered feet is worse than any comments which is what I remind myself of when I have the misfortune to meet a vocal twat.

Practice a reply in advance. A few years ago my colleague who has a double knee replacement and is disabled by arthritis at a younger age than people would expect used a lift at work for 1 floor with me and two women in the lift moaned that she was lazy. My friend politely but firmly told them it's not nice to mock people's disabilities and they had the grace to look very embarrassed. Hopefully they haven't done it again to anyone else after that experience!

@Babdoc

OP, your duty of care is to your DC and yourself, not to the aggressive and illogical feelings of an idiot of a bus driver. I am stunned that you made your poor autistic child walk a mile in the rain to humour that wanker! I would have stayed on the bus and reported him to the bus company management for his appalling attitude to paying customers. And you should ditch your meekness and start standing up for yourself and your DC - you deserve better than this.

This in spades. I grew up with a mother who would have done exactly the same. Keeping the peace and never standing up for herself or us. I grew up thinking it was normal to be bloody meek and used to let people walk all over me. Dont do this to your children. I realise this is just a snap shot and you may not be like this all the time but if you are you need to get a handle on this.

The bus driver is there to provide a service and not to make ypu feel welcome. Maybe he shouldnt have commented but who cares what a stranger thinks. By getting off the bus its almost like you were conceding he was right. Not walking in the rain was much more important today than the comments of a stranger

YANBU for getting on the bus for one stop.
YABU for letting the bust driver's inappropriate sticking of his nose in your business change your behaviour etc. but equally, other people in this thread ABU for giving you such a hard time.
Everything is already hard enough, everyone should just take a beat and unclench their jaws, relax their shoulders and take a deep breath, I reckon. Being nasty to each other on an anonymous forum doesn't help anyone.

EpidermolysisBullosa I’m sorry to hear you’ve had these comments as well, yes I can totally imagine the lift situation, everyone seems to be quick to judge other people as lazy

Cheeseandlobster
No I’m not normally like that I mean it depends on the day really, if I was feeling a bit more confident I might have said something but running late and just not in a great mood because we were cold and wet it was just the last thing I was expecting really, I definitely need to think of some come backs for the future!

I personally think it's down to the current circumstances. He probably doesn't deem it essential for a one stop trip which could put people in danger. The goal is for the least amount of people possible on public transport right now, and it's a walkable distance. So many drivers, including one in my local town have very recently died of covid. They're putting themselves in harms way, and he's probably just a bit bloody fed up, like we all are.
He shouldn't have said it in the way he did, I would have felt bad too. But i do think it's down to stress, worry, and general angst over the pandemic. In this case I think he deserves the benefit of the doubt and a break. If it was a pattern of aggressive behaviour, absolutely complain. For this one thing, I wouldn't risk a bloke being in trouble when he's risking his neck for us all at the moment.

YANBU. Ignore the horrible comments on here. Tell the bus driver your children are autistic but even if they weren’t it’s none of his business. If he is so rude to customers he shouldn’t be doing that job. Do whatever you think is the best thing for you and your children. You know your situation - no one else does! Stand firm!

@EpidermolysisBullosa

I often get on buses for one or two stops - my disability causes my feet to blister when I walk so even being on a bus for a short time can help me a lot on a journey.

He sounds like the sort of person who will call you lazy if you use the lift to go up or down one floor.

I know it's hurtful OP as I've had those sort of comments myself but don't make things harder for yourself by feeling self conscious. For me the pain of walking on bleeding blistered feet is worse than any comments which is what I remind myself of when I have the misfortune to meet a vocal twat.

Practice a reply in advance. A few years ago my colleague who has a double knee replacement and is disabled by arthritis at a younger age than people would expect used a lift at work for 1 floor with me and two women in the lift moaned that she was lazy. My friend politely but firmly told them it's not nice to mock people's disabilities and they had the grace to look very embarrassed. Hopefully they haven't done it again to anyone else after that experience!

My husband has this. He has a vestibular disorder and finds it very difficult to use escalators so he often uses the lift. On our trips to London me and the kids would use the escalator and he would go vi the lift so as not to hog all the spaces, but occasionally one of us would need to accompany him to make sure he didn't fall over and you do get very judgmental looks as we are only in our 40's.

@Givemeabreak88

EpidermolysisBullosa I’m sorry to hear you’ve had these comments as well, yes I can totally imagine the lift situation, everyone seems to be quick to judge other people as lazy

Cheeseandlobster
No I’m not normally like that I mean it depends on the day really, if I was feeling a bit more confident I might have said something but running late and just not in a great mood because we were cold and wet it was just the last thing I was expecting really, I definitely need to think of some come backs for the future!

I understand. Sometimes you will feel stronger than other times. Getting some stock phrases might be helpful if you prefer to be prepared for rude people. But please not the old mumsnet adage "Did you mean to be so rude?"