To not like the fact my child is grouped under the term “vulnerable”

[NiknicK]

So my 10 year old ds has autism and because he attends specialist school he is automatically classed as vulnerable. He is currently still attending his small autism specialist school but he’s doing so because school have made a place available to every child. I agreed for him to go because during the first lockdown he didn’t go at all and he struggled with the change of routine, didn’t give his older brother (18) the quiet time he needed to do his work etc and I was also working from home which was very difficult to do as my husband continued to work full time outside of the house and I had zero help.

I’m grateful that my ds can still attend school but I resent the fact that he is classed as vulnerable because of his Sen. Now don’t get me wrong there are some kids at my ds’s school who are vulnerable, very much so. Some have services involved due to CP issues, some families have broken down and need extra support, some (older secondary dc) have the youth offending team involved etc, but my son’s circumstances couldn’t be any further from this.

He has two loving parents, we both work, he has an older brother who looks out for him, we have permanent housing, he has his own bedroom and space to play. He has enough technology to do his school work, we have (pre covid) plenty of days out together, he’s fed and clothed well etc. A lot of kids aren’t lucky enough to have this and it’s awful. I’m not offended that they assume all Sen kids need extra help as most of these kids will need this help for the rest of their lives, what I am offended with however, is that my son is assumed to be in need when all of his needs are met.

Unreasonable and also ungrateful imo. You're happy to get the extra support but you don't want the labels? Do you think he's better than the other SEN children or you're better parents than the other parents?

Your son is vulnerable and there is nothing wrong with that. I hope you change your perspective very soon, so that you don't pass on your negative views of SEN to him and ruin his self esteem.

I’m not offended that they assume all Sen kids need extra help as most of these kids will need this help for the rest of their lives, what I am offended with however, is that my son is assumed to be in need when all of his needs are met.

Aren't you contradicting yourself?

Anyway, yes YABVU and over thinking.

he is vulnerable in the sense that he will be disadvantaged more than other children if he doesn't go to school for a prolonged period.

Exactly. OP, you seem to have the wrong idea of what the definition of vulnerable is.
Here:

vulnerable
/ˈvʌln(ə)rəb(ə)l/

adjective
i)exposed to the possibility of being attacked or harmed, either physically or emotionally.
"we were in a vulnerable position"

ii)(of a person) in need of special care, support, or protection because of age, disability, or risk of abuse or neglect.
"the scheme will help charities working with vulnerable adults and young people"

YABU it's not a slur on him or you. He is vulnerable because of the barriers he faces because of his disability. Just look at some of the threads on here about parents whose children with disabilities have been denied the chance to attend school and have become isolated and lost skills. TBH, it sounds like you are struggling with him having a disability and that is understandable, but I think you need to address this with support, rather than focussing on this non issue.

’he struggled with the change of routine’

I’d take ‘vulnerable’ to mean that he’s more affected by missing school than most (as are children in the categories you’ve described, though the reasons differ) and that by definition his attending a specialist school means that he requires an environment, a level of teaching and of learning support that would be difficult for a parent (or a standard comp) to provide on a short term basis.

Having said that, if someone was labelling my child as ‘vulnerable’ I would instinctively feel offended.

As PP said you are overthinking and misinterpreting what the term vulnerable means and how it applies to your son. It is his autism that makes him vulnerable; nothing to do with his home circumstances.

You have said yourself he didn't cope well during the first lockdown. It is good that he can go to school this time round.

fantastic you both work, some of us have lost our jobs due to covid.

Also, some of us can't work as a result of being full-time carers to DC with SEN...

@NiknicK - but your first paragraph explains why your ds is vulnerable . Or would you argue your ds doesn’t actually need more specialist support than most children in mainstream schools and shouldn’t be in a SEN school, taking up a place someone more vulnerable might need?! You are not obliged to be sending your child into school, you know?

@x2boys

I can understand what you mean though ,all.children with a disability are classed as children in need ( well they are in my LEA is this UK wide?) And people automatically assume that children in need have welfare concerns which clearly isn't the case a lot of the time

I agree, OP - and lots of other people who have children with SEN and disabilities feel the same (in other areas of social media).

I think in part it's what @x2boys says here - it is an umbrella term used for children in need, and it is used pre lockdown, I think Lockdown has embedded the term. I think it stigmatises children with disabilities, SEN and complex needs, and their families.

In our personal experience we have been treated in a negative way, because we are under this umbrella, and in my work, I can see how it affects the attitude towards some families.

But he is vulnerable. He is vulnerable to his mental health suffering due to a change in his routine.
All children with an EHCP are classed as vulnerable and therefore have a school place open to them. Some parents are choosing not to take them as they feel that their children are safer at home and they know they can provide for them. Some are taking them as they feel that for their child the risk to the child's mental health and education is greater than the risk presented by Covid.

It is a blanket offer to all children with an EHCP. No one has thought 'NikNick Jr will need some help as his parents can't cope, better stick him on the vulnerable list'.

Wow...I've just gone back and read the thread. I am really shocked!!

YABU- he is vulnerable because of his disability not because of his home life. I’m a high functioning disabled adult however I’m still vulnerable due to my disabilities.

What does it matter what they class it as - he is getting a higher level of support because of it, so that is good for him. Its just you that needs to get over the perceived social stigma.

Unfortunately that's not the case that all children with an EHCP have a place in school @StanfordPines ,my son has a full EHCP is in a special school,every child in the school has an EHCP and every child is considered vulnerable due to their disabilities however school is only open to very few children

@NiknicK

Well academically he is behind but he is very verbal and would be classed as high functioning. I don’t like that term myself but that’s how other people see him I think. Maybe I am over thinking it.

I think you’re definitely overthinking it.

Dear god. I don’t believe this is true because no one in their right mind would be complaining about this.

You are being unreasonable. I work at a go surgery and many children's notes are marked as vulnerable. Vulnerable does mean they have safeguarding issues.

It’s you OP that’s judging others and don’t want to be lumped in with these “other people” - living in awful conditions. There is tons of judgment that’s dripping from your post and is barely concealed. That’s the real issue here.

You’re getting very hung up on the word as people have said. Vulnerable could also include child, whose parent or sibling is terminally ill or needs round the clock care may also be offered a place.

You're attaching your own negative judgement/connotations to the word vulnerable - I assume that's what you think of other families whose children are also identified as "vulnerable"?

My daughter has no additional needs but is classed as vulnerable because she’s adopted - no extra support needed and not in the slightest offended she’s on the list.

YABU

You have accepted a school place for your son because he is vulnerable but also complain that they consider him vulnerable? That makes no sense. Especially when your own post explains why he is vulnerable!

You're misunderstanding what vulnerable means.

It could just mean 'vulnerable to extreme distress during a period of severe change'. The exact reason you kept him in school.

I think I'll have to back out of this thread, because for us as a family this has been part of years of difficulties that we are, hopefully, finally coming to the end of...and I know that we are not alone.

I think posters are quite naive if they don't think that it can sometimes cause certain institutions to stigmatise families because their disabled children are put into the vulnerable/child in need category, in order to be able to access the support they need, and that this can lead to a lot of unwarranted and sometimes negative involvement.