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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To not like the fact my child is grouped under the term “vulnerable”

146 replies

NiknicK · 13/01/2021 10:41

So my 10 year old ds has autism and because he attends specialist school he is automatically classed as vulnerable. He is currently still attending his small autism specialist school but he’s doing so because school have made a place available to every child. I agreed for him to go because during the first lockdown he didn’t go at all and he struggled with the change of routine, didn’t give his older brother (18) the quiet time he needed to do his work etc and I was also working from home which was very difficult to do as my husband continued to work full time outside of the house and I had zero help.

I’m grateful that my ds can still attend school but I resent the fact that he is classed as vulnerable because of his Sen. Now don’t get me wrong there are some kids at my ds’s school who are vulnerable, very much so. Some have services involved due to CP issues, some families have broken down and need extra support, some (older secondary dc) have the youth offending team involved etc, but my son’s circumstances couldn’t be any further from this.

He has two loving parents, we both work, he has an older brother who looks out for him, we have permanent housing, he has his own bedroom and space to play. He has enough technology to do his school work, we have (pre covid) plenty of days out together, he’s fed and clothed well etc. A lot of kids aren’t lucky enough to have this and it’s awful. I’m not offended that they assume all Sen kids need extra help as most of these kids will need this help for the rest of their lives, what I am offended with however, is that my son is assumed to be in need when all of his needs are met.

OP posts:

Floralnomad · 13/01/2021 10:46

But your son isn’t assumed to be in need , the school I assume haven’t contacted SS about you . You are getting very hung up on a word which covers a whole multitude of meanings .

Imiss2019 · 13/01/2021 10:46

Vulnerable doesn’t just mean at risk of abuse or neglect it refers to anyone who may need special care or support based on age, disability or at risk of abuse and neglect.

It’s an umbrella term so you’re really over thinking

madmara · 13/01/2021 10:47

Honestly yes, you are being unreasonable.

Perhaps the word "vulnerable" isn't the correct term but the allocation of a school place for your son is an acknowledgement of all the issues your family faced during the first lockdown.

He is considered "vulnerable" in the context of the pandemic only.

SionnachRua · 13/01/2021 10:48

Presumably your son has quite significant needs though if he attends special schools. Those additional needs could make him vulnerable. The term isn't a judgement on you and your parenting.

x2boys · 13/01/2021 10:54

He's vulnerable due to his disabilities not because of child protection issues ,my son has severe autism and learning disabilities he goes to a special school for children with complex disabilities ,there are no welfare concerns ,and he also has a loving family but his disabilities make him vulnerable

Original poster

NiknicK · 13/01/2021 10:54

Well academically he is behind but he is very verbal and would be classed as high functioning. I don’t like that term myself but that’s how other people see him I think. Maybe I am over thinking it.

OP posts:

Onjnmoeiejducwoapy · 13/01/2021 10:57

The term isn’t a judgement on you, it is purely a recognition that he needs additional support.

I’m uncomfortable with your guy reaction to the “vulnerable” term, it strikes me of a bit of the old fashioned “broken homes” shaming. As he goes to a school where everyone else is vulnerable too because of their needs, I don’t see why you are focusing on this

SnackSizeRaisin · 13/01/2021 10:58

He's vulnerable because of his autism. Not because of his family situation, which sounds very good indeed. People can be vulnerable in some ways but not in others.
It sounds as though he is vulnerable in the sense that he will be disadvantaged more than other children if he doesn't go to school for a prolonged period.
It's a blunt term to cover a lot of things - don't be offended

Love51 · 13/01/2021 11:00

If you don't think he needs the place at school you don't have to send him. If you think that not sending him would make him vulnerable to negative outcomes, then do send him.
What other term would you use to cover children with significant additional needs, children with social care involvement and children who don't fit these but school staff think would particularly benefit from being in school rather than home, to a degree higher than the majority of children.

x2boys · 13/01/2021 11:01

I can understand what you mean though ,all.children with a disability are classed as children in need ( well they are in my LEA is this UK wide?) And people automatically assume that children in need have welfare concerns which clearly isn't the case a lot of the time

mrsed1987 · 13/01/2021 11:01

As PP said he is vulnerable because of his autism. It has an effect on his education, its not a critisim of you or him but I can see why you feel its the wrong wording.

Whatwouldscullydo · 13/01/2021 11:04

Its really not a judgment on your parenting and his safety. All sorts if children are veey rightly on the list because they understand how much they may well need to be in school and have the routine and structure they rely on.

Please don't assume they think he is in danger somehow

Nonamesavail · 13/01/2021 11:04

@mrsed1987

As PP said he is vulnerable because of his autism. It has an effect on his education, its not a critisim of you or him but I can see why you feel its the wrong wording.

Yep. He needs extra help. Thats all.

Clymene · 13/01/2021 11:05

" during the first lockdown he didn’t go at all and he struggled with the change of routine, didn’t give his older brother (18) the quiet time he needed to do his work"

This is why he's vulnerable. It doesn't mean he comes from a chaotic family.

I assume if he's at a special school, he has an EHCP? Isn't that an acknowledgement that his care needs are higher than an NT child of the same age?

FindHungrySamurai · 13/01/2021 11:05

He struggled more than most children due to the lockdown due to his particular vulnerability to the psychological effects of loss of routine.

SharedLife · 13/01/2021 11:05

Its the things that qualified him for his special school that make him vulnerable. That vulnerability is why he has extra money allocated for his education, why he has smaller class sizes, better adult to child ratios etc. than a less vulnerable child.

Busygoingblah · 13/01/2021 11:06

Child with additional needs are vulnerable to many things regardless of their family background.

For example he is more vulnerable to mental health difficulties caused by change and a lack of routine. He is more vulnerable to the risk of regressing in his learning if he missed out on schooling. He is more vulnerable to finding it difficult to generalise skills between home and school making home learning less effective.

Be happy that school are looking out for your child.

user1494055864 · 13/01/2021 11:07

I think you need to get a grip.

Jeremyironseverything · 13/01/2021 11:07

I agreed for him to go because during the first lockdown he didn’t go at all and he struggled with the change of routine, didn’t give his older brother (18) the quiet time he needed to do his work etc

Ergo he needs the extra help because he's vulnerable. You are over thinking this.

SleepingStandingUp · 13/01/2021 11:08

I think you're over thinking the word. It isn't aka neglected, abused, at risk of parnetal harm. It's vulnerable without the support around him which includes his family.

I do understand how a word can be triggering. The hardest part about filling in the DLA forms is that my child, imo, isn't disabled
He just requires 24/7 O2 and has some of his few via his gastrostomy.

LonginesPrime · 13/01/2021 11:09

It's just a blanket term to cover any child who might not thrive without additional thought being applied to their care/education/situation, specifically in terms of lockdown issues/covid.

Your above statement suggests you're offended at being lumped in with single parents in rented/crowded accommodation - you seem to be making many assumptions as to how other people live and how it affects their parenting yet are critical of the government doing the same to you.

Grouping people for support provision like this is intended to benefit the people needing support and extra planning, etc. If your child doesn't need the help, you don't have to accept it.

BlueSkyAhead · 13/01/2021 11:10

@Imiss2019

Vulnerable doesn’t just mean at risk of abuse or neglect it refers to anyone who may need special care or support based on age, disability or at risk of abuse and neglect.

It’s an umbrella term so you’re really over thinking

This OP

2 of my kids are attending under this umbrella term (which I too dislike) but the head teacher explained it to me and it’s about their additional needs, nothing else 💚

steppemum · 13/01/2021 11:10

he is vulnerable, becuase his education is at risk when not in school.

Not because of you, but because he has autism, and so struggles with change of routine.
Not being in school, puts undue pressue on him, so he is classified as needing school.

Emeraldshamrock · 13/01/2021 11:11

He is a vunerable member of society due to his disabilities not his home experience.

DecemberSun · 13/01/2021 11:11

Definite overthinking, OP.

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